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Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by Nobody: 7:57pm On Mar 15, 2015
Shollypopzz:
@babyosisi: I couldn't agree more. I felt the op denied us of some very important info, like what led to the ultimatum.

I do not support ultimatums because they are manipulative and downright narcissistic in my opinion, but in most cases, the person giving the ultimatum does so out of frustration.

Ultimatums are not always manipulative, sometimes they are very essential.When Joshua told the children of Israel to choose who they will serve he was neither being narcissistic nor manipulative instead he was at a crossroad where he needed them to state their stand and that is where the woman in this story is.It is up to that husband to make sure he is not put in that situation.The husband in this story is also foolish in giving an answer to that question.What he needed to do was take stock and resolve the events in his home.

Funny enough I was chatting with a man today after church and we discussed about a mutual friend who recently got a divorce and this man told me he asked the guy to send his mom home when his wife and mom were having serious issues.he didn't listen,I guess he chose his mother.He is now divorced and living with his mother.
The Man i chatted with told me no man should allow his mom spend more than two months and I was in awe to hear a man say this.

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by Nobody: 9:14pm On Mar 15, 2015
MarvellousGod:
shocked shocked shocked shocked grin grin angry.. .....were you brought into the house as a wife or slave? undecided


You gat be kidding shaaa
my dear is a true life story, if I open my mouth u will shed tears for me .I don move on, life is soo precious.

1 Like

Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by ladygogo: 9:43pm On Mar 15, 2015
@greatgod2012. I understand the essence of your post but I think you are viewing the world through rose colored glasses. We arent all lucky to have a pleasant MIL like yours.

That said, I believe both MIL and DIL deserve respect and shouldnt be expected from one party.

@babyosisi. well said.

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by Ewuro4: 10:02pm On Mar 15, 2015
Well said Greatgod2012, You couldn't have said it any better, more wisdom.

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by Nobody: 12:24am On Mar 16, 2015
chisom101:
Some mother in laws are just trouble some,and soo bitter I don't know why . my ex mother bath me with hot soup b/c there is no salt in her soup,even flog me .

Imagine that

1 Like

Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by Ewuro4: 1:57am On Mar 16, 2015
The thread title said 'Opinion' init? undecided

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by Beetle: 4:15am On Mar 16, 2015
Babyosisi, you've said it all. Take knuckles my sister. You analysed the whole situation. Great god u didn't solve the couples prob uve only compounded it by seeing things from your own PoV. I get on well with my MIL doesn't mean everyone else will get on well with theirs. And just because mama took care of the man, cleaned his faeces and all that doesn't mean she should come first. Abi no be person born the woman too or she fell from heaven.

Mil should stay in their corner and DIL in theirs. No Wahala for house. And also at the beginning I told DH to choose cos that woman is evil. Pure and undiluted evil.

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 4:41am On Mar 16, 2015
slimyem:
I find it difficult to believe any woman with a little bit of education and some cognition in this time would bargain with such lines still-a line that is sure to fail over and over .I'm only familiar with the lines from my day of Nollywooding.



The place of a mother and wife in a man's life are different. There isn't and should never be a need for competition or comparisons. It is the most basic thing any woman about to be married should know.


my sister, some women do it, infact, some say it directly to the man's face that, "if you truly love me, then, you shouldn't have anything to do with that evil woman you called your mother". And yes, more common with the educated ones. And yes, the way you're surprised is the way i'm also surprised.
It is well!

3 Likes

Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 4:44am On Mar 16, 2015
Khabuqi:


What about the part of the marriage vows, "forsaking all others", meaning you put your spouse above anyone else, including family members when it comes to supporting them.


forsaking all others
Including one's mother
You got to be kidding me, right?
Well, it's your opinion and i respect it.

4 Likes

Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 4:49am On Mar 16, 2015
crackhaus:
Lmao. . . I'm sorry I just have to say this, but I have always wondered why a good number of women believe that because they're having sex with you, they should automatically become more important than your mother when it comes down to picking a side.

