The New Year Resolution

Kunmi still felt the pain of the beating
his mother gave him a day
before because he was trying to steal
Mama Agba's( his paternal
grandmother's) money.
So he decided to change his ways
and,therefore, made a new year
resolution of not stealing again.
After the crossover service, he went to
bed and slept till a loud noise
woke him: it was a noise from the gong of
the town crier.
He said nobody must move into the street
after 10pm that day because the
king, and his pregnant wife died
overnight. The Ifa priest had, therefore,
planned to ward off death from the land
by carrying the 'Oro'( a ritual).
Kunmi had heard rumours that the 'Oro'
was always carried by Unclad men,
but that was not his concern at the
moment; food was his concern. He went
to meet his mother for food, after taking
his bath.
' Take the rice in the kitchen', she said.
He was tempted to steal meats from the
other foods (dishes) Mama Agba's neighbour
had brought, but he fought against the
urge and he was happy that he could
control himself.
However, in the evening, he saw a big (piece of)
meat lying beside a bag in the room.
'Someone must have dropped this', he
said as he ate it, later went to bed
with a feigned stomach pain when his
mother started overworking him.
' Yehhh...', he shouted severally from his
sleep at 11.00pm, holding his
stomach. It was paining him.(It hurt)
His mother and Mama Agba ran into the
room.
' Shh... Don't you know the 'Oro' carrier
are passing?' Mama Agba warned.
' My stomach', he cried, wriggling on the
bed.
' Let's take him to the hospital', his
mother said.
' Have you forgotten the priest are
carrying 'Oro''?'
' Ehhh...' His mother lamented.
Mama Agba, whom he and his mother
had gone to visit from Lagos went to her
room to bring 'Aporo'(a native drug that
makes any poisonous thing
ineffective).She gave him some of it, and
he relieved.
' What did you eat?'
He mentioned all he had eaten that day,
including the meat.
' Ah..Kunmi', Mama Agba whispered,' I
had dropped rat poison in it to kill
the rats in this house'.
Hurriedly, she poured more 'Aporo' into
his mouth.
After that day, he learnt how to control
his appetite, and himself.

Narrative/descriptive consistencies:
Good narrative, good description.

Syntax, lexis and structure:
Good use of lexis, solid structure.

Plot, context/concept correctness:
Nice plot, centering around a new year resolution or rather the failure to keep it. the plot would have developed more if the writer had more time i believe.
Grammatical, punctuational errors and typos:
Few.

Score: 60%

The Hunting Festival
By: Silas1475


“Chankyu, I think it would be better to stop discussing and rest a
little, the hunting party won’t get to our village till about 9.00pm”
My mother’s voice flirted(?) out from the kitchen.
“Mom I can wait, sleep can wait till am back” I replied back.

“So tell me Bubor, what kind of animals can be caught in Chu forest?
Are there dangerous animals there?” I blasted my friend with so many
questions.
“Ofcus (of course), there are really wild animals, I once encountered a large
python with yellow fangs, it was really big and frightened everyone
till some old experienced group of herbalists used local charms and
medicines to subdue and finally killed it, everyone were (was) really
scared” Bubor explained, my siblings had already gathered around us
urging him to tell us more. He oblique (obliged) of course, and kept feeding my
tender ears with exciting tales I could not even touch my food because
of the excitement.
Very soon, loud drums flirted(?) into our ears, the hunting squad had
finally gotten to my village, I quickly grabbed my arrows and bows and
rushed out with my friend towards the direction of the sound of the
drumming, they hunting party were gathered in their hundreds as more
boys joined them, more than half of them just reaching the age of
sixteen, that was the official age to partake in the hunting festival
which took place on the last day of the year.

The Chu forest hunting festival took(takes) place on the 31st of December and
runs overnight into the New Year, only young boys from the ages of
sixteen upwards were permitted to partake together with seasoned
hunters and elderly medicine men from all the whole villages in Mada
land, it brought about togetherness and unity between villages. I had
just turned sixteen and could not wait any longer for the hunting
party to dance to the next village which would be the last before the
hunting festival starts.(tense incongruity)

Maybe I might be lucky to experience what Bubor told me about, maybe I
might see more. Maybe I might come back to tell my own tales, I just
could(can) not wait……


Narrative/descriptive consistencies:
Good narrative.

Syntax, lexis and structure:
Fair. Some errors present.

Plot, context/concept correctness:
interesting plot but incomplete. Looking good and then the writer just ends it. Not nice. Or maybe he ran out of words. Incomplete story.


Grammatical, punctuational errors and typos:
Few. a lot of tense incompatibility
Score:65%

RUNNING FROM THE PAST(The story of an Osu) by Pureivory

Lola kept asking for answers I feared giving.(<tense incongruity>) This has been on for years now. We fight about it often but today, it shall end.
I was about recounting certain events of my life, saddest, darkest ones.
"This must stop Emeka. I won't let your heart suffer it alone any longer. Please, tell me why we cannot visit your village."
She stood by my side, I turned away from the window to face her. Her gentle fingers rested on my cheek, only then did I realized(realize) that tears stained my face. I felt pain in my heart, like bricks rested there.
I could see her own pain in her eyes, pains I caused.

"Lola, I'm an Osu, an outcast." She stared at me as if I made no sense. Then, I told her.

I told her how we from Umuode were ostracized by other villages in Enugu state.
I told her how passersby didn't come to my father's aid when he fell off his bicycle and hit his head on a stone. How he bled to death.
Mother's vegetables taken to the market for sales would all spoil because, nobody buys from an Osu. We indeed suffered in penury!

