Women are so mysterious, most times enigmatic. They have more layers than an onion, and no man, not even the very wise King Solomon was able to figure them out. Women are just confusing by default. Though many of them strive to be honest, truthful, and forthright; truth is they do not always tell the truth. Don’t get me wrong, men tell lies too, but most of the time, women tell the bigger lies, especially when in a relationship, trying to lock down a relationship, or trying to get out of one. These lies ranges from white lies, half-truths told to keep the peace, or sometimes just a lie of the highest proportion. Like I said, guys lie too. And maybe some of my female readers will decide to be awesome and tell us the lies men tell from their own perspective.

Now like I said, women tell lies sometimes to get something from a man, get into a relationship with a man, lock down an existing relationship with a man, or trying to get out of a relationship with a man most times because of another man. Let’s hear some of these lies.



(1) I’ve slept with just two guys in my life:



Ordinarily, men should not bother to ask their women how many guys they have been with before them, I have written about body count before and it was even a big issue on twitter few days back. When a woman is asked for her body count, she will almost definitely lie about it and reduce the number. But the worst liars are the ones that will tell you “I have slept with just 2 guys, the one who deflowered me, and one guy I was dating in school, and it happened only once” When a girl tells you this, don’t believe her, don’t argue with her. Even if she has slept with 300 men, she can tell you her body count is just 3, and if 130, she might just tell you 13. It’s a matter of removing one or two zeros. So, whatever your woman tells you her body count is, don’t argue; just keep quiet. Jesus didn’t die for that, did he?







(2) The sex was great, you are the greatest:



Listen bros, I am not saying you are not good in bed, But almost every woman will tell you that you are the next best thing in bed; that the likes Crixus and Spartacus are learners compared to you. But I need you to know that it’s hard for most women to be frank about sex, especially when the news isn’t good and they want to lock down the relationship with you. You are advised not to listen to her, but rely on her body language instead.



(3) I have never cheated on you and I never will:



This is very easy to say for women, especially when you are just done taking her to cloud 9; she will swear will everything that her honey pot has never been tasted by anyone else apart from you and it is meant for only you till thy kingdom come, she will even swear to that effect. My advice? Don’t bother your head, don’t start finding out, just nod like a zombie and continue polishing her KONGO as long as its available.



(4) I’ll be ready in a minute:



Listen very carefully: You are going out on a date with a woman but she had earlier asked you to come to and pick her up at home. When you get to her and she goes “I’ll be ready in a minute” Tell her you want to get a recharge card down the road, turn your car back, go back to your house and slot in season 1 of 24, Game of Thrones of any interesting series. And before you are done with episode 6 probably, she would call to ask you if you had gotten the recharge card, then you can switch of your TV and DVD, and drive back to her house; you’d be right on time this time.



(5) I’m fine:



If you offend your woman, and before you apologize, she tells you “Don’t worry, I am fine” Biko, start calling everybody, her mother, her father, her grand uncle and anybody that you know she listens to, and tell them you have bleeped up and you are a repentant sinner who needs forgiveness from your woman. If you fail to do that, you can start writing your will or something close to that.



(6) I will never get possessive and I will never nag you:



If any woman tells you this, it’s either she doesn’t love you at all, or you are a maga, simple! Women get possessive and women nag. If you believe otherwise, come and collect your learner permit.



(7) I usually don’t give guys my number, I don’t know why I am giving you:



Do you want to hear the truth? You are the number 9,999 dude in your hood that is getting that number. So don’t start jubilating that you have hit the jackpot, don’t dull yourself and start loving up, play your game very fast and tap out as quickly as you can. Yeske!



( You are the only one I ever wanted:



When a woman especially the one from 30 years and above tells you “You are the only one for me, you are the one I wanted, I have been waiting for you all my life” Just nod and tell her she is FANTASTIC! Don’t argue, after-all you are the fall-back option, the last resort, the only one who didn’t run. You are the Awilo Longomba of Nigeria.



(9) It is not you, It is me; you deserve a better woman:



This one of the classic lies women tell when they want to leave for a fresher, richer and more handsome dude. You will do yourself a great favour by not drinking hypo or Dettol. She is done with you, she is leaving. All those talk na bobo.



(10) My father dreamt that something bad will happen if I marry you:



I will not say much about this, if a woman tells you this and you believe her and start hurting or running to your pastor to pray concerning the dream, when her father’s name is not Joseph; you will have to give me your Pastor’s number, you need to be delivered from the spirit of mumunism. Yes, there is a word like that.

Am sure there are still loadz of other lies girls use in decieving unwary guys today. Drop urz!

And when she says she is only 24, just add like 5 years to get her real age

At d rate am foreseeing FP threads I should open my own synagogue.

And when every lady you meet keep telling you that you are "nice"...my friend, you are the greatest fool in history

Check and re-route you actions!