It's suicide mission putting a man on that spot - the only way I'll choose any woman over my mother is if I've always had a bad relationship with my mom or I just want to make this woman momentarily happy to avoid more talk.

As a matter of fact, I don't even expect a woman with a really good heart to be happy and comfortable that her man always chooses her over his own mother.



Lmao...
Some women are actually comfortable with it, and some even wish their MIL dead before even marry their husbands, and i always wonder if they'll like to reap what they've in the future.

4 Likes

Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 4:58am On Mar 16, 2015
chisom101:
Some mother in laws are just trouble some,and soo bitter I don't know why . my ex mother bath me with hot soup b/c there is no salt in her soup,even flog me .



eeya, sorry.
I'm not judging you neither am i condemning you, and that God it's now ex, but i'm sure that you must have seen the red-light that the woman didn't like you before you married her son.

Personally, i have this belief that once a lady is totally and completely rejected in a man's family from the very beginning, the lady does not need to marry the man, because, in this africa, it's almost impossible to marry your man ALONE.
Abeg, that's my personal opinion o, let nobody crucify me.

2 Likes

Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 5:02am On Mar 16, 2015
TooNoisy:


Forsaking all others mean you should not cheat on your spouse. It does not mean you should throw your family away.



Thank you!
I support this your translation 100%.



See people translating the scripture to what suits them..........
I no fit laugh, abeg.
Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 5:08am On Mar 16, 2015
babyosisi:


I doubt if any woman speaks those words lightly
It is normally spoken out of frustration when a man has turned a blind eye while his mother encroached into a territory that belongs to the wife.Human are territorial beings.
What many men don't understand is that the wife and the mother are two people that love him and he must actively keep their roles separate.
Go to my marital advise thread,I wrote of my first experiences with my MIL in those early years .
I had a time I had to ask my own husband to choose between his mom and I because despite his best efforts I found myself on one side fighting mother and son for no fault if mine.
You have a great MIL so you don't get it,some don't and some didn't start off the way yours did
Some had to " kill their MIL with love" to get goodness out of them
Some had to bite their tongues to a whole of stuff to maintain a workable relationship

The mothers role is totally separate from the wife's and it is up to the husband to make that distinction clear if his mother doesn't understand that and help not to stretch his wife to her limits.I have already written that most MIL do this out of the love for their sons and wanting the best for him but hurt the DIL and sometimes deliberately in that process.
It is Ok to make blanket statements of dos and donts but unless you have been faced with a situation yourself,you have no clue what the other person has been through.




I respect your opinion.
That being said, asking a man to choose between you and his mother is even disrespectful to the man, IMO. I would rather tell him to help me talk to his mother rather than telling him to choose whom he prefers between us. My personal opinion, please.

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 5:14am On Mar 16, 2015
babyosisi:


The bible says a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife
When a many has allowed his mother to cleave ,and the wife is finding a space,katakata will burst


Leave the house and show that you're now a grown up man.
Leave, not abandon, not reject, not disobey, not dislike, not hate.
And remember, the same bible also says......."obey your mother and father in all things, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God has given you".
And this is the only command with promise o.

3 Likes

Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 5:33am On Mar 16, 2015
Shollypopzz:
@babyosisi: I couldn't agree more. I felt the op denied us of some very important info, like what led to the ultimatum.

I do not support ultimatums because they are manipulative and downright narcissistic in my opinion, but in most cases, the person giving the ultimatum does so out of frustration.


Thank God i was able to resolve the issue, i followed her to the house and met the man, the man narrated his side, and he said what normally causes the rancor is that each time he buys something for his mother, the wife usually complain that he takes care of his mother more than her. For example, the last one that involved me was, they all had a family owanbe, the man said he could only afford a particular amount that the wife should assist with certain amount. And after the wife calculated everything, she concluded that her hubby wanted to sylishly demand for the money of her own asoebi, which she regarded as cheating on her own part, that the man is buying for all others except her own, which led to serious conflict to the extent the wife was telling the hubby to choose between her and his mother.
That same place, i pointed the man's fault, as well as the wife's fault. But one on one, i made her realise that asking a man to choose between you and his mother will surely lead to this type of things. There are more matured, wiser and better ways of handling issues.
It is well.






