I don't know how to cope with the death of my newborn babies.
They were born premature at 6 months 3 weeks and gave up a hour later.
It has been two weeks and the depression is overwhelming.
There are days I try to be strong, everyone expects you to be strong but the truth is, I can't be strong.
I endured 6 painful months of the pregnancy, the morning sickness that never stopped, endless hunger but couldn't eat, heartburn, joint pains, at a point difficult breathing.
Everyday I blame myself for their death, I pushed myself even when didn't have the strength anymore.
I struggled to go to work, so as not to offend my overbearing boss. I had no one to confide in, I was all alone and bore the pains alone.
I was almost at the end, almost there, then a strange bleeding started, no! haemorrhage, I almost lost my life, another day, I may write on how God delivered me to fulfill his purpose on earth.
It was either me, or me and the babies, with all the blood lost, the only option was too operate.
Bottomline, the babies died, I lived.
There is no day I don't blame myself for it all. I should have stopped working, I should have opened up more to people around me, I should have listened to my body, listened to my doctors. I should have eaten more, I should have...
Should have, would have, could have...
I am full of regrets.
I am still in pains recovering from the surgery, but the pain in my heart for my babies, is nothing compared!
How do I overcome this grief?
There are periods of awareness, where I smile and show the whole world I am fine.
There are periods like right now, when it dawns on me I can no longer feel them kick, that I will never hold them in my arms, I will never watch them grow.
This pain is greater than me, I don't know how much more of it I can take.
Please tell me, show me, help me...
How can I cope with this grief?
I should be grateful I am alive, all doctors I have discussed with say only a few people survive it, but I feel so sad for my babies.
You may ask about my husband, he was there, but never there.
I guess I was carried away by my pregnancy, and maybe he felt not carried along, I don't know...

nefertitiram: I don't know how to cope with the death of my newborn babies.
They were born premature at 6 months 3 weeks and gave up a hour later.
It has been two weeks and the depression is overwhelming.
There are days I try to be strong, everyone expects you to be strong but the truth is, I can't be strong.
I endured 6 painful months of the pregnancy, the morning sickness that never stopped, endless hunger but couldn't eat, heartburn, joint pains, at a point difficult breathing.
Everyday I blame myself for their death, I pushed myself even when didn't have the strength anymore.
I struggled to go to work, so as not to offend my overbearing boss. I had no one to confide in, I was all alone and bore the pains alone.
I was almost at the end, almost there, then a strange bleeding started, no! haemorrhage, I almost lost my life, another day, I may write on how God delivered me to fulfill his purpose on earth.
It was either me, or me and the babies, with all the blood lost, the only option was too operate.
Bottomline, the babies died, I lived.
There is no day I don't blame myself for it all. I should have stopped working, I should have opened up more to people around me, I should have listened to my body, listened to my doctors. I should have eaten more, I should have...
Should have, would have, could have...
I am full of regrets.
I am still in pains recovering from the surgery, but the pain in my heart for my babies, is nothing compared!
How do I overcome this grief?
There are periods of awareness, where I smile and show the whole world I am fine.
There are periods like right now, when it dawns on me I can no longer feel them kick, that I will never hold them in my arms, I will never watch them grow.
This pain is greater than me, I don't know how much more of it I can take.
Please tell me, show me, help me...
How can I cope with this grief?
I should be grateful I am alive, all doctors I have discussed with say only a few people survive it, but I feel so sad for my babies.
You may ask about my husband, he was there, but never there.
I guess I was carried away by my pregnancy, and maybe he felt not carried along, I don't know...

sorry my dear sister.
It's obviously a very difficult thing, but time heals!
Stop blaming yourself, it has happened, it has happened.
There's nothing wrong in griefing your lost loved ones but also try to consider your health too.
May God restore your joy. Amen.
May God give you reason to rejoice again.

My dear I am so sorry to hear about your loss
Please dont blame yourself. What will be will be
There are people who did more than you but still sailed through and there are people who did everything by the book and it didnt go well
Blaming yourself wont change what has happened and it will only further depress you
Its a new dawn and accept that there is a reason for everything
Its very painful I know, but beleive that there is always a bright new day after the dark night.

Talk to your husband, he is hurting too. Be strong for each other. This is the time that you need each other.

