sandijey: She said after all, what's d difference between a cheating husband and a polygamyst. .

bellong: I do not have a single good story to share about polygamous home.

tbaba12345: Studying for a PhD in engineering at Cambridge, she might not seem like a prime candidate to enter into a polygamous marriage.

But that is what Nabilah Phillips did, dropping out of university to become the second woman married to businessman Hasan Phillips who has since acquired a third wife.

Yesterday it emerged that Mrs Phillips, from North London, is among thousands of Muslim women entering into such relationships which are illegal in the UK but allowed under sharia law which permits men to have four wives.

A new television documentary, The Men with Many Wives, exposes the rise in these unions – of which there are believed to be as many as 20,000 in Britain – and the dating agency, Muslim Marriage Event, responsible for setting many of them up.

Having already been through a divorce Mrs Phillips, 35, originally from Malaysia, signed up to a similar matrimony service specifically looking for a married man.

She told the programme: ‘I was looking for someone who had been married or was already in a marriage.

‘I was married before and having gone through one divorce, you kind of know what you want in marriage, so I wanted someone who already knows how to be a husband.

‘I really enjoy being in a polygamous relationship. We are not stupid people who are forced into this type of relationship.’

Through the service she signed up to she met 32-year-old Mr Phillips – also divorced but re-married to City worker Sakinah, 33, – and decided to abandon her studies to become his second wife.

The wives occasionally meet when Mr Phillips, who as well as being a businessman also works for a charity aiming to spread the word of Islam, organises family outings.

Nabilah Phillips said: ‘If any problem happens between co-wives it’s usually his fault. Praising somebody too much. “Why don’t you be more like her, she’s this, she’s that”. If he didn’t say that, we would all be happy.’

She has two children with Mr Phillips, who has six in total, and helps to run his import-export business. But abandoning her high-flying academic career was not her only change after she married. She also began wearing the Muslim veil, the niqab.

She told Radio Times: ‘I wanted to wear one before I got married – being married to Hasan has given me the opportunity to wear one and be steady at it. The only prejudice I have met so far has been from other Muslims.’

During filming Mr Phillips, who converted to Islam from Christianity when he was 16, marries a third woman, Somalia-born Anub, 41.

He did not invite his other two wives to the small ceremony, held at the local mosque, saying: ‘I don’t think it would be right to invite them. Even though they are accepting of polygamy, you don’t want to really rub it in their faces, “Look, I’m getting married”, and expect them to be happy and have a party about it.’

Each wife lives in a separate house in London and Mr Phillips spends three nights in each home before moving on to the next.





Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2757559/Woman-dropped-Cambridge-PhD-enter-polygamous-marriage-Muslim-businessman-two-wives.html#ixzz3DaamrFjw
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TV01:

The expectation with monogamy is fidelity, with polygamy it's infidelity. In the former you don't expect it, with the latter you embrace it. Is it me, or does a cheating husband actually sound like a better deal?




Not one?


TV

tbaba1234:

I remember there was a lady who opened a thread to share her experiences as a wife in a polygamous marriage but she was insulted and abused on this section. It was one of the more disgraceful threads in this section. I certainly do not want to see any woman go through that again.

Some people are too close-minded and see life through their own prism alone.

tbaba1234:

I remember there was a lady who opened a thread to share her experiences as a wife in a polygamous marriage but she was insulted and abused on this section. It was one of the more disgraceful threads in this section. I certainly do not want to see any woman go through that again.

Some people are too close-minded and see life through their own prism alone.

Seun: Didn't you report the insultive statements to mods? Didn't they act on your reports?

freecocoa: *spreads camp bed*

My dad is from a polygamous home, grandpa married about 10 wives(i know 2 besides my grandma), my grandma was the no 9, hearing from my dad, aunts and uncles, it wasn't easy, till now, there's no unity amongst them, they don't even know where some of their step siblings are.

I don't believe anything good can come out of polygamy.

yeyenatu: My father got married to a lady that is just 4 years older than me, she used to be my sister's classmate in the university even. We made fun of me a lot when it started. and mum did sakara but we got her to calm down.

The only thing is, right from when we were kids, he would tell my mum and us that he will marry a second wife. It wasn't religious per se, it was more of convenience.

I have a 6 years old step-brother who looks so much like me that I call him my son.
And 'iyawo wa' remains my sister's friend. And grandma (my mum) remains grandma, even to her. They don't live together though as my mum lives more in my sister's house than his.
So everyone is happy. I get clothes for everyone, the three of them I mean. Grudges are taken to dad by both parties.

He waited till we were all out of school and employed, self sufficient at most.

So far, so good.
But me? I am very jealous and it will be tough but it is a life that can be lived when done right. Every man is a cheater after all.


YYN

sandijey:



Totally disagree.

sandijey: GodsDivinefavor.
God is your strength. Its a very difficult situation. The advise your mum gave u is based on her being a third wife. If you were close to your step mum, I mean your dad's first wife. My dear, she is in the best position to advise you. Can't imagine how you're feeling. Don't listen to any insult anybody might give. As I earlier stated. A cheating husband is no different from a polygamyst. We all just try to give bad things sweet names. It is well.

tbaba1234:

You disagree with her experience?? Not everyone has bad stories of polygamy, some people actually have good stories.

ayinba1:

A polygamist is very different from a cheating husband. A friend who stabs you in the back is not the same as an enemy you recognize.
A lot of us worry more about what "others" say than what we actually feel. You can choose to see some good in your situation if you have the capacity to be thankful/grateful. It is an attitude.
If your husband performs his responsibilities, be it monogamy or polygamy, you will have good experiences. If he is negligent of his duties, you will be miserable be you half wife, one wife or one out of more than one wife.

Let us not over romanticize monogamy and vilify polygamy.

I am a woman and yes, Orisha , je kin pe meji obirin ko de inu. But it is not the worst thing that could happen in a marriage.

sandijey:



Totally disagree.

sandijey:

Maaam it's the same to me. Nothing is stopping the woman outside from becoming the woman inside. Nothing. Its d same feeling of betrayal, insecurities, and unexpected and unforseen mistakes. I don't subscribe to either of it but I don't no how many men actually planned to be polygamyst. It started from having girlfriend outside isn't it. No difference. One is more coloured than the other. Just my take. You don't have to agree.

yeyenatu: Okay.

The tendency to cheat is in almost every man and I mean (human) actually. How we react to the urge is what make us different.
Just because he didn't ask the sister out doesn't mean he didn't imagine her naked. There is emotional cheating oooo. That time when she/he does something and wonder if sister/brother yemi would have done same. Na for dia e dey start.

Ability to ignore our 'ojukokoro' tendency is dependent on our persons. It is there, we just had overcome it either through religion or self discipline.

You are however entitled to your opinion.



YYN

tbaba1234:

The bolded is not exactly true. No all polygamous homes start with adulterous relationships.

Some men actually plan to be polygamous.

GodsDivinefavor: My father did everything to keep the family as one, but it was obvious the peaceful co existence was fake.

In his absence, everybody carry his/her cross, fighting and gossiping is the order of the day.