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Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? - Romance (5) - Nairaland

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Getting Married: How Important Is Parental Consent? / Would You Marry The Guy/lady Without Parental Consent? / White Wedding: Is It Really Necessary?? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by usmanspihn(m): 11:09am On Nov 28, 2014
What the elders see while sitting down, even if you climb unilorin senate building you won't see it. I mostly have sceptical mind about the above adage because even the parents are only limited to what they have seen or heard and they sometimes make hasty generalisation. In this case??

Me oh as the first child and son, I have been giving some dos and don'ts about my marriage since my teenage years but I said it in my mind that I give them only two tries. If I bring two different ladies home and they tell me something, I no go marry. E sure say na them go beg me last last coz my next sibling is like 10 years behind
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by omoalaro: 11:13am On Nov 28, 2014
From the muslim point of view:

There are four absolutely obligatory conditions for a marriage or ‘nikaah’ to be deemed lawful in the Sight of Shariah and of Allah Subhanah:
Proposal by one party and acceptance by the other.
The determination of ‘mehr’ for the bride.
The availability of at least two witnesses to the marriage contract.
The consent of the parents/guardians (wali) of the bride.



If even one of the above four obligatory conditions of a ‘nikaah’ are not honored, the marriage will not be deemed lawful, null and void in the Sight of Shariah Law and of Allah Subhanah.



Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2078 Narrated by Aisha, Ummul Mu`minin

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: 'The marriage of a woman who marries without the consent of her guardians (wali) is void.' (He (saws) said these words three times.)



Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3137 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A woman may not give a woman in marriage, nor may she give herself in marriage, for the immoral woman is the one who gives herself in marriage."



It is unlawful in Shariah Law for a woman to give herself in marriage, or to marry someone without the prior consent of her ‘wali’ (parents, guardians, etc.).



If the parents/wali/guardians of the bride are believers, and if a woman marries someone without the prior consent of her ‘wali’, or if any of the above listed four absolutely obligatory conditions on a ‘nikaah’ are violated….that marriage contract will be deemed null and void in the Sight of Allah Subhanah and in the Sight of Shariah Law.

http://www.islamhelpline.net/node/7611

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 11:19am On Nov 28, 2014
Zanxx:



i agree with you sis. my cousin's parents expressed their reservations towards her fiance and pleaded with her not to marry him. she got furious and gave her parents the silent treatment for weeks. the parents gave their consent and the traditional and white wedding were a complete disaster. three days ago she packed out of her marital home and went back to her parents. unknown to my cousin, the guy is a fraud, thief, 419.
EXACTLY.
Parents cant mislead you....their blessings will go a long way.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by arabambi123: 11:35am On Nov 28, 2014
Match-making now the order of the day by parents.does this make sense at all?They reject ur choice and next is to get u someone to marry.What are these reservations about some tribes?does it still exist in this modern days?
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Mekenz(m): 11:58am On Nov 28, 2014
AgapeCharis:
It is necessary though. There's something about parental blessing. Its necessary they gv their blessing and consent. Its so important that its even stated in d Bible.

There r cases where u'r more dan sure dt dx guy x d right one for me n dey seem nt to gv their blessing. Maybe for a selfish reason like u pointed out. In dx case, u'll have a lot work to do. Try to convince dem, pray for God to touch their hearts, be patient. If all of dx doesn't work n u really wna move on, well, u can at ur own risk. But knw dt it'll surely have a negative effect on ur marriage on d long run. My advice is, after d marriage, do everything possible to gt their blessing.

Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 12:04pm On Nov 28, 2014
habiolah:


what happens if the parents, for unreasonable reasons, refuse to give their consent? BIBLICALY, what should one do?

There have been countless cases where parents initially refuse to given their consent, but you must remember there is a God above who can do all things.

I heard the story of this member of family who vehemently insisted that no wedding/engagement will take place between the two while he's alive. What the couple did was to pray him to sleep on the day of the event. And...he did sleep through the whole event!

The truth is if God has a hand in the coming together of the two people, He will always intervene.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by incrediblestev: 12:17pm On Nov 28, 2014
It is very necessary if you want to enjoy your marriage, at the end of the day, marriage is about family. The strongest marriages are the ones that are closely knitted. The fact is that you do not necessarily need to fulfill all the whims and caprices of your parents but make sure you have family support at least, mama and papa are not the only members of the family.

