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My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her - Family - Nairaland

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My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by Nobody: 12:54am On Aug 16, 2014
I'm posting this on behalf of a friend,don't know what to advise. .....

I've been friends with her for over eight years now, we are like sisters,about six years ago, her boyfriend crossed the line and asked me out...I got furious and told her about it,but she didn't end the relationship with the guy,they had a little quarrel and reconciled. ...four months later,the relationship ended.. she found out he was getting married.
I've been married for over five years now ,and I have been praying for her to get a good guy to settle down with,and over time, she's been in and out of relationships,she's kind of naive and meek...more like guys take advantage of her meekness.

Two years ago, she met a really cool guy,we all like the guy and it was obvious he likes my friend and they've been dating since then. ..and now,they have set a date for their wedding at the end of the year....

My kid sister came home from school some days ago,they had an award night where she won some awards and she was showing me pictures, I saw my friend's fiancee's picture on her phone with some of her friends, she's never met the guy before,I asked about the guy and she said the guy is dating one of her friends,my friend is in her late 20s,my sister is 19,I was so shocked I kept asking about the guy from my sister.

Now I don't know what to do,I love my friend, don't want to break her heart, but I also don't want her to get hurt...Please advise me on what I can do.
Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by deeobserver209(m): 1:15am On Aug 16, 2014
Getting involved in people's relationships is risky. Even that of a friend. Let her find that out by herself. The best you can do is to advice her not to hast into marriage until she's absolutely sure of her decision.

9 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by Nobody: 1:21am On Aug 16, 2014
Ma'am, You call her a friend for a reason, so stand up and protect her because that's what real friends do. Tell her what you know at the slightest possible chance from now, and I mean everything. Please, don't think about the backlash and hesitate. Marriage is a big big thing.

24 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by elipheleh(m): 1:59am On Aug 16, 2014
shut up and mind your own bussiness, enemyof progress. jealousy go kill you.
fitst you must be stupid to expect a single handsome gut to have only 1 girlfriend. seriously he has not married your friend yet so that is normal.

besides girls date several guys at thesame time. so what is wrong if a guy does it?
bastard amebo

6 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by SpcAgtOko: 4:57am On Aug 16, 2014
All guys cheat. cry

3 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by ifyalways(f): 6:15am On Aug 16, 2014
How do you know your sister is not lying? Could be a fling or even nothing? Could be he dated the picture lady years ago before meeting your friend.

Whatever it is, your friend is an adult capable of handling her own business not a naive 17 years old soooooooo mind your business and just stay positive and happy for her.

3 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by Nobody: 6:28am On Aug 16, 2014
You cant stop her, thats her choice. Simply tell her what you know and let her decide. Let her talk with him and the rest is left to them.
What ever she decides she gets to live with it not you.

4 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by Nobody: 6:31am On Aug 16, 2014
elipheleh: shut up and mind your own bussiness, enemyof progress. jealousy go kill you.
fitst you must be stupid to expect a single handsome gut to have only 1 girlfriend. seriously he has not married your friend yet so that is normal.

besides girls date several guys at thesame time. so what is wrong if a guy does it?
bastard amebo

Do you really have to be abusive ? undecided if you have nothing to say can't you just keep quiet?

12 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by ahnie: 6:32am On Aug 16, 2014
[quote
author=elipheleh]shut up and mind your own bussiness, enemyof progress.
jealousy go kill you.
fitst you must be stupid to expect a single handsome gut to have only 1
girlfriend. seriously he has not married your friend yet so that is
normal.

besides girls date several guys at thesame time. so what is wrong if a
guy does it?
bastard amebo[/quote]you must be the guy..she's talking about.

8 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by pickabeau1: 7:13am On Aug 16, 2014
This

aisha2: You cant stop her, thats her choice. Simply tell her what you know and let her decide. Let her talk with him and the rest is left to them.
What ever she decides she gets to live with it not you.
Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by Nobody: 7:42am On Aug 16, 2014
I wouldn't tell her if I were you. She's been dating the guy for 2yrs now and I'm sure she must have seen some tell tale signs of cheating. Telling her you also know he's a cheat will only make you the enemy.

Please let her handle this the best way she knows.
Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by 5minsmadness: 7:55am On Aug 16, 2014
Ujujoan: I wouldn't tell her if I were you. She's been dating the guy for 2yrs now and I'm sure she must have seen some tell tale signs of cheating. Telling her you also know he's a cheat will only make you the enemy.

Please let her handle this the best way she knows.
But she doesn't know, does she.

Op, how recent is the photo? Like Ify said are you sure its a serious thing or a mere fling?