May God put laugher back in your mouths in no time

((hugs))

I know how you feel cause I've been there yet have no words of comfort for you so I leave you in the hands of the Comforter and the creator to comfort, heal repair and create a new.

@op, sorry about the loss of your babies. You need the support of your husband at this time, move closer to him, communicate your feelings to him. Its ok to cry it out, if you feel like doing so but please know that you also need to remain strong so as to forge ahead. I know its very painful but don't blame yourself, it is not your fault. Be grateful to God that you are still alive, there is hope for you to conceive again, carry the pregnancy to term and deliver healthy babies. God is able to do all things. Get up, do light chores, eat, take your drugs and rest. You will feel better as the days goes by. It is not the end of the world.

sweetlady4real: @op, sorry about the loss of your babies. You need the support of your husband at this time, move closer to him, communicate your feelings to him. Its ok to cry it out, if you feel like doing so but please know that you also need to remain strong so as to forge ahead. I know its very painful but don't blame yourself, it is not your fault. Be grateful to God that you are still alive, there is hope for you to conceive again, carry the pregnancy to term and deliver healthy babies. God is able to do all things. Get up, do light chores, eat, take your drugs and rest. You will feel better as the days goes by. It is not the end of the world.

U have said it all @sweetlady4real

@op, u dont need to blame ursef 4 this even though its a sad event but God giveth and also taketh.u just have to thank God for the gift of life.
Have been there as a husband before, it was a bitter experience loosing two babies at once most especially from the angle of my partner. I was strong, stayed closer to my wife to comfort her...took some days out of work just to be by her side.even though she tend to feel bad but she's always api seeing me by her side and whenever I was not around, someone close to her will be around.
Bottom line is that you are the one that can actually help ursef, what happened is past as no amount of moodiness or cry will bring them back...pls hold yourself, be strong and happy as almighty God that provided those one will definitely do another one 4u that will stay with you till your old age and never you witness this kind of event again in your life time.

Dear really sorry to hear this but just stop blaming yourself okay it is God wish and he knows the best.thank God you are alive because when there is life there is hope and put your trust in God,don't give up I pray he will surely do the best for you and u will rejoice very soon.

I lost a son of 5yrs in 2011 and I have longed moved on. That's not the end for me not to have more kids.

@Op,please take heart and don't let it disturb you. You will definitely have more kids.

Cheers!

I appreciate all your comments...
They have lifted my soul.

I think some more attention needs to be given to preterm births in Nigeria, they don't always have to die.

I am moving on, but I don't think another mother/father should go through this pain, especially so close to birth. I will channel this energy in the right direction!

@op:
I was just searching through to see if there was any support group on child loss then I stumbled on you post; I am actually new on nairaland.
Your experience was quite similar to mine except that I carried mine to term. Lost one at birth (born sleeping) and second at 2 months. Both to heart defects and chromosomal disorder.
It's been 2 months now since I lost d second twin and I can't stop grieving for my babies.
It's worse with my husband's seemingly nonchalance to my pains.
He complains about my mood always.
I feel so forlorn and miserable
Please how did you get over your loss and spouse's nonchalance.
I'm sorry if my post brings back memories you would rather forget...
Thanks

NIFES:
@op:
I was just searching through to see if there was any support group on child loss then I stumbled on you post; I am actually new on nairaland.
Your experience was quite similar to mine except that I carried mine to term. Lost one at birth (born sleeping) and second at 2 months. Both to heart defects and chromosomal disorder.
It's been 2 months now since I lost d second twin and I can't stop grieving for my babies.
It's worse with my husband's seemingly nonchalance to my pains.
He complains about my mood always.
I feel so forlorn and miserable
Please how did you get over your loss and spouse's nonchalance.
I'm sorry if my post brings back memories you would rather forget...
Thanks

oh nooo.... So sorry to hear about your loss. I can imagine your grief, which is even worse because you bore them and saw them and carried one in your arms. I was actually in the middle of work but I am going to take the time out to respond to you.

I lost the twins about 17 months ago. And it was a very trying period for me. Forgive me if I sound cliche but it was only God. Only Him can mend your broken heart, but believe me, you will be made whole again. People kept telling me, the water poured but the calabash remained intact, it will carry water again. God has looked into your future and has seen how terrible life could be with children having health challenges and he did not want you to suffer so he took them home. He will not give you more than you can bear, and one day, you will be a source of inspiration to other women and you will sing my song one day... if not for God.

