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[The Poet's Cave] - Poems For Review - Nairaland

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THE POET / Nairaland's "The Poet" Competition (2) (3) (4)

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[The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 12:10am On Oct 09, 2014
The world is filled with people who are addicted to one thing or the other. I could remember years ago, while I struggled to quit sucking my navel. It was war, I say. Some of us are still struggling with something, that thing we don't do in public but in secret. We hate it, but we can't help it. To you this poem is dedicated.


[b]My love and dear friend
I will follow you, it's the trend
In secret we interwine
In view of opticals, we disband

Momentarily, though my joy
In your grip I am like a toy
Your kisses like ripe strawberry
My feet are feeble when I stand before you

My love for you is strong
Our romance would last long
My eyes are misty
Your hands should be around me

Why doesn't my gain endure?
I am devoted to you for sure
Momentarily my joy I say
Hours I spend to gain that little

You cheat on me with impunity
I cling to your supposed purity
Brain spins, heart sparks
I can now see effects of loving you

Resolved I am to quit
Yet I achieve not this feat
My legs are chained
Blame them, they walked into you

Bang the adverse hits me harder
Misty eyes I would not go further
Determind I am, though I fail
One day I would be free

Free to roam the streets of life
Sure not to be your wife
Relieve resides always in me now
Cos with fierceness I fight

I fight to keep my sanity
Yeah, to prevent insanity
One day I would win the fight
Today, I have won[/b]

2 Likes 2 Shares

Re: [The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 12:14am On Oct 09, 2014
This tries to depict my fight with my addiction, quite a few actually. Today, I have dumped them. It wasn't easy, but nothing worth much is. I purposely left out the title. If you get this poem's message, you can give it a title. Thanks much.


Cc. Timparker, texanomaly, firestar, haddon, oma4u, divepen, davep

2 Likes 3 Shares

Re: [The Poet's Cave] by daveP(m): 12:22am On Oct 09, 2014
Want!! smiley
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by texanomaly(f): 12:41am On Oct 09, 2014
Chuksemi:
This tries to depict my fight with my addiction, quite a few actually. Today, I have dumped them. It wasn't easy, but nothing worth much is. I purposely left out the title. If you get this poem's message, you can give it a title. Thanks much.


texanomaly

Wow! You didn't "try" to depict your struggle. You "did" it. Nice job. smiley


Just one thing though...

You sucked your navel? Seriously? You must be way more limber than me. undecided
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 9:17am On Oct 09, 2014
texanomaly:


Wow! You didn't "try" to depict your struggle. You "did" it. Nice job. smiley


Just one thing though...

You sucked your navel? Seriously? You must be way more limber than me. undecided

Thanks much ma cheesy. But eh, I am not actually that flexible, I did mine this way, my left or right hand is placed on my navel, then I fold my tongue in my mouth and suck awaygrin
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by timpaker(m): 9:50am On Oct 09, 2014
Chuksemi:

Thanks much ma cheesy. But eh, I am not actually that flexible, I did mine this way, my left or right hand is placed on my navel, then I fold my tongue in my mouth and suck awaygrin

Interesting.... grin


Oya make I go write about 'Yam'..... Yeah that's the only addiction I know...

Brb... grin
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 3:36pm On Oct 09, 2014
daveP:
Want!! smiley
Want? Explain uncle
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 3:37pm On Oct 09, 2014
timpaker:


Interesting.... grin


Oya make I go write about 'Yam'..... Yeah that's the only addiction I know...

Brb... grin
Yam? Lol, you're definitely not serious are you? grin
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by OMA4U(m): 3:46pm On Oct 09, 2014
Chuksemi:
The world is filled with people who are addicted to one thing or the other. I could remember years ago, while I struggled to quit sucking my navel. It was war, I say. Some of us are still struggling with something, that thing we don't do in public but in secret. We hate it, but we can't help it. To you this poem is dedicated.


[b]My love and dear friend
I will follow you, it's the trend
In secret we interwine
In view of opticals, we disband

Momentarily, though my joy
In your grip I am like a toy
Your kisses like ripe strawberry
My feet are feeble when I stand before you

My love for you is strong
Our romance would last long
My eyes are misty
Your hands should be around me

Why doesn't my gain endure?
I am devoted to you for sure
Momentarily my joy I say
Hours I spend to gain that little

You cheat on me with impunity
I cling to your supposed purity
Brain spins, heart sparks
I can now see effects of loving you

Resolved I am to quit
Yet I achieve not this feat
My legs are chained
Blame them, they walked into you

Bang the adverse hits me harder
Misty eyes I would not go further
Determind I am, though I fail
One day I would be free

Free to roam the streets of life
Sure not to be your wife
Relieve resides always in me now
Cos with fierceness I fight

I fight to keep my sanity
Yeah, to prevent insanity
One day I would win the fight
Today, I have won[/b]

Well written poem. I love it!
In verse 2, try changing to, "In your firm grip I am a puppet" ..... "your kisses are sweet sour strawberry/that kneel my feeble feet before your dominating heart"

I think this brings out better imagery and the use of some words like 'puppet' shows that your addiction controls you and you have no power over its 'dominating heart'. Heart signifies love between you and your addiction as you portray the poem.
Also the oxymoron used, 'sweet sour' shows that you enjoy what you despise, but you can't help it. You will also notice the alliteration employed, 'sweet sour strawberry' it aids the flow. (Timparker knows this better).