The "I am missing you, wish you were here" irony used to baffle me sometimes especially during her so so times.

hahaha..is her father Joseph.dreaming tinz

What stops you from asking about her birth certificate?

What stops you from asking about her birth certificate if you don't believe her age?

You stare, I don't care!
Either you are too lucky to have the coolest
woman by your side, or you are getting an
inflated ego without any reason if you believe
her on this. No matter how hard she tries to
look cool and composed, but the fact remains
that no woman loves it when her man ogles at
another woman. "After all, who wants to feel
like second best? And the 'I don't care attitude'
is usually to hide the vulnerability and a
pretence. Most women hate their man staring
at another woman,"

"I'm just not ready for a boyfriend right now."
Once again, this statement is almost always
false, although at least it's told with the best
intentions, in order to soften rejection. It might
be followed by an additional excuse such as: "I
just came out of a bad relationship, and I don't
want to be hurt again," or "I'm just too busy
with my career right now to have a boyfriend."
The truth is, if the woman is single and at all
interested in you, she will certainly make the
time to date you. It's that simple.

@sleekyposh, that's a nice and realistic list you've done here. But, you also have to realize that lies are inevitable in every relationship that wants to grow, whether from the man or the woman. Lies in a relationship are like music to the ears. Sometimes, you don't understand why they're told but you listen anyway. I will want to believe that the number 1 reason why people breakup cheaply today is the fantastical belief that they should know the truth in every matter concerning their spouse.

Lies are healthy for every relationship and you have the responsibility to allow your lady keep any information from you if she feels it's safer that way and will keep your relationship healthy. It's that simple.

*Modified*

@princecalm: Sometimes, you just can't get people to open up to their inner secrets no matter how hard you try. I believe it is then, more reasonable to avoid any heart-aches and let them enjoy their personal lives even while in the relationship. Have you heard of anything like 'single and married'?
It says that you can choose to be single and enjoy your privacy even while in a healthy relationship. Now, that's making sense.

ENELDEE: @sleekyposh, that's a nice and realistic list you've done here. But, you also have to realize that lies are inevitable in every relationship that wants to grow, whether from the man or the woman. Lies in a relationship are like music to the ears. Sometimes, you don't understand why they're told but you listen anyway. I will want to believe that the number 1 reason why people breakup cheaply today is the fantastical belief that they should know the truth in every matter concerning their spouse.

Lies are healthy for every relationship and you have the responsibility to allow your lady keep any information from you if she feels it's safer that way and will keep your relationship healthy. It's that simple.

so truth are now unhealthy for a relationship to grow. Moreover,why are lies even needed in a relationship,even if the lies are helping you to keepup with the relationship for the meantime,a time will surely come when those same lies will crumble evrerything.

I will be ready in a minute

When i haven't even made a clear choice on what to wear.

Chia!!!......she tells me most of these stuffs Oº°ºooOº°ºoo . I don enter one chance.

Who get time to check all these?

dechandel:
I will be ready in a minute

When i haven't even made a clear choice on what to wear.

Making up with make-up and mirror dressing is both time consuming. So here's a tip; If you really want to dress up faster to save more time and energy, just get rid of your mirror. You'd thank me later.

A lady once told me she doesn't know who de flowered her,I was like WTF..

Op some gals will go and drink three bottles of ooh mpa becos of dis

Don't ask stupid questions and she won't get the chance to tell foolish lies.

lirusehn, happy bday...

Op, I dey come.

OP, may God bless you for dis write-up.. Number 1, 2 and 7 are so on point... * waiting for d lady to come and bash OP* 95% of Naija ladies are guilty of 1, 2 and 7.. Oya let bashing begin

I love this

valmunich: I love this

sure you would.

destante: sure you would.

Lol... Are you guilty of any? Be sincere

Not in my life will that slowpoke chop my pomo, not really slowpoke they will just col em a disgusting name like that so u will think say she be one klassy babe...

Its either the guy just chop pomo not long ago or kinda tripping tinz, you just latter found out the slowpoke don chop pomo even over chop sef all weather peperish,hot,cold,soft,hard anyhow

This other one is not a lie though but like a notification..
when a girl look @ d time and says will be leaving in by 1:30 that's 20mins time guy she's telling you what you have to do do Quick ,leave all matter and get dwn to business if u get that scope she will be leaving by 8pm in the evening....abi I lie?

tosyne2much: OP, may God bless you for dis write-up.. Number 1, 2 and 7 are so on point... * waiting for d lady to come and bash OP*

you are talking from experience dear

Circe:
you are talking from experience dear

kind of.. Wait first, are you implying you aint guilty of 1, 2 and 7 ?

ŤĤĔŚĔ ŴĤŐŔĔŚ ÁĨŃŤ ĹŐŶÁĹ

we are in naija
i've stopped believing naija girls since i was 3