update:

they've removed the extra two versions of this fart thread . . . . . good job . . . . . .

J

ok

Chop Ewa n egg then no what up

dts disgusting

opustjk:
Here's the scenario.

Its a hot afternoon,you're wearing a suit and you're stuck inside a hot crowded elevator.

The air in the small space is barely breathable with the stenchy combination of mouth odours and damp undeodorised armpits.


Beads of sweat form on your forehead and slowly roll down your face.

At this point you're pissed .It seems this Popular Government building in Port Harcourt (names withheld) haven't serviced their elevators since the Country's Independence.The doors simply refuse to open.You and the other nine or ten occupants of this metallic box are trapped.

Now, just when you think things couldn't get any worse, somebody FARTS!


A silent fart.

And not just any silent fart,but the HALL-OF-FAME- MOTHER of all silent farts.

The kind that demonically assaults nostrils and makes one dizzy.

Guys, this was no joke.It was the dilemma I found my self in last week.And trust me it wasn't funny.

In a few seconds, the foulness of the fart mingled with the heat, and already
terrible mouth and armpit odors, to form a Vile stench that felt like the presence of an evil spirit.

All around me, people were murmuring and making uncomfortable sounds. We stared at each other suspiciously as if to discern the identity of the culprit. But it was pointless. Whom ever the "FARTER" was, he/she was in there with with us, disguised behind the same look of disgust.

"Chai!" came the voice of a man from behind me.

I considered holding my breath, but then realised that would mean inhaling large amounts of this horrendous fart to do so.Scratch that idea!

"Na God go punish de pessin wey do dis kine tin!"[/i]spat a heavy set woman on my right. I eyed her closely. Was she capable of such a stench?


An eternity passed.

The murmuring continued.

Soon, the elevator doors opened. We all rushed out of our stinky confinement into the embrace of the fresh air. The ordeal had lasted only 2 or 3 minutes, but felt like a week.

The memory of that fart still lingers in my mind like a bad dream.I think people should be fined for farting in such places. Its just...just...[i]wrong.
I mean, seriously.


Moral of the story??

If before leaving the house today,you consumed large amounts of beans in any form (e.g akara or moi moi), or had some boiled eggs with some powdered milk, and then you find yourself in a small confined space with other people,I am pleading with you.......as a Christian and fellow human being...RESPECT YOURSELF!

Please be considerate to individuals within your immediate air space. The contents of your stomach are nobody's business. Not everything's worth sharing.

Life is a choice.
So choose wisely.
Enough said!



http://opustjkwrites..com/?m=0

Hilarious post...But doing it in a crowded environ would perfectly make you disguise & blend in with those crying & cursing.

The thing no get toilet abeg op!

Diffusion and osmosis...Lmao

Well written...

I can't forget dat awkward moment wen I could not hold the bomb in midst of ma friend. I felt like the ground should open nd swallow me cause the bully me extremely

slimzypink:
me I don't send.. I fart for fun

Knock !!

Knock !!

who is there?

Ayew!!

Ayew Gana dance ooo if I show you my money

And u smell for fun

Ewizard:
I don't understand Chinese..
cuz I don't get wat u saying

use you lenses that simple English for a layman like you to understand not Chinese like you said

OP,u gat me rolling on d floor!!like seriously,I can imagine it!

It hurts you bad but here we can only laugh. When your bowels irritate you and they are desperate to let out gasses,location can not stop them. If you hold in fart for too long they may transform into solids(faeces) forcing themselves out to stain your pants(boxers). OP your writing skills made me pardon the culprit. I like your use of english.

slimzypink:
me I don't send.. I fart for fun

Knock !!

Knock !!

who is there?

Ayew!!

Ayew Gana dance ooo if I show you my money

is that a fart?

nice one.. funny indeed

Flakesyblaze:

is that a fart?

It's a natural thing jor

I'm sorry to say, no offence to anyone who might be in the 'crowded' elevator with me, but if the fart comes, it comes. If I try to withhold it and it refuses to pause, I have no choice than to release it

I can't afford to suffer in silence...NAY!!!
And if they can't handle it, the stairs is always available


BTW....@OP
That scenario is hilarious
I suspect the woman that cursed is the culprit

So you want that person to hold his fart and explode ko?

