Absolutely very silly question to me .
BTW A man that cannot hold his own has no business being married!

[color=#990000][/color]PRAYER POINT 4 GUYS ONLY..
(1) My father my Father!
Anywhere any girl is planning to
use me as a
MUGU, God destroy her plans!
(2) Oh God! Any girl that is using her breast to
confuse my destiny, Holy Ghost
fire! Born them
(3) Any girl that has vowed that
she would never date me, God
make her to see me taking her 4 shopping in
her dream.!
(4) Any girl that has slept with 5
different men
including me and wants to tie me
down with
pregnancy that is not mine, God make her
forget my
name!
(5) Any girl that m dating and
calls
me only to tell
me her BIS/AIRTIME has expired.. Oh Lord..
Divert her calls to
kidnappers.
Gusy say 'AMEN'
Girls Hit # like and pray along with

Good luck trying to reason with such women.

Any person who says something so stupid needs professional psychiatric help.

Really, :-)?

Mtchew, no woman born of a woman can say dat to me and expect me to still marry her.

slimyem:
I find it difficult to believe any woman with a little bit of education and some cognition in this time would bargain with such lines still-a line that is sure to fail over and over .I'm only familiar with the lines from my day of Nollywooding.



The place of a mother and wife in a man's life are different. There isn't and should never be a need for competition or comparisons. It is the most basic thing any woman about to be married should know.

Where have u been?

That's really a dumb question to ask a man. Is he my God that he should choose?

I don't expect any man to love me more than his mother just the way I can't love any guy more than my daddy.

TooNoisy:


Forsaking all others mean you should not cheat on your spouse. It does not mean you should throw your family away.

That isn't what it meant, when two people come together in marriage, they become one, in short, your spouse should always come first in all dealings, its now up to her to treat your MIL right..
But still she comes first, that is the whole idea of marriage, you leave your parents for your spouse.

greatgod2012:
Good day my fellow forumites. It's been a while opening thread on this forum. Happy sunday to us all.


This thread was borne out of a quarrel between a couple i tried to settle two days ago.
A colleague of mine approached me for advice on what is happening in her marriage, and at the end of narrating her ordeal, i pointed her fault to her as being the architech of her problems. I deduced that the bone of contention is that each time there is disagreement, he would ask her husband to choose between her and and his mother, and as it is expected, the man would choose his mother, and yawa go gas!

Please, my fellow women and wives (though some men are guilty of this too, but it's more rampant with women), let's stop this nonsense, let's stop asking silly questions, if there is an issue between you and your spouse, communicate with maturity, without raising voice, without setiments and without blackmail and most importantly, without silly questions such as, "then, you will have to choose between me and your mother" it's childish, silly, disrespectful and out of security and envy.
Let me tell us, no sane man will choose his wife over his mother, because the wife was not there when his mother conceived him, gave birth to him, breasfed him, trained him, have so many sleepless nighs because of him, sent him to school to become who he is now for you to see, admire and marry. No wife was there when the mother was washing the man's dirty clothes, even using bare hands to wash faeces with which he soiled himself, when the mother spent days in hospital when sick to make sure the man is in good health and shape. No wife was there when the mother wakes in the middle of the night to talk and advise his son on ways of life, on how to be a good child to her parents, a good person in the society, a good employee to his employer, a good employer to his employees, a good father to his children and a good husband to his wife. Now, it's the mother that the wife is now waging war against. Nooooo wayyyyyy.
Honestly, i don't know reason why there is usually rancour between DILs and MILs, if for anything, these old women deserves our respect, appreciation and to be made happy, at least for making these our husbands marriageable, abi, if they were not born, can we get married to them.

So, my fellow women, if you don't want to sadden yourself, stop asking your men to choose between you and his mother, because he would definately choose his mother. And for those who usually say, "then let him take his mother to bed", abeg, everything is not only about bed in marriage. For those who will say, "then let his mother prepare him food, remember, he has been eating his mother's food before meeting and marrying you. For those who will say, "then, let his mother bare him children", remember, the children are not only his, they're yours as well.

