Nairalanders, I'm in a quagmire! About one week ago, my mother came to visit my family with her sister and a friend. After the preliminary greetings and felicitations, I proceeded to take leave of my guests in order to go and service my car, leaving them in the hands of my wife after having provided some refreshments for them.
Now, my wife and mother have no love lost between them and barely get along but the joviality they displayed together in my presence combined with the fact that my mother's sister and friend were also around made me to believe all will be well and nothing will go wrong.
No sooner had I left home than I received a frantic call from my wife to return quickly that all hell had broken loose.
Upon getting home, I found my mother and my wife on the 3-seater going at each other with both wailing. I managed to separate them and proceeded to find the cause of the fight. I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album. This incensed my mother and led to my wife being slapped following which all hell was broken loose. My mother even sustained a deep scratch on her face.
Now, my family members have insisted that my wife must leave the house for committing this abomination (their words, not mine). Indeed, my mother has told me in no uncertain terms that mother and son relationship has ended as long as my wife continues to remain in the house.
I love my wife and has two young children with her but this whole issue has complicated things.
What should I do? Your candid advice and suggestions will be appreciated.

Yeah, kinda complicated considering Mother-Son bond but, a few things need to be got straight.

One, by what magic was your wife able to phone you while battling with your mother on the sofa?

Aside that however, if indeed your Mum asked to be given those pictures, your wife has no choice but to give her, after all, you call always reprint them.
EVEN If she didn`t demand for the pictures and took them, your wife still should sheathe her bad manners and for the sake of peace, give her the pictures.

Nonissue.

But, since she has no respect left whatsoever for your Mum and your Mum wouldn't trade her pride for peace, you may need to play the Devil,s advocacy here.

Talk to the both of them as candidly as possible. No stories.

Tell them how much you love them both. And how much you want them in your life.
But that if they continue to live like mutual enemies, YOU the MAN WILL BE GONE.

GONE FOR THE 2 OF THEM TO EAT THEMSELVES UP.

ZACHIE:
yeah

Just yeah.
These are serious issues, bro.

I really dnt know wat to advice u. I wd b in a more confused state if I were in ur shoes. of course u cant leave ur wife. if u can get yr wife to apologize, I guess it wd quell the matter.

Cpumping:
I really dnt know wat to advice u. I wd b in a more confused state if I were in ur shoes. of course u cant leave ur wife. if u can get yr wife to apologize, I guess it wd quell the matter.

My wife would gladly do that but my mother has threatened fire and brimstone if I ever show up at her place with my wife.

perfectionist:


Just yeah.
These are serious issues, bro.

PERFECTIONST......haha what a moniker.
You are perfect, you dont need any advice from anyone jorr

Women! Why? Why? See how these people took something that is supposed to be a thing of joy and turn it into a nightmare for another person.

Nna, I know how you feel right now. But I don't understand why your wife would not allow your mom to take the picture. I mean new copies can be made, right? In as much as I don't like intrusions into the nuclear family, the onus is on your wife to make this one right. She had no respect for your mom. I don't care how mean your mom is with her. Your mom sustained a scratch, you say? This means your wife touched her. I don't care how many times your mom slapped her, what your wife would have done is to get up and go inside her room and let you deal with it when you come back. It is a no no for her to go into a physical altercation with her MIL. It reflects very bad on you.

Try and calm your mom first. Then have your wife go to your mom with the picture (framed), kneel down, and beg her for forgiveness. She also need to call those people present and apologize to them for her behavior.

I would not worry about the other family members. Your mom's forgiveness is paramount here.

What is the cause of the animosity between them?
Get to the root to solve the problem.

You know most of us Nigerians are superstitious.
I've heard people believe that one can use pictures to do juju for someone else.

What is your wife afraid of that she's not telling you?


Uncle you can't leave your wife for that reason.
Let her apologize to your mother for hitting her back and getting into a fight with her.
Na old woman she be o. What if she'd injured her seriously in the fight? Old people are fragile.
She could have tried to endure the slap and wait to tell you when you get back (easy to say I know).

As for your mom, when everything is settled you need to talk to her.
I know old people are revered, as such almost worshipped and can do no wrong in the eyes of traditional laws. Still she needs to be more peaceful. The pictures don't belong to her. Since she asked your wife and your wife said no, she should have waited until you got back to ask you instead of slapping your wife. Is your wife a riffraff that can be slapped anyhow? So annoying

She could have even asked you before you left since she knows she doesn't get along too well with your wife.

Those two ladies she brought to visit with her, why didn't they stop the fracas before you got there?
I'm suspecting them.

For her to slap her DIL in the presence of visitors means it has been decided that she has and deserves no respect in your house. Sad.

Pls set the boundaries in your home o.

I don't know why women won't let their sons have peace in their marriages.

Another MIL-DIL thread.



Why is your wife suspicious of your mother?
What has their relationship been like?
Why will your wife refuse your mother to take her grandchildren's picture?
Can she do the same with her own mother?
This is what we're saying, your wife couldn't tolerate your own mother, but i'm sure she will with her own mother.
Anyway, let your wife realise that what she did is wrong, except you're the one who instructed her to do what she did. Then take her to go and beg mama. Before then, beg your mother to forgive you for your own sake and the little kids' sake to please forgive your wife, tell her (your mum) to always ask you what she want instead from your wife and thereafter take your wife to go beg her with all sincerity from her.

