What is it with women and will.
You expect him to pick you over his brother,
Who knows maybe you cheated on him.

Check yourself, there are thousands of foolish behavior he has been trying to correct you on and you refuse to change or may be you are giving him a lot of problems that makes him think he does not have future hope in you. Most men some times like to adopt silence treatment for peace to reign at home. Women learn how to be submissive and you get everything you want in a man. Men are the simplest thing to dealt with. I had the same experience early in my marriage but I was advised to adopt submission and the same man went to bank and change everything in my favor.

majekdom2:
there is no where in a marriage will and agreement where it says one has to put his spouse as the next of kin.as you said no be everybody read book, even if she has her name as next of kin the village man go gree?

There is somewhere where it is written that your wife has to be next of kin. In their gold digging skulls! "how wrong it is for a woman to expect a man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself- Anais

imagine the OP has only been married for a year and she wants to be next of kin to stuffs her husby probably owned before he ever knew she existed! that is gold digging! how many husbys are their wifes next of kin? yet they don't cry foul. for me, i prefer using my kids as next of kin.

BritneyStacy:
Am 24yrs old and just married for 3months in marriage. Married to a nice dude, godly aand very homely. Am proud to say his type is rare. He is not perfect, he has his flaws just like I do(I can be very annoying) but that's wat makes us imperfect. I need decent and very responsible suggestions like you would give a sister or friend on how to solve or manage this problem. Bobo doesn't last in bed. Since we married even on the wedding night, he doesn't last more than 3mins. Am worried. Once he releases, he will cuddle me and den sleeps off with me in his arms. I feel bad discuSsing the issue with him again and again because each time I bringup the issue, I could see the shame and shyness written all over his face. I hate seeing him feel like he is not a man. I understand he is still new in it as I was the first girl he has ever had sex with(one reason am proud of him tho I wasn't a virgin when I met and he knew). We had sex just 3times through out our 1yr 9mnths relationship and I wasnot worried because I was happy to be in a relationship that wasn't so sexual yet we could still see how much we loved and adored each other. How do I get him to improve his Perfomance without jeopardising my marriage? Am beginning to loose interest in sex andjust be satisfied with his romance because he is good at that. But then I wonder, how long will I have to cope with that? SUGGESTIONS PLZ

You wrote this August last year, so your marriage is not up to a year!
I want to believe you're yet to have a child... Prolly explains why your hubby used his brother.

BritneyStacy:
I couldn't help laughing after reading the post. It reminded me of my experience with one of the so called "pastor/man of god". Before we got married, my husband and I had agreed to wait for at least one year before having a child. We wanted to use the period to bond well and enjoy ourselves. We luckily escaped a pregnancy for the first 3months as we did not register for a ny family planning of any sort. We were always anxious at the end of thE first 3months if A period delayed. To curb the anxiety, Bobo finally let me register for family planning. This was unknown to our families. Naso after 5months or so, an Aunty of mine came with this man of god UNSOLICTED telling us that he will help us with our childlessness. My husband and I decided to pretend and let's the drama unfold. That was how this man came telling us that he had a vision where God revealed to him that its the landlady of the compound I was living in before I moved to my husband's house that tied my womb......Unknown to the idiot that I was not living in a rented apartment before my marriage so he prescribed a one month regimen in the church and cleansing we were to do if we were to break free from her. Then gave the church acct, number where we would pay in our access fee and appreciation for the cleansing. I was living in my parent's house before the marriage. So I guess my mom was thE evil landladY or the family planning pills I was taking. Heheheheheeh......When he left, we laughed our ass out. This pastor am talking about is among the first 3 most popular pastors in Uyo whose members make donation in dollars. So make I cut my long story short, let her read this thread on NL and share this my story with her. These self serving Pastors are scammers..trust me!! Pastors don't give children, God gives. Visit the hospitAl and stick to medical advice. Make stop visiting these churches. They wil destroy ur home slowly..(That's if they Ђåvε̲ not already). I understand how desperate women can be though to Ђåvε̲ a child of their own. Be more supportive and involved in her activities. Know who she is visiting and why. All the best in your home!!!

