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Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter - Jobs/Vacancies - Nairaland

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Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 5:48pm On Nov 10, 2014
#23 Independent Layout,
Enugu,Enugu State.
Uche@gmail.com
Cell: (+234)809631084


November 7th, 2014.

Contact name: Human Resource Manager,
Contact job title: Front Desk Officer,
Company name: Digital world Ltd,

Dear Recruiting Officer,

If your company is looking for a resilient and confident Front Desk Officer, I would appreciate the opportunity to apply my skills in your highly esteemed establishment. I have mentioned my objectives and drive in my accompanying resume and I know I can add value to your company if given the opportunity.

My expertise include excellent interpersonal skills,good communication skills(written and verbal) and a fast learner. In addition, I have previously proven my ability to work safely and efficiently by completing my task in time and with no record of accident during my industrial training programme with Korama Clover Industry Limited. I intend for the future to continue applying the safety standards I have learnt to achieve greater results.

Considering my core values which are courage, accountability, networking, drive and onenesss, I strongly believe that I have the potentials to succeed in your company. If the company is searching for a reliable, results targeted individual, someone who analyses problems well, self-motivated, flexible, a goal-getter, makes decision in real time and creates workable solution to problems and above all, someone with the enthusiasm and drive needed in the field, I would be interested in joining your team and contributing to the growth of your company. I can be always reached at the above telephone numbers and looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Orji Kalu
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by stepo707: 6:16pm On Nov 10, 2014
nice
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 6:18pm On Nov 10, 2014
Plz criticise it
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by Crownofwealth(m): 6:26pm On Nov 10, 2014
nice one bt too lengthy.
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by adewaletb2(m): 6:31pm On Nov 10, 2014
I swear to fire it makes brain but its just a little bit long.
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by ernie4life(m): 6:45pm On Nov 10, 2014
Nice cover letter but you could have done better,
First I think it's too lengthy, a recruiter who has over 300 applications to review won't have time to read all that.

Your first paragraph is not catchy enough to encourage the reader to continue reading, that means if I was the recruiter after the first two sentences I will move to the next application.

You need to relate you skills directly to what the position entails fr example you could say "  apart from my record as a professional marketer which speaks for its self, I am a sociable person who has the natural ability of talking to and building relationship with all kinds of people ".....
.....


I test my case

1 Like

Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by mxchly(m): 6:48pm On Nov 10, 2014
dude the safety experience during your IT that you mentioned isn't necessary.

please review all these and make them at most 5 lines.

"Considering my core values which are courage, accountability, networking, drive and onenesss, I strongly believe that I have the potentials to succeed in your company. If the company is searching for a reliable, results targeted individual, someone who analyses problems well, self-motivated, flexible, a goal-getter, makes decision in real time and creates workable solution to problems and above all, someone with the enthusiasm and drive needed in the field, I would be interested in joining your team and contributing to the growth of your company. I can be always reached at the above telephone numbers and looking forward to hearing from you."

considering my core values, some of which are....
*result targeted...no! please use something else
*goal-getter...abeg remove or use something else it's no a rap song.

generally, try to sound more confident. Not as if you are begging for the job.

2 Likes

Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 6:58pm On Nov 10, 2014
Thanks a million
mxchly:
dude the safety experience during your IT that you mentioned isn't necessary.

please review all these and make them at most 5 lines.

"Considering my core values which are courage, accountability, networking, drive and onenesss, I strongly believe that I have the potentials to succeed in your company. If the company is searching for a reliable, results targeted individual, someone who analyses problems well, self-motivated, flexible, a goal-getter, makes decision in real time and creates workable solution to problems and above all, someone with the enthusiasm and drive needed in the field, I would be interested in joining your team and contributing to the growth of your company. I can be always reached at the above telephone numbers and looking forward to hearing from you."

considering my core values, some of which are....
*result targeted...no! please use something else
*goal-getter...abeg remove or use something else it's no a rap song.

generally, try to sound more confident. Not as if you are begging for the job.
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 7:03pm On Nov 10, 2014
Some1 shld plz look at that adress the second time. That address is my main concern. As for the volume I will take care of it. Grammatically error shld be corrected too. Plz I need this tomorrow.

1 Like

Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by victor101(m): 7:10pm On Nov 10, 2014
kayce911:

#23 Independent Layout,
Enugu,Enugu State.
Uche@gmail.com
Cell: (+234)809631084


November 7th, 2014.