Do some more revisions. I love your poems!

God bless you, sir
OMA
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by OMA4U(m): 3:50pm On Oct 09, 2014
timpaker:


Interesting.... grin


Oya make I go write about 'Yam'..... Yeah that's the only addiction I know...

Brb... grin
Oya go write am. Don't forget to tag me.

What's even my own addictions? I've got many. Some I love; others I despise.
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by daveP(m): 1:26pm On Oct 10, 2014
Chuksemi:

Want? Explain uncle
was contemplating that as a possible title for the poem. Guess its not too conc for it. Have any1 suggested a title?
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by timpaker(m): 5:20pm On Oct 10, 2014
[b]YAM! YAM!! YAM!!! (quatrain)

You don’t know this tuber
No. You haven’t got a clue
This satiable hairy staples of desire
Is a mystery so true

Day after day, I long for you,
The rioting worms roll and roll
So you could drop in and tame
The hunger that's been on toll

You creep into my head timelessly
And even haunt my taste
By drowning my tongue from its drools
For another meal to make haste

Time after time, you just stare sexily,
Unclad and stained with sweaty juice
Arous ing my appetite like sex on a plate grin
To an aftermath that rules my muse

I must confess, I'm a bit lazy
To groom you from the mound
And mulch you after the four market days
Anticipating hairy but brown-tanned skin grown and found

I wish I could trade my vein for your rhizome
And watch my sweat fertile through
Your underground stem
Until I sight a sprout in you

I could choicely drown you in soft oil
Till you are strong and munchy
Or lay you in synchro swimming steel
To boil overly

I could also make you synergize
With the red moldy water
And sauce you tenderly,
Veggies, but would skip onions in such order angry

Should I let your scent torment me?
Not for anymore that long
Or else they'll jealously make other meal
Ask my black-tanned steel what went wrong?

But it is you, you my satiable yam
The eye of my taste
The desire in my mouth
To whom I'm hungrily chaste
[/b]

1 Like 1 Share

Re: [The Poet's Cave] by timpaker(m): 5:23pm On Oct 10, 2014
Chuksemi:

Yam? Lol, you're definitely not serious are you? grin
OMA4U:
Oya go write am. Don't forget to tag me.
What's even my own addictions? I've got many. Some I love; others I despise.

There you have it.... cheesy
Apologies for sending it late. I just check the thread now and wrote it asap.

Any error(s) should be pardoned too sad

Tolutweety I see you!!! grin
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by tolutweety(m): 5:27pm On Oct 10, 2014
^^^ Good one.

Me likey...cos yam is my favourite too. smiley wink

1 Like 1 Share

Re: [The Poet's Cave] by texanomaly(f): 6:03pm On Oct 10, 2014
daveP:
was contemplating that as a possible title for the poem. Guess its not too conc for it. Have any1 suggested a title?


Inamorata, courtesan, paramour

1 Like

Re: [The Poet's Cave] by daveP(m): 10:46pm On Oct 10, 2014
texanomaly:



Inamorata, courtesan, paramour
phew!! What should i say? I'm lost inbetween already. Kindly decipher smiley. thanks.
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by texanomaly(f): 12:17am On Oct 11, 2014
daveP:
phew!! What should i say? I'm lost inbetween already. Kindly decipher smiley. thanks.

in·am·o·ra·ta
iˌnaməˈrädə/
noun
a person's female lover.


cour·te·san
ˈkôrdəzən,ˈkôrdəzan/
noun
a prostitute, especially one with wealthy or upper-class clients.


par·a·mour
ˈperəˌmo͝or/
noun
a lover, especially the illicit partner of a married person.

***********


Or
Temptress

Seductress

séduction accomplie

Entranced


He's described his bad habit as if it were a lover that he can't quit. "She" is an addiction. He is helpless against Her charms.
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by daveP(m): 12:22am On Oct 11, 2014
texanomaly:


in·am·o·ra·ta
iˌnaməˈrädə/
noun
a person's female lover.


cour·te·san
ˈkôrdəzən,ˈkôrdəzan/
noun
a prostitute, especially one with wealthy or upper-class clients.


par·a·mour
ˈperəˌmo͝or/
noun
a lover, especially the illicit partner of a married person.

***********


On second thought:

Temptress

Seductress

séduction accomplie

Entranced


He's described his bad habit as if it were a lover that he can't quit. "She" is an addiction. He is helpless against Her charms.
( sits and learn) Thanks. Texanomaly! smiley
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by texanomaly(f): 12:25am On Oct 11, 2014
I like Paramour. Elicite, tawdry, evil but too lucious to abstain.
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 8:47am On Oct 15, 2014
OMA4U:


Well written poem. I love it!
In verse 2, try changing to, "In your firm grip I am a puppet" ..... "your kisses are sweet sour strawberry/that kneel my feeble feet before your dominating heart"

I think this brings out better imagery and the use of some words like 'puppet' shows that your addiction controls you and you have no power over its 'dominating heart'. Heart signifies love between you and your addiction as you portray the poem.
Also the oxymoron used, 'sweet sour' shows that you enjoy what you despise, but you can't help it. You will also notice the alliteration employed, 'sweet sour strawberry' it aids the flow. (Timparker knows this better).

Do some more revisions. I love your poems!

God bless you, sir
OMA

Aye, aye. Review I would sir. The verse you spat out now is certainly legendary, had me smiling and stuff. Thanks much, for loving my poems. How about your addictions, any?
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 8:56am On Oct 15, 2014
daveP:
was contemplating that as a possible title for the poem. Guess its not too conc for it. Have any1 suggested a title?

Eh... Want, I think it's quite possible to name it that. The want to quit an addiction. cool
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 8:59am On Oct 15, 2014
texanomaly:
I like Paramour. Elicite, tawdry, evil but too lucious to to abstain.

Madam, you can be very esoteric and vague when you want to. grin . Using big words to explain a big word. Elicite, tawdry, where's my dictionary now?cheesy
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 9:09am On Oct 15, 2014
timpaker:


There you have it.... cheesy
Apologies for sending it late. I just check the thread now and wrong it asap.

Any error(s) should be pardoned too sad

I see you!!! grin

Heaven send help! You are certainly one tough act to follow.cool Your poem makes me want to get addicted to yam.grin . I've never seen a tuber of yam showered with such superlatives.

1 Like

Re: [The Poet's Cave] by OMA4U(m): 9:13am On Oct 15, 2014
Chuksemi:


Aye, aye. Review I would sir. The verse you spat out now is certainly legendary, had me smiling and stuff. Thanks much, for loving my poems. How about your addictions, any?
I've not got the enough time to upload poems lately.

Watch out for the new poetry inventions this weekend. I'll tag you anyway.
Thanks
OMA
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 9:14am On Oct 15, 2014
tolutweety:
^^^ Good one.

Me likey...cos yam is my favourite too. smiley wink

How do you guys do it? I mean get addicted to yam. I personally wouldn't taste one if it is not fried. cool
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 9:26am On Oct 15, 2014
OMA4U:
I've not got the enough time to upload poems lately.

Watch out for the new poetry inventions this weekend. I'll tag you anyway.
Thanks
OMA
My lips do drool
When my eyes see what you would do
Yes they wait patiently for you
And your fingers, your tool.
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by timpaker(m): 11:45am On Oct 15, 2014
Chuksemi:


Heaven send help! You are certainly one tough act to follow.cool Your poem makes me want to get addicted to yam.grin . I've never seen a tuber of yam showered with such superlatives.

Thanks man. Yam is to me what lasagna is to Garfield, It is indeed "the food of the gods" grin cool
Its easy and faster to cook, sweet to eat, good for the jaw (just in case you wanna exercise) wink, easy to digest... hard to cultivate above all it is the best discovery by man! cheesy

Now I'm hungry.
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by texanomaly(f): 6:19pm On Oct 15, 2014
Chuksemi:


Madam, you can be very esoteric and vague when you want to. grin . Using big words to explain a big word. Elicite, tawdry, where's my dictionary now?cheesy

I just mean it is something you know you shouldn't do, but you can't stop yourself.
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by daveP(m): 6:47pm On Oct 15, 2014
Chuksemi:


Eh... Want, I think it's quite possible to name it that. The want to quit an addiction. cool
yeah, i read it betwn the lines smiley

@timpaker why garfield now? grin grin
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by texanomaly(f): 7:02pm On Oct 15, 2014
daveP:
yeah, i read it betwn the lines smiley

@timpaker why garfield now? grin grin

1 Like

Re: [The Poet's Cave] by Chuksemi(m): 7:22pm On Oct 15, 2014
I am going to make a poem about cowardice.
Re: [The Poet's Cave] by daveP(m): 8:09pm On Oct 15, 2014
texanomaly:

grin grin grin grin you brought that out cos of me? Lol (exclaims) Garfield!! smiley

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