Ahhh that ur husband need prayers oh! In this harsh economy and ur next of kind is ur brother!Eeven if he cant change it to ur name let him have one of ur children b NOK.When ur talkin to him pls dont sound desperate, maintain that savings acct for rainy days.

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

@BritneyStacy
There are men from a certain tribe in Nigeria who are brought up this way.
i was having a convo. with some friends and one of us brought up the same thing - His brother was his next of kin - and he has 2 kids! We all attacked him to explain y?
In his opinion, his blood relatives - "cannot miss it for him" in case of his demise, his wife can still marry another man, and he dosnt want his children to suffer. To my astonishment, he honestly and sincerely believed all that crap.
WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS BETTER, YOUR WIFE OR BROTHER??

If his close friends have the same mentality, your problem is bigger than you think!

You might not be the one who can change his mind and if you want to, it has to be over a 'stealthy" period of time - you know how you women build up to a climax! Build up scenarios over time. Dont be confrontational or bring it up in a direct jist type setting

If he finds out you have a secret account, you have full-proofed his reasons. Talk to him before you start this.

Start to pray about it, ask God for wisdom

Janedoe26:
Having read the entire post (yes! I took my time and read every single comment), I have a new prayer point "God please I don't want a husband with a poor mentality".
If you die as a Man and your wife re marries. So what? Often times, most women never re marry but Men do and hell its ok.
Secondly, I can deduce that many people marry for the wrong reasons - if you do not trust your wife, or love your wife why marry her in the first place? If she changes after marriage y remain with her?
Thirdly, did u come to this life to fend for your siblings. If your wife is not important enough for you to entrust your wealth y did u marry her? I mean, unlike your brother, you had a choice and you picked her. That should count for something.
Assuming like she said she contributed to the House even if its 10% (for those who can't fathom that a woman can contribute more than a man) isn't she entitled to some benefit?
Even if she has no issue...if the man dies, won't he like his wife to have something from him after all, aren't they supposed to be one?
Marriage is not by force. If you can't find someone to trust and love, forget it.
The only justification for me is if those forms and will were made before marriage.

Most Nigerian marriages are not by choice my dear, many external influences ruin their very foundation. Call me later, I'll explain!

Janedoe26:
Having read the entire post (yes! I took my time and read every single comment), I have a new prayer point "God please I don't want a husband with a poor mentality".
If you die as a Man and your wife re marries. So what? Often times, most women never re marry but Men do and hell its ok.
Secondly, I can deduce that many people marry for the wrong reasons - if you do not trust your wife, or love your wife why marry her in the first place? If she changes after marriage y remain with her?
Thirdly, did u come to this life to fend for your siblings. If your wife is not important enough for you to entrust your wealth y did u marry her? I mean, unlike your brother, you had a choice and you picked her. That should count for something.
Assuming like she said she contributed to the House even if its 10% (for those who can't fathom that a woman can contribute more than a man) isn't she entitled to some benefit?
Even if she has no issue...if the man dies, won't he like his wife to have something from him after all, aren't they supposed to be one?
Marriage is not by force. If you can't find someone to trust and love, forget it.
The only justification for me is if those forms and will were made before marriage.

my dear, the thing tire person. most people marry for the wrong reasons. women should just shine their eyes,

NOTE:
this doesn't mean every man is the same, if your husband is a loving, caring and understanding man that takes his responsibility serious, you shouldn't hide anything from him. so for those reading comments here, don't just act based on this story for all me. you know ur man and how best to you handle yourselves.

Madam, you are right for having such concerns because I don't know how my wife to be would feel like if I were to forget to make such changes in all our documents and registries in various agencies of the public and private arms of the system... One can only imagine the stress you would have had to go through to dig through a pile of dusty files and folders laying bunched up like prisoners stuffed inside ghana-must-go bags or in a neglected tattered suitcase left to rot in one corner of your house only to find that your in-law is still your brother's benefactor...

