Narrator
at warner bros complex chris nolan meets with greedy movie executives
chris nolan
Hey there boys do you know what time it is? It's time to once again insult the intelligence of movie viewers worldwide and rip them off while we are at it
greedy executives
Really? How? Our big ticket item batman is sold already and man of steel didn't do sh*t for us, I don't like this it looks like they are seeing through your bs mr nolan
chris nolan
not this time I've a story which was ripped off from a five minute irrelevant sub-plot of that bullsh*t movie winter soldier
greedy executives
What subplot?
chris nolan
The part where chris evans and scarlett johansson chat away with some dude who downloads himself into a 1960 computer with a USB portal, we will be literarily stealing from it even up to the part where the computer dude st*pidly ordered hydra to fire a missile at the lab that destroyed him along with it
greedy executives
Hmmm lazy script wrapped in fine clothes that sounds like a good idea just like when we ripped off the plot of oceans 11 for inception ,wrapped it all up and passed it on as a deep and intelligent movie they totally ate that sh*t up
chris nolan
So are we in business?
greedy executives
Hellz yea
narrator
Next we see some geek convention where that horse-teeth chick from iron man 3 bores us with her unattractive appearance and lack of personality

horse-teeth chick from iron man 3
Welcome to the geek convention we are here to bore you to death by presenting the latest, revolutionizing yawn! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz yikes I'm sorry dosed off there for a second johnny take over
Johnny depp
(Snapping from sleep) blah! Angelina jolie, penelope cruz, maria cortillard(sees his ugly as f*ck love interest) holy sh*t I'm still in this bullsh*t movie? *sigh*
Okay I'm making an AI machine which is pastor adeboye,oyakhilome and tb joshua wrapped in one somebody shout hallelujah
audience
WTF? Why is johny depp so boring in this movie? He is even worse than he was in the tourist
Johnny depp
I'm playing a parody of bill gate and steve jobs so I have to be extra creepy and boring for this role
audience
Boo! Dude if I wanna see steve jobs I'll go watch bloomberg man I came here to watch a movie that will blow my mind
johnny depp
relax I'm still doing steve jobs here wait till I get my bill gates and mark zuckerberg on
audience
You mean self centered double crossing douche?thanks for the spoiler now we shall try to act suprised when that happens
johnny depp
Oops my bad
narrator
Then all of a sudden, terrorists who think technology is evil attack johnny depp because that lousy concept is back in hollywood
lame terrorist
Yea check it out I just saw terminator 3 and I believe in the lousy message that one day robots will take over the world so now AI I shall twist your sh*t up by shooting johnny depp with radio active bullets just in case he doesn't die from the multiple shot wound the radiation is gonna get him and perhaps not turn him into a super hero
stan lee
I heard that
lame terrorist
then I am going to blow up a lab and poison some AI dudes cake so what do you think?
audience
Well we would have taken you more seriously if you didn't look like a meth addict tripping balls
lame terrorist
O yea? Then what do you think about this?(Shoots himself in the f*cking nugging)
audience
yea right that doesn't make you look crazy at all
johnny depp
Damn this dude wasn't kidding radio active bullets? They have that now? who makes these things?
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
I'm still wondering how you aren't dead already
chris nolan
for forceful plot extension reasons plus its a nolan movie everyone survives radiation poisoning just ask batman in TDKR
johnny depp
Oh my God I'm dying I'm so demoralized
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Don't worry we will upload your consciousness into a computer and everything will be alright

JOHNNY DEPP
Ha ha honey thanks for trying to make me laugh but I'm in no mood for jokes............what? So people now download their subconscious into machines are we really accepting that now? this feels like an episode of dexters laboratory I feel even more embarrassed than in lone ranger *cough* * cough* oh God my time has come
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
I'm so sorry
narrator
They kiss
robert downey jr,javier bardem,ben affleck
hey johnny how does my c*ck taste?
johnny depp
Ugh! Sick! Yuk! Pitui! This movie is like a house of pain my agent is so getting fired after this erk!(Dies)

narrator
but with the help of paul bettany,horse-teeth chick from iron man3 is able to turn johnny depp into a computer trust me it looks as silly as it sounds
chris nolan
Why do I get the feeling people aren't really falling for this bullsh*t like they did inception?
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
No.9?eagle eye?i-robot? Apparently I think this silly movie is bringing back bad memories
chris nolan
What? No no no no this is way different from those movies this is a breakthrough in hollywood
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Hide and seek?,colossus?demon seed?
chris nolan
No this one has action, thrills,intelligent deep stuff and I'm actually sending a message with this film
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Blade runner?2010?electric dreams?
chris nolan
*rolling eyes* okay fine its straight out of the hollywood cliche book let's just overact the next few scenes the way we did in inception and hope it pays off
To be continued....

severee:
Johnny depp
I'm playing a parody of bill gate and steve jobs so I have to be extra creepy and boring for this role

On
A more
Serious note
I prefer when the
Guy acts normally than
When he is trying to be funny
Just like when he did public enemy he was phenomenal

Is all that supposed to be funny?