Let all DILs remember that they are also potential MILs and that whatever they sow as a DIL, they will reap them when they also become MIL.
Let us cultivate the habit of loving our MILs, appreciate them and stop unnecessary rivalry with them. Many of them are becoming old already, so, we need to remember that old age usually make someone to be eccentric. So, let' treat them as if they are our mother, which i believe they are. Atleast, someone who is old enough to be our spouse' mother is also fit to be our mother.
As for me, i have the most wonderful MIL in the whole world. I cherish her, adore her, love her greatly and i get the best of her, even my husband and his siblings do jealous of me.

Anytime there's a cause for all of us, me, hubby and mama, to be in a car, i open the front door for mama myself to sit, this singular act, i have been criticised of so many times, but, is it not for just one or few days, and i see that she usually love it each time i do that. She rains blessings on me as if there is no other day. I pamper her(but truth be said, she pampers me more).
See, my fellow women, this is a secret, if you want the best from your man, love his mother and you will never regret doing so.
God bless us all.
For those who will condemn this, i think i'm no longer a novice in marriage. This is my 10th year of marriage, and it's just like yesterday, we're just starting anyway, and everyday of our marriage has always been better than the previous day.

This also goes to the men who usually asks their wives to choose between them and their mothers.

P. S
DIL....daughter-in-law.
MIL....mother-in-law.

God bless us all.

I share your vision. Though I'm not yet màrrièd, it beats me how some ladies go to the extent of praying and fasting for their to be mothers in law to die before they marry their sons as if thèy won't be mothers in law someday

Vickybee:
That's really a dumb question to ask a man. Is he my God that he should choose?

I don't expect any man to love me more than his mother just the way I can't love any guy more than my daddy.

Op, as you've clearly stated, one thing these ladies called "daughters in-law" seem to forget is that they are very much potential "mother in-laws" in the nearest future. You cant sow cocoyam to go reap cassava.

My elder brother's wife is so unfair to my mum.... a big disappointment to everyone in the family. But each time i look at her behaviour, i laugh cos i assume she doesnt know what she's doing. I thank God because she has a son. Let's see what the future holds for her and her son and daughter in-law.

why would a reasonable person ask this kind of question in d first place. Mother n wife r different personalities n av different roles. Both r just incomparable.

babyosisi:


I doubt if any woman speaks those words lightly
It is normally spoken out of frustration when a man has turned a blind eye while his mother encroached into a territory that belongs to the wife.Human are territorial beings.
What many men don't understand is that the wife and the mother are two people that love him and he must actively keep their roles separate.
Go to my marital advise thread,I wrote of my first experiences with my MIL in those early years .
I had a time I had to ask my own husband to choose between his mom and I because despite his best efforts I found myself on one side fighting mother and son for no fault if mine.
You have a great MIL so you don't get it,some don't and some didn't start off the way yours did
Some had to " kill their MIL with love" to get goodness out of them
Some had to bite their tongues to a whole of stuff to maintain a workable relationship

The mothers role is totally separate from the wife's and it is up to the husband to make that distinction clear if his mother doesn't understand that and help not to stretch his wife to her limits.I have already written that most MIL do this out of the love for their sons and wanting the best for him but hurt the DIL and sometimes deliberately in that process.
It is Ok to make blanket statements of dos and donts but unless you have been faced with a situation yourself,you have no clue what the other person has been through.

You've said it all!! Sometimes, before a woman makes such statements, something bad done many times by the MIL must have prompted it. Mothers should learn how to allow a couple plan and live their lives blissfully without meddling into their affairs unnecessarily. A wife and a mother should know their roles in a man's life and respect their boundaries.

greatgod2012:



Leave the house and show that you're now a grown up man.
Leave, not abandon, not reject, not disobey, not dislike, not hate.
And remember, the same bible also says......."obey your mother and father in all things, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God has given you".
And this is the only command with promise o.

. Men, your wisdom 'bad' oh. I swear your children will enjoy you die. Its not a prayer but a FACT.

@babyosisi

All I can say is, remember that you too will become a MIL one day so whatever you sow so shall you reap.