Secondly there's something one of my friend's girlfriends did. Dunno if its right but here goes.
She casually initiated a discussion with her fiancee just before they were getting married to tell her about all his past relationships, plus all the girls he has ever slept with. She said she was used to guys being cheats -not that he is a cheat - but that so no girl will come and drop a bomb shell on their wedding day.
I know the boys book on coded relationships advise other wise but my guy confessed every every. He said he was glad to get it off his chest and he wanted to see her reaction anyway. Funny enough she accepted it and till now they are happily married (as far as I know). At least he constantly praises her wisdom and swears to us that he hasn't had the need to look outside his marriage since.

Kk story over. What I'm trying to say is, you can tell your friend to initiate a kind of discussion like that where the guy talks about his flings since he is about to enter marriage so he can get anything off his chest. He might laugh and say hell no, or he might just come clean if he is in fact doing anything wrong.

My suggestion.

1 Like

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by glimpse(f): 8:08am On Aug 16, 2014
undecided did your friend help you decide on who to marry? why not let her be? is your marriage perfect?
Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by collins2gee(m): 8:19am On Aug 16, 2014
If my homie's wife-to-be was a cheat and I caught her, I wouldn't waste time in telling him. Heck, if I even SUSPECT sef, BAM ! I'M TELLING. Unto Bro code thinz. I think most guys would have little qualms revealing. With women, it's different as the female species are wired differently. In this case, however, @ Op, I think you should tell your friend. You are genuinely concerned about her and want her to be happy in life. Can you rely on your sister's say-so to conclude that her fiancé is a cheat ? What proof do you have ? If you can prove it, then I think you should tell her. You have an antecedent where you warned her in the past and you were vindicated. Tell her. She decides whether to continue or not.

1 Like

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by SAMBARRY: 8:28am On Aug 16, 2014
You have done what you should do as a friend. If she chooses to go ahead with the wedding she wouldn't blame you for not telling her when you knew or blame you for her failed marriage. .sorry she will have to learn by experience which unfortunately is an inconvenient teacher
Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by Nobody: 8:46am On Aug 16, 2014
I don't want to marry a lady that loves me. Yes you
heard me right! I don't want her to love me I just want
a woman that will be submissive to me. A woman that
will always go with what I said even when I'm wrong.
A woman that won't complain even when I cheat. A
woman who won't say B when I say A
....Now that's a good wife.
My ideal woman, my dream angel. Afterall, the Bible
says in Ephesians 5:22 and 25 Vs 22 says: "Wives,
SUBMIT yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord."
Vs 25 says: "Husbands, LOVE your wives just as
Christ loved the Church and gave His life for
it. So it is not your duty to love but to submit. Leave
the loving for me to do and just submit unto me.

1 Like

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by SAMBARRY: 9:04am On Aug 16, 2014
You are living in dreamland my dear. When you wake up let me know grin
opibycar: I don't want to marry a lady that loves me. Yes you
heard me right! I don't want her to love me I just want
a woman that will be submissive to me. A woman that
will always go with what I said even when I'm wrong.
A woman that won't complain even when I cheat. A
woman who won't say B when I say A
....Now that's a good wife.
My ideal woman, my dream angel. Afterall, the Bible
says in Ephesians 5:22 and 25 Vs 22 says: "Wives,
SUBMIT yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord."
Vs 25 says: "Husbands, LOVE your wives just as
Christ loved the Church and gave His life for
it. So it is not your duty to love but to submit. Leave
the loving for me to do and just submit unto me.

16 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by beeevan: 9:12am On Aug 16, 2014
They are not married yet, you owe your friend that knowledge, let her decide what to do.

1 Like

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by Nobody: 10:09am On Aug 16, 2014
Thank you all for your advice, smiley I showed my sister the guy's picture and she was very surprised, she said the guy goes to their school occasionally, the guy is from the same state as where my sister is schooling, so the guy is a frequent visitor at her school, hmnnn,don't know how I will have the liver to tell my friend, was thinking I'll tell my mum about it and hear what she has to say too, she's like a mother to my friend.

1 Like

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by luvablesam(m): 10:11am On Aug 16, 2014
SpcAgtOko: All guys cheat. cry

Not all guys ma'am although I ain't no saint

@OP better no use ur reggae spoil her blues, what am I saying?

If u try telling her n she quits the relationship and doesn't get another Man in the nearest future, SHE WOULD BLAME U FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.

Worse case scenario, talk to the dude him himself(IN CONFIDENCE)
Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by Nobody: 11:28am On Aug 16, 2014
Show her the pictures and tell her.

