Hey Nairalanders,

This thread is for one liner jokes not ones that will fill up the page o, just short and funny ones.

Let the games begin!

okay i start

why did the taxi driver give up his job?

because people kept talking behind his back

lights..camera..action!

Mr. Parker saw his son’s shiner and demanded,

“Jimmy, who gave you that black eye?”


“No one,” replied the spunky child. “I had to fight for it.”

what do ducks do on television?

duckumentaries

“This little computer,” said the a sales clerk, “will do half your job for you.”

The senior manager studying the machine made his decision; “Fine, I’ take two.”

how do u keep cool at a football match

stay by a fan

I have three... drum roll!


1. "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."

2.For Sale: "Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."

3."Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."

Elvis: ...thank you very much!

what did the five fingers say to the face? Slap

Why did Nike sleep with a bag of sweets under her pillow?

So she could have sweet dreams.

Why did hotangel rub lipstick on her forehead?

She was trying to make up her mind!

angela k..haha

why was angela staring at the carton of orange juice
because it says concentrate

Princess is so old, her birth certificate is in Roman Numerals!

haha.. You guys are hilarious. i didn't see this topic.. I kinda made one like it.. Hope seun deletes it.. cos i seems this is more fun!

Angela was to take a blood test
She asked: is it multiple choice?

I have a friend who's house is so small the front and back door are on the same hinge.

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Teacher: if u think u r stupid stand up!
2minutes later
Teacher: john why did u stand up? do u think u r stupid?
John: No ma'm. just felt sorry 4 ya cuz u da only one standing!!!

Teacher: John why are u late?
John: Because of the sign
Teacher: What sign?
John: The one that reads "school ahead Go Slow"

I have heard the government has put a rover on mars. I wonder if there is any way the government can improve the bus service over here or an escalator at Victoria Tube Station.

he dont ask girls out,becos he's ugly

laugh my friggin lil behind off

he's so dumb, he sits on the TV to watch the settee.

what did the blonde's left leg say to the right leg?
"between you and I,we can make a lot of money"

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name!

"Virginity is like bubble, one prick all gone"

The reason to my existence is because God has a sense of beauty, the reason to your existence is because  . . eerr   . . eeh well God has a sense of humour too

When you were born, you were thrown out of the hospital, because there was asign saying "ANIMALS ARE NOT ALLOWED HERE"

cuteass is so old she was a maid at the last supper!

Mac's so old , that his memory is in black and white

why did sexytitan stop eating ogbono/okra soup?

because each time she does, she draws

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Hot. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes

"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."


"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."


There's one thing good about being poor - its inexpensive.

The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.

Every man/woman should marry - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

Your future depends on your dreams - So go to sleep!

Hard work never killed anybody - But why take the risk!

Work fascinates me - I can look at it for hours!

I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.

Yes. Meow.

When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?

She answers: My husband's cheque book.

johny "dad I want to settle down"
dad "good, so who's on your mind"
johny " your mother"
dad "(suprised) do want to marry your grandmother?"
johny " why not, afterall you married my mother"