My personal opinion, please.

perfectionist:


My wife would gladly do that but my mother has threatened fire and brimstone if I ever show up at her place with my wife.

Hmmm

@ ZACHIE
Thanks for updating your previous post.
My wife called me while they were still quarrelling, before the fight started.
I hope to God this issue is resolved amicably. I've already started the mediation process but it's not easy 'cos my mother would have none of it. Her terms for reconciliation are rather steep, necessitating the departure of my wife from the home.

Hmmm hmmm perfectionist... Since you're perfect I believe you can make Smartchoices...

Is there a different time zone in Nigeria?

ottizz:
Women! Why? Why? See how these people took something that is supposed to be a thing of joy and turn it into a nightmare for another person.

Nna, I know how you feel right now. But I don't understand why your wife would not allow your mom to take the picture. I mean new copies can be made, right? In as much as I don't like intrusions into the nuclear family, the onus is on your wife to make this one right. She had no respect for your mom. I don't care how mean your mom is with her. Your mom sustained a scratch, you say? This means your wife touched her. I don't care how many times your mom slapped her, what your wife would have done is to get up and go inside her room and let you deal with it when you come back. It is a no no for her to go into a physical altercation with her MIL. It reflects very bad on you.

Try and calm your mom first. Then have your wife go to your mom with the picture (framed), kneel down, and beg her for forgiveness. She also need to call those people present and apologize to them for her behavior.

I would not worry about the other family members. Your mom's forgiveness is paramount here.

My wife's behaviour was very bad and I've made her to understand that.

perfectionist:


My wife would gladly do that but my mother has threatened fire and brimstone if I ever show up at her place with my wife.

u shd go dere alone first. try to calm ur brother.

perfectionist:
@ ZACHIE
Thanks for updating your previous post.
My wife called me while they were still quarrelling, before the fight started.
I hope to God this issue is resolved amicably. I've already started the mediation process but it's not easy 'cos my mother would have none of it. Her terms for reconciliation are rather steep, necessitating the departure of my wife from the home.

yeah, your mother has every right to be annoyed, but plead with her to forgive her for your sake and the kids's sake. Let her(your mother) realise that you need both of them in your life. You can even tell her that, what if it was your own sister that did the same with her own MIL, won't your mother wish the rancour be settled instead of instisting on the wife going.
God will give you wisdom to handle this, there's a foundational cause to all this, seize this opportunity to settle all.

As for the family members present, it's non-issue, once your mother forgives, she's the one to speak to them.


But honestly, your wife did very wrong to lay hand on your mother.

cococandy:
What is the cause of the animosity between them?
Get to the root to solve the problem.

You know most of us Nigerians are superstitious.
I've heard people believe that one can use pictures to do juju for someone else.

What is your wife afraid of that she's not telling you?


Uncle you can't leave your wife for that reason.
Let her apologize to your mother for hitting her back and getting into a fight with her.
Na old woman she be o. What if she'd injured her seriously in the fight? Old people are fragile.
She could have tired to endure the slap and wait to tell you when you get back (easy to say I know).

As for your mom, when everything is settled you need to talk to her.
I know old people are revered, as such almost worshipped and can do no wrong in the eyes of traditional laws. Still she needs to be more peaceful. The pictures don't belong to her. Since she asked your wife and your wife said no, she should have waited until you got back to ask you instead of slapping your wife. Is your wife a riffraff that can be slapped anyhow? So annoying

She could have even asked you before you left since she knows she doesn't get along too well with your wife.

Those two ladies she brought to visit with her, why didn't they stop the fracas before you got there?
I'm suspecting them.

For her to slap her DIL in the presence of visitors means it has been decided that she has and deserves no respect in your house. Sad.

Pls set the boundaries in your home o.

I don't know why women won't let their sons have peace in their marriages.

Thanks, Cococandy. Your advice is always appreciated on this forum.
As to the reasons behind their animosity I cannot say but I do suspect my wife believes my mother is against her and may want to harm her.
The other women present tried to separate the fight to no avail. Even neighbours assisted but they just won't let go until I came.
I've always advised my wife to avoid any situation that would lead to a quarrel or fight with my mother. I guess she chose not to listen.

perfectionist:


My wife's behaviour was very bad and I've made her to understand that.

That's true.

And so was your mother's behavior too.
You will eventually have to let her know that when peace has returned.
For now, focus on peace and achieve it and look for the good time to bring it up and tell her that her own part in the fracas wasn't good too.

Each party had to understand their shortcomings to ensure that there's no repeat of such.
If one doesn't understand what they did wrong, they can always repeat it because to them it is not wrong.

I wish you goodluck.

Don't worry you guys will be fine
Mama will calm down sometime. She can't be angry forever:

greatgod2012:
Another MIL-DIL thread.



Why is your wife suspicious of your mother?
What has their relationship been like?
Why will your wife refuse your mother to take her grandchildren's picture?
Can she do the same with her own mother?
This is what we're saying, your wife couldn't tolerate your own mother, but i'm sure she will with her own mother.
Anyway, let your wife realise that what she did is wrong, except you're the one who instructed her to do what she did. Then take her to go and beg mama. Before then, beg your mother to forgive you for your own sake and the little kids' sake to please forgive your wife, tