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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives (263123 Views)
|Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 7:34pm On Feb 14, 2015
I have made my share of mistakes,learned a world of lessons ,I have grown and matured while married to the same man a while and still very much in love with him and together we are raising some very well adjusted exemplary children.So I must have something to say about what makes marriage work and what doesn't .I know what doesn't ,I have tried them all.
I believe God gave me wisdom in marital issues because constantly young women ( and men) confide in me in real life and offline (from forum interactions )about personal issues with relationships and the response is always a big thank you for helping.
I have heard the stories of many and have counseled many also
I don't know it all so I welcome opinion from other wives on the forum who have been at this business at least for a decade
This Thread is intended to answer questions and dispel fears about men and husbands and marriage and children
How do you know he is the one?
What is appropriate?
Attitude towards inlaws?mother in law fears
Parents say no to your intended spouse
Can't make up your mind
Time is passing by and still single,what could it be?
Bad habits you don't like in a man and how to handle it
Old flames and admirers ?
His female friends how to handle that
Questions you had been embarrassed to ask people in real life,this is your opportunity to ask and have people share from their experiences truthfully.
I will be real,I promise
Physical abuse issues
You may not like the answer but I will tell you the truth uncoated
If you are too embarrassed to ask in your known moniker,you can create a new handle
Alright ladies,aunty babyosisi is waiting.
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by T3Amo(f): 7:50pm On Feb 14, 2015
How do you know he is the one? I have been struggling with this issue for a very long time. Any advice please?
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 7:51pm On Feb 14, 2015
lofty is also waiting
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 7:52pm On Feb 14, 2015
just look into his eyeballs, u will know
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 7:52pm On Feb 14, 2015
Can you be a little bit more detailed
Has anyone asked? Are there many suitors?
What makes you have doubts etc
Let me get a better picture
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by T3Amo(f): 7:53pm On Feb 14, 2015
lofty900:serious answers please
|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 7:59pm On Feb 14, 2015
T3Amo:my dear, no man has "husband material" tattooed on his forehead. That's what courtship is meant for, most answers are answered during courtship to avoid any surprise package after wedding. If u r not satisfied during courtship, no need to manage, there are other guys out there
|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 8:02pm On Feb 14, 2015
Do you realize that even knowing exactly what to look out for during courtship can be a challenge?
For instance I know a couple that almost went to the divorce courts because of his children from an earlier marriage and another who actually divorced
He called me complaining bitterly about what his new wife said to his young daughter and he was ready to end the marriage that week
So a woman not knowing how to handle step children or not factoring it in can be a big issue later on no matter how much you love the man
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 8:14pm On Feb 14, 2015
babyosisi:of course, step mothers hardly get the desired respect frm their step children and most times they are desperate, that's why they agree to go into marriage believing they can cope. Also couples lie alot and pretend during courtship only to show their real selves after marriage. Long term courtship devoid of deceit will lead to a much better marriage. My 1 cent
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by 5minsmadness: 8:19pm On Feb 14, 2015
Grabs a seat
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by T3Amo(f): 8:21pm On Feb 14, 2015
babyosisi:My boyfriend and I started dating in 2010. I actually met him in Nigeria while I was on vacation there. I will be honest and say that initially he was not really my type(looks) but I decided to give it a try because he had a lot of things that I look for in a man and I did not want to be too superficial. Anyways it's a very long story but we have been in a long distance relationship for almost 5 years ( we see each other like twice a year). This guy really loves me and is a good guy but sometimes I feel 'tired of him' or perhaps I am not really in love with him. I feel bad because I wish I did not feel this way but I feel we have kinda grown apart. Am thinking that it's cos we have not really had a normal relationship, that perhaps maybe when we both in same country that things will be better. He has met most of my family and they love him and vice versa except my dad. Although my dad has never met him. He was not really happy about it. My dad says he wants to find out more about him and his family background. He has a job but it's not what he wants and he is not rich, I on the other hand come from a 'well off' family but money is not and has never been an issue. We are both tired of the long distance relationship so he said that I either relocate to Nigeria or he relocates to Us but since he knows that I will not be as comfy in Naija then he is willing to come this side but that is another headache cos of the process involved and while he is here it means that he may be out of work for a long time. He is very good to me and treats me well. There was a time I suspected infidelity but could not prove it. All his friends, family and colleagues know of me. Am actually in contact with his family and his friends. Another issue is we are not sexually compatible and he is also a bad kisser. I don't enjoy kissing him. I have really been trying because he is a good person and men like him and are rare these days. But since we started dating till now I have been battling if he is actually the one for me.
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by crackhaus: 8:22pm On Feb 14, 2015
Don't you people have spouses to spend today/tonight with instead of discussing marriage again for like 1,000,000th time on NL?
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 8:29pm On Feb 14, 2015
Grabs a seat with pop corn and coke.......
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 8:30pm On Feb 14, 2015
Takes a seat...
|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by amtheone(m): 8:35pm On Feb 14, 2015
Crackhaus, u have come again?
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 8:35pm On Feb 14, 2015
crackhaus:lol! this is hw u knw a bad hubby material
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by crackhaus: 8:37pm On Feb 14, 2015
|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by pweetixandy: 8:41pm On Feb 14, 2015
Women oooooo..u people are funny! Women with "real issues" shld come lemme feed my eyes jare
|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 8:50pm On Feb 14, 2015
The worst thing that can happen to a woman is marry a man she doesn't love passionately.