CC
babyosisi
beetle
ladygogo
Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 5:37am On Mar 16, 2015
Ewuro4:
Well said Greatgod2012, You couldn't have said it any better, more wisdom.


Thanks!

2 Likes

Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by TooNoisy(f): 6:34am On Mar 16, 2015
greatgod2012:




Lmao...
Some women are actually comfortable with it, and some even wish their MIL dead before even marry their husbands, and i always wonder if they'll like to reap what they've in the future.

Young ladies just ruin their marriages for no reason. They come into marriage thinking their MIL must be evil so they just start fighting her. How come only the husband's mother is always evil?

These ladies will set strong boundaries for the woman; boundaries that they will not set for their own mother and they think that is fair. If their own mother enters her kitchen to cook, no problem but if MIL enters kitchen to cook, all he'll will break loose ; then they tell their husbands to choose. You think your husband will not clearly see that you are being partial? A woman you were very nice to before marriage suddenly becomes evil after marriage.

Nobody is saying some MIL are not trouble some, what the OP asked was if it is ok to ask your husband to choose between wife and mother . The simple answer is that it is never Ok cos the two ain't in competition. I asked again, how come only the husband's mother is troublesome? The wife's mother gets away with anything she does but anything the husband's mother does is pure evil.

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by Nobody: 7:30am On Mar 16, 2015
Why would a sane man choose a wife over his mother? A woman that would not think twice about cleaning out your sweat and ending your existence the moment you guys fall out? If women want to be chosen ahead of mothers, they should do better than mothers. All these ediots talking about boundaries and context are just that, ediots. Woman wey be say na where sweet dem dey sabi. Only a mother can have unconditional love for a man, if you believe your wife has unconditional love for you, sorry is your name.

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by taryour(f): 7:44am On Mar 16, 2015
I really don't know why this thread is so difficult to comprehend to some folks here o. The logic is simple. " If you can not marry a man loving his mother the same way you love your own mother then please DO NOT marry the man "

Afterall its not like we all grew up without having quarrels and arguments with our own mothers even our grandmothers. We all has mothers will also become mother inlaws one day.

You should learn to tolerate things once you are married cause a whole lot will come your way, however you handle determines your happiness and rest of mind.


Even in worse scenarios there are still more sensible and matured ways to iron things out,rather than telling a man to choose between his mother and his wife. Its never possible cause he would choose his mother and this will just hurt the wife more so what's the point.

Its so so dis respecting, that's the height of F00lishness. No matter how frustrating she is,she isn't going to leave with you forever na just hold on for that short while and learn to love her the way she is.

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by Acidosis(m): 7:46am On Mar 16, 2015
omg see epistles
Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by Nobody: 7:59am On Mar 16, 2015
greatgod2012:



forsaking all others
Including one's mother
You got to be kidding me, right?
Well, it's your opinion and i respect it.

Forsake as in leave others and then the husband and wife will become one. I think it is even in the bible or something. Like I said, when a man marries, the wife should be his first priority. If a man is not ready for that commitment, then he should stay away from marriage and continue being mama's boy.

4 Likes

Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 8:18am On Mar 16, 2015
Okay!
Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 8:19am On Mar 16, 2015
Acidosis:
omg see epistles

Lol........
where are the epistles?
Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by greatgod2012(f): 8:34am On Mar 16, 2015
taryour:
I really don't know why this thread is so difficult to comprehend to some folks here o. The logic is simple. " If you can not marry a man loving his mother the same way you love your own mother then please DO NOT marry the man "

Afterall its not like we all grew up without having quarrels and arguments with our own mothers even our grandmothers. We all has mothers will also become mother inlaws one day.

You should learn to tolerate things once you are married cause a whole lot will come your way, however you handle determines your happiness and rest of mind.


Even in worse scenarios there are still more sensible and matured ways to iron things out,rather than telling a man to choose between his mother and his wife. Its never possible cause he would choose his mother and this will just hurt the wife more so what's the point.