Contact name: Human Resource Manager,
Contact job title: Front Desk Officer,
Company name: Digital world Ltd,

Dear Recruiting Officer,

If your company is looking for a resilient and confident Front Desk Officer, I would appreciate the opportunity to apply my skills in your highly esteemed establishment. I have mentioned my objectives and drive in my accompanying resume and I know I can add value to your company if given the opportunity.

My expertise include excellent interpersonal skills,good communication skills(written and verbal) and a fast learner. In addition, I have previously proven my ability to work safely and efficiently by completing my task in time and with no record of accident during my industrial training programme with Korama Clover Industry Limited. I intend for the future to continue applying the safety standards I have learnt to achieve greater results.

Considering my core values which are courage, accountability, networking, drive and onenesss, I strongly believe that I have the potentials to succeed in your company. If the company is searching for a reliable, results targeted individual, someone who analyses problems well, self-motivated, flexible, a goal-getter, makes decision in real time and creates workable solution to problems and above all, someone with the enthusiasm and drive needed in the field, I would be interested in joining your team and contributing to the growth of your company. I can be always reached at the above telephone numbers and looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Orji Kalu



I can be always reached at
the above telephone numbers(no need, please delete) and
looking forward to hearing from you. ( Use this instead "I Look forward to attending an interview with you soonest".). the use of "I" is too frequent. Aptness makes a striking coverletter.
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 7:14pm On Nov 10, 2014
Thanks
victor101:

I can be always reached at
the above telephone numbers(no need, please delete) and
looking forward to hearing from you. ( Use this instead "I Look forward to attending an interview with you soonest".). the use of "I" is too frequent. Aptness makes a striking coverletter.

Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by victor101(m): 7:23pm On Nov 10, 2014
kayce911:
Some1 shld plz look at that adress the second time. That address is my main concern. As for the volume I will take care of it. Grammatically error shld be corrected too. Plz I need this tomorrow.

Take note of the address now:

No 23, Independent Layout,(I changed # to 'No' )
Enugu,Enugu State.
Cell: (+234)809631084
uche@gmail.com. ( I changed 'Uche' to small letter for the capital letter you used)
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by Beetroot: 7:27pm On Nov 10, 2014
Shouldn't it be independence layout, not "independent".
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 7:31pm On Nov 10, 2014
Forget the spelling,na fake address.All I want is the arrangement
Beetroot:
Shouldn't it be independence layout, not "independent".
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by agabaI23(m): 8:05pm On Nov 10, 2014
Kaycee911 are you there?
Come in lets chat a bit.

1. Was the position advertised or is this an unsolicited application?
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by macklef(m): 8:26pm On Nov 10, 2014
ernie4life:
Nice cover letter but you could have done better,
First I think it's too lengthy, a recruiter who has over 300 applications to review won't have time to read all that.

Your first paragraph is not catchy enough to encourage the reader to continue reading, that means if I was the recruiter after the first two sentences I will move to the next application.

You need to relate you skills directly to what the position entails fr example you could say "  apart from my record as a professional marketer which speaks for its self, I am a sociable person who has the natural ability of talking to and building relationship with all kinds of people ".....
.....


I test my case


I agree!!!!!! It seemed to stern to me, start intresting not intimidating.

Like ''i wish to formally apply for the post of sososo as advertised in one of .... .......

They always like to know how you got to know about their vacancy, so u use that to calm them down that ur not a witchcraft applicant.
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by Acegoals: 9:02pm On Nov 10, 2014
kayce911:

If your company is looking for a resilient and confident Front Desk Officer, I would appreciate the opportunity to apply my skills in your highly esteemed establishment. I have mentioned my objectives and drive in my accompanying resume and I know I can add value to your company if given the opportunity.

Please the bolded is not necessary. They are sure looking for one, if not you would not be applying. This is not a generic cover letter it is specific

First rule in writing cover letter: I want to know how you got to know about the vacancy

Second Rule: Let all I read make me want to take a look at your CV (even if it is lengthy)

Third Rule: Keep it short! Though you may have a lengthy Cover Letter which will make me take a look at your CV, I may not have the patience to read the second paragraph and the third and the fourth...