Marriage is tough especially the early years and there will be times you will feel like packing your bags and running away
Even marriages that started very well can sour over time when they are ill managed let alone one that started with a tone of uncertainty in one's voice.
From what you have written you do love this man but not enough to spend the rest of your life with him that is why you have those doubts and misgivings.
Let me use myself as an example
I was engaged to someone else before meeting my hubby,I have shared that many times
Very very handsome and romantic man
His family adored me,my folks loved him
Very kind and generous,would give his last dime to a stranger in need
But he is a little too boisterous in nature and had some terrible table manners
Some people may say this is minor but it bothered me a lot
The last straw was at a wedding when he motioned servers a little too loudly to get us food,I was a little embarrassed,we were in a hotel and could easily go and get food.my husband will never ever do a thing like that never!!
To make matters worse when the food came,he opened the wrap of moi moi and licked the foil and I wanted the ground to swallow me ,and that was the day my spirit left the union
I couldn't marry him,I couldn't be with a man that would embarrass me.,I just couldn't take it coupled with the fact that he wanted to get into politics and I couldn't envision myself standing on a podium campaigning.
To some these were minor things,to me they were major
You said you are not compatible sexually,can you live with that all your life?
Bad kisser,can you manage that?
If you don't feel sexually attracted to this man I wouldn't advise you to continue
It won't work
When hard marital current strikes sometimes the sexual chemistry is what will take you over the hump and if it is lacking from day one,you may be swimming against the tide.
You should be madly in love at this stage if he is the one
It doesn't sound that way from what you wrote
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by LadyX(f): 9:05pm On Feb 14, 2015
Thanks for offering to counsel and answer questions about marriage.
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by EfemenaXY: 9:14pm On Feb 14, 2015
Great words of wisdom, Babyosisi.
(You did get me chuckling about his lack of table manners)
Anyway, in addition to what you've just written, I'd like to add that marriage has got it's troughs and peaks. There are times you get really good highs and there are times you get really low, lows. It's not something that can be avoided as life is never plain sailing. However, what does help (apart from having that great sexual chemistry), is if you have a friend in your partner when everything else is stripped off.
Someone who understands you without your having to spell everything out to him (and vice versa). Someone you can share your aspirations, dreams, fears, worries, happiness, and so on with. Also, the longer you've been married, the easier it gets, especially when you've gone past your 10th, 15th, 20th anniversary. You just sort of "grow into each other", and at that point in time, you look back at your earlier years of marriage with fondness and marvel at how inconsequential now, many things were such a big deal to you both then.
Yes, it's never going to be a bed of roses, nor a smooth frictionless path. It's quite the opposite and akin to that proverbial garden that you've just got to keep tending to, else weeds would creep in and choke the life out of it, if neglected.
Marriage can be as hellish or as beautiful as you want it to be. You've just got to have a common goal (both parteners) and work towards achieving it.
Now this, is my Valentine's message.
Happy Valentine's to everyone.
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 9:23pm On Feb 14, 2015
Forget what we sometimes do here on family section.
Majority of us dots on our men.
Sincerely speaking,marriage is very good if u happen to make d right choice.
Don't bc of age rush in cos u might rush out.
I was so much pressurized into getting married right from my secondary school days and had I been d o yes type,I would have yielded.
Pls, reduce the artificiality.
If u really like to go a long way with a man,cos time will come when he will say"but this wasn't what I initially saw.
D fake accent, everyday brashly and bleaching.
I was accessed very well on if I were fake.
But nobody told me anything.
Hubby jokingly mentioned it when we have settled down for over a yr.
Everybody in d family asked if I was faking some things.
So pls be as simple and realistic as u can be.
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 9:27pm On Feb 14, 2015
Can you imagine there was a time he had arguments about putting a toilet seat up or keeping it down
And it was a big deal
I would get very upset that he would not remember to take it up when he pees and place it back down when he leaves
Who cares about that stuff now
Or a bulb burns out and he fails to change it immediately and I will talk about it
I even remember when we would argue and he refuses to eat the food I cooked because he was upset hehehehehe
Now he will even go for a second helping while the argument is going on next minute we are talking about boko haram
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nutase: 9:29pm On Feb 14, 2015
one size doesnt fit all o.
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by EfemenaXY: 9:31pm On Feb 14, 2015
Babes, if you're in a household dominated by males (by sheer number), you'll conceed that life's a lot easier if they just leave the darn toilet seat up!
That would save you having to constantly wipe off stray wee-wee.
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 9:32pm On Feb 14, 2015
thetruthnl:Pls dear,there is time ffor everything under d sun.
|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 9:34pm On Feb 14, 2015
Men and boys
|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 9:37pm On Feb 14, 2015
Following and learning
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|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 9:38pm On Feb 14, 2015
*brings out pen and paper. *
|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by cococandy(f): 9:43pm On Feb 14, 2015
|Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by cococandy(f): 9:44pm On Feb 14, 2015
Pls did anybody here go to school and work and have babies at the same time?
How did you do it?
I don't want to start what I can't finish
And all the mommas in the house
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