'We need to talk.'

It was 4:37pm, Sunday evening and not until 6:00pm would I get the chance to know my fate.
It was like I was awaiting a death penalty by firing squad with no option than to accept my fate.

The clouds darkened as the rain threatened to fall. I needed to gather in my clothes I had just washed to avoid it been drenched but that wasn't what I was more worried about.

The call came in around 2:15pm or so and from the unmasked emotions depicted in her voice, I could only think of one thing. 'Damn, it was over.'

Call me balmy or anything but when a lady says, those four dreaded words, 'We need to talk', trust me, there is only one thing that comes to mind, 'The gods must be dancing on your grave.'

I don't know if it is just me or most guys also dread that 'line'.

I remembered vividly the day it happened to one of my friends.
We all in the living room, playing FIFA 14 and the excitement was just so real.
Paul was up by 2 goals and he felt like a king. It was actually the first time the he had this luck of winning this game against me and boy!, he won't allow me to hear the rest of it.

His phone rang, out of excitement he paused the game. I was already feeling agitated and threatening to turn off the game. At least it was mine and I bought it with my hard earned money.

He laughed it off and soon attended to his call.

"Hey baby, how are ya."

He loved saying that. I was still plotting a comeback for the game but my mind soon blanked out when I heard,

"Any problem?"

I looked at him, hoping there was no rift between him and his girlfriend. He so loved her and had once sworn to end his life if she ever leave him. Not that I took him seriously anyway.

After a minute or so he ended the call and looked at us with blank expression. He shook his head and bowed as in shame of defeat.
He came over to the sofa and sunk into it like a sinking stone. I could only wonder what bedevilled his once vibrant mind.

"She gave me the line."

"Holy mother of God. She didn't just do that.", was all I could say as I rallied around about him. His eyes began to form a well of tears and I almost broke down with laughter.

Not that I liked what was happening but seeing him cry reminded me of when we were both slapped by a soldier, you know that kind of confused cry.

I agreed to follow him to see his girlfriend and beg if need be.

She was playing with the little children as they formed a circle in the garden and soon ran for joy as she attempted to grab any of them.

I was wondering what would make this happy lady break up with my friend.

So we went on to meet her.

Sighting us from a distance, she ran towards us. I thought she was going to punch him in the face or something so I attempted to shield Paul with my body. Yea, too much of smallville was going to get me in trouble someday.

Before I could get to cover Paul, who was still crying. She jumped on him and kissed him.

I hope you are okay?
I guess that was the look people around gave me. You know that stance to take when you are just about to jump into a swimming pool? Yep, that was how I was. Just about to jump into conclusion. I swear, I would have burnt enough calories if I had succeeded.

"Baby I miss you."

That was all I could hear her saying after much lip rocking. It was beginning to look disgusting. Maybe because I was not at the receiving end. Whatever, I had my own girlfriend and she was far beautiful than her. Okay. Well not far too beautiful though, but beautiful enough for me.

"I would be travelling to Scotland tomorrow. My Uncle I told you about has finally agreed." Ruby said as she danced around happily.

I honestly doubt if Paul was even listening. We all waiting for the bad news so lady please, just say it and let us beg you. Stop forming killer and just kill. Our eyes seemed to beg.

Paul just shook his head and sobbed quietly. Ruby, sensing something was terribly off, looked at him,
"Baby, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

She looked at me, "What's happening to him?"

I was knocked off by that question so I quickly adjusted and pointed her attention back to Paul.

Paul shook his head again, "Is that all you wanted to say?"

Ruby stared at him like he had just spoken Latin or German. I wonder which language she did not understand in this world. I think I heard she could speak 6 languages fluently and I often wondered if it included Yoruba, igbo and Hausa.

"Yes that all. What were you expecting to hear?" Ruby asked as she took two steps backwards hoping to get a better view of the situation.

Paul teary eyes dried up like a squeezed foam. He turned and looked at me as I too was confused. He turned again and looked at her.

"I thought you said, we need to talk."

"Yes I did." Ruby answered now looking more confused. "That I was going to leave the country and my Uncle had also decided to accept my proposal to bring you along to work over there."

"Oh!!" That was all Paul was able to manage.
Honestly, some ladies need to serious orientation on when to use that 'We need to talk' line. See, she had almost, in fact, she made a mature man cry. Ha! Some ladies need serious flogging.

"Then why are you crying?" Ruby asked, moving closer to him.

Paul didn't know what to say as he began to stammer. I had to think of something fast to help this guy. Quickly, I rushed to his front and held him by his shoulder.

"You see, Ruby. Paul here had a dream last night were he was in a foreign country. He was quite wealthy and he had you for his wife. You guys had like 7 children or 9 if I remember well."

I can't start saying that we thought it was over and Paul would attempt suicide. That was if he had the balls to anyway.