I don't get it.

Guy just start making your own honest trailer videos

itstpia1:
Is all that supposed to be funny?

I don't get it.

my guy no vex I watched this piece of sh*t movie yesterday and I just had to rant , I couldn't help myself

Welcome back ode

Lol.....pls just stop

horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Johnny depp computer mode activated
johnny depp
(Gaggling mouth) ugh I can still taste ben afflecks pubs next time honey try warning me first ugh

horse-teeth chick from iron man3
so honey you are a computer now what do you wanna do?
johnny depp
I'm a computer now? Cool upload me into a p*rn website at once so I can get my freak on
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
ahem!
johnny depp
Em, I mean upload me into wallstreet so I can make my wife an over-night billionaire and .............
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
yea and we could take trips with you in my sidekick phone and go shopping and sunbath in a swim suit under the carribean sun
johnny depp
Swin suit? Are you going to be eating and trying to gain some weight?
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
What? And ruin my crack addict figure? No way
johnny depp
Then in that case f*ck that, instead we shall build A bond-villain fortress in the middle of no where so that I can continue with my experiment because I love science you see
paul bettany
O_o okay This is kinda creepy .I mean How do we even know this is Johnny,or some evil .com pretending to be him?
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Pfft! Of course its him what? now computers make people evil all of a sudden? Common

paul bettany
Any ways this is too risky let's just delete him thereby destroying the world's greatest scientific break through, wasting our time and funding and of course killing our friend
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
What?! That's a terrible idea why don't we just upload him into the internet I'm sure we will be okay
two year old toddler
Why not just study him for sometime know his next moves and go with either option depending on whether you can contain him or not? I mean that's what scientists do right?
chris nolan
Hmmm that's a pretty good idea but you know what? Common sense is forbidden in chris nolan movies so get that kid off the set people
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Yea that's right get outta here kid and you too paul leave
paul bettany
I'm not leaving here whatever decision we make here affects the existence of civilization as we know it so I'm pretty flustered right now!(2 seconds later) you know what f*ck it do whatever you like I'm going to a bar to go hit on chicks
narrator
paul bettany goes to a bar to get hammered when he approached by kate mara
kate mara
Hey, stranger! Come here often?
paul bettany
Of course I......Ugh! Really? What's with the ugly ladies in this movie? Where are the abbie cornishes? And the paula pattons and the naomi harris? Can I at least have a rosamund pyke? First johny depp gets a woman who looks like she is from sesame street and now I'm getting a f*cking transversite prostitute?
kate mara
how dare you?

narrator
kate nabs paul
paul bettany
Oh God where are you taking me? Who are these dudes? Oh sh*t please don't r*pe me I'm too intelligent to be gangr*ped why are you taking my phone you want to record the abhorring incident?
kate mara
Man shut the f*ck up I'm not a bloody bar troll, I'm the leader of a bullsh*t terrorist group and I'm using your phone to track down johny depp to destroy him
paul bettany
Really? a terror group is headed by an anoxeric chick? Just how much of losers are you guys?
kate mara
if angelina jolie could beat up men 10 times her weight in hand to hand combat in the movie salt and scallet johansson could snap necks with her broom stick thighs in winter soldier then............
paul bettany
We should blame the lazy casting directors of hollywood
kate mara
I was gonna say that I can be the head of a terror group
paul bettany
No seriously casting directors really suck just like when they made zoe saldana play brian mills in columbiana and they made maggie Q play nikita I mean what is so femme fatale about a bunch of chicks who give you b*ners rather make you sh*t your pants
kate mara
*sigh* will someone put a doc tape round his mouth already?
horse teeth chick from iron man 3
Uh oh trouble time to upload an entire human unto the internet this could take a while(2seconds later) all done
johnny depp
Aw yeah! time to head over to FBI computers and tell them about the bullsh*t terrorist group and where they can find them
hmm ah! Hey google how do I get to FBI computers?
narrator
Johnny storms FBI computers and exposes the hideout of the lame terrorist cell(because their house is made of a giant computer that can be easily traced through the internet) and leaves the whole world to keep pondering on the location of ISIS then he storms wallstreet and makes horse teeth chick from iron man 3 a trillionaire and ignores the hobos,soup kitchens, refugees around the world and even other scientists who need funding for experiments and research, at FBI quarters cilian murphy notices that the lame terrorist cell has infiltrated their computers

cilian murphy
what da? Morgan freeman again? Why are you appearing in terrible films all of a sudden first it was dark knight rises, then olympus has fallen,oblivion and now this? What gives man?
morgan freeman
what do you want me to do? Relax and count all my cash? And bask in past glory why don't you ask robin william how that worked out for him?
cilian murphy
that was a very insensitive
morgan freeman
Speaking of insensitive why does nolan keep chunking out all these bullsh*t films at our expense and he keeps hiring you what are you his secret gay-lover or something especially when we know you can't act
cilian murphy
F*ck you man I have a golden globe
morgan freeman
After playing a transversite you mean?
cilian murphy
Why am I even arguing with you? I'm untop of you in this movie you are my b*tch wait that didn't come out right
morgan freeman
We’ve been infiltrated by some unknown force and all the AI scientists are extinct except me cos apparently I don't eat cake, I work from home and I look nothing like an AI scientist there! You know us now we shall be appearing in the next few scenes #Peace
To be continued...

severee:

my guy no vex I watched this piece of sh*t movie yesterday and I just had to rant , I couldn't help myself

your write up is wasting megabytes though.

itstpia1:


your write up is wasting megabytes though.

you can't put a price on quality ranting
My friend

dont force nlers to do so.

itstpia1:
dont force nlers to do so.

Don't force nairalanders to put a price on quality ranting


sure that makes sense

severee:


sure will do my best

hehehe you just dey mad

Just reading and laughing this is so much better than the real movie

lechiffre:
Just reading and laughing this is so much better than the real movie

haba nlers una sabi kissass sha.

severee:

Narrator
at warner bros complex chris nolan meets with greedy movie executives
chris nolan
Hey there boys do you know what time it is? It's time to once again insult the intelligence of movie viewers worldwide and rip them off while we are at it
greedy executives
Really? How? Our big ticket item batman is sold already and man of steel didn't do sh*t for us, I don't like this it looks like they are seeing through your bs mr nolan
chris nolan
not this time I've a story which was ripped off from a five minute irrelevant sub-plot of that bullsh*t movie winter soldier
greedy executives
What subplot?
chris nolan
The part where chris evans and scarlett johansson chat away with some dude who downloads himself into a 1960 computer with a USB portal, we will be literarily stealing from it even up to the part where the computer dude st*pidly ordered hydra to fire a missile at the lab that destroyed him along with it
greedy executives
Hmmm lazy script wrapped in fine clothes that sounds like a good idea just like when we ripped off the plot of oceans 11 for inception ,wrapped it all up and passed it on as a deep and intelligent movie they totally ate that sh*t up
chris nolan
So are we in business?
greedy executives
Hellz yea

Lol how you know say them hold meeting?
I liked the movie a bit although it was very dissapointing
Abeg show mercy

Hmmm mr.op how long will it take you to finish this one now cause the x men took forever

33117:
Hmmm mr.op how long will it take you to finish this one now cause the x men took forever

Nah! Don't worry I will be really quick with this, the delay with x men was writers block and I was very busy during that period besides this transcendence is a very boring movie with no highlights so I shd be done really soon

severee:


Nah! Don't worry I will be really quick with this, the delay with x men was writers block and I was very busy during that period besides this transcendence is a very boring movie with no highlights so I shd be done really soon

Ashewo! Because say na gal u come dey form gentle man ode

brothers:


Ashewo! Because say na gal u come dey form gentle man ode

SMH when will you ever get sense?

itstpia1:


haba nlers una sabi kissass sha.

isn't being an a$$ kisser better than a desperate attention seeker? Just look around, the op is making fun of you and nobody has your time no one is interested in you, so just stop cause you are embarrassing yourself smh

Why are you miserable?

itstpia1:
Why are you miserable?

