There is no reason to join him over there. You need that money more than what the marriage can bring to you and the child.

High Chief Awakulowo, the odenjimjim (I) of iboland would have done this:

I would have married another woman over there or get two ore three mistresses in case Konji sets in.
I can't keep a woman thousands of mile away while there are 1001 marriageable or datable women around.

If am in your shoes, i did quit my job because I trust that whatever he earns is as good as mine. If his pay can cater for the family while you seek for another job, please do the needful. Long distance marriage nah rubbish....

Yields:

If she is so adamant about not leaving, then perhaps loneliness might not be a huge issue for her. Should it be, she can also have an affair with another man in Nigeria, so both of them have that option of being deceitful to each other, while calling each other husband and wife. Keep in mind that she has her baby with her, he doesn`t. Her family is also there in Nigeria, so she has more loved ones close-by, he doesn`t.

you were talking about husband getting himself another woman and I wanted you to understand that she can also do the same when s.ex urge comes knocking..or do you think women are not capable of same?..

As for her familly being around her..naaaa!..familly attention is different from the opposite s.ex's attention..famllly can't do romantic jobs for her naa..

When couples live apart,they are both likey to stray!

Emaprince:
you were talking about husband getting himself another woman a nd I wanted you to understand that she can also do the same when s.ex urge comes knocking..or do you think women are not capable of same?..

As for her familly being around her..naaaa!..familly attention is different from the opposite s.ex's attention..famllly can't do romantic jobs for her naa..

When couples live apart,they are both likey to stray!

Did you somehow skip over me saying, `Should it be, she can also have an affair with another man in Nigeria, so both of them have that option of being deceitful to each other, while calling each other husband and wife?`. I mentioned her child and family being close-by to allude to her not feeling as lonely as he likely does - since their child is with her and her family`s around too, not because I was talking about opposite sex attention at that instant. Of course, women are capable of cheating just like men and I relayed to this in my previous response as well.

Hmmmm. Sister you cant eat your cake and have it. The distance of your relationship is too far. Not even occasionally visit can take care of this. You have to make plans on how to move to be with your hubby or he comes back to Naija if possible.

The damage that staying apart for a long period of time will cause, a million pounds job will not solve.

So, calm down, reason with your husband and both of you should come to a conclusion.

Pls dont persuade him to allow you stay back in Nigeria.

DukeNija:
I swear when God created marriage he never envisaged this kind of crap happening today. He made marriage for companionship after seeing Adam was lonely in Eden and needed someone by his side, not some hustler who puts herself first before her family. I'm out!

Marriage has been bastardized, brother..

Feminism, power, equality, lust & selfishness have taken over!

My advice to OP is dt go and stay with your husband. This long distance marriage no good o. Eni to lori o ni fila(the person wey get head no get cap and vice versa)I wish my papers work out right dis minute so I go meet my husband.I won't waste my time o cos am not even looking for job for now again cos I just want to go be with my hubby. Job will come nd go and wat if u re sacked all of a sudden because as things are going smoothly at ur new job, wat if things change, all those people at work just turn against u. Hmnn,my dear sister,pls, think very well, ur husband needs u now nd ur baby needs his dad.
My marriage is just 1yr,2mnths nd av only spent 7months wt my hubby. Due to paper issues nd d country na one funny King ruled country, dy do watever dy like.am believing God dt things wil work out fast cos I miss my husband. So my dear sister,please think very well. Its always hard to make decision in dis kind situation but ur family is very importaant.this is d early stage to build ur home on a strong foundation. I believe u will get a fantastic job wen u get dia.God is ever faithful nd I pray He will perfect everytin and guide u thru.

Sorry for d epistle everyone.

Chinwe Chinwe Chinwe
So you mean you want to abandon your job for a mere man?
Husbands come and go buy your Job and boss stays forever
Promotions are forever
Infact take ur son to your parents so you can have full time for your job
Your years in med schools she never be wasted,
If you need se x,it's very cheap.it can be gotten anywhere
I repeat never ever leave your job for a mere Man

kandiikane:


Rubbish!

Ok. Wise wan.