It is not an easy journey. But open your heart to God and he will comfort you. I held on to his promises

Isaiah 43

"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. 5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. 6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— 7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made"

Also Jeremiah 31
"Thus says the LORD, "A voice is heard in Ramah, Lamentation and bitter weeping. Rachel is weeping for her children; She refuses to be comforted for her children, Because they are no more." 16Thus says the LORD, "Restrain your voice from weeping And your eyes from tears; For your work will be rewarded," declares the LORD, "And they will return from the land of the enemy. 17"There is hope for your future," declares the LORD, "And your children will return to their own territory.…"

The month after I lost them, I quit my job,I left home and roamed another country for a month. I left it all behind, husband, family, friends stress and just went free. I cried for days in my hotel room, I walked long distances for hours with no destination in mind, just kept walking. I went to church, I spoke to strangers, saw a doctor, saw a counsellor, spoke to a pastor... after a month, I knew I was ready to go back home. I think the change of scenery really cleared my mind and helped me psychologically.

I got pregnant immediately I got back from the trip, and less than a year after, their sister arrived. Nothing can replace them, nothing in this world. But for you to be able to move on, you have to let them go, and allow God to do a new thing in your life.

As for your husband, he is grieving in his own way. We are different, and we react differently to situations. My mother in law told me how my husband broke down and cried during the days I was away. But he won't cry in front of you. He has to be strong for you, allow him to be your strength.

And dont listen to those people who tell you to be strong. It is okay to cry, as long as you don't slip into depression. It is a very dangerous place to be in. Look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith.

Do come back and share your testimony, because I know your rainbow baby will come, just as God has prophesied in Jeremiah 31.

A friend and I have a forum for women, and there is a section for coping with grief and loss.

Please join us and share your story. We don't have lots of members yet, but we will do our best to listen to you and offer a shoulder you can lean on.


www.lablanche.ng

My sister died in my arms ...I still get that picture every day.still miss her every day..some times I wish I could tak her place..Rip lovely sis.

Hello sisters, I'm so sorry for your loss and pray God to heal your broken heart.
I hope one day our government will be more responsible in this area. I kind of know how you feel cos I also had miscarriage with twins. It was the worst thing that can ever happen to someone and I lost interest in everything. I went for counseling for almost two years before I was able to stop thinking about them. I was still grieving when I discovered I was pregnant again and it took me 5 months into the pregnancy to love and believe that I'm having a baby. My therapist had to let me write to the twins to say my proper goodbye. It was sad but after saying goodbye and sharing my feelings with the twins. I felt better and I let go of the pain.
I'm so sorry but there is no fast way of healing. You have to take your time and heal in your own special way. My husband grieved in his own way too and we sometimes cry together to feel good. Try to be away from people at this time cos they will make it worst. No one can understand what you are doing through except for your husband. Try not to breakdown in the presence of any family and friends cos they will make it worst.
I pray that God will heal you and make you whole again.

@Nefertitiram
Thanks very much for your response. Its been very helpful.
And God bless you all.

So sorry for your ordeal@poster,I went through this in 2014.i labored and bled for hours till I couldn't see again before the bAby came out dead.that was the worst day of I and hubbys lifes.but God shined his face on us and He will do same to you.please you need ur husband as much as he needs you,mine kept his sadness from me till he got to d breaking point and it took him longer to get over it.put away ur past differences and hold hands at this time.......IT IS WELL WITH YOU.we have a 2 nhalf year old daughter and a 4months old son so please know that there's is light at the end of this tunnel!

I know this is an old thread, but losing a loved one especially a partner or child, or both at the same time is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.

I lost my wife on the 1st of this month due to complications from childbirth or professional error from the Doctors. My son didnt make it too. He struggled to breathe until he couldn't. I have been able to overcome the shock but the grief hits hard every day.

We only got married in May this year. When I think of all the plans we made together, the beautiful life we shared briefly and could have going on, I get thrown into deep grief. I thank Family and friends who have all shown me support, but there is nothing anyone can tell me that would console me. I pray each day for the strenght to carry on.

Its not easy!

Mcleo007:
I know this is an old thread, but losing a loved one especially a partner or child, or both at the same time is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.