I am going to speak as an Igbo man, I know of relatives who married non-Igbos against one of their parents' wish, they made sure they got the support of the family members especially their brothers and sisters. The disagreeing parent eventually came around after a while and even came to love their children's spouse they initially did not agree for their children to marry.

The point is, don't form one man soldier with your spouse and make them see your family as being irrelevant, na when you begin get children you go know the implication of such a decision or when that marriage starts getting the normal issues associated with marriage. Family is a beautiful thing, I know because they have got my bag. I lost both of my parents while I was still in the University yet my lifestyle or standard of leaving did not change, family members rallied around us and made sure we did not feel the impact of their demise.
festusfeezy:
Those of u saying is very important , yes is very important but d question is, is it necessary? Some parent may disapprove it for their selfish reason . What if u really love her irrespective of what ur parent tinks
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Drdonzeez(m): 12:21pm On Nov 28, 2014
some Nigerians are Racists!!
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Missmossy(f): 12:22pm On Nov 28, 2014
It's not just necessary but of immense importance I must say cool
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Chibokgame: 1:02pm On Nov 28, 2014
jmoore:
I think there should be reasonable discussion between the parents and the man or lady on why they will not support the union.
Parents are not always right.

My brother(Igbo) wanted to marry a lady from Crossriver but they did not approve it. He brought another lady from Crossriver, same story. They told him to look for a wife in the southeast. My Mom tried to get an Igbo lady for him but he said that he doesn't like her.
Finally, he brought another lady from Crossriver. My parents approved their marriage to go on.

Consent is necessary but sometimes it depends on the reason.




And how are they feeling now in the marriage ?
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by omoiseselagba: 1:12pm On Nov 28, 2014
BreezyRita:
I saw this question somewhere and felt like discussing it here.....

Parents of intending couples are expected to give their blessings and consent before their son or daughter could get married.

Even some religious institutions insist on having the parents or representatives of the couples on the day of their wedding to affirm that they've given their consent for the marriage to be consummated.

Parents fall out with their children because if the children's choice of man or woman, where they are from or what they do for a living.
There are thousands of reasons depending on family.

Some children still go ahead with the planned marriage at times without the consent or blessings of their parents. Of course, they're always pressured to go back and ask for forgiveness and blessings from them for the marriage to be successful......

My questions: Do you really need your parents' consent before marriage?? What if they refuse to give it? Should you give in and leave your to-be??
IT IS OK WITH A REASON.A COGENT ONE.ANYTHING SHORT OF THAT,OMO! IT IS MY LIFE.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Adiwana: 1:22pm On Nov 28, 2014
At times its good at times is bad..my uncle wanted his son to marry His tenant (the tenant has lived in his house for around 30yrs) so they were not just tenants but family friends.but my aunt opposed the marriage all in the name that the so called tenant would be an in law..trying to reap where she didn't sow..his brother's(igbo)marriage was frowned at jux b/c he married a Benin girl & so on..even my parents esp my grandma is highly against marrying from another place if not my village all b/c they want to have an in law from my village without considering happiness.. Hate things like this angry
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by incrediblestev: 1:26pm On Nov 28, 2014
The point here is majority wins the vote. As long as she can get the support of other family members, go ahead and marry. What I will not support is somebody going into a marriage everyone in the family does not support, I wont advise anyone to go into such marriage cos definitely it will be a lonely marriage full of a rage for your family that will eventually affect the family you are going to start with enwe man or woman wey carry you run and possibly affect your own relationship with the man's or woman's family cos nobody respects a loner, they can show you love but no respect.
Whobedatte:
Parental consent is highly paramount, but exerting authority like a despot, making selfish reasons why they may not lend their blessings is what I may not agree on.
Perfect example is my younger sis. Why wld my mom not agree on her choice of life partner simply because the guy isn't a member of her denomination? This s a serious issue now because she s being all alone on this as I have joined hands with my sis hence we might go ahead if she fails to support her choice.
I know of a pastor in that church who failed to show up in for hie sons wedding because of that too
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by 100Cents: 1:32pm On Nov 28, 2014
neoapocalypse:


Rubbish , I have been right on many occasions which they didn't approve of and ended up losing out on a lot of things cos I believed this same shit you wrote. Now they know not to interfer or meddle in my affairs and only pray for my success in whatever I do

Same with me.