Paul looked at me like I was mad. Ruby thought I was really mad. I quickly tapped Paul for him to back me up on this. Taking my cue, he collaborated my 'supposed dream'.

Ruby was all smiling as she came closer and kissed him again. Seriously, they needed to get a room.

After much talk and drinks, we all were in tears as Paul had to prepare to leave the following day. Well, at least it ended well for him. Now they are married. And don't bother asking me how kids they got, 'cos I ain't saying.


I looked at the time, it was 5:27pm, I had better start going. Just then I picked my phone and dialled a familiar number.

"Hey Man, she just gave me the 'line'."

I could hear him laughing his brains out. Yea, he must be enjoying it, seeing he went through the same stuff.

"Come one man." I called him back to reality. "She didn't sound all too excited."

"Chill bro. She might just want to tell you she's travelling and she 's taking you along."

"Hmm, I really do hope so oo, because it won't be funny." I had almost ended the call when I heard,

"Or she could be pregnant." He said and I ended the call.

What the hell did he just say? Why would he say that now? Chai, I almost cried. Now whenever Paul says something like that, it usually come to pass. Trust me, he is not a prophet because it is only the bad stuffs he says that ever happens.
Chai, God please, let it be the first one because I am so not ready for the second one. This was my prayer request as I got into my car and drove down 5th Avenue on the west coast as I headed for my sentence.

'We need to talk'. God knows I hate that line.

Lol. Really interesting story. Funny. Ride on abeg

Hmmm...
Theorbiter, we need to talk ...lol
Make sense..
Try to remove 'Sha'.

stint:
Lol. Really interesting story. Funny. Ride on abeg

Thank you very much. I really appreciate

Divepen:
Hmmm...
Theorbiter, we need to talk ...lol
Make sense..
Try to remove 'Sha'.

Lol. Alright broda mi

"I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore."

My feet hadn't even kissed the earth when she shot at me the first bullet.
I mean, it's so unfair. Only God knows how I managed to survive the onslaught of the heavy traffic that seem to reside on that Ketu-Mile 12 road.
I had broken every traffic rule I knew, almost ran into a pregnant woman just because I was high with confusion. I had even crashed through a police checkpoint. Honestly I didn't even mind if they shot at me, I was already dead anyway. Just still wondering what I have done to deserve that 'line'. Who cares if the cops were on my trail, I was so not in the mood for a Need for Speed incarnate.

By my wrist watch, it was 6:17pm. The rain that threaten to fall was still watching it see the turn of events. I thought, the gods must be interested in my case.

"Eh? What did you say?" I could only mutter after staring at her as I disembarked from my Toyota Avensis 2.0.

"You heard me well." Her voiced cracked with tears. She must have been crying for only God knows how long.

Was it because I came late or was it for another reason? I was really perplexed.
I walked towards her in bid to embrace her but she neatly evaded my arms and I was left with the wind to hug. Boy! This one is serious than I thought.

"But baby what the matter? Where did I offend you? I'm confused here?" I tried sounding genuine.

Not that I wasn't genuine or something, it's just that lately, relationships had been giving headache for awhile. Don't get this wrong, I love my girlfriend to the core. Okay, maybe not the core but I loved her really well. I had sworn one time to do anything for her but after I gave her my ATM card to withdraw 15K because she was hungry and she ended up withdrawing 95K, in fact, I had to swear another oath to cancel the previous oath.

"You are confused eh?" She looked at me like I just misplaced my brain or something and she shook her head.

I was still wondering why my case was different from Paul's own when my gaze shifted to the Porsche convertible 4-seater under the coconut tree beside her house.

Ah! When did Wummi have money to buy a car? Porsche for that matter. Was it her brother's own or someone else.

Wait, not that they were so poor that they couldn't afford a car but ever since her father died, her mother had soon become my own mother. I gave the little I could give when I had and was constantly taking Wummi out.
So where did this car come from.

Anyway, my mind went back to Wummi who must have read my thoughts. Her tears had dried up and she poised herself like she was ready to lurched unto me.

"Okay. What did I do wrong?" I manage to say. "What did I do wrong."

"Are you ready to get married?" Wummi threw back at me like she was accusing me of something.

"Married? When? How? To who?"
I swear that last part was not intentional. I was off balance when that I said that.

Wummi's mouth was left agap. Shock mixed with confusion was drawn on her face.

I quickly went on my kneels when I finally realised what I had just said. I really had to beg for mercy now because as it stood, my case was over.

"Ha, I am sorry. I am really sorry. I swear, I did not know when I said that. I am really so sorry."

She shook her head like someone that pitied a guy that had been shot. In my case, I had been shot to death.

"No oo." She shook her head. "Now I have seen your true self. I have made up my mind."