I lost my wife on the 1st of this month due to complications from childbirth or professional error from the Doctors. My son didnt make it too. He struggled to breathe until he couldn't. I have been able to overcome the shock but the grief hits hard every day.

We only got married in May this year. When I think of all the plans we made together, the beautiful life we shared briefly and could have going on, I get thrown into deep grief. I thank Family and friends who have all shown me support, but there is nothing anyone can tell me that would console me. I pray each day for the strenght to carry on.

Its not easy!

It's well. I don't even know how to console you. But one thing is sure, you will get over this.
Right now it will look as if all hope is gone but there's light at the end of tunnel.

Mcleo007:
I know this is an old thread, but losing a loved one especially a partner or child, or both at the same time is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.

I lost my wife on the 1st of this month due to complications from childbirth or professional error from the Doctors. My son didnt make it too. He struggled to breathe until he couldn't. I have been able to overcome the shock but the grief hits hard every day.

We only got married in May this year. When I think of all the plans we made together, the beautiful life we shared briefly and could have going on, I get thrown into deep grief. I thank Family and friends who have all shown me support, but there is nothing anyone can tell me that would console me. I pray each day for the strenght to carry on.

Its not easy!

I am deeply sorry for your loss

This is so heart breaking

In all of it all the only one to cling to is God. He has the answer to every one of your questions, all your cares. It will all make sense just abide in Him.

God be with you

fertilewomb:


It's well. I don't even know how to console you. But one thing is sure, you will get over this.
Right now it will look as if all hope is gone but there's light at the end of tunnel.

Thanks for the kind words.

Thoniameek:


I am deeply sorry for your loss

This is so heart breaking

In all of it all the only one to cling to is God. He has the answer to every one of your questions, all your cares. It will all make sense just abide in Him.

God be with you

Thanks. I've resigned to fate, believing God knows best.

Mcleo007:
I know this is an old thread, but losing a loved one especially a partner or child, or both at the same time is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.

I lost my wife on the 1st of this month due to complications from childbirth or professional error from the Doctors. My son didnt make it too. He struggled to breathe until he couldn't. I have been able to overcome the shock but the grief hits hard every day.

We only got married in May this year. When I think of all the plans we made together, the beautiful life we shared briefly and could have going on, I get thrown into deep grief. I thank Family and friends who have all shown me support, but there is nothing anyone can tell me that would console me. I pray each day for the strenght to carry on.

Its not easy!

Im so very sorry.. i Dont have the right words to say.. May God comfort you! Please be strong

Mcleo007:
I know this is an old thread, but losing a loved one especially a partner or child, or both at the same time is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.

I lost my wife on the 1st of this month due to complications from childbirth or professional error from the Doctors. My son didnt make it too. He struggled to breathe until he couldn't. I have been able to overcome the shock but the grief hits hard every day.

We only got married in May this year. When I think of all the plans we made together, the beautiful life we shared briefly and could have going on, I get thrown into deep grief. I thank Family and friends who have all shown me support, but there is nothing anyone can tell me that would console me. I pray each day for the strenght to carry on.

Its not easy!

Hello stranger, I don’t know how you feel but I can say soothing words to you.
Love lives deep and carries on to eternal, it doesn’t matter if they are there or not but best believe, they smile down at you throwing kisses and love and if there is any thing so much to console a grieving heart, it’s just knowing that you are loved and your loved ones are happy and love you, irrespective of the time, space and world difference.

Please stay near to family and friends and grieve as possible as you can but then remember, they would love you to move on, love again and still remember them smiling.

Cheers

Mcleo007:
I know this is an old thread, but losing a loved one especially a partner or child, or both at the same time is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.

I lost my wife on the 1st of this month due to complications from childbirth or professional error from the Doctors. My son didnt make it too. He struggled to breathe until he couldn't. I have been able to overcome the shock but the grief hits hard every day.

We only got married in May this year. When I think of all the plans we made together, the beautiful life we shared briefly and could have going on, I get thrown into deep grief. I thank Family and friends who have all shown me support, but there is nothing anyone can tell me that would console me. I pray each day for the strenght to carry on.

Its not easy!

Really sorry for your loss,God is the one that can mend a broken heart, He will mend yours,try not stay alone, the Lord is your strength.

Thank you all for the kind words.

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