okay it all started when i went to stay with my sister in law, because i was moving to California without my husband, my husband asked her if it was fine for me to stay with her and she said yes, he asked if she wants me to pay rent and she said no, that i am her in law and its her duty to take care of her in law, so everything was going fine until she started behaving funny, i kept ignoring her acted like i wasn't noticing the changes, i stopped eating her food and tried hard to avoid her even though we were living in the same house, she asked me why i wasn't eating her food, and i said i wasn't really hungry, i did not want to be the complaining in law, nor did i want to start any beef with her, while i was trying to go to nursing school, she paid for my application fee, bought me a pant n shirt when i had an interview because i had to leave work n go for an interview and did not wear appropriate clothes. finally i moved out of her house and did not call her, she was pissed and my husband was pissed at me, but they both did not understand how she treated me and she was pretending, i just ignored everything cuz i don't have the strength to fight.
well my sister in law went everywhere bragging how she paid for my entire nursing school fee, (while she paid just the application fee which was 100 bux) how she did this and that, my husband found out and asked me if she paid my nursing school fee and i said no she just paid the application fee, so he decided to refund it back, because she was bragging about it, she and my husband had an argument because he wouldn't take her things to naija for her, so she decided to take everything out on me because she knows she cannot face her senior brother (my husband), she is now asking that i pay her for the rent, food, clothing, light, gas, for the 3 months since i stayed with her, you see i moved out of her house since july and she never asked me for anything until she started fighting with her brother, she has been harassing me on the phone saying she knows where i work and live, i did not reply her back she has called me 22 times in about 13 hours, left messages saying she cursed the day she met me and she curses the day she set her eyes on me, i saved all the messages because if she tries to do something to me, i will have her arrested, cuz we are not in naija anymore, she is really making me scared cuz i have done nothing wrong to be harrassed, i told my husband to keep his family fight away from me, but he said if she comes to your work or tries to do shit, then i should have her arrested. its just surprising how she was lieing and faking being nice while all these while she hated me.
i don't know what to do, i plan to return her money for rent and stuff, and my husband has vowed never to speak to her again, he is going to play the harassing calls for her senior sister and her family just for them to see how fake she is. its surprising to me, if she did not want to help she should have said so, instead of pretending.

calling me 22 times in a day in the U.S is harassment, coming to my work or home to harass me is really disturbing cuz i don't know what she will do next. i know i'll call the cops on her if she tries to hurt me, cuz if she is fighting with her brother she shouldn't take it out on me. i am really confused.

make that 23 times because she just called me again and its 11:00 pm at night, and she has been calling since 7am in the morning. she left a message saying i turned her bother against her and that i am an evil woman, i am sick and tired of this shit. the fight is between her and i brother and i f*cking take the blame. she wants to call the cops on me, thank God i have all those harassing phone calls, and we'll see who will go to jail. she is crazy and i a freaking scared and trying to stay out of it. i really need some advice cuz i can't take this shit.

I[b] am sorry about your situation.

Report her to the police.The Police will giver her a warning to stay away from you.She seems delusional.What she is doing is definitely harassment.It is not tolerated in the US.[/b]

first no matter what, you should have called her and thank her when you left her house, no matter how she treated you saying thank you wouldnt have taken anything out of you. you stayed in her house for free and eat for sometimes though she would have said no at the beginning but she didnt. it was bad on your path.

but then thats the past, now as for the calls it is a good thing you are recording it and keep saving it, since u r in california, as far as the laws there goes you can get a restraining order aganist her which at least prevents her from harassing you with calls and if she is doing it to stop calling or coming to your work place. you can get the form at the any local court house or police stations in CA. and if granted and she violates it then call the police immediately

while at it, you and your husband should arrange a family  meeting if other members of your husbands family are in CA and talk over things, if that is impossible then personally or you and your husband call her and tell her to tell you how much you should pay her for her rents food etc. ( though you shouldnt have to pay for it cox she told u not to and she didnt have it on paper that you must pay back but if that will make her get off your back then do it and have peace of mind).