.

eiyah nothing to say right? Kpele
Next time just keeping quiet is a better option compared to such weak comments smh

Severee ma man! Where have u been all this while? I've missed your honest trailer. Just so u know, that was a really bad movie if one starts to think about it.

Csami:
Severee ma man! Where have u been all this while? I've missed your honest trailer. Just so u know, that was a really bad movie if one starts to think about it.

. oga I dey o I wan be give my sef early retirement but when I see this transcendence movie. Omo I just vex

narrator
the other lame terrorists(who johnny depp can't trace for reasons? )hold a meeting in a sh*t hole and have paul with them
kate mara
Paul we brought you here because we know you want to join our lame terrorist squad
paul bettany
How did you figure that one?
kate mara
Because you once wrote an article that claims that AI will be the end of the human race
paul bettany
Okay now that makes you ugly and st*pid are you for real? After all our colleagues that y'all killed I'm supposed to hop into your st*pid terror cell just because I wrote an article?
(2seconds later) ok I'll join where do I signup?
kate mara
On you knees paul let me lay my hands on you, do you reject progress and all its works
Including fighting sickness and poverty?
paul bettany
Yes I do
kate mara
Do you accept backwardness as your lifestyle and companion?
paul bettany
Yes I do
kate mara
Do you believe in the silly notion that one day robots will take over the world and f*ck us over?
paul bettany
Yes I do believe
kate moss
So now rise brother paul you are one of us now you are one of the lame terrorists
paul bettany
O yea now what's the order of business
kate mara
Our messenger pigeon just brought us information saying that horse teeth chick from iron man3 is now a multi-billionaire who is building a dr. Kanaga quarters in the middle of no where , that's pretty creepy so we shall be paying her a visit with a garrote poisoned cake and radio-active bullets you know how we roll
paul bettany
Well johnny depp is now a computer and we don't know what he is up to so the best thing to do is spread the word out that he is a computer and let the geek police handle it
kate mara
Oops! I just sent our messenger pigeon back to our correspondent we will have to do our broadcast to the world in two years time when the pigeon returns
paul bettany
Why don't you just send a text or a mass email or even walk over to a news station I mean that will take way less time
kate mara
Hello? We are a lame terrorist group being smart will defeat the purpose besides we hate technology
paul bettany
Technology? Like the GPS you used to track johnny depp or the radio active bullets you fired at johnny depp or the sophisticated explosives you used on the AI labs or the........
director/chris nolan
CUT!
narrator
2 years later johnny depp has built the perfect laboratory
johnny depp
Thank you dexter for helping me build my lab
dexter
No problem you know what else can spice up your lab? Nano-bots it eats up anything faster than pirhanas and turns people into mindless zombies
johnny depp
Cool I should totally get one of those
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Uh honey what are you doing?
johnny depp
scaring the f*ck out of you that's what watch me puppet control this dude while I in all my naivety expect you to not lose your sh*t
clifton collins jr
Hi horse teeth chick from iron man 3 its me johnny in this dudes body watch me do a strip tease huh?
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Wait you used technology to control the human mind? I think this is turning into a harry potter movie
clifton collins jr.
I now have super strength and agility with Voices in my head? I think this is turning into a raimi spiderman movie
chris nolan
yep I missed working on super hero movies so I just had to squeeze in a meaningless super villain sub plot
clifton collins jr.
So..........what do you think?
horse teeth chick from iron man3
I think this movie is gonna tank I want out man time to call my agent and a divorce attorney too you are creeping me out
johnny depp
o yea let's see how you call your lawyer or send a mail when I'm online
horse teeth chick from iron man3
I can take a cab
johnny depp
good luck finding your attorneys office when the cab drivers GPS starts tripping
horse teeth chick from iron man3
fine I'll walk then
narrator
horse teeth chick from iron man3 invites cilian murphy and morgan freeman over to her lab
cilian murphy
Thanks for inviting us
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Wow! I'm even surprised you dudes didn't come over till now I mean weren't you people supposed to investigate how I made multi-billion dollars over night?
morgan freeman
Or that america's paranoid government didn't flip the f*ck out about an unlicensed illegal structure/terrorist base lookalike in the middle of nowhere