Nah them keep me single since 2011.

When I take a decision right now, I make it final and they respect that. My choices before now have never been wrong.

I regret giving in to them on that marriage stuff.. I have really suffered for that.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by 100Cents: 1:35pm On Nov 28, 2014
striktlymi:
The decision on who to marry, ultimately, should reside with the couples not the parent(s). Parents role in the marriage process is strictly advisory.


We would do well to take very seriously the advise from our parents on our choice of a life partner but this does not imply that we allow them take the decision for us.

I kept emphasizing this statement..
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by liricyst(m): 1:36pm On Nov 28, 2014
orimion:
neither do I, I've always said that the only place where love exist is between a parent and the child or between siblings

Even siblings kill each other over things like inheritance. You can't be so general about love. Love exists but not in all homes or relationships

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by liricyst(m): 1:48pm On Nov 28, 2014
chisco82:


Parental consent is very important, it begins from the Biblical days. Even when our parents reasons are selfish, we don't have to disobey them, all we need to do is keep on pleading on them and above all comit the issue to God's hand through prayers and God will certainly change their mind. Provided the person in question is ur wife/husband, there is only one bone/rib that will fit to urs.JENESIS 2:21~23.
The Bible say honour ur father and your mother so that your days will be long, They are our caretaker here on earth.

The same scriptures says a man shall leave his parents and cling to his wife. Yet in Africa, parents become very much part of the marriage by wanting to be over-involved in the lives of the couple.
This is Africa....leave scriptures and stick with culture. Culturally, a marriage is a new extension of the same family, so its imperative for parents and spouses to get along and accept one another to keep the family unit that Africans so cherish.
I still believe however that marrying from your town or state or tribe is not a recipe for a good marriage. People point out the numerous number of people who married outside their tribe and have an unhappy marriage, yet conveniently leave out the equally numerous number of people who marry from the same tribe and are unhappy. But mature dialogue with parents is a must before marriage. listen to them and communicate your views respectfully.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by holatin(m): 1:54pm On Nov 28, 2014
yes if you Ve parent and No if you don't have
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 2:27pm On Nov 28, 2014
100Cents:


Same with me.

Nah them keep me single since 2011.

When I take a decision right now, I make it final and they respect that. My choices before now have never been wrong.

I regret giving in to them on that marriage stuff.. I have really suffered for that.

Sorry to hear about that bro , mine is even worse as I let them dictate my career path , my choice of cars and just like you my choice of partner ( asides other things they have vehemently insisted I choose based on their decision ). Today I'm better for it as I have proven numerous times that their decision was detrimental to my development , what I can amend I have amended while what I have to live with I live with. I have grown stronger since then.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by judmanjudman4u: 2:31pm On Nov 28, 2014
MrPresident1:
These is Africa, the land of values and culture, where values are cherished. In African culture, marriage is between families and not between individuals. You must seek parental consent, and it must be given before marriage can be consummated.

What a parent sees bending down, a child may never see even if he climbes the tallest Iroko tree.
Does that mean that all parent are always right. Abeg ur analysis get small problem. U neva see parent wen da greedy. Who are welling to sell out their girl weda she is hapy or not

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by queenprecy(f): 2:36pm On Nov 28, 2014
Parents consent is very important. Don't think a marriage can stand firm without their blessing
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 2:55pm On Nov 28, 2014
liricyst:


