CIGARETTE

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.


MARRIAGE
It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.




DIVORCE
Future tense of Marriage



LECTURE
An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing throught the minds of either.



CONFERENCE
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.



COMPROMISE
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.



DICTIONARY
A place where divorce comes before marriage.



CONFERENCE ROOM
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.



ECSTASY
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.



CLASSIC
A book which people praise, but never read.



SMILE
A curve that can set a lot things straight.



OFFICE
A place where you can relax after your strenous home life.



YAWN
The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth



ETC
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.



COMMITTEE
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.



EXPERIENCE
The name men give to their Mistakes



ATOM BOMB
An invention to bring an end to all inventions.



PHILOSOPHER
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.



DIPLOMAT
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip



OPPORTUNIST
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.



OPTIMIST
A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET".



PESSIMIST
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in
OPPORTUNITY.



MISER
A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH.



FATHER
A banker provided by nature



CRIMINAL
A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught.



BOSS
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.



POLITICIAN
One who shakes your hand before elections and your CONFIDENCE LATER



DOCTOR
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills

jeez that was lovely