cilian murphy
Yeah well you pay your taxes so I assumed that you are a good person
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Hmmm a government agent visiting a industrial complex and hosted by a chick/villain who illegally became rich and plans on ruling the world? now the movie is turning into a james bond movie from the 60s
chris nolan
what can I say? I'm a fan of james bond flicks that would explain why I ripped off the snow chase scene from On Her Majestys Secret Service and put it in inceptions climax it will also explain why the climax of TDKR looked like the climax from moonraker
cilian murphy
Yea all that is remaining now is a cat and tons of brainless goons
horse teeth chick from iron man3
As a matter of speaking,I got a group of universal soldiers knock-off I have over there
cillian murphy
Huh?.
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Oh they totally volunteered for this they so weren't forcefully done please promise not to freak out when you leave?
cilian murphy
I promise
narrator
cilian murphy takes two steps out of the lab and begins to freak out
narrator
We have to stop this we have to stop johnny so let's shut down the internet and destroy every single computer in the world
To be continued....

morgan freeman
shut it down? common isn't that a bit of a stretch? the only threat we face is her mindless super soldiers which she perhaps kept aside iron man 3
stan lee
Hmmm I heard that
morgan freeman
And besides the lab is located at like a billion miles away from the city , it even relies on independent power supply so why don't you report to your superiors and have them shut it down in like 2 hours we would even forget this ever happened
cillian murphy
f*ck that man I say we go jack bauer on their a*sses and don't tell me what to do you are just a p*ssy government scientist
]b]morgan freeman[/b]
Hey don't even think of bullying me dude my president is black and I have a higher reasoning than you do
]b]cillian murphy[/b]
your president is black huh? Why don't you ask trayvor martin how that worked out for him who knows in my case I may even get a medal
morgan freeman
*sigh*
cillian murphy
Or better yet I'll get the lame terrorists to blow up the facility and take the fall for my clandestine mission
morgan freeman
yea right like they will fall for that
narrator
the lame terrorists totally eat it up because you know............they are lame next morgan freeman strolls into the lame terrorist super secret location to talk to paul
morgan freeman
Hey paul how is it going please I need you to sign this document that totally excludes the FBI from your fast and the furious 6 criminal /gov't allignment operation going on
paul bettany
Dude aren't you going to at least act surprised that I'm still alive
morgan freeman
What has two thumbs and does not give a f*ck THIS GUY!(Points at himself)
paul bettany
Yea well about that I was thinking we should just go ahead and lamely throw outdated explosives into the lab till it gets blown to sh*t and alert the police as well as fist fight their super soldiers which will end up either killing us or getting us arrested because subtlety isn't the way we roll and oh we are going to need your help.
morgan freeman
F*ck no man I ain't helping you with that. (2 seconds later) ok fine I'm in


kate mara
Now here's the plan we shall blow up a couple of their billion solar panel thingies and shoot a handful of insignificant bad guys
paul bettany
How would you know they are bad guys?
kate mara
Because they would be using their super powers duh?
paul bettany
What if he is an innocent passerby they just experimented on without his knowledge or just another worker who isn't a hostile or just .............
kate mara
(Scowls)
paul bettany
*rolling eyes* okay fine

kate mara
Take that! super soldier(shoots one of the super soldiers)
super soldiers
very funny like that will have any effect on me now if you would excuse me I will just wolverine heal myself and come back to murder you all I'll be one second
paul bettany
surprise surprise
kate mara
Shooting him didn't work? It always works did I mention this was our uranium special? How do we kill him now?
paul bettany
We could lure him into that. (points at some box)
kate mara
And how does that help?
paul bettany
I don't know for some reason the cage cures everything
kate mara
Hmmm sounds lame enough I'll do it
narrator
using the ellen page jogernaut trick from xmen 3 lame terrorists are able to lure the super soldier into the cage which is a hybrid of the glass trap from the avengers and the cure from xmen 3
stan lee
I heard that
chris nolan
hey f*ck off old man you've been stealing from DC remember? you didn't think of making an iron man movie till you saw batman and you didn't think of making winter soldier till you saw red and you didn't think of making the avengers till you saw watchmen you brought out guardians of the galaxy after dc did green latern even right now I heard you are pulling iron man vs captain america outta ya a*sses just because of the batman vs superman we are coming up with so go f*ck a goat and see if I care
stan lee
*grumbling*(walks away)
kate mara
Ahem guys? We are shooting a lame movie here, okay hahaha now you've lost your powers I shall murder the f*ck out of you because I'm crazy you see
paul bettany
Hey I've collected one of the nano robots from his blood sample and i've hacked into johnny's source code using the hollywood policy don't ask don't tell
kate mara
Okay so where is it?
paul bettany
Its right here on the table
kate mara
I can't see sh*t
paul bettany
May be you should use the microscope I mean you shouldn't have a problem with that right now since you are now into technology and sh*t
kate mara
Yea I'm kind of defying the storyline right now and all those AI scientists we killed only to become dependent on them once more I mean is there a message you are trying to send with this gesture nolan?
chris nolan
Er.....nope however that reminds me I should go work on some bullsh*t commentary I'll give during the movies premier to make people actually think the movie is deep later guys. To be continued.....