The same scriptures says a man shall leave his parents and cling to his wife. Yet in Africa, parents become very much part of the marriage by wanting to be over-involved in the lives of the couple.
This is Africa....leave scriptures and stick with culture. Culturally, a marriage is a new extension of the same family, so its imperative for parents and spouses to get along and accept one another to keep the family unit that Africans so cherish.
I still believe however that marrying from your town or state or tribe is not a recipe for a good marriage. People point out the numerous number of people who married outside their tribe and have an unhappy marriage, yet conveniently leave out the equally numerous number of people who marry from the same tribe and are unhappy. But mature dialogue with parents is a must before marriage. listen to them and communicate your views respectfully.
We are still saying the same thing sir.
But we can never leave the scripture because everything that is happening today starts from the scripture, Abraham commanded the servant to go to his father's house and get wife for his Son isaac that is interference too.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by saffrons(m): 3:04pm On Nov 28, 2014
tofam3k3:
Necessary for a Broke guy

guy i share your sentiments, that is the most brilliant answer. but its true, when your a broke ass, your senseless, you can not make decision of your own, you will be seen as a failure, you will like to seek their consent for their help tomorrow.

but when your doing fine, your advice and suggestions becomes the best, if your not the there, the meeting will not be started. they will surely respect whatever decision you make.

and for those that keeps misappling bible book of eph 6:1-3 children obey your father and you mother, the forget that there is a condition for the obedience which is IN UNION WITH THE LORD, so if there suggestions is out of line with Gods standards, they should not obey. so if your parents ask you to commit abortion, you will gladly do it abi becouse its from your parents eh?

for those that think that parents knows everything good for our welfare, hmmm from experience, they may be wrong, or thier infor may be outdated, or maybe bias, or it may be a story they heard which they never confirmed if it was true. when it comes to the matters of the heart, parents has no right to interfare. days are gone when parents did that, not anymore, unless they will leave with the person the chooses and besides outward appearance can be deceitful, the girl or guy had spent longer time with him or her and therefore should be in the right position to chose whoever she wishes to spend the rest of her life with.

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by djcrooky(m): 3:41pm On Nov 28, 2014
If I wan marry I go marry, if anything goes wrong or right I still bear the ish alone
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 4:39pm On Nov 28, 2014
neoapocalypse:


Rubbish , I have been right on many occasions which they didn't approve of and ended up losing out on a lot of things cos I believed this same shit you wrote. Now they know not to interfer or meddle in my affairs and only pray for my success in whatever I do
I wonder o.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by habiolah(m): 4:48pm On Nov 28, 2014
chisco82:

We are still saying the same thing sir.
But we can never leave the scripture because everything that is happening today starts from the scripture, Abraham commanded the servant to go to his father's house and get wife for his wife isaac that is interference too.

yeah, the stuff with abram is true, but that is in no way a doctrinal example for us. abraham also gave birth to many other children whom he sent away with gifts: does it mean we should do the same? that is just part of the story of abrahm's life and how he handled certain parts of it, that is not doctrinal in any way: your authority on this subject may have to come from somewhere else.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 5:13pm On Nov 28, 2014
Hey! Cc: ishilove , seun , obinoscopy , fynestboi . Y shud i be banned by ur indolent and biased antispam bot it just banned me from posting in education section. Just because am contributing my quota to the sucex of jambites and nairaland at large. Seun do sumtin b4 its late or u ban me from nairaland. This is inhumane and barbaric. Mtcheew!

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by tpia5: 6:06pm On Nov 28, 2014
djcrooky:
If I wan marry I go marry, if anything goes wrong or right I still bear the ish alone


as is your prerogative.

but sometimes (or often), you do not bear the ish alone.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 6:11pm On Nov 28, 2014
Microflux:
Hey! Cc: ishi love , se un , obino scopy , fyne stboi . Y shud i be banned by ur indolent and biased antispam bot it just banned me from posting in education section. Just because am contributing my quota to the sucex of jambites and nairaland at large. Seu n do sumtin b4 its late or u ban me from nairaland. This is inhumane and barbaric. Mtcheew!

just #hushhh it
So, because antispam bot banned you, that's what brought about inhumane/barbaric?
How can a non-living programming be biased?

Learn to state your grievances in a "palatable" manner.
Please mail the mods__ it's a regular occurrence around here.

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 6:11pm On Nov 28, 2014
Funny enough its unmarried peeps dat are answering the question. Since ya'll aint married ur responses can't be ultimately correct regarding parental consent before marriage.
Parents don't want their kids to marry from a particular tribe not cos dey r being biased, but because of traits they've seen of people from that tribe over time... By the way seeking parental consent isn't the first step when getting married, the first consent is that of the holy spirit. Whatever the holy spirit says is final regardless of what your parents may say.

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