Dear Chinwe, i imagine how confuse you are so i say by prayer n supplication with thanks go to thesame God that answered you after 3 years for peace and help...your hubby you described seem like a good man however you know him better to make sacrifices where needed and deserved. I know it seems 'unafrican' but from now till your next visit submit it all to God to help you make him accept to look beyound ego and accept to be transfered back to nigeria when you plead with him to see how much you wanted and waited for the job not forgetting the prospects (Nigeria men have lovingly did so for their wives). Unless your man is not worth it, i want you to do away with the mindset of you cant quit for marriage (i know thats not want you mean but it sounds so) cos you may find it difficult to make necessary future sacrifices even when your DH has compromised due to this 'almight job'. The truth is as much as you want to secure the future, you cant really unless God does (why i say go to him again as his gift adds no sorrow). Have you thought of the possibility of the promotions or future not happening as expected? If your hubby insists on not coming then join him and forget about the job/successor that is less important than him as the gap is gradually widening, dont wake to see he doesnt care anymore yet you cant really blame him. I believe God will help you keep your marriage and job. I hope he accepts to come back for love sake.

If your husband makes enough to take care of the family then i suggest you join him. This is no longer about what you want to accomplish as an individual. When you have a husband and children, your family has to become your priority.

All this my career, my promotion can cost you your marriage. Long distance relationships can only work for a little way, you start growing distant and next thing you will be signing divorce papers.

You can always start something when you join your husband. Unless u feel like having a career is far much important than your family then you might as well stick to your job and concerntrate on your promotion.

I have witnessed women lose their families because they decided to put their career left. One day it will be th only thing you have left. Working 16hrs days because she has nothing else to go home to.

I'm surprised to see that most people are encouraging you to choose your job over your marriage - and yes, at the end of the day, as difficult as it is, this boils down to a choice between your job and your marriage/family. There is no such thing as a long-distance marriage. If you choose the marriage, one of you will have to move - either he moves back, or you move to join him. I'm not sure what your faith is but if you take a moment to look at this with eternity in mind, you will find it easier to invest in things of eternal value.

Mondisweets:
This is no longer about what you want to accomplish as an individual. When you have a husband and children, your family has to become your priority.
All this my career, my promotion can cost you your marriage. Long distance relationships can only work for a little way, you start growing distant and next thing you will be signing divorce papers.
You can always start something when you join your husband.

Voila/gbam

chinwe11:
Dear Nairalanders,

please advise me because i am getting so confused now its crazy. I have been married for less than 3 years, i also have a 19 month old baby. My husband works in one of the good companies in Nigeria, and was recently trasnferred outside nigeria to one of the European countries. About a week to when i was to join him, i got a job offer. It was an offer i had been waiting and praying to get for about 3 years. We were overjoyed as this was just a great opportunity for me career wise and salary wise. The plan was to take the job for the first three months and then move to join him.
so i started the job. Its an awesome job. My boss is the best. After the first month, my probation appraisal is done, my boss tells me everyone is happy with my job and they are already indicating i should get promoted in the next one year instead of 3. This would mean double salary and double experience.

The problem:
My parents, my husband and all feel i am getting distracted, and have advised that i resign and come over. I have already looked and there is no chance of being transferred to the country he works in as we do not have an office there. I have begged him to allow me stay one or two years here and then join him later, but he feels that our marriage is too young to undergo such stress. I have suggested visiting every two months from each of us, and then spending leaves together etc, which he kinda accepted but reluctantly.

Its been eight months i have been working in Lagos, This morning i got an email from the Headquarters about the nomination for an early promotion. I am supposed to submit my CV and then they get the process started. I have told my husband and he said he doesnt think its a good idea. But to me the idea of resigning a good job to go and sit down somewhere and start job hunting again is not an option biko.

Salary wise, we make almost the same amount now, and one persons salary of course we can both live on, but maybe not as comfortable as we would wish.


Please i need advice, has any one done a long distance marriage? is it that risky? What are tips and advice you can give to help so that i can keep my marriage and also keep my job? I cant resign. I prayed for 3 years to get this position. I cant resign. Please i dont want to leave my job and go and sit down somewhere job hunting and starting from scratch. He cant come back to naija unless he accepts a pay cut and a demotion as his transfer came with a promotion. My company is multinational but very hard to get into. Everyday we recieve unsolicited applications for people just applying for my position incase its vacant. I can get another job if i join him defintely as i am a doctor, but its going to take time as i need to register with thier board and of course do some exams (nothing less than six months to one year) and pay will be less than one third of what i make now and a lower lower lower position for me