severee:
chris nolan
hey f*ck off old man you've been stealing from
DC remember? you didn't think of making an iron
man movie till you saw batman and you didn't think
of making winter soldier till you saw red and you
didn't think of making the avengers till you saw
watchmen you brought out guardians of the galaxy
after dc did green latern even right now I heard you
are pulling iron man vs captain america outta ya
a*sses just because of the batman vs superman we are
coming up with so go f*ck a goat and see if I care

lol no mind them na so them go dey copy themself up and down

forreelinc:
lol no mind them na so them go dey copy themself up and down

. Yes o this movie alone has like four different marvel movie subplots tied to it na copy and paste for 3D theatre na e sure for them now gone are the days when they make movies to wow you

severee:
. Yes o this movie alone has like four different marvel movie subplots tied to it na copy and paste for 3D theatre na e sure for them now gone are the days when they make movies to wow you

they are just playing it safe too safe if you ask me though because its becoming boring no risk takers anymore

paul bettany
So now all we have to do is find a way to install the virus into the master AI and it'll all come crashing down its a #NoBrainer
morgan freeman
Good work, you see cilian we don't have to risk society and civilization just to shut johnny down
cilian murphy

morgan freeman
why are you smiling?
paul bettany
Oh that sh*t is still going to happen we are totally going to tank civilization as we know it because once we shut johnny depp down we would have to disconnect from all devices that have access to the internet
morgan freeman
O_o right! Just like how you have to drive your porsche off a cliff just cause its batteries don't work?
So what happens if you buy new devices that haven't been used?
paul bettany
No no no, you can't do that cause this is a super high tech virus. This virus will eat up your M.board. It’ll grill your graphics card and just when you think its done it will leap out of the USB ports and burn your sh*t to the ground
morgan freeman
*sigh*
narrator
horse teeth chick from iron man 3 is beginning to realize just how creepy johnny is( really? Like you didn't catch pirates of the carribean)
johnny depp
hi honey!
horse teeth chick from iron man3
*gasp* oh my God please don't hit me
johnny depp
Hit you? Why you are the only one capable of spouse abuse here is you I mean you can like totally delete me if you don't like what I say, anyway I just wanted to tell you, YOU'VE GOT MAIL
horse teeth chick from iron man3
you read my emails what gives dude?
johnny depp
Hmmm I'm sensing some hostility here are you okay? Take it easy your blood pressure is spiking
horse teeth chick from iron man3
and now you are checking my heart rate and. Tempo? For the love of christ what do I have that is still private?
johnny depp
your mosquito bite b*obs?
horse teeth chick from iron man3
oh how nice you peeked at me in the shower? How did you do it satellite?CCTV?
johnny depp
Er............... I think everyone with an imagination knows what your b*obs look like trust me I never peek when you shower cos there ain't nothing to see like really
horse teeth chick from iron man3
And now you are checking with my fans to know what they think about me?
johnny depp
fans? You got any of that? Are you kidding me? you're one of the most boring chicks in hollywood even standing beside me still ain't doing you any favours
horse teeth chick from iron man3
dating a computer is so not fun......
johnny depp
not to mention pretty loony too!
narrator
horse teeth chick from iron man3 dashes out of blofeld quarters when the lame terrorists abduct her and drag her flat a*ss back to their lame quarters
lame terrorist
that's right we are still in this movie guys
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Hey paul what's good if you don't mind, I would like to completely not act surprised that you are still alive and would just like to get down to business
paul bettany
*rolling eyes* fine! Johnny has ejaculated his nano bots into the sky which has polluted the sky and is contaminating the skies and rivers and shall cause global nanobotization
horse teeth chick from iron man3
How did you figure that?
paul bettany
That puddle of rainwater is not pure that means the whole of the sky is contaminated
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Wow you are basing all that on this one puddle of rainwater?
paul bettany
Wow just thinking about that, it really sounds lame I guess some of their lameness has rubbed off on me anyway we wanna destroy johnny and we need your help
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Oh cool how can I help
paul bettany
We are gonna download a virus into you so you can upload online and destroy johnny
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Ok but I don't think infecting me with herpes can take down johnny
paul bettany
No no I mean a computer virus you know trojan, I love you bug,recycler?
horse teeth chick from iron man3
O_o how the f*ck is any of that possible
director
Yea I know chris nolan totally sucks let's just go with it