Its so so dis respecting, that's the height of F00lishness. No matter how frustrating she is,she isn't going to leave with you forever na just hold on for that short while and learn to love her the way she is.



Thank you my sister.
You couldn't have said it better.
Like Toonoisy has been asking on this thread......why is it only the husband's mother that is always troublesome, why not wife's mothers.
Anyone that can not tolerate his MILs like their mothers should please not get married to the man. Simple.
Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by Acidosis(m): 9:04am On Mar 16, 2015
greatgod2012:


Lol........
where are the epistles?
grin the whole thread
Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by TooNoisy(f): 10:18am On Mar 16, 2015
greatgod2012:



Thank you my sister.
You couldn't have said it better.
Like Toonoisy has been asking on this thread......why is it only the husband's mother that is always troublesome, why not wife's mothers.
Anyone that can not tolerate his MILs like their mothers should please not get married to the man. Simple.

There are no perfect mothers out there. So may be the question really is this. If the husband can tolerate the wife's mother, why can't the wife tolerate the husband's mother. Unless we believe the wife's mother is always great and husband's mother is always the bad one, which leads me to think they are different species. But as I said before, the mama has both married sons and daughters. Why does she manifest her evil ways only in her son's house but same woman manifests angelic behavior in her daughter's house.

But what we women forget is that one day we will need these same in-laws we castigate. The day your husband now starts behaving and you go and report to these same in-laws, what do you think they are going to say? After calling mama Ekwensu, Witch, Devil, you will now go to her to speak to her son if he starts misbehaving and you think she will answer you. I laugh in french.

And for those shouting some men are mummy's babies, you are right some men are mummy's boy but you would have noticed that during courtship. Why marry a mummy's boy and want him to change after marriage. No strong independent man suddenly becomes a mummy's boy after marriage. It never happens. And 90% of mummy's boys actually spend mummy's money, so if mummy is the one feeding you, then she will have a say in your marriage; cos its her money you are spending.

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by MARKone(m): 11:02am On Mar 16, 2015
Well Said.
Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by valmunich(m): 11:04am On Mar 16, 2015
This OP is sounding like one of em mama's boy

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by lonelydora: 11:04am On Mar 16, 2015
If my wife ask that question ehn. ......
Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by coogar: 11:06am On Mar 16, 2015
greatgod2012:


Lmao...
Some women are actually comfortable with it, and some even wish their MIL dead before even marry their husbands, and i always wonder if they'll like to reap what they've in the future.

women have always been known to make those stupid comparisons - and some foolish men buy into the emotional blackmail.

i have heard choose between me & your football club several times too. there's nothing you should not expect from nigerian women - many of them have the emotional maturity of a toothpaste!


And for those shouting some men are mummy's babies, you are right some men are mummy's boy but you would have noticed that during courtship. Why marry a mummy's boy and want him to change after marriage. No strong independent man suddenly becomes a mummy's boy after marriage. It never happens. And 90% of mummy's boys actually spend mummy's money, so if mummy is the one feeding you, then she will have a say in your marriage; cos its her money you are spending.

all these women shouting men are mummy's boys do worse when they have their sons. it's easy to type nonsense on the internet. let's just admit women are troublesome in general - you would never hear of men asking their wives to choose between them & their FILs.

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by BizBloke(m): 11:06am On Mar 16, 2015
'Choose who you want between me and your mother,' screamed BizBloke's wife in anger. shocked shocked

'I choose both of you. Deal with it - my profound love for you and momma!' BizBloke sweetly said. grin grin

On a serious note, my wife wouldn't say that. She'd say, 'Choose who/what you want between me and this quarrel.' I bet you know what my choice is every time. embarassed grin

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Re: Opinion: Choose Who You Want Between Me And Your Mother- Very Silly Question by Nobody: 11:11am On Mar 16, 2015
chisom101:
Some mother in laws are just trouble some,and soo bitter I don't know why . my ex mother bath me with hot soup b/c there is no salt in her soup,even flog me .
Lol, and you gave her the room to try such?

Gaddenmit! angry

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