Maybe the thought of waiting in a never ending que to be attended to by a grumpy toad put him off... Or maybe the repeated burning of thousands of naira worth of credit on calls to advice of the new declaration of next of kin has got him fed up with the incumbent nigerian system.

All I'm saying is I may be wrong but I don't think you are doing your job as a help-meet. Maybe you should give your husband the benefit of the doubt and ask him WHY? And WHEN? And HOW? Instead of going around perpetuating tribalistic and gendercentric falacies
Maybe you are putting yourself in bad light by airing your husband's dirty laundry in NL... Or have your forgotten that traditionally wives are the ones that launder their hubby's paints! At least pay someone like a lawyer to go make those ammendments for the two of you if you are truly making all those nairas flooding your household.

A wise lady once told me that anytime I make her look bad in front of my friends I actually make myself look pretty bad too... And anytime I hail her hottness before my friends, they in turn pat my back and slap me high 5s
... Hmmmm

BritneyStacy:
Dt know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

Janedoe26:
Having read the entire post (yes! I took my time and read every single comment), I have a new prayer point "God please I don't want a husband with a poor mentality".
If you die as a Man and your wife re marries. So what? Often times, most women never re marry but Men do and hell its ok.
Secondly, I can deduce that many people marry for the wrong reasons - if you do not trust your wife, or love your wife why marry her in the first place? If she changes after marriage y remain with her?
Thirdly, did u come to this life to fend for your siblings. If your wife is not important enough for you to entrust your wealth y did u marry her? I mean, unlike your brother, you had a choice and you picked her. That should count for something.
Assuming like she said she contributed to the House even if its 10% (for those who can't fathom that a woman can contribute more than a man) isn't she entitled to some benefit?
Even if she has no issue...if the man dies, won't he like his wife to have something from him after all, aren't they supposed to be one?
Marriage is not by force. If you can't find someone to trust and love, forget it.
The only justification for me is if those forms and will were made before marriage.

The only sensible comment in this thread. Thank God i am not the only one who thinks this way. You can see why a lot of nigerian marriages are shams!!

Why are women so stupid, is it love or what. I also just discovered that mt senior sister has been the one taking care of her husband. Now that she has little he his misbehaving. To tell the truth part of me feels she deserves what she is getting. But when I look at her kids. Am confused.

i must insist u remain calm and rather have a total change of attitude. u may not see it as he does now, but simply ur hubby still feels slightly, u may not be trustworthy with all the wealth for ur taking. perhaps u r materialistic, u indulge in ur blood relatives than u do with him and his family which should now be ur family, over the years maybe there have been conflicts on money issues, u raised. then of course maybe there aint kids yet or ur kids are still very young especially young enough for you to toss over to ur mom or siblings to take care of while u begin a new life after hes gone with another man.
Now the change, love God and show him u r a God fearing and trust worthy woman. that can only happen with u loving and being a lover of jesus and his commandments, because u will then be trustworthy and even faithful and loyal even in death.
Dunno ow else to tell to be calm and ensure whatever doubt u may have raised in the past to ur hubby u now change to erase ehm all.
so confronting him now is not wise but if it affects ur peace and happiness in ur home them confront him with a smile not showing anger and tell him u want to win his trust and loyalty otherwise change then go check the files secretly if ur name has now been put there.
as a married man i speak from exp. Goodluck with ur marriage.

U see the issues here , a faithful wife will get to be part of the beneficiaries if her husband's property but we might not know what u had done to him that makes him decide such thats 1 and 2 he might be acting under a spell cos families sometimes are very funny and 3 do u av any child together? Lastly sometime u need not to discuss this with cos u might get Urself into trouble cos u don't know what lies underneath, if a man can hide such away from u then he's dangerous, u can start planning a life for yourself , don't get families involved in this cos dey might cause more wahala with wrong action taken on this issue , get a new life and work towards ur future and pls av a written diary of this.. Wish u luck

Dyt:


Maybe I failed to read,understand and assimilate where she said she contributed 60%

That man is terrible selfish
Op might not have a child yet

stop these assumptions, she contributed 60 percent and didn't check on the papers before now. Whatever happened to family lawyers and property documentations. Why did she have to even bother herself checking on documents. She would be thinking of building hers if she has got the right mentality.