Looks to me that you have already made up your mind about what to do and are already doing it and perhaps came here to get affirmations from people that your decision is right.What you forget however is that these people are mostly unmarried.
your own parents and the man you claim to love plus others tell you this is wrong and here you are seeing validation from strangers
You have been married 3 years and living apart 8 months without your husband's consent eh kwa
Let me tell you the bitter truth nne
First of all by definition,you have abandoned your marriage ,now for a total of 8 months and your husband is legally ,morally and biblically allowed to marry a wife to replace you if he so wishes.
No wonder divorce rates are through the roof,the real definition of marriage is lost on you and those who agree with you

When you marry,it ceases to be about you as an individual but you as a plural entity
Did you say there is a child involved? poor child.
somehow your better judgement tells you this child is better off being raised by a single mother away from his father because you prefer to turn the daddy role into a visiting role because you are a doctor ?
Dokinta my foot!
What could be more important than a child being raised under the same roof by his mom and dad and bonding with them.
I don't know who you are listening to
If your own parents and your husband ,the three people on earth that should mean the world to you ,are unable to convince you to do the right thing then,I hope you can live with your decision and the consequences thereof.

There are sacrifices to be made in marriage and you ought to count that cost before getting in.You don't get in then redefine the rules to suit you with total disregard to your marital partner or the well being and nurture of his child.
Please don't come back here crying that the man has stopped answering your calls and refused to come back home
He won't plead with you for too long,pretty soon,when he tires,he will find someone else to keep him company
Winter is approaching

If that husband of yours were my younger brother,I would advice him to appeal to you further and if you insist,I will encourage him to come back home or look around and find him another wife after all this is just a 3 year marriage of which he has only been a part of for 2.The family is not even used to you yet.
I can only imagine how furious your mother in law and the family must be with this foolishness of yours.

My heart goes out to this husband
If this how this marriage is for him first three years in,only God knows what he will face in years to come

Read this thread,it may help you. https://www.nairaland.com/1550867/making-love-raising-family

Dear, your husband sounds like a good man. I am all for women having a job, business, livelihood. If your husband wants you there, move to where he is and find ways to establish yourself. I know it seems like you are making all the sacrifices but trust me in marriage, the sacrifice "wind" blows back and forth. Think about the pros and cons of staying in Nigeria and what these pros and cons will do to your marriage. Weigh them out and go from there. I am not leaning towards going to him because he might stray, I am leaning towards it because long distance marriages should only happen when absolutely necessary.

Best comment on this topic so far in my opinion. God bless you babyosisi, I just hope OP reasons along these lines else she's lost it. Most people she's seeking validation from here can't even keep a relationship smh.

babyosisi:


Looks to me that you have already made up your mind about what to do and are already doing it and perhaps came here to get affirmations from people that your decision is right.What you forget however is that these people are mostly unmarried.
your own parents and the man you claim to love plus others tell you this is wrong and here you are seeing validation from strangers
You have been married 3 years and living apart 8 months without your husband's consent eh kwa
Let me tell you the bitter truth nne
First of all by definition,you have abandoned your marriage ,now for a total of 8 months and your husband is legally ,morally and biblically allowed to marry a wife to replace you if he so wishes.
No wonder divorce rates are through the roof,the real definition of marriage is lost on you and those who agree with you

When you marry,it ceases to be about you as an individual but you as a plural entity
Did you say there is a child involved? poor child.
somehow your better judgement tells you this child is better off being raised by a single mother away from his father because you prefer to turn the daddy role into a visiting role because you are a doctor ?
Dokinta my foot!
What could be more important than a child being raised under the same roof by his mom and dad and bonding with them.
I don't know who you are listening to
If your own parents and your husband ,the three people on earth that should mean the world to you ,are unable to convince you to do the right thing then,I hope you can live with your decision and the consequences thereof.

There are sacrifices to be made in marriage and you ought to count that cost before getting in.You don't get in then redefine the rules to suit you with total disregard to your marital partner or the well being and nurture of his child.
Please don't come back here crying that the man has stopped answering your calls and refused to come back home
He won't plead with you for too long,pretty soon,when he tires,he will find someone else to keep him company
Winter is approaching

If that husband of yours were my younger brother,I would advice him to appeal to you further and if you insist,I will encourage him to come back home or look around and find him another wife after all this is just a 3 year marriage of which he has only been a part of for 2.The family is not even used to you yet.
I can only imagine how furious your mother in law and the family must be with this foolishness of yours.

[size=16pt]My heart goes out to this husband
If this how this marriage is for him first three years in,only God knows what he will face in years to come
[/size]
Read this thread,it may help you. https://www.nairaland.com/1550867/making-love-raising-family