In my years of CV screening and scrutiny of Cover Letters for our clients (where I work) I have come across several letters. One thing job seekers should always pray for is that their applications and letters should meet the recruiter in a good and joyful mood not a tired, dizzy and annoyed mood. Commit it to God and all (even with all the DOs and DON'Ts) will be well once God is involved (but you must do your part)


You could go this way (such could wake me from tiredness having read over 100 such application)

In response to your job placement on [..............] I am glad to present myself for an opportunity to apply and put to use my skills in your establishment. I possess an innovative mind capable of initiating a process for organizational results and surmounting challenges as related to [job position]

End it with a very few more lines... You could put it as creatively as possible but choose you words right and make it sharp.

Good luck.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 9:35pm On Nov 10, 2014
U ve said it all
Acegoals:


Please the bolded is not necessary. They are sure looking for one, if not you would not be applying. This is not a generic cover letter it is specific

First rule in writing cover letter: I want to know how you got to know about the vacancy

Second Rule: Let all I read make me want to take a look at your CV (even if it is lengthy)

Third Rule: Keep it short! Though you may have a lengthy Cover Letter which will make me take a look at your CV, I may not have the patience to read the second paragraph and the third and the fourth...

In my years of CV screening and scrutiny of Cover Letters for our clients (where I work) I have come across several letters. One thing job seekers should always pray for is that their applications and letters should meet the recruiter in a good and joyful mood not a tired, dizzy and annoyed mood. Commit it to God and all (even with all the DOs and DON'Ts) will be well once God is involved (but you must do your part)


You could go this way (such could wake me from tiredness having read over 100 such application)

In response to your job placement on [..............] I am glad to present myself for an opportunity to apply and put to use my skills in your establishment. I possess an innovative mind capable of initiating a process for organizational results and surmounting challenges as related to [job position]

End it with a very few more lines... You could put it as creatively as possible but choose you words right and make it sharp.

Good luck.
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by Nobody: 10:15pm On Nov 10, 2014
Acegoals:


Please the bolded is not necessary. They are sure looking for one, if not you would not be applying. This is not a generic cover letter it is specific

First rule in writing cover letter: I want to know how you got to know about the vacancy

Second Rule: Let all I read make me want to take a look at your CV (even if it is lengthy)

Third Rule: Keep it short! Though you may have a lengthy Cover Letter which will make me take a look at your CV, I may not have the patience to read the second paragraph and the third and the fourth...

In my years of CV screening and scrutiny of Cover Letters for our clients (where I work) I have come across several letters. One thing job seekers should always pray for is that their applications and letters should meet the recruiter in a good and joyful mood not a tired, dizzy and annoyed mood. Commit it to God and all (even with all the DOs and DON'Ts) will be well once God is involved (but you must do your part)


You could go this way (such could wake me from tiredness having read over 100 such application)

In response to your job placement on [..............] I am glad to present myself for an opportunity to apply and put to use my skills in your establishment. I possess an innovative mind capable of initiating a process for organizational results and surmounting challenges as related to [job position]

End it with a very few more lines... You could put it as creatively as possible but choose you words right and make it sharp.

Good luck.

sir, what about this pls?

To the HR manager
Dear sir/ma
I wish to formally apply for the post of a cashier officer as advertised in one of the leading newspapers in the country.(....)
I kedike by name, a native of Anambra state and an Ordinary National Diploma(O.N.D) graduate of  Anambra state polytechnic.
As an accounting graduate(O.N.D), it is part of our core duties to keep track of financial activities in an organization. The role of a cashier officer is among these core duties because it involves proper handling and record of cash inflow and outflow. Also involves the meticulous and conscientious use of source documents.
I have functioned in this capacity and am quite in tuned with the job requirements(though, organizations may differ in their approach to certain job duties).
I would be delighted if my application is granted and as thus i get a notification to present myself for further screening.
Yours sincerely
kedike
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by legendsilver(m): 11:28pm On Nov 10, 2014
Thanks for all the information you guys have deposited here. It has really help many of us who finds it difficult to convince potential employers that sees our CV and cover letter as below average.

Please I have a question.
All through my undergraduate days, I had never for once been taught how to construct a CV and to write a cover letter. I believe its the same in most Nigerian universities and their counterparts abroad, since I haven't got a chance to travel overseas.
Is it the duty of every undergraduate to acquire this knowledge outside the school's curriculum?
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by chyna4luv: 12:51am On Nov 11, 2014
kayce911:
U ve said it all

agabaI23:
Kaycee911 are you there?
Come in lets chat a bit.

1. Was the position advertised or is this an unsolicited application?
Hello kaycee, I'm quoting Abagal's post to make my contribution BECAUSE his post sounds more meaningful to me. Had it been you had responded to his post, I am very sure he would have given you the right counselling to your request.