I rather fart, if you don't like. use the stairs.

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[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

[/quote][quote author=opustjk post=31045866]Here's the scenario.

Its a hot afternoon,you're wearing a suit and you're stuck inside a hot crowded elevator.

The air in the small space is barely breathable with the stenchy combination of mouth odours and damp undeodorised armpits.head and slowly roll down your face.

At this point you're pissed .It seems this Popular Government building in Port Harcourt (names withheld) haven't serviced their elevators since the Country's Independence.The doors simply refuse to open.You and the other nine or ten occupants of this metallic box are trapped.

Now, just when you think things couldn't get any worse, somebody FARTS!


A silent fart.

And not just any silent fart,but the HALL-OF-FAME- MOTHER of all silent farts.

The kind that demonically assaults nostrils and makes one dizzy.

Guys, this was no joke.It was the dilemma I found my self in last week.And trust me it wasn't funny.

In a few seconds, the foulness of the fart mingled with the heat, and already
terrible mouth and armpit odors, to form a Vile stench that felt like the presence of an evil spirit.

All around me, people were murmuring and making uncomfortable sounds. We stared at each other suspiciously as if to discern the identity of the culprit. But it was pointless. Whom ever the "FARTER" was, he/she was in there with with us, disguised behind the same look of disgust.

"Chai!" came the voice of a man from behind me.

I considered holding my breath, but then realised that would mean inhaling large amounts of this horrendous fart to do so.Scratch that idea!

"Na God go punish de pessin wey do dis kine tin!"[/i]spat a heavy set woman on my right. I eyed her closely. Was she capable of such a stench?


An eternity passed.

The murmuring continued.

Soon, the elevator doors opened. We all rushed out of our stinky confinement into the embrace of the fresh air. The ordeal had lasted only 2 or 3 minutes, but felt like a week.

The memory of that fart still lingers in my mind like a bad dream.I think people should be fined for farting in such places. Its just...just...[i]wrong.
I mean, seriously.


Moral of the story??

If before leaving the house today,you consumed large amounts of beans in any form (e.g akara or moi moi), or had some boiled eggs with some powdered milk, and then you find yourself in a small confined space with other people,I am pleading with you.......as a Christian and fellow human being...RESPECT YOURSELF!

Please be considerate to individuals within your immediate air space. The contents of your stomach are nobody's business. Not everything's worth sharing.

Life is a choice.
So choose wisely.
Enough said!



http://opustjkwrites..com/?m=0

.......... Bros u sure say no b u mess? Lolz

You just inhale it that's all, but I believe that kind of fart can only come from a Lady

If only hope(my hall mate)would see dis

holyokoto:
You just inhale it that's all, but I believe that kind of fart can only come from a Lady

y lady??

Explore God's gift freely

I don e_fart for dis thread, #walkin away

Ewizard:
I don't understand Chinese..
cuz I don't get wat u saying

reset ya brain pls
Its lagging

hilarious

Yea.. it's a free world.. u gotta let it go..

slimzypink:
me I don't send.. I fart for fun

Knock !!

Knock !!

who is there?

Ayew!!

Ayew Gana dance ooo if I show you my money

Luv ur sincerity.. lyk real pple..

Omolola1:
It's a natural thing jor

I'm sorry to say, no offence to anyone who might be in the 'crowded' elevator with me, but if the fart comes, it comes. If I try to withhold it and it refuses to pause, I have no choice than to release it

I can't afford to suffer in silence...NAY!!!
And if they can't handle it, the stairs is always available


BTW....@OP
That scenario is hilarious
I suspect the woman that cursed is the culprit

krimcake:
welcome to nairaland Opustjk....
dis story always has me in stitches. lol
i love ur blog like madt

hi, R u new on here?

AndreRose:
Lol...but sometimes you can't just hold it. It wil just happen independent of the exercise of your will..lol

hmm...no wonder they say experience is the best teacher