Respect they say is reciprocal...as a MIL respect ur position nd remember that ure a MOTHER and your son / daughter has got a LIFE partner as a wifey/hussey over respect ur MIL so ur marriage will be blessed keeping in mind that one day u will be in that position Godwilling.......God I cherish good mothers...
#thank God for my mumsy o...my Bruvs wifey is in for a world of enjoyment...I pray for good in laws...Amin

JoeCutie:

It seems all the guys on this thread(both married & unmarried) want to love their mummy than wife.

Well, it's girls that are getting theirselves worked up on trivial issues.

If I notice that my husband love his mother more than me and consult him before taking decisions, I'll love my daddy more than him too and consult him before taking decisions.

The feeling is mutual.

babyosisi:


Sorry nne but I fault your counseling style greatly,no offense
You may want to focus more on why she asked him to choose rather that act of asking him to choose
It seems to me that you left the real meat to pursue the after effect.
A frog doesn't run in daylight for nothing
If the same situation keeps presenting itself and she wants to go by your counsel,she will simply not say those words anymore but the root cause will remain unchanged.

Exactly!! She made it look like MILs are all saints and the faults are solely on the DILs. I didn't even read up to half of her epistle before I hissed and moved down to the comments. Her advice is biased!!

I'm a man, but the OP is wrong in her advice. All MILs are not saints. Some are bad, some are good. It's up to the man to step up and handle his business like a grown man. A mother should know her boundaries when it comes to couples. That she's the husband's mother doesn't mean she can step into the marriage and act anyhow. What nonsense!!

TooNoisy:


Young ladies just ruin their marriages for no reason. They come into marriage thinking their MIL must be evil so they just start fighting her. How come only the husband's mother is always evil?

These ladies will set strong boundaries for the woman; boundaries that they will not set for their own mother and they think that is fair. If their own mother enters her kitchen to cook, no problem but if MIL enters kitchen to cook, all he'll will break loose ; then they tell their husbands to choose. You think your husband will not clearly see that you are being partial? A woman you were very nice to before marriage suddenly becomes evil after marriage.

Nobody is saying some MIL are not trouble some, what the OP asked was if it is ok to ask your husband to choose between wife and mother . The simple answer is that it is never Ok cos the two ain't in competition. I asked again, how come only the husband's mother is troublesome? The wife's mother gets away with anything she does but anything the husband's mother does is pure evil.

. Am surprised am reading this from a woman, wow am really impressed. My dear please don't bother talking to those feminist girls cause they would just give you unnecessary BP. Let's just pray that whatever they sow so shall they reap.

Vickybee:

It seems all the guys on this thread(both married & unmarried) want to love their mummy than wife.

Well, it's girls that are getting theirselves worked up on trivial issues.

If I notice that my husband love his mother more than me and consult him before taking decisions, I'll love my daddy more than him too and consult him before taking decisions.

The feeling is mutual.

Coolest signature sis...

Khabuqi:


Forsake as in leave others and then the husband and wife will become one. I think it is even in the bible or something. Like I said, when a man marries, the wife should be his first priority. If a man is not ready for that commitment, then he should stay away from marriage and continue being mama's boy.

. Don't get angry when your children also abandon you for their wives

TooNoisy:
Let's just look at the reality. If your mother were treated the same way by your brother's wife, will you be happy? If you brother's wife keeps telling your brother to choose between her and your mother, will you say advice him to choose his wife? Such a foolish question I must say.

The husband's mother also has daughters who are also married. How come mama is only bad in her son's house but wonderful in her daughter's house? Is it not the same woman? Her own married daughters would always welcome her in their house but her daughters-in-law don't want to see her.

All I can say is treat your mother in law the way you will treat your mother.

Re your last statement, what a mother would be happy seeing her daughter's husband doing, she might not like her son doing it.

2. She cannot claim rights in her daughter's martial home

@OP: the question is crazy.

tivta:
. Don't get angry when your children also abandon you for their wives

Yeah. If they marry, their wives should be their first priority. Just like my mum is my dad's first priority.

