all4naija:
Respect and Nigerians are two different things. When have Nigerians suddenly become respectful?! Not those shady display of cultutral norms looking for means to swindle you of your money. Please, take that cultural primitiveness to somewhere else. Nobody is going to take this seriously because most Nigerians I have met are arrogant and irritating in their puffiness. They would even want to take advantage of you if you respect them. I have stopped respecting my people for long having see that they use it to take advantage of you.

vikel2104:
I pulled this off a blog. Enjoy.

The Nigerian Experience
Nigerians are so big on respect. They love to be respected and they teach their children to respect everyone older than they are, even if they’re just two minutes older. Please whatever you do, do NOT greet a Nigerian elder with ”hi” or ”hello”, it does not end well;
You: Hi aunty
Aunty: Ehn? Hi kwa? Can’t you say ‘Good Afternoon”
There may or may not be ensuing slaps. I believe respect is also the reason why children are not allowed to drink malt, No? Even in weddings! The servers will pass by you or give you coke, Fanta or Sprite if you’re not an adult.

-No one punishes like Nigerian parents. It’s a fact. The fear of your parents is also a very good place for wisdom to start. When you have committed, your parents will call you by your full name (Chukwuemeka Obinze Nwokolo) and after a dialogue that is actually a monologue of them shouting rhetorical questions like; ”Am I your mate??- at you, they will proceed to either flog you or hit you with anything from a spatula to slippers. God bless you if their weapon breaks on your body, because then you will be beaten for the loss of the weapon. Also, do not attempt self defense, you might destroy the weapon and like I said, that doesn’t help you.
And do not try to run, they will throw things at you and catch up with you. So, don’t do it.
Also, whatever you do, do NOT respond to any accusation your Nigerian parent makes because it will be held against you.

”Why are you just coming home?? You were with that boy again abi??”
”Daddy.. we just went to…”
”Shut up! Are you talking back at me??”

-Nigerian parents are the lords of sarcasm and bitter irony. When your father calls you ”my friend”, it’s not good. They also have the habit of calling your name a specific number of times (they know this number) designed to instill fear and then they’ll ask- ”How many times did I call you??” - when you’ve done wrong. They’ll say things like - ”Ask me!’ ‘ when they don’t know the answer to your question or ”oya beat me!” when you try to defend yourself against them.

They’ll tell your teacher to flog you, yes, they might plead with her to flog you very well if you do wrong. You might be fortunate to have parents on the other side of the spectrum who’ll come with a cane to flog your teacher after she has flogged you.

-Try not to correct your Nigerian parents, especially in English related issues. If they’re in a good mood, they’ll laugh and say;
”Ha! It’s not my language oh!”
If they had a bad day?
”So, you now have no respect abi? Is that what they’re teaching you in that your school?”

-Nigerian parents are not pro dating. They are pro marriage. They expect to see a prospective husband or hear about someone coming to ”knock door” when you’re twenty five but they expect you to never date anyone.

They are not the greatest in sex education either. This is what happens in most Nigerian homes when the girl begins to menstruate;
”Ehen, Amaka. Now, if a man just touches you, you’re pregnant oh!”
-They were all straight A students in their time. You have no business failing any course.
”Mummy, I had 90% in Mathematics!”
”Ehn… Where’s the other 10%?”
Daddy interjects: In my time, I had 98%
minimum!
Well, what can we do? This is why Nigerian students do very well everywhere.

-Nigerian parents do not understand the
song choices of this generation.

Nigerian parents are very squeamish about saying ”I love you”. You have to say it first. Many Nigerians have never actually heard their parents say ”I love you” to them. They love you, they’re just shy. I know, it’s cute.

-If you were raised in a Nigerian home, especially if you’re female, you’ll know that every morning, you should sweep the house and its environs. Basically, you clean every day like a health inspector is coming to visit. The only problem is that Nigerian mothers are stricter than the average health inspector.

-NO NIGERIAN PARENT WILL PAY YOU FOR DOING CHORES.
”I’ll use the money to feed you. Who pays your school fees??”
They will even make you wash dishes and clothes when you have a dishwasher and washing machine. Do you want your husband to send you home?. No?

I love Nigeria. I love my parents and all Nigerian parents and every time I see other children who weren’t raised properly, I’m grateful to my parents for teaching me courtesy, respect, self sacrifice and patience. Appreciate your parents! They love you.

Let's hear your funny experiences growing up as a Nigerian.
First page!!

It hurts me 2 c Nigerian parents.....tend 2 b d 1s dat instill discipline and respect in their wards the most in d world ....but in d world Nigeria is 1 of d most corrupted....Should we say the Children don't listen 2 their parents or d children change wen they grow up

Source: http://ihundasmusings.com/2013/05/08/being-nigerian/

hydeka:
My mum could shout your name when you're miles away and what is she calling you for? To get her the tv remote that is just a few steps away from her on the center table.

Odilafta:
My Dad: Odi,so you scored 15/20?

Me: yes,I actually scored the highest.

My dad: If you could score 15,what made you fail the other 5?

Me: Daddy,the questions were difficult o

My dad: Shut up,I'm talking,you are talking,who is to listen?

bigfrancis21:
Victor Enahoro
on May 9, 2013 at 2:13 AM

There was one time I went to a hospital, and they were forcing one little boy to drink his medicine which of cus he didn’t like. To my ernest surprise the mother wrapped this little boy like an anaconda, used her fingers to shut his nostrils leaving the poor boy with no choice but to open his mouth AND GULP!! went in the medicine.That was some 6 yrs ago and I still haven’t recovered from that.

ruffhandu:
I remember once when my elder brother claimed there wasn't enough salt in the soup we all ate.
Without consulting any of the stakeholders, he added extra salt in the soup. My kid sister, who quarreled with the guy-man that afternoon and they were not in talking terms as at that night, cried to my mum in protest. My mum came and confirmed the story from us, and next, she added more salt in the soup and asked the guy to keep eating. She dished us new soup to continue the supper. The dude never tried such shit without due consultation subsequently.

Rapzino:
My mum raised all four of her sons alone, ever since our dad passed away in 1998. You can misbehave in the daytime, but be ready for her koboko @4a.m; she won't wake you but her cane will. There is no dish we can't prepare, hehehe it was hard for us getting girlfriends then. Now we understand and love her, she's the best!

IrishKez:


Oh, she certainly is the best
Hope you're taking good care of her now?

Rapzino:
sure, we owe her everything.

IrishKez:


Sure you guys do..!

IrishKez:


Sure you guys do..!

Rapzino:
it was hard growing up without a girl in the house.

IrishKez:


Sorry about that, but that would make you appreciate women(your wife) in the future

Rapzino:
that's right, right now i'm all for getting that B.sc and a good job.

IrishKez:


Oh, I see
Best wishes, and be good.
Bye!

Tuktuk:
PROUDLY NIGERIAN. GOD BLESS OUR COUNTRY. THESE AND SO MANY MORE ARE THE REASONS WHY WE ARE MORALLY UPRIGHT AND STILL TRY TO UPHOLD OUR CULTURE AND TRADITIONS WHERE EVER WE FIND OURSELVES IN THIS FAST CHANGING WORLD.CAN'T TRADE BEING A NIGERIAN FOR COUNTRY.