I know I had complained about my husband talking to other women in my last post. So him and I had a long talk and he promised to change.

The thing now is, there was a particular lady hubby told me when they met, I told him to stay away from her but when I found out about the other ladies, I found out he was still talking with her. When I asked him then he said she was forcing herself on him and I let it go But recently I discovered my hubby n this lady were actually romantically involved all along. I never really knew It was that serious. Calling each other all the romantic names in the book, sharing with each other what him and I share together, she even sent him porn video that I saw. It seemed to me like they actually had a relationship. What is of interest is that this particular lady is married with husband that doesn't live with her and has 4 grown up children. When I asked him he said he was just giving her what she wanted so she could leave him alone but that seemed to me like the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I'm still trying to understand why. He seemed to me like a morally upright person from when we were dating, but now I don't know what to think of him. why would he have his own wife and still date another mans wife and be comfortable with it? I had another long talk with him and even fought him over this and he yet promised not to do it again but how can I just believe him, too hard for me to wrap my mind around. I feel so disappointed and disgusted. If he could actually do that, then he can do anything.
I really don't see the sense in being married to a Man U can't trust or believe especially now that we still ain't living together, yet I don't think it's enough to talk about divorce, he had apologized, begged and promised but it's still too hard for me. I told him I had forgiven him but it's really hard for me to get over. I just need help on how to go about this. I want my marriage to work out, but anytime I remember this issue, it pulls me away from wanting to try. I feel no matter what I do he would still do whatever he wants to do, so why even bother trying. I want to help myself, pls help me.

Swthrt, do you believe in the power and efficacy of prayers?
Go on your kneels and commit your home to GOD.

Sit him down,
Promise him a trial separation if you ever see that garbage. Be stern with him don't smile or fizzle, put your feet down and demand to be treated right.
Promise him you will monitor his calls and conversation until he decides to grow up.

dsgirl:


I really don't see the sense in being married to a Man U can't trust or believe especially now that we still ain't living together, yet I don't think it's enough to talk about divorce, he had apologized, begged and promised but it's still too hard for me. I told him I had forgiven him but it's really hard for me to get over. I just need help on how to go about this. I want my marriage to work out, but anytime I remember this issue, it pulls me away from wanting to try. I feel no matter what I do he would still do whatever he wants to do, so why even bother trying. I want to help myself, pls help me.

You should consider a professional marriage counselor.

*sigh* Marriage....its a No No.

Pray for him and get him to go with you to see a marriage counsellor.

dsgirl:
I know I had complained about my husband talking to other women in my last post. So him and I had a long talk and he promised to change.

The thing now is, there was a particular lady hubby told me when they met, I told him to stay away from her but when I found out about the other ladies, I found out he was still talking with her. When I asked him then he said she was forcing herself on him and I let it go But recently I discovered my hubby n this lady were actually romantically involved all along. I never really knew It was that serious. Calling each other all the romantic names in the book, sharing with each other what him and I share together, she even sent him porn video that I saw. It seemed to me like they actually had a relationship. What is of interest is that this particular lady is married with husband that doesn't live with her and has 4 grown up children. When I asked him he said he was just giving her what she wanted so she could leave him alone but that seemed to me like the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I'm still trying to understand why. He seemed to me like a morally upright person from when we were dating, but now I don't know what to think of him. why would he have his own wife and still date another mans wife and be comfortable with it? I had another long talk with him and even fought him over this and he yet promised not to do it again but how can I just believe him, too hard for me to wrap my mind around. I feel so disappointed and disgusted. If he could actually do that, then he can do anything.
I really don't see the sense in being married to a Man U can't trust or believe especially now that we still ain't living together, yet I don't think it's enough to talk about divorce, he had apologized, begged and promised but it's still too hard for me. I told him I had forgiven him but it's really hard for me to get over. I just need help on how to go about this. I want my marriage to work out, but anytime I remember this issue, it pulls me away from wanting to try. I feel no matter what I do he would still do whatever he wants to do, so why even bother trying. I want to help myself, pls help me.

Have you got kids?

My dear, you both have talked about it and he promised to change, He accepted and apologised which most men won't do, so just give him the benefit of the doubt. . If he tries it again, then get a temporary separation. .