Don't be so sure that all men will choose their mothers over their wives. Know so many men that have chosen their wives jejely. But I totally agree that it is not a realistic position to put aman in, because many a times it backfires. But truth be told some MILs are just so overbearing that they refuse to give their sons and DILs breathing space. And at that point the woman needs to take a stand. But rather than ask your hubby to choose between you and his mother, you can call in some elders of your faith to intervene, especially if the man takes his faith/religion seriously. Don't deny your husband sex or food o. Hian!!! Those things are all over the place and he can even get it free of charge if he wants, with jara on top sef and then, Mrs. Wifey looses at the end. I have a fantastic MIL and I've no issues with her in the last 16 years. She no even get time as she is busy taking care of her goats and crops in the village. Her own is just make sure you feed her son. Shikena!

Khabuqi:


Yeah. If they marry, their wives should be their first priority. Just like my mum is my dad's first priority.

Reasonable guy!! Thumbs up!!

sinizia:


Reasonable guy!! Thumbs up!!

Na so my bro

Godshand:
Op, as you've clearly stated, one thing these ladies called "daughters in-law" seem to forget is that they are very much potential "mother in-laws" in the nearest future. You cant sow cocoyam to go reap cassava.

My elder brother's wife is so unfair to my mum.... a big disappointment to everyone in the family. But each time i look at her behaviour, i laugh cos i assume she doesnt know what she's doing. I thank God because she has a son. Let's see what the future holds for her and her son and daughter in-law.

. My brother, karma is a bittch that fuccks every one. What goes around comes back around. I pity all these women shouting "MILs" are bad, they too shall reap what they sow.

greatgod2012:



Thank God i was able to resolve the issue, i followed her to the house and met the man, the man narrated his side, and he said what normally causes the rancor is that each time he buys something for his mother, the wife usually complain that he takes care of his mother more than her. For example, the last one that involved me was, they all had a family owanbe, the man said he could only afford a particular amount that the wife should assist with certain amount. And after the wife calculated everything, she concluded that her hubby wanted to sylishly demand for the money of her own asoebi, which she regarded as cheating on her own part, that the man is buying for all others except her own, which led to serious conflict to the extent the wife was telling the hubby to choose between her and his mother.
That same place, i pointed the man's fault, as well as the wife's fault. But one on one, i made her realise that asking a man to choose between you and his mother will surely lead to this type of things. There are more matured, wiser and better ways of handling issues.
It is well.






CC
babyosisi
beetle
ladygogo

In this story the wife is more @ fault.

Don't know the full story to exhonorate the husband

cacali:
Don't be so sure that all men will choose their mothers over their wives. Know so many men that have chosen their wives jejely. But I totally agree that it is not a realistic position to put aman in, because many a times it backfires. But truth be told some MILs are just so overbearing that they refuse to give their sons and DILs breathing space. And at that point the woman needs to take a stand. But rather than ask your hubby to choose between you and his mother, you can call in some elders of your faith to intervene, especially if the man takes his faith/religion seriously. Don't deny your husband sex or food o. Hian!!! Those things are all over the place and he can even get it free of charge if he wants, with jara on top sef and then, Mrs. Wifey looses at the end. I have a fantastic MIL and I've no issues with her in the last 16 years. She no even get time as she is busy taking care of her goats and crops in the village. Her own is just make sure you feed her son. Shikena!

. So fighting fire with fire will solve the problem? Women just can't tolerate themselves yet they forget karma is real. Why don't men fight with their MILs? Its a female thing that needs to be changed.
Women are their own worst enemies.

Khabuqi:


Yeah. If they marry, their wives should be their first priority. Just like my mum is my dad's first priority.

. You are sounding selfish. Why say IF? You don't want them to leave you abi? My dear you can't eat your cake and have it.

crackhaus:
Lmao. . . I'm sorry I just have to say this, but I have always wondered why a good number of women believe that because they're having sex with you, they should automatically become more important than your mother when it comes down to picking a side.

It's suicide mission putting a man on that spot - the only way I'll choose any woman over my mother is if I've always had a bad relationship with my mom or I just want to make this woman momentarily happy to avoid more talk.

As a matter of fact, I don't even expect a woman with a really good heart to be happy and comfortable that her man always chooses her over his own mother.

Exactly, very nice point.

Any woman who utter such nonsense should be watch thoroughly. It expose a huge reservoir of her intent.