I told her how an inferno burned down our house, claiming the life of my younger brother whose screams a nearby farmer heard but wouldn't help, because my brother was an Osu.
Shunned by the society and her family for marrying an Osu whom she loved and lost, mother died of heartbreak.

I married from Yoruba because, hardly will any Igbo parent allow their child marry an Osu. For all I know, Deacon Okwuka dissolved marriage arrangements between my sister and his son the pastor on grounds that she was an Osu.
These aren't peculiar to my family alone, most Osu families in various parts of Igbo land suffer the same if not worse fates as no Diala (son of the soil) will want anything to do with smelly servants of deities.

Lola was shocked to the marrow but her strength equals none. She smiled sadly at me. "That phase is passed. Your sister is getting married to Ayo this January."
"Not forgetting our bundle of joy." I said, rubbing her baby bump. Lola laughed at that.

Finally at ease, I thought " 2015 will be a good year!"


Narrative/descriptive consistencies:
Fair narrative.

Syntax, lexis and structure:
Poor. Loose flow of tenses.

Plot, context/concept correctness:
good plot but poor concept. the theme of the competition is packaged but not fully delivered.

Grammatical, punctuational errors and typos:
Many.
Score:50%

Finally I am through. Please go to the main thread to view the nominees and final winner.
https://www.nairaland.com/2060343/white-mosquito-flash-fiction-challenge/2#30372530

@simonhabby I love your story. great stuff!

Great stuff Royver. I must commend your painstaking efforts. You deserve to be appreciated.
To all the writers, I must commend again.

That Ruffhandu's story caught my attention.
Everyone did well anyway. I salute all.

Wow!
Well-done everyone!! Spectacular job Royver.. Yuzedo was unable to join us for this edition but he sent his best wishes.

I'm back into civilization...Please watch the main thread for updates..

EverestdeBliu, I must confess, I had always envied your story. My money was on your's. Great storytelling, great stuff, I must say.
Those of us remaining are not here because we are the best, no. It's just some constraints that were in our favour.

So my story was a mini-threat. lol. I'm flattered @Theorbiters.Thanks man,ur story is also an epic, I hope it bleeps u that 'alert'.

Amen ooo,. Amen. Bur I sha have to knock Ruff's story. E be like the story carry weight. 75% ha!

Issoke

Thank you so much, Mr. Royver. I took a screenshot of your review of my piece. So encouraging. I will look at it on cold nights and thank God for journey mercies

Again - White Mosquito - thank you

@divepen; whatever words nairaland censored were taken into consideration.

@ruffhandu; there are many suns in the universe. your sun however, that is, the one you see everyday, is differentiated by a proper noun. so it is usually mentioned 'Sun' in a sentence.

@shoefreak; your story centres more around a nervous bride(nervous for reasons we know not of) on her wedding day. The New year is mentioned in passing.

@eillo, lol. I'm more of a safe writer myself. No complex tenses, no overuse of syntax. Your writeup will be easy to read even if the reader is sleepy-eyed.

@ Royver,
I read you. Thanks a lot.

Hey guyz...itz not yet over!
watch out for me in da next challenge...better dont relax on ya conquest yet cuz i'll surprise y'all.lolz
This competition is very healthy bcuz of u guyz,ma fellow competitor..i hail u guyz!

And to da judges,I thank you all greatly jare.Una too much joor!
whitemosquito
Larrysun
Royver
Repogirl da magician.lol
Who am i forgetting?

Itz ma first and the beginning of ME

Lol.
So...if there are no other clarifications to be made, can we proceed to the final stage of moderations?

Yea, I think we can. This tension is already killing.

Whatever is going on here?

It should be a week already since the last stage flagged off. I wonder if this is still on.
Larrysun, glad to have you back after a long absence. You were duly missed

Lol. Caracta has assured me that she'll be posting as soon as the time's up..
Cheers.

Any room for me here?
What does it take to be a member

So, finally, this is it, the end of this exciting competition. I must say, it has been fun all the way and the tension ripping effects has been amazing. To all the winners and learners, I duff my hat for you and say, it's been awesome challenging you all. Let's hope we have another competition again. Till then, more fluid to your pen.

Congrats to you Simonhabby, you deserve the win.
@Adjain, u are good, congratulations.
To every contestant, right from the start, I salute you. Don't let anything discourage you. You are all too good.

To the judges-Larrysun, Repogirl,Royver and Caracta, your objectivity and criticism, for me, are second to none. More courage.

Finally, to White mosquito, you made this happen. You may not realise what you have done today; time shall tell. I lack words.

Thank you.

I here congratulate everyone, especially those who'll bare their teeth in smile at the screen of their phones when the alerts hit- Simonhabby, Ruffhandu and Adijain. You all did great.
To whitemosquito and team, this is a step in the right direction, keep it up and remain encouraged.

God bless you all

The next challenge, if there will be, will definitely be tougher. I hope we would be alerted.

Hello Whitemoquito,
I sent you a mail, please confirm.

It was an honor winning alongside Ruffhandu and Simonhabby. I wish you guys the best in your future writing endeavors!

I'm already getting prepared for the battle ahead...I learnt alot and from you all,judges and competitors.

WINNERS BEWARE!!!
Itz gona be tough next time
@whitey and da other judges,I'm grateful

Lol. Yes o. You can bet on that. It's gonna be tougher than this.