Disclaimer: This neither a female bashing thread, nor an attempt at painting the malefolk flawless saints. I respect some women in my life too much to do that, and we men have our typical flaws too. The use of generalization is regrettably inevitable, feel free to tag yourself an exception, as they exist. I have omitted the names from the quotes by NLders, as this is not a witch-hunt. Please read with as open a patient mind as possible.

©2015 Oahray

"You can force a horse to the stream, but cannot force it to drink" - Anonymous

CASE 1 - Somewhere in Lagos, a two year old relationship licks the dust. The reason? The spark is long lost and the fights have become too frequent. They barely seem to share anything in common anymore, except lovemaking perhaps. The girl, with tears in her eyes and regret in her heart, claims "he used me."

The verdict : when a guy breaks up with his girl, no matter the reason, he has taken away something from her and shattered her heart into cruel pieces. Never mind what she may have gained from him. Never mind that they both enjoyed the crazed lusty moments. Never mind that she may have had secret secondary partners. She's doing you a favour by doing what she probably enjoys more than you, don't be ungrateful guys!


CASE 2 - Somewhere in a female hostel in Nigerian university, the gist once again centres on guys. There is no lack of contribution from the girls there. With blissful camaraderie, they take turns painting the big picture of guys from their past.

His form rapidly changes from the nasty ex who was about to marry them but was caught cheating their conniving best friend (don't you know the sympathy is deeper when it's her best friend?), to the guy who toyed with their emotions by smiling at them but never asking them out, to the guys who has been disturbing them for a relationship and wouldn't respect himself.

The tales never end till they are tired, each trying hard to sound like the one with the most male-inspired woe - the ultimate victim. No one bothers to put in a good experience, cos at that moment, there's nothing like that when a guy is involved.

The verdict : when everyone says the same thing, then it's definitely true. Never mind the heavy garnishing of possible reality with heavy chunks of fantasy. Never mind that some of the girls are expert tale-weavers with no such experience in reality. If you are a guy, you have definitely wronged a girl somewhere, whether you know of it or not.


CASE 3 - A wife in the south south grabs her husband by the shirt, pummelling him with blows in-between sobs and curses. He is used to it, but really needs to go out to cool off lest he lays a hand on her again. The only time he had done so in the past, he had regretted it.

He shoves her away in frustration and makes for the door. She picks the nearest weapon and hurls it at him with determined accuracy. He turns back and loses the battle for self-control.

One black eye later, everyone who sees her casts scornful glances at her husband if nearby. If not, they entertain themselves fitting his face (in their minds) on the image of the devil.

The verdict : There is absolutely no reason to hit a woman, no matter what, and all the more so if she's your wife. Even if she's angry with him (it's his fault she's upset anyway) enough to attack him physically with a weapon, he should just gently (emphasis on gently) take the weapon from her (don't worry, women aren't brutal enough to actually use weapons on others) and go out for a stroll. She would be itching to make up when he returns. If not, there can only be one abuser, and it's not the woman!

CASE 4 : On a certain thread on Nairaland, someone tells a story of a woman caught cheating by her husband (we don't understand how this can even be possible, when everyone knows women don't cheat).

Anyway, according to the story, the husband did not react as expected. He simply left the scene, and continued like nothing happened, even gently turning down an offer to talk about what he had seen. The woman was crazily worried.

While the majority thought it served her right and many speculated what he may have in store for her, this post caught my attention.

Let her bring it up abeg. Better to know what is on his mind than sleep one day and not wake up because he's strangled her in her sleep.

She strong gan. One week and she's been living with him under the same house sleeping peacefully?

I prefer people who vent and get it over with.
What normal person won't be hurt if they catch their wife or husband red-handed with another person?

Anybody that pretends to swallow such without even seeking an apology or explanation is mean and may be planning Armageddon.

there, you have it, your wife could cheat on you yet you would be the mean one for not venting.

The verdict : A man who refuses to react strongly when his wife does something hurtful, thereby subjecting her to guilty suspense, is mean. It does not matter that she had just done a thing as inconsequential as cheating (it's grave when it's the man though). It does not matter that he'd be termed an animal if he reacts in a strong physical or verbal manner. Just don't cruelly hurt her with silence! You heard it guys, no matter how you react, you are either an animal or you are mean. No middle ground, sorry.