"Ha, Wummi, I'm sorry na. It was a mistake. Okay, should I propose? I will propose." My heart was racing faster than a Ferrari I was just praying that she would say no. And she did.

"Noo. I don't want."

"But why?" I asked as I pleaded with her. I tried getting hold of her skirt but she moved too quickly and my face kissed the sandy ground.

It was already decided. So I got up. There was no need humiliating myself any further. The next thing I heard knocked me off my feet.

"I am pregnant." She said as she threw her face the opposite direction.

"Jesus.", was all I could say

I remembered Paul's last statement. Chai. That guy really need to stop talking.

.

.

"What did you say?"

The sky darkened and the wind blew strongly. It looked like we were going to have a thunderstorm and the waters of the heavens would sink this earth. Well, I wish it would. I mean, it was bad enough that she was leaving me, now she's claiming to be with a child, my child.

She turned her gaze towards me as I sat on the floor. I could see no pity in her eyes and her fists were clenched with determination. What was happening to me? That was the only thing I could say to myself as a well of water began to form under my eyes.

"What did you say?" I asked as I looked up at her.

"I said I am pregnant." She replied. Her voice became softer than before.

"But how come?" I said as I rose to my feet. "How manage? Since when? For how long?" So many questions were just popping out of my mouth like a loose cannon but I dare not ask who was responsible for it. That would just be me shooting myself.

She began silent for awhile then she began to sob quietly. She shook her head like someone that was in regrets

"Come on, don't cry." I tried consoling her. "We would find a way to deal with it."

Deal with what? I was asking myself. How? I was wondering. This is why I so hate it when ladies say, 'we need to talk'. Those four words alone can cause a stroke. Jeez, it's just too complex for my liking. Now she would definitely want us to get married. Chai!! This is how people from the village follow somebody, but wait o! When was the last time we had any bedroom action? I mean, we had other funs but the memory of being on the same bed with her seem to be a distant memory. Abi was I drunk one day and we got into the mood and did some shii? See confusion o.

"But babe, how long are you pregnant for?" I asked as I looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

She just kept on shaking her head.

"I'm so sorry." She said through her cloak of tears.

"Sorry for what?" This was becoming crazier.

"So sorry. I shouldn't be doing this to you. I know you are a good guy and you have a gentle heart. It's not just fair to you."

I swear, if not that she was my girlfriend, I would prophesied that she was insane. I was looking for meat in the pot, she was busy offering me liver. Of course I know I am a good guy. At least I tried.

"What are you saying?" I kept asking her. I was beginning to lose my patience. I need her to talk fast.

"You won't understand." She said as she finally looked at me.

"How long have you been pregnant?" That was the only thing I needed to hear.

"Four weeks."

Four weeks is a month na, I was thinking to myself. But I can't seem to remember doing anything.

It was getting dark and the night mosquitoes had come for their night duty but that wasn't my concern. I was battling with the reality of 'we need to talk'. Chai, see what Paul has caused. I was laughing at him before but now, I was.......oh well.

"Four weeks. Four weeks." I kept saying to myself. I was about to say something when the electrical power returned.

The compound light shone like a Mopol's halogen torch. My mind drifted for a minute but was brought back to reality when she spoke.

"It happened while we were still dating. You were so busy with work and I was feeling so lonely.

I was just staring at her lips.

"I tried telling you but you made me look like I was disturbing you."

Of course you were disturbing. What should I have said instead. I mean, I did not lie. Funny how ladies say they want to hear the truth at all time but you dare not tell them how ugly they look when they put on those heavy mask they call make-up, that day, sorry is your father's surname.
Of course I wouldn't say this to her. If I hear say I talk.

"I didn't deserve what you put me through, no, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve you at all."

My eyes shot wide open. I swear, if anything had moved that minute, I would have seen it.

Did she just say she don't deserve me? You need to say the way I was dancing in my spirit. Although I dare not move my body physically but in my mind I was already popping a bottle of wine.

I have never heard a lady that to me before. I was already smiling but was soon given the punch of my life.

"I don't deserve you at all. God knows I tried and that I don't deserve any form of problem in my life. You were becoming a problem to me, I swear."

"Eh?" My eyes were already wide open, so my mouth too followed.

.

I thought she was saying she don't deserve a good guy like me. How come I was now the problem in her life. Ha! See wahala o. I was already dancing in my mind now I was a guy that had just gotten a K.O. Was that why she got pregnant?

"But..." I was still constructing the words in my mind when I heard the door open.

I saw her mother coming out and following behind her was a fair, tall and huge guy. Since when did they have a white looking bother or a white looking relative. I thought all of them in their family were as black a Lucifer's Bible.

Okay, chill. Don't get this wrong. I haven't seen Lucifer's Bible before and I am not planning on see one nor the owner of the bible. But apparently, someone must have seen it and had told the story. How else would I have known that Lucifer had a bible?
Do me a favour. Whatever you are thinking, keep it to yourself. I don't wanna hear.