... And if it is truly the tribal ish many are hinting at then maybe confide with the pastor that joined you, or maybe confide with a MARRIED mentor you trust, chances are they have been through similar and can help direct you better than any joker here, like me.
Just don't cry to them that your husband is a bastard prick.
There's honestly nothing to be ashamed about, chances are they are going through their own problems and are cowardly keeping it to themselves. until you walked in of course
Looking fly like doctor phil

majekdom2:
stop these assumptions, she contributed 60 percent and didn't check on the papers before now. Whatever happened to family lawyers and property documentations. Why did she have to even bother herself about checking on documents. She would be thinking of building hers if she has got the right mentality.

Thank you *bows*

majekdom2:
She would be thinking of building hers if she has got the right mentality.

Exactly why she's dumb

Hv u given your hubby reasons not to trust you?




Anyway the man is not serious

blessingee:
Stay calm, easier said than done, i know, but trust me, you need to really stay calm, try and stay calm, take a little time to recover from the shock and then you can "gently and calmly" approach him, make it a soul wrenching one, pour out your heart with all the tears you could possibly gather, and watch his reaction closely, this will decide your next line of action...

If my wife approaches me to discuss such an issue in the manner you advised above, I'll ask her if she has plans to kill me before my time.

xtervaganza:
Hv u given your hubby reasons not to trust you?




Anyway the man is not serious

Can you explain to us how the man is not serious?

idupaul:
From what I have read it is easy to see why you are not his next of kin, so easy .. You sound like marriage is a hedge fund , where u contribute to make financial gains . Remove ur eyes from his pension money and I noticed you sound so sure he will not live long and his pension his pension some sort of prize .

Lwkmd! Ebube! though this sounds as nonsense, but in it there is plenty of senses.

1000 likes.

Janedoe26:
Having read the entire post (yes! I took my time and read every single comment), I have a new prayer point "God please I don't want a husband with a poor mentality".
If you die as a Man and your wife re marries. So what? Often times, most women never re marry but Men do and hell its ok.
Secondly, I can deduce that many people marry for the wrong reasons - if you do not trust your wife, or love your wife why marry her in the first place? If she changes after marriage y remain with her?
Thirdly, did u come to this life to fend for your siblings. If your wife is not important enough for you to entrust your wealth y did u marry her? I mean, unlike your brother, you had a choice and you picked her. That should count for something.
Assuming like she said she contributed to the House even if its 10% (for those who can't fathom that a woman can contribute more than a man) isn't she entitled to some benefit?
Even if she has no issue...if the man dies, won't he like his wife to have something from him after all, aren't they supposed to be one?
Marriage is not by force. If you can't find someone to trust and love, forget it.
The only justification for me is if those forms and will were made before marriage.

Flautist:
Yet to have a child??

Yes

Please, have a serious conversation with your husband. Many factors might have contributed to his actions, especially cultural and social factors. If you don't have kids with him and the marriage is less than 15 years, he will most likely act that way. If you have not shown frugality in spending (careless about best education for the kids but crazy about very expensive jewelry, wears etc) and he has a God-fearing brother who has maturity in handling finances, it could also be reasons for his actions. The reasons do not justify his actions because of what marriage stands for but right now you need solutions to a problem and DIALOGUE is key, and strong conviction that your can take care of the entire family in his absence.

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

His. Brother instead. Of You or your children....

Nawa. O..hmm. ..#wondersOF2015

Dyt:
Hmmnmnn

If I say anything now, they will call me names

But sorry o woman
U are very dumb
Lived n living all ur life for a man, even without seeing his will u shld have made smth for ursef, well welcome to the real world

sorry to disappoint you am not as dumb as you think. Because I let him Ђåvε̲ access to all I Ђåvε̲ is because am of the conviction that in marriage, your lives should be shared; what he has his mine n whatever I Ђåvε̲ in his...except maybe am wrong then somone needs to convince me otherwise. I don't believe there should be undue secrets in marriage..even as am writing this, I Ђåvε̲ savings but its jst that he knows about it and whenever he has problems, he always runs to me for help!