It takes time to heal a strong betrayal from a loved one so your feeling is right..He also has to prove he's changed so that you can heal fast... You said you both live separately, why is that? I would suggest you both find a balance, one person has to move except if the situation is uncontrollable. .Also, please try and do things that make you happy, don't let an 'unworthy' steal your happiness. ..You both may actually want to go for medical check up...

Pray if you believe in God, prayer actually does help...

dsgirl:
I know I had complained about my husband talking to other women in my last post. So him and I had a long talk and he promised to change.

The thing now is, there was a particular lady hubby told me when they met, I told him to stay away from her but when I found out about the other ladies, I found out he was still talking with her. When I asked him then he said she was forcing herself on him and I let it go But recently I discovered my hubby n this lady were actually romantically involved all along. I never really knew It was that serious. Calling each other all the romantic names in the book, sharing with each other what him and I share together, she even sent him porn video that I saw. It seemed to me like they actually had a relationship. What is of interest is that this particular lady is married with husband that doesn't live with her and has 4 grown up children. When I asked him he said he was just giving her what she wanted so she could leave him alone but that seemed to me like the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I'm still trying to understand why. He seemed to me like a morally upright person from when we were dating, but now I don't know what to think of him. why would he have his own wife and still date another mans wife and be comfortable with it? I had another long talk with him and even fought him over this and he yet promised not to do it again but how can I just believe him, too hard for me to wrap my mind around. I feel so disappointed and disgusted. If he could actually do that, then he can do anything.
I really don't see the sense in being married to a Man U can't trust or believe especially now that we still ain't living together, yet I don't think it's enough to talk about divorce, he had apologized, begged and promised but it's still too hard for me. I told him I had forgiven him but it's really hard for me to get over. I just need help on how to go about this. I want my marriage to work out, but anytime I remember this issue, it pulls me away from wanting to try. I feel no matter what I do he would still do whatever he wants to do, so why even bother trying. I want to help myself, pls help me.

Your husband is not a child. He knows what he is doing.

You need a sane mind . It's either you forgive him and work on forgetting all or you separate from him to show the extent you are willing to go.

I value my peace of mind, I would have left if I don't get treated with respect. Now someone else might be willing to tolerate bullcrap. If you are one, deep down you know what you can tolerate, do as you pls.


So many kids walking around with rod between their legs.

You guys need serious counselling,it's been going on for a while now and the fact that you don't even live together add to the problem.

Now that you both are married,what stop you from living in the same country?one of you must have his papers sorted so why is it taking you so long to live together?

You have been at it for so long,ain't you exhausted?

I don't think he will change. A womanizer can hardly change except Devine intervention.

If you want your husband's mistress to stay away from your home, just do it this way. Since you said her kids has grown up, track of them preferably a female. dress like someone mourning. Tell her gently that her mom has broken your home. Plead with her to tell her mother to leave your husband alone. Do not threatened anyone just act like a "churchous" person.

It is always weird if kids get to know about their mom's romance. Except if she has no shame.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond.
Let me start replying by saying I can't monitor his calls, texts, emails etc because like I said we don't live together and I'm sure now he deletes his stuff before getting to me on visits. The first time it was on whatsapp I found things the next time he came whatsapp was cleaned and he confidently went through his whatsapp contacts with me. The other time I checked his call log and found things he omitted next time he visited, logs were clean, the last was texts n emails, I'm sure they will be clean the next time he visits. So because he doesn't know where I look to find things he said I'm always finding something to make trouble over he asked me not to check his phone anymore just to trust him that he is not doing anything to make me unhappy.
I suggested going to talk to a counsellor alone because we couldn't do the together thing (as he had to go back to his base) but he said there was no need for me to, that he has promised this would not repeat itself. Though somewhere in my head I'm hearing that the promise will only hold for a while.
I should have used the separation threat initially as it might be too late to actually talk to him on the issue now because, to be honest, I don't think I can sit him down anymore. He doesn't even want to talk about it anymore he seems tired of hearing about the issue and it makes it seem like I need to find something else to talk about, like I'm bothering him with the talk.
Yes we have a baby, 7 months old.
Trust me @edwife, I am EXHAUSTED. Immigration issue is the reason we are still apart, it's out of our hands, it's been from one thing to the other. Even me I'm too tired of this whole thing.
@Richy4, I don't think I'm gonna be able to do that That would be weird.