These cases are by no means exhaustive, but I'd stop there as they are sufficient to highlight my point. Most women, as I have observed, have the victim mentality, and continually try to recreate a customised picture of the world and of reality. A picture in which their actions and that their fellow women are always a function of the actions of the men they know. A picture in which they are victims of circumstance or of male dominance.

This post by a nairalander sums it up succinctly.

You're actually talking about the women who just decided that they wanna show their booobs or asss on social media like Instagram. For example, if a girl was suppose to put a picture of not showing her breasts or ass, just a simple picture, she will not get as much likes, as she will, if she had a picture of her displaying her boobs. I'm not against you trying to prove this point that women are the cause of them being objectify, but first of all it's not in any way their fault! it's society. The idea that sex sell is a hallucinating idea, A false hope in some sense because when we try to sell sex, we try to sell subjectivity and objectivity, where men act as subjects and women acts as objects. And objects can never be empowered. So, even those models who are paid, they are not empowered, and they are not choosing it they are being forced to do it, As because of the existing male chauvinist society, where women are for being used for sex, to do work at home, to be a baby doll, etc.And that's what mainstream media tries to project and tries to sell women in this way.
In all those music videos, you will realize that women are unnecessarily asked to be dancing and shaking their ass! while men are in full clothes. most of the male singers are comfortable in clothes while female singers are overly sexualized and hyper sexualized to sell that music or video. It's not the fault of those women but it is the fault of those directors trying to promote those videos.

the good news is, there were ladies on the same thread who opposed her, though in the minority.

However, it doesn't have to be so at all. Women are stronger than many are willing to admit, and far less saintly on the whole. Like men, they are capable of being dishonest or greedy, of making wrong choices that create problems for themselves and others.

Perhaps it's time for the average woman to learn to choose her path wisely and accept the consequences of her choices and actions. No woman should expect favours on a platter of feminity. No woman should attack a man first and cry abuse when she gets more than she bargained for.

Perhaps it's time to admit that she is capable of being a predator almost every bit as much as she can be prey.

Perhaps it's time for her to realise that she's in control of her own mood and emotions.

Perhaps it's time for that proverbial horse to walk to the river of responsibility on it's own, and take a damn drink.

spreads mat and sits down

So wat r u sayn in essence

Cutehector:
So wat r u sayn in essence

you wan set me up?

oahray o!!

Oahray:
you wan set me up?

looool. U ddnt come to a definite conclusion na

Oahray:
when a guy breaks up with his girl, no matter the reason, he has taken away something from her and shattered her heart into cruel pieces. Never mind what she may have gained from him. Never mind that they both enjoyed the crazed lusty moments. Never mind that she may have had secret secondary partners. She's doing you a favour by doing what she probably enjoys more than you, don't be ungrateful guys!

This is actually pathetic, ladies should realize that not all relationships would lead to the altar. And becoming someone's ex shouldn't translate to being enemies. Life goes on and ladies claiming to be victims after breakups is just bunkum Victim of what exactly.

Oahray:
The verdict : when everyone says the same thing, then it's definitely true. Never mind the heavy garnishing of possible reality with heavy chunks of fantasy. Never mind that some of the girls are expert tale-weavers with no such experience in reality. If you are a guy, you have definitely wronged a girl somewhere, whether you know of it or not.

Gals can mess around and catch fun when they follow the crowd to say certain things, the truth is there are three sides to every sob-story- his side, her side and the truth. And people who know better don't take girly-tales serious.

Oahray:
There is absolutely no reason to hit a woman, no matter what, and all the more so if she's your wife. Even if she's angry with him (it's his fault she's upset anyway) enough to attack him physically with a weapon, he should just gently (emphasis on gently) take the weapon from her (don't worry, women aren't brutal enough to actually use weapons on others) and go out for a stroll. She would be itching to make up when he returns. If not, there can only be one abuser, and it's not the woman!