I was still wondering what a white guy was doing with a black family. Wait. I am not a racist or anything, it's just that they are so black in their family. Even the darkness of the night get lost in their presence.

I remember one day I was going to pay them a visit. It was last in the night and I heard voices. The voices were so clear but I couldn't see anybody. I was still wondering about the voices when I say two V-shaped white shinning objects in mid air, darting sideways. Fear gripped me sharply and when I heard the voices calling my name, I jumped out of my skin and took to my heels, allowing my skin to run after me. It was later I discovered that it was wummi and her brother that were smiling or showing their teeth in the dark.

So where did this guy come from?

"Ha, mummy, good evening ma." I bowd to greet her.

"My son, how are you? Hope you are fine?" She closer and hugged me. This gave me a better view of that guy behind her.

"Good evening sir." I greeted the guy. I mean, he was huge. Only God knows what damage he could cause to my bones if I had challenged him.

"Good evening. Hope you are good." He answered back.

I needed some answers.

"Mummy, is this your son also?" I joking asked but I needed a real answer. Yes, a real answer came.

"That's the father of my unborn child." Wummi said behind me.

"Eh? You say?" I turned around at looked at Wummi with pure confusion.

"We are getting married soon." She continued without stopping.

It was like she was bent on killing me that night. That was the third bullet. I was so dazed that my feet wobbled under me.
I turned to her mother to see if she would collaborate the story or refute it. For a moment I was hoping she would do the second.

I am sure she saw the plead in my eyes caused she spoke slowly.

"My son, we need to talk."

"Ha!" I placed my two hands on my head. "Mama, you too?"

I could hear a rumble in the clouds. I guess the gods were drunk with laughter.

My hands where on head as I stood at stared into oblivion.
I just couldn't understand what was happening.
First, I got the yeye from Wummi, saying we need to talk now this is what I got.
Now not just that, even her mom also is part of this conspiracy, I think I now understand when pastors would say that some people's case are from the village.

Wummi's mom was trying to explain but I swear, I did not even hear anything.

The rain began to drop little by little and I took that as a cue to leave.

While she was still talking, I just turned back and walked towards my car, I swear, I couldn't take it any longer. Well, at least I won't be getting married any time soon.

My phone began to ring, at first I was reluctant to pick the call but afterwards I did when I say the ID.

"Hello ma", it was my boss at the office.

"Timi, where are you?" Her voice sounded like one who was heartbroken.

"I'm at home. Any problem ma?" I made to open the door of my car.

After few seconds, "Will you come to the office tomorrow?"

"Why not? Is there a problem? Are you alright?" I was getting worried for her.

After a long pause, "hmm, Timi, we need to talk."

"Ha ma, not you too!!"

The rain began to pour heavily as I stood there wondering if I was under any spell.

The End

simonhabby:
When you finish with you boss, please I want to see you. We need to talk.

Lol, abeg o.

This was fun. I need a little laugh.

Nice one bro

pls continue, U just make my day n night, meanwhile "We need to talk"

Simplicity101:
This was fun. I need a little laugh.

So glad I could make you smile small

tpwealth:
Nice one bro

Thank you boss.

Jpjp:
pls continue, U just make my day n night, meanwhile "We need to talk"

Lol.....thank you so much for allowing me to make your smile small

Simplicity101:
This was fun. I need a little laugh.

Lol

Nice story

definitely ff this

kitnah:
Nice story

definitely ff this

Aww, thank you ma, but this is the end.
Just a short story

theorbiters:

Aww, thank you ma, but this is the end.
Just a short story

why na??

kitnah:

why na??

Lol, it's a short story

Hi theorbiters ... "We need to talk" ASAP

nellyme:
Hi theorbiters ... "We need to talk" ASAP

Lmaoooo!!!!!
Nelly, please oo!!! That phrase is like a bitter torment.

theorbiters:

Lmaoooo!!!!!
Nelly, please oo!!! That phrase is like a bitter torment.

Lol I bet d sweats dripped down with u shaking vigorously....hahahahahaha

I am pregnant ooooo and in my own case u r responsible

Hahahahahahahahaha

nellyme:


Lol I bet d sweats dripped down with u shaking vigorously....hahahahahaha

I am pregnant ooooo and in my own case u r responsible

Hahahahahahahahaha

Okay......this is what I call 'Rough play'.
Are you trying to scare me? Because if you are then you have succeeded...
Hope it is not true??

theorbiters:

Okay......this is what I call 'Rough play'.
Are you trying to scare me? Because if you are then you have succeeded...
Hope it is not true??

Am two weeks gone....do the maths.....

#tongue out
...............

nellyme:


Am two weeks gone....do the maths.....

#tongue out
...............

*faints