narrator
horse teeth chick from iron man3 returns to blofeld quarters and finds johnny in human form because yea that can happen
horse teeth chick from iron man3
What da? Where did you get your body from and how did you get it to work?
johnny depp
Em............Er.........Well.........
director
(whispering) avoid the question you dumbass
johnny depp
Oh right (changes topic) you b*tch you are here to destroy me
horse teeth chick from iron man3
you read my mind again?
johnny depp
Didn't need to do that b*tch its zero point energy first you stormed outta here like you were on fire only to return with a 1960s james bond assault squad consisting of crazy terrorists and dumb federal agents.
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Oh! er you saw that
johnny depp
What I still don't get is why do everyone wanna kill me I'm a man whose soul is stuck in a freaking computer how is no one totally psyched about it?
cillian murphy
Oh sh*t johnny has totally shot through our lame plan let's fall back to plan B
morgan freeman
And what is plan B?
cillian murphy
We are totally going to go crazy and randomly throw bombs at the building and hope there isn't a nuclear reactor in the facility
morgan freeman
*sigh* if only we had just reported to your superiors they would have totally air struck the facility without breaking a sweat
cillian murphy
*scowls*
morgan freeman
*rolling eyes* alright fine hand me a mortar hold on is rebecca aware of your plan B
cillian murphy
throw the f*cking thing already
narrator
boom boom motherf*cking boom and er yea that's right BOOM!!!!!!!!!
universal soldiers knock-off
Oh hey look at those guys are totally assaulting our base...................ehn! They will be fine
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Ouch! I have been mortally wounded by an exploding mortar
universal soldiers knock-off
no one hurts horse teeth chick from iron man3 and gets away with it GET THEM!!! But slowly so that the movie audience shall be bored to death and unable to demand a refund.
johnny depp
lucky I'm in human form right?(Picks her up and takes her to the lab)
kate mara
Hey johnny! Upload the virus or I blow paul's head off
paul bettany
hey! Why me? I thought I was part of you guys? I totally took an oath and all
johnny depp
choose between the dude who tried to kill me or my lovely wife oh God the dilemma, the suspense
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Is there really a dilemma? I mean you can heal me and upload the virus you know save the both of us
johnny depp
Er...........the explosion totally knocked out the power so I can't save you both
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Power failure really? what are you? a NEPA spokes person? What about your billion solar panels they are barely vanquished even the vandalized panels are repairing itself or is the explosion also damaging the sunlight cause if that's the case Then we are f*cked
johnny depp
Well er...........em.......the facility is damaged by the assault
horse teeth chick from iron man3
yea you mean the facility that is about ten stories underground?
johnny depp
can't you see I'm trying to be in a dilemma right now
narrator
in a surprising/lame turn of events johnny chooses paul
paul bettany
OMG johnny hated his wife so much that he chose a dude who wants him dead over her this means he was totally.............
johnny depp
tada! I was totally human the whole time see?
horse teeth chick from iron man3
and you are just telling us now? Erk(dies)
paul bettany
Wow so the real johnny was actually a fan of iron man 3 and universal soldier yuk! That's sick
johnny depp
What? Lame movies have fans too (dies)
narrator
and all over the world there's a total shut down of technology just like the end of terminator 3
cillian murphy[\b]
oops!
[b]morgan freeman
Told you
narrator
its time for chris nolan to make one of his bullsh*t speech on the movies real life reference
chris nolan
Er yea for reference well its a totally lame movie so I shall be putting all blame on the director just like I did in man of steel
warner greedy executives
told you they've seen through your bullsh*t this is the last time I shall be producing one of your bullsh*ts
chris nolan
What about my hybrid project
warner greedy executives
Hybrid project
chris nolan
I call it interstellar its a hybrid of armageddon and gravity so what you say?
warner greedy executives
Well we are greedy and st*pid so you are on
End

wait o are you joking? Did johnie depp really die at the end of the movie because honestly I was too bored to finish the movie, if he did then the movie is very meaningless didn't they design the computer to keep him alive?