IMO, When I see men hitting women, I somehow relate the scene with that of an heavyweight boxing champion beating up a toddler. Women may have vile and putrid tongues, but I actually will never support men beating up women or (women beating up men) cos the scars go deeper than physical and no matter how much a woman 'begs' to be flogged, men should exercise great patience and restrain themselves from beating up people who will never match them strength for strength.
As for women who pick up weapons during fights, please they should be regarded as 'seasoned fighters' and my plea above does not cover them, at all, at all

Finally, any form of abuse, be it physical, emotional, etc should be avoided at all cost. No man or woman will make you happy if you can not make yourself happy. Relationships and marriage is NOT by force.

Stop playing the victim just to garner pity, know what you want and define limits from the get-go.
Say no to ABUSE of any form, bridle your tongue and remove yourself from TOXIC relationships.

Cutehector:
looool. U ddnt come to a definite conclusion na

it's there na...

Perhaps it's time to admit that she is capable of being a predator almost every bit as much as she can be prey.

if she has her predatory moments, she isn't always the victim. However I didn't set out to establish whether or not she's always the victim. That's a no-brainer for sincere minds. I chose instead to focus on her unwillingness to accept any other role.

I stand to be corrected.

Shugaryme:
oahray o!!

yes dear... Wetin happen?

Hmmm

Women folks..we really rock

Well written, well said.

Eh hehn.. With the emergence of the feminist movement I think many women can confidently take responsibilities for their actions. Yours truly inclusive

I dont argue with the Victim Mentality most women have but then you know that it is not entirely false and women have been made victims over the decades.
If not, why the spring of several women rights campaign everywhere?

A girl at some point must have been made victim, hence her mentality and most times a total resignation or a lack of will to even oppose. She just wants to act as the society has painted that she does..
After all, its a man's world (pun intended)

Oahray:

CASE 1 - Somewhere in Lagos, a two year old relationship licks the dust. The reason? The spark is long lost and the fights have become too frequent. They barely seem to share anything in common anymore, except lovemaking perhaps. The girl, with tears in her eyes and regret in her heart, claims "he used me."

The verdict : when a guy breaks up with his girl, no matter the reason, he has taken away something from her and shattered her heart into cruel pieces. Never mind what she may have gained from him. Never mind that they both enjoyed the crazed lusty moments. Never mind that she may have had secret secondary partners. She's doing you a favour by doing what she probably enjoys more than you, don't be ungrateful guys!

Oahray, nigga, you've just made my day. This is a well-detailed and well-articulated expository essay detailing the hypocrisy of women. I wish I could like your posts a million times. This is aptly written. Over-making sense dey worry am. Some people never admit the faults can come from them.

Well, humans are generally hypocritical by nature, so men do exhibit these traits to be fair to the ladies.

I wonder why this lovely discourse can't be on the front page, but threads of "What Is Wrong With This Picture" are quick to hit the FP.

Lalasticlala, Obinoscopy, FP please.

April07:
Well written, well said.

Eh hehn.. With the emergence of the feminist movement I think many women can confidently take responsibilities for their actions. Yours truly inclusive

I dont argue with the Victim Mentality most women have but then you know that it is not entirely false and women have been made victims over the decades.
If not, why the spring of several women rights campaign everywhere?

A girl at some point must have been made victim, hence her mentality and most times a total resignation or a lack of will to even oppose. She just wants to act as the society has painted that she does..
After all, its a man's world (pun intended)

Men too has been made victims over the decades. A man at some point must have been made a victim, but we men always try to admit our faults rather than play the victim mentality. But to be frank, women has been victimized more than the men.

@embolden, the examples listed by the OP, has nothing to do with feminism. A girl that plays the victim card, feminist or not, will always play that victim card.

sinizia:


Men too has been made victims over the decades. A man at some point must have been made a victim, but we men always try to admit our faults rather than play the victim mentality. But to be frank, women has been victimized more than the men.

@embolden, the examples listed by the OP, has nothing to do with feminism. A girl that plays the victim card, feminist or not, will always play that victim card.

You sef see am..