I agree totally with the comments of Sea Goddess, i mean, when you started noticing this strange behaviour, the best you could have done
was to approach her and try finding out what the problem was. Or atleast, you could have told your husband from the beginning.

Her threats and harrassment should be taken seriously though, and family members ought to be invoved in this unfolding drama before it gets out of hand.

Sea~Goddes:

first no matter what, you should have called her and thank her when you left her house, no matter how she treated you saying thank you wouldnt have taken anything out of you. you stayed in her house for free and eat for sometimes though she would have said no at the beginning but she didnt. it was bad on your path.

I absolutely agree with you Sea-Goddes

Regardless of how she treated u, you should have told her when u were moving and thanked her at least helping you out for the short while.

Try to talk to your hubby to get ur family together first if possible to help in this matter. If you have to pay her for your peace of mind, do so and if after all these she still harrasses you, then take up a restraining order against her.

have you considered changing your phone number.

And start repaying her for your room and board ASAP.

Before this turns to a police affair, try to consider other avenues to make the peace. If you do call the police, rest assured that's not something your husband will forget, no matter how angry he is with his sister.

And regardless who is actually at fault here, try apologising to the sister and let people know you did that. Sometimes you have to go the extra mile in certain situations.



I agree with Sea-goddess too.

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i did thank her before i moved, before i left her house on the day i was moving i went to her to say thanks, i called her family members to thank her, my husband thanked her and she said everything was fine, and that she did everything she did from her heart. she was pissed bcoz after i left her house i did not call her, i was just trying to stay away cuz i did not want her around me and i am not a confrontational person, she even came to my house after i moved and asked if she offended me and i said no, i was just busy with work and school, i don't know how long i should keep saying thanks to her, but i'm not gonna worship her for what she did for me, i do appreciate it.

eermm errr i think calling the cops is not the right thing to do and i do think its a slippery slope when she's having problems with her brother because of you. It wont cost you to try to reason with her instead of playing the "ignore me i ignore you" game.

Far down the line if this gets worse, your husband may blame you for breaking his family.

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chaircover:

It is very easy to call people you don’t want to speak to; just ring up and say hello and ask after her kids, job etc and wish her a wonderful day.

All this can be said in 60 seconds and you have done your bit. It is on record that you made the call. Eventually you will find that as time goes on, bridges will be built and you will begin to start liking her again but you will just learn to keep her at arms length.

You are not being fake or anything but just doing what you can to build bridges and having a cordial relationship with new family members you have gained as a result of your marriage to your husband.

As you know you can choose friends but you can’t choose family so it’s best to male the best out of a bad situation.

In a nutshell, what I am saying is reach out to her & be cordial towards her but keep her at arms length.

Diplomacy with your in-laws is essential for a fulfilled and happy married life.

thanks for this.  forget being right for now.  under no circumstances call no police they will magnify it into something else back home ask your husband to handle the situation. switch off your phone and calm down if you want to still stay married this time next year.  family trouble is always something a young person like you cannot control.  learn next time not to go into peeps houses to stay no matter how close.  if you can pray for God to intervene

i get all what you guys are trying to say, i have suggested that to my husband in order to make peace but he said no, all these started when their big sister told my husband what she said behind his back, so its their family that started this, and it gets even deeper because this sister in law hates my husband and her senior brother because they left naija and did not send for her to come, so her most senior brother hates her guts and has cut her out of his life, he does not call her, her second senior sisters hates her and they do not talk, my husband hadn't spoken to her for years bcoz he knows she doesn't like him for something that is not his fault, because it was their mom that sent them abroad, i told him to make peace with her which he did.
my mom told me to stay out of their family issues cuz it can turn around against me, which of course i am trying to stay out of it, but i was thinking, i should call her and let her know that i do not control the actions of her brother and she should know her brother, he does whatever he likes i cannot control him like she controls her husband, and if she was smart enough to realize that all these started when my husband returned from naija, he handed her the money and i was not even there, i told him not to but he wouldn't listen to me. my husband does not want me to call her or pick up her calls, he doesn't even want me to call her his sister, but i'm gonna call her and talk to her even though my husband will be pissed at me, and let her know the fight is between her and her brother and not me, i have said enough thank you to her.
she is the one that wants to call the cops on me, and i would not until she physically comes to my work and try to harass me.

your husband hasnt talked to her in yrs and you agreed to go spend time in her house? women na wa.

Next time even if you can only afford a studio, do not go staying with relatives.

ima1, I thought this through again and I think you should completely put the police issue aside, I don't know ur sister-in-law but i don't think she will actually do anything to harm you here. Try whatever you can to make peace.

First pray before you take any step on this issue asking God for knowledge in how to handle this situation.
Start by calling her (don't thank her anymore, just ask about her and her family's welfare).
You may be busy but make time, 5-15 mins of visitation should be fine.  
If she has children, take snacks or small items to her house for the children (it does not mean you are trying to show off but it shows u are trying to make peace).

Doing all these does not mean you are giving in or letting her be in control of you but it shows you are putting in the effort to clear the air. Even her family members will be pleased that you are trying your best. Try to speak to your hubby as well to calm down and try to resolve the issue. It will be in YOUR BEST INTEREST to settle this amicably. You don't have to be close to her, just do what you have to as a 'wife' in the family. Trust me you don't want to be the reason why both siblings aren't getting along.

davidylan:

your husband hasnt talked to her in years and you agreed to go spend time in her house?   women na wa.

Next time even if you can only afford a studio, do not go staying with relatives.

you have no idea how much i resisted, i told him i do not stay with in-laws, it got to the point that we were arguing everyday about this, and to stop the argument i decided to go, it was a very big mistake on my part which i absolutely regret, i have told him i am never staying with your family again even if it means i have to sleep on the streets. i would rather go back to my father's house when i will be welcomed. sometimes i think i should just leave him cuz i don't have the strength for all these family wahala, in my own family, if we fight it doesn't last uptil 1 week b4 we start talking to each other again because we are really close, i am honestly tired.

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chaircover:

Your husband was wrong to give the go ahead for you to stay in his sisters house knowing the type of sister he had.

Generally speaking it is not a good idea to place two grown women in the same house anyway and the fact that they are “strangers” makes it more difficult & gives rise to strained relationships.

It is sad because had this all ended amicably, this could have been a good opportunity for your sister-in-law to redeem herself as it seems that she is opinioned to be the black sheep of the family.

Nethertheless all is not lost and it is your job to build bridges with your sister-in-law and then try and bring your husband round; us women have a way of bringing peace to volatile situations – “a post heavy good meal & post good sex discussion whilst he is still in cuckoo land” strategy may be required ;)

dont know what to say here

You will all feel better once this disagreement is all cleared up. I am sure your mother & father in-law aren’t happy knowing their kids are not talking to one another. [i]

some actually take sides because the wahala starts from their stupidity and ignorance in the first place

[/i]

most women manufacture trouble.

ima1:

you have no idea how much i resisted, i told him i do not stay with in-laws, it got to the point that we were arguing everyday about this, and to stop the argument i decided to go, it was a very big mistake on my part which i absolutely regret, i have told him i am never staying with your family again even if it means i have to sleep on the streets. i would rather go back to my father's house when i will be welcomed. sometimes i think i should just leave him because i don't have the strength for all these family wahala, in my own family, if we fight it doesn't last uptil 1 week before we start talking to each other again because we are really close, i am honestly tired.

you dont want to bring this war near home. your husband said dont call pls dont do at least for now. this lady is already angry no matter what you say it will not enter her head. you also said she is hounding you with phone calls how can you be seen calling someone hounding you?

it is always good to check out the family before you enter but you are already here so no bail out.

like i said earlier if you can pray please pray.