My observations regarding your cover letter are thus;
-It sounds like you are submitting an unsolicited application for the role of a front desk and WON'T earn you an interview invite because it shows you're not confident about the role you're actually applying for.
-Make your CL straight to the point, DON'T talk about how you knew about the vacancy.
-The CL is not too lengthy. It's okay BUT the paragraphs are talking about the samething. Each paragraph SHOULD have a subject matter.

my phone can't type much.Please Continue reading from the next page.
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by chyna4luv: 1:16am On Nov 11, 2014
--Your salutation doesn't show that you respect your reader. e.g Dear Sir, or Dear Ma,
---Make your cover letter attract your reader to call you for an interview by using a good closing remarks which most of our friends here have disclosed to you here.
--Let your reader know that you attached your CV.

--Above All, ensure that your cover letter talks about the required skills and experiences that matches the job role you are applying for. This should be the watchword.

Thanks for enabling me to contribute.
Thumb up ABAGAL.
#OneLove
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 3:27am On Nov 11, 2014
Do u mean I shld use "Dear sir,instead of dear recruiting officer"
chyna4luv:
--Your salutation doesn't show that you respect your reader. e.g Dear Sir, or Dear Ma,
---Make your cover letter attract your reader to call you for an interview by using a good closing remarks which most of our friends here have disclosed to you here.
--Let your reader know that you attached your CV.

--Above All, ensure that your cover letter talks about the required skills and experiences that matches the job role you are applying for. This should be the watchword.

Thanks for enabling me to contribute.
Thumb up ABAGAL.
#OneLove

Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 3:34am On Nov 11, 2014
Plz criticise my method of introducing the receivers address,the salutation and besides the job was not advertised is a direct link up but still need to follow due process, so how do I put this................in response to the placement on.............
Acegoals:


Please the bolded is not necessary. They are sure looking for one, if not you would not be applying. This is not a generic cover letter it is specific

First rule in writing cover letter: I want to know how you got to know about the vacancy

Second Rule: Let all I read make me want to take a look at your CV (even if it is lengthy)

Third Rule: Keep it short! Though you may have a lengthy Cover Letter which will make me take a look at your CV, I may not have the patience to read the second paragraph and the third and the fourth...

In my years of CV screening and scrutiny of Cover Letters for our clients (where I work) I have come across several letters. One thing job seekers should always pray for is that their applications and letters should meet the recruiter in a good and joyful mood not a tired, dizzy and annoyed mood. Commit it to God and all (even with all the DOs and DON'Ts) will be well once God is involved (but you must do your part)


You could go this way (such could wake me from tiredness having read over 100 such application)

In response to your job placement on [..............] I am glad to present myself for an opportunity to apply and put to use my skills in your establishment. I possess an innovative mind capable of initiating a process for organizational results and surmounting challenges as related to [job position]

End it with a very few more lines... You could put it as creatively as possible but choose you words right and make it sharp.

Good luck.
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 3:36am On Nov 11, 2014
Plz what's ur take on the receivers intro ?
chyna4luv:
--Your salutation doesn't show that you respect your reader. e.g Dear Sir, or Dear Ma,
---Make your cover letter attract your reader to call you for an interview by using a good closing remarks which most of our friends here have disclosed to you here.
--Let your reader know that you attached your CV.

--Above All, ensure that your cover letter talks about the required skills and experiences that matches the job role you are applying for. This should be the watchword.

Thanks for enabling me to contribute.
Thumb up ABAGAL.
#OneLove

Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 3:39am On Nov 11, 2014
Unadvertised but exist
agabaI23:
Kaycee911 are you there?
Come in lets chat a bit.

1. Was the position advertised or is this an unsolicited application?
Re: Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter by kayce911(f): 3:42am On Nov 11, 2014
Solcited but unadvertised
chyna4luv:



Hello kaycee, I'm quoting Abagal's post to make my contribution BECAUSE his post sounds more meaningful to me. Had it been you had responded to his post, I am very sure he would have given you the right counselling to your request.

My observations regarding your cover letter are thus;
-It sounds like you are submitting an unsolicited application for the role of a front desk and WON'T earn you an interview invite because it shows you're not confident about the role you're actually applying for.
-Make your CL straight to the point, DON'T talk about how you knew about the vacancy.
-The CL is not too lengthy. It's okay BUT the paragraphs are talking about the samething. Each paragraph SHOULD have a subject matter.

my phone can't type much.Please Continue reading from the next page.

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