No it doesn't.. What I mean is...
I want to be treated equaly and as thus will avoid being made a victim, by playing by the rules.
Do your job and i do mine. And I don't mean gender roles.
This is on the platform of feminism.

Any girl who plays the victim card has a long way to go, in my books..

April07:
Well written, well said.

Eh hehn.. With the emergence of the feminist movement I think many women can confidently take responsibilities for their actions. Yours truly inclusive

I dont argue with the Victim Mentality most women have but then you know that it is not entirely false and women have been made victims over the decades.
If not, why the spring of several women rights campaign everywhere?

A girl at some point must have been made victim, hence her mentality and most times a total resignation or a lack of will to even oppose. She just wants to act as the society has painted that she does..
After all, its a man's world (pun intended)

I agree that women have been made victims over the decades (well some women), but I disagree that she's alone in it. So have some men, so have little children, so have animals. I also disagree with the general unexpressed assumption that the villian is always the man. Go through history books and read of women whose lives affected the course of history, though not always for the better.

I deliberately omitted any reference to the feminist movement, as it is not the messiah. Inasmuch as it helped to an extent in past decades, it has also given femalefolk a reason to sit back and celebrate their mediocrity while tolerating hypocrisy. Many such groups would talk about women receiving a beating, but would turn a blind eye when a lady goes all physical on a man, as long as he doesn't retaliate.

As for your question about women right campaigns everywhere, it is not unconnected with the fact that it is now as easy as it is fashionable, to just play the victim even with things as laughable as public toilet seats. Let's not even go there dear

sinizia:


Oahray, nigga, you've just made my day. This is a well-detailed and well-articulated expository essay detailing the hypocrisy of women. I wish I could like your posts a million times. This is aptly written. Over-making sense dey worry am. Some people never admit the faults can come from them.

Well, humans are generally hypocritical by nature, so men do exhibit these traits to be fair to the ladies.

thanks for the heads up. That highlighted part wasn't my plan bros. I think there is a hypocrite in every human, not just women. Just that I'd like my ladies to take charge of their lives, be more proactive than reactive, and stop seeking unnecessary ways to blame the nearest guy or the society that is not without feminine influence.

The thing dey vex me sometimes ehn...

Oahray:
yes dear... Wetin happen?

Nothing o ...
Nice write-up but na trouble you wan cause so...

standd:


This is actually pathetic, ladies should realize that not all relationships would lead to the altar. And becoming someone's ex shouldn't translate to being enemies. Life goes on and ladies claiming to be victims after breakups is just bunkum Victim of what exactly.



Gals can mess around and catch fun when they follow the crowd to say certain things, the truth is there are three sides to every sob-story- his side, her side and the truth. And people who know better don't take girly-tales serious.



IMO, When I see men hitting women, I somehow relate the scene with that of an heavyweight boxing champion beating up a toddler. Women may have vile and putrid tongues, but I actually will never support men beating up women or (women beating up men) cos the scars go deeper than physical and no matter how much a woman 'begs' to be flogged, men should exercise great patience and restrain themselves from beating up people who will never match them strength for strength.
As for women who pick up weapons during fights, please they should be regarded as 'seasoned fighters' and my plea above does not cover them, at all, at all

Finally, any form of abuse, be it physical, emotional, etc should be avoided at all cost. No man or woman will make you happy if you can not make yourself happy. Relationships and marriage is NOT by force.

Stop playing the victim just to garner pity, know what you want and define limits from the get-go.
Say no to ABUSE of any form, bridle your tongue and remove yourself from TOXIC relationships.

well said ma'am. Very well said.

I just had to lol @ the seasoned fighter part

Shugaryme:

Nothing o ...
Nice write-up but na trouble you wan cause so...

nah... Not a chance. Women are gentle

Oahray:
I agree that women have been made victims over the decades (well some women), but I disagree that she's alone in it. So have some men, so have little children, so have animals. I also disagree with the general unexpressed assumption that the villian is always the man. Go through history books and read of women whose lives affected the course of history, though not always for the better.