@bro david. you see why i call them out-laws? strange brethren

i told him to call his sister and settle this matter if not then i will, she has rained so much curses on me, calling me a witch and all that stuff, thinking i am the one adding kerosine to the fire not knowing she started this herself, i will let her know i forgive her and i can't wait til she finds out it was all her fault. all her curses does not affect me 1 bit cuz i know i am innocent, its just funny looking at all the shit you get into all bcoz you marry a man.

staying with any family member is a NO for me. . .the drama is just too much.

one thing we must know is when you live outside nigeria, pple love their thank yous. it is very important to tell pple thank you for anything they do. . .be it small or big. when you say thank you, it makes the person feel good and they will always want to do more for you or another person. for you, even if you were not talking to her, you should have sent her a thank you card from one dollar store. maybe that would have made her happy or forget you ever lived with her. that's a closure imo. you know how hard it is for their mortgage/bills (most are not happy with the unending bills and will happily put the frustration on the next available person ). you stayed with her for 3months, that's a lot   well, like sea goddess said, that's the past.

get her arrested to learn a lesson on her part that this is not Nigeria. family or no family, she is harrassing you. she should know by now aha!

oh oh thank you wasn't the prob okay. well change your phone number. won't cost you nothing or that much.

well i just had an argument with my husband about this and he does not want to call her, he does not want me to call her and get into a shouting match with her bcoz thats what she wants, he said text her and let her know she cannot threaten and harass anyone in the U.S. all these really sucks.

In law issues! If it doesn't come with the parents then it comes with the siblings. I understand how you feel in regards to staying away from her. If you husband doesn't want you to call her then don't because if she gets into it with you on the phone . . . she will then go and tell lies about what you said to her and what you didn't say. Your husband would be even more annoyed with you for doing that which he told you not to do. Just calm down and watch. Let your husband deal with this issue as much as you want to settle it . . he knows his sister more than you and he will handle all of this better than you can.

well at least now your husband is on your side (not on her side). the worst one is when it is the wifey and siter with husband in the middle. now your husband too is having issues with her. best ignore her. change your number and pray she enters the new year with a better resolution.

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Be very very careful. Your husband is not using wisdom here. You said yourself that at a point both she and your husband were mad at you over something. What if the whole family reconciles and then you have alienated yourself from this woman. You will now be the outsider that does not get along with them. Do not send a text saying "this is america" blah blah blah. You can send a text and try to see if you can get her to understand why you do not feel like you deserve this treatment. She might respond with a phone call back if she likes the tone of the text. Most of all let her know that you are thankful for the time you stayed with her and even for the yeye $100.00 she spent. You can even tell her that you heard that she told people this and that and that it hurt. Let her know that you do not want she and your husband to keep fighting. I am not saying that you should carry the family's wahala on your head but you might be the voice of reason if not for the whole family then atleast between your husband and this siter.

well i tried but my husband does not even want me to call her his sister, he said their family do not neccessarily reconcile, they alienate. which sucks cuz we had a fight about it and he said i wasn't supporting him, turns out this stuff is an ongoing issue, even with their most senior brother, the sisters do not speak to the wife, and his brother warned him about this sister in law, but he wanted to give her a chance, i am stuck in the middle, who do i support, but i'm not going to be fighting with my husbad over this issue, its his family and he wants me to let him handle it and just stay out of it. which is wat i am going to do.

chika98:

In law issues! If it doesn't come with the parents then it comes with the siblings. I understand how you feel in regards to staying away from her. If you husband doesn't want you to call her then don't because if she gets into it with you on the phone . . . she will then go and tell lies about what you said to her and what you didn't say. Your husband would be even more annoyed with you for doing that which he told you not to do. Just calm down and watch. Let your husband deal with this issue as much as you want to settle it . . he knows his sister more than you and he will handle all of this better than you can.

thats what i intend to do, stay out of it. will be worse if my husband is pissed at me for stuff like this.

ima1:

well i tried but my husband does not even want me to call her his sister, he said their family do not neccessarily reconcile, they alienate. which sucks because we had a fight about it and he said i wasn't supporting him, turns out this stuff is an ongoing issue, even with their most senior brother, the sisters do not speak to the wife, and his brother warned him about this sister in law, but he wanted to give her a chance, i am stuck in the middle, who do i support, but i'm not going to be fighting with my husbad over this issue, its his family and he wants me to let him handle it and just stay out of it. which is what i am going to do.
thats what i intend to do, stay out of it. will be worse if my husband is pissed at me for stuff like this.

thanks for hearing wisdom.