Janedoe26:
Having read the entire post (yes! I took my time and read every single comment), I have a new prayer point "God please I don't want a husband with a poor mentality".
If you die as a Man and your wife re marries. So what? Often times, most women never re marry but Men do and hell its ok.
Secondly, I can deduce that many people marry for the wrong reasons - if you do not trust your wife, or love your wife why marry her in the first place? If she changes after marriage y remain with her?
Thirdly, did u come to this life to fend for your siblings. If your wife is not important enough for you to entrust your wealth y did u marry her? I mean, unlike your brother, you had a choice and you picked her. That should count for something.
Assuming like she said she contributed to the House even if its 10% (for those who can't fathom that a woman can contribute more than a man) isn't she entitled to some benefit?
Even if she has no issue...if the man dies, won't he like his wife to have something from him after all, aren't they supposed to be one?
Marriage is not by force. If you can't find someone to trust and love, forget it.
The only justification for me is if those forms and will were made before marriage.

When you have a son that the family's land was sold to either set him up in business or sponsor him through Uni and his siblings had to forgo Uni so he could go, encourage him to make his wife next of kin when they haven't got kids yet and the family depends on that son having invested the family inheritance on him, inugo?

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

You've already seen the man's intention and you're still wondering what to do?. Oya, wait until something happens and the junior brother throw you out of the house.

Such a man don't even have the intention of marrying you for long.

My conclusion:

You're just living with the man but the man don't trust you. At least he considers his "previous" family more important than you.

Advise:

Start saving for yourself immediately!.

nedu2000:
If my wife makes life a living hell for me,I'll do d same thing
Mrs wifey look at. the mirror

in my clean and honest conscience, before man and God , I kno I Ђåvε̲ been a very supportive wife! Without mincing words or trying to put him down in anyway, 80percent of his clothes right now were bought by me with my money...the car we are using now, I gave him 200k to balance up payment for the car when the car dealer got up somthing higher than his budget. I Ђåvε̲ paid one of his siblings fees in a university more than 100k before. Mind you, we Ђåvε̲ been married for just a year and 4months. How else would a lady support her husband??

his son'll b his nxt of kin bkos, incase if anything happen u can go an marry another man. any body that will take care of his children after his death, be it the wife or the family will hav access to the money.

Op, you need to search yourself and answer some questions. First look out for the dates on those documents to be sure that they are not before you guys got married. Next, I would ask if you have a son for him. If yes, then it might be appropriate for your son to be his next of kin.

But most importantly, I would like to point out the issue of trust. The truth is trust is hard to build but easy to destroy. The fact that your husband married you doesn't mean he would trust you for life. It is your responsibility to keep on building on that trust that made him marry you in the first place. Most men find it difficult to trust their woman and it's mostly the woman's fault. Time and space would not permit me to share my experiences with women as regards this issue of trust. But search yourself, are there some 'little little' things you might have done in the past that made his level of trust in you to reduce? again I say search yourself.

The last thing I would point out is communication. It is very important in marriage. Find time to talk to him (reasonably and calmly) about this issue and hear him out. It may even lead to the opening of other secrets. Communication is key.

Finally, have your own account, no matter the situation. You guys can still be contributing to another account but you should have your personal accounts.

All the best.

veave:
Calm down. Your marriage is still new. Those were firms filled before you came into the picture. Wait until you get a baby then you can start fighting solidly.
Meanwhile, adjust your self financially. Na so love do you reach sotey you carry access give oga to all your finance. I doff my hat for you.

Babe, they were not filled before we were married. Like one of those forms specifically has 8March,2015 written on it. I believe so much in self sacrificing love. I usually give my all to who ever I feel I love.