1 Like

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by Nobody: 11:30am On Aug 16, 2014
Tell your friend what happened. This is what good friends do, they tell each other the truth, even if it is painful.

4 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by Nobody: 11:31am On Aug 16, 2014
SpcAgtOko: All guys cheat. cry

Not true. You will end up getting STDs if you believe this crap.

2 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by sandiyke(f): 1:24pm On Aug 16, 2014
I know dat feeling of nt being d one to always break d bad news wen urs seems beta.

I hav been in same shoes bt this was wat I did. Knowing dat friend mite nt believe me, I got all d details I tot would b helpful, bought a new sim card, sent dem as text messages to her step by step. Including d name of d girl,their regular spot etc

She then called me to tell me of wat she received. So she went on with d investigation herself. Infact she had to quit even though it was painful cos d guy was a chronic womanizer.

Thank God she's happy now. So op look for a way to let her know u owe dat to ur friendship.

2 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by Nobody: 2:12pm On Aug 16, 2014
sandiyke: I know dat feeling of nt being d one to always break d bad news wen urs seems beta.

I hav been in same shoes bt this was wat I did. Knowing dat friend mite nt believe me, I got all d details I tot would b helpful, bought a new sim card, sent dem as text messages to her step by step. Including d name of d girl,their regular spot etc

She then called me to tell me of wat she received. So she went on with d investigation herself. Infact she had to quit even though it was painful cos d guy was a chronic womanizer.

Thank God she's happy now. So op look for a way to let her know u owe dat to ur friendship.

I wonder what kind of friends people keep. I would not have to worry that my friends won't believe me. If there is no MUTUAL TRUST, I don't call them friends.

1 Like

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by sandiyke(f): 2:27pm On Aug 16, 2014
carefreewannabe:

I wonder what kind of friends people keep. I would not have to worry that my friends won't believe me. If there is no MUTUAL TRUST, I don't call them friends.
most times comparism tends to creep into friendships. Giving the scenario dat d op is already married and d friend in question is yet to, she mite b misunderstood.

Its just a human factor.

8 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by baby124: 2:39pm On Aug 16, 2014
Tell her and ask her to go and get tested first. I hope she has been protecting herself all this while. This is why people are asked to trust no one because you never can really tell what anyone does when they are not with you. At least not until you are married. A big sign should be anyone without any qualms having sex unprotected. They are probably doing the same with someone else. If she is clear medically, she can decide what to do next. Goodluck
Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by rolled: 3:24pm On Aug 16, 2014
Madam op do you know how many 19yr olds your hubby has been with since you got married?

2 Likes

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by rolled: 3:26pm On Aug 16, 2014
E don reach Test level?
NL is good
baby124: Tell her and ask her to go and get tested first. I hope she has been protecting herself all this while. This is why people are asked to trust no one because you never can really tell what anyone does when they are not with you. At least not until you are married. A big sign should be anyone without any qualms having sex unprotected. They are probably doing the same with someone else. If she is clear medically, she can decide what to do next. Goodluck
Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by bukatyne(f): 3:59pm On Aug 16, 2014
Having flings or cheating before marriage is suddenly not wrong or what calling off / posting a wedding over.

@Pls let your friend know(that's why you are a friend). You can tip her anonymously or tell her directly and leave the decision to her.

1 Like

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by baby124: 4:18pm On Aug 16, 2014
rolled: E don reach Test level?
NL is good
Ah, you are asking? Once you find a spouse is unfaithful, it is in your best interest to get tested and start protecting yourself. Some STD's transfer even with protection and can cause miscarriages and infertility. Be smart about your health and inform yourself. She is not yet married and you want her to submit her life to a cheat because of what? Desperation? Am sure as a fiancé if sexually active she is most likely not using protection. Women are always at a disadvantage so get tested and close your legs to a cheat or insist on the right use of protection. This life is just one, and some people don't care about their' it is up to you to protect yourself always.

1 Like

Re: My Friend Is Getting Married To A Cheat; How Do I Stop Her by freecocoa(f): 4:19pm On Aug 16, 2014
From my dealings with the female species of this country called friends, I've come to learn how to mind my business when it comes to relationships.


I became the enemy after trying to advise some on the guys who beat and cheat on them, they ended up telling the guys how I said he is this and that bla bla bla, leading to the guys seeing me as their enemies, the ladies sef started behaving strange towards me, so Omo even if I catch your husband/bf ontop another woman, I go just form blindness.

OP use the first case where you told her about the guy cheating as an eye opener, it's her life and I bet she's seen some signs if the guy's really a cheat.

5 Likes

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