I deliberately omitted any reference to the feminist movement, as it is not the messiah. Inasmuch as it helped to an extent in past decades, it has also given femalefolk a reason to sit back and celebrate their mediocrity while tolerating hypocrisy
Many such groups would talk about women receiving a beating, but would turn a blind eye when a lady goes all physical on a man, as long as he doesn't retaliate.

As for your question about women right campaigns everywhere, it is not unconnected with the fact that it is now as easy as it is fashionable, to just play the victim even with things as laughable as public toilet seats. Let's not even go there dear

I refuse to argue Feminism and its stand this afternoon

Men being abused by women? 2 out of 50, hell I can say 100 and I won't be exaggerating, you know that..

April07:

I don't argue with the Victim Mentality most women have but then you know that it is not entirely false and women have been made victims over the decades
If not, why the spring of several women rights campaign everywhere?

Yes! From time immemorial... From old Bible stories where men were counted and women disregarded... to the fact that the ratio of men to women is 7:1, so women have been told to subject themselves to certain things if they want to keep a man.
To single women getting pregnant and the society labelling them O's as if they took spam-pills to get pregnant and no man is involved... to 8 year old gals given out in marriage...to the toddlers raped by Hot male goats because they can't fight back and all the other ills that befall women because they are less favoured from the beginning of time.

That is why women who yearn to survive should also learn to fight the odds and not make themselves victims when they can make better choices.

If the society say you are weak, and some men say they can beat you up and dis-respect you cos you are weak and you don't have a choice, then it is left for the woman to define what she wants...
Not playing the victim or playing to the gallery, but knowing what you want and knowing that you actually have one life to live no matter what anyone says.

April07:


I refuse to argue Feminism and its stand this afternoon

Men being abused by women? 2 out of 50, hell I can say 100 and I won't be exaggerating, you know that..

if you don't do something, it is not always because you don't want to. At times it just is not within your power. You cannot deny that many have been crazy enough to try... and fail ofcourse.

Relax, men who get abused (even verbally) would be too ashamed to tell you, unless you are as close to them as their skin.

Smh
Females want to be regarded as equal, but treated special.

#Modified

*Some

Qaisar1:
Smh
Females want to be regarded as equal, but treated special.

#Modified

*Some

I tire for those feminist oo...just imagine me treating you like my nigga....isn't that gross...if this way of life should be. Accepted into our society, those that will get fed up most will be the females..they don't just know what they really want...

Most NL feminist are confused being

@

kevinberry:


I tire for those feminist oo...just imagine me treating you like my nigga....isn't that gross...if this way of life should be. Accepted into our society, those that will get fed up most will be the females..they don't just know what they really want...

Most NL feminist are confused being

Feminsm is nothing but just "Victim Politics"

Standing ovation! Nigga killed it. Awesome piece with biting sarcasm. Dem ladies can keep playing the victim, as if yours sincerely gives a damn.

Why do stuff like this never make fp anyway? Are the mods simply protecting the ego of dem ladies, or they jus don't know quality? Romance section is a joke mahn. Someone summon the supermods to do the needful. I don't know them.

prosperanyi:
@OP thanks for this thread. Unfortunately, dis z d situation we all ve found ourselves. Just this evening I was watching 'talk d walk' on channels hosting Jimi agbaje where a question came up n he said "it is normal n expected of a guy to pay d bills but what if he isn't bouyant enof to? Will d wife/gf pay? N if she pays will she lord over it n remind him of his incapacity everyday of his life?"

The issue of women having the victim mentality is really a result of lack of d sense of responsibility. If one accepts that she contributed someway someway to whatever is her plight today whether good or bad the I don't c d need to shift responsibility by claiming d victim.
Note: I ve exceptions to this on females who can't stand up for themselves in issues like rape or culture situations.

lol. I believe there are ladies in such a situation who would pay the bills without reminding the husband anytime she's feeling bossy or moody. I'm not sure they are many though.

Somehow, shifting blame makes us all feel better about the result of our own poor decisions sha, make I talk truth

But the women own too much. Imagine someone hitting her husband and crying, while the man is looking on confused. She would gladly be both predator and prey at the same time, as long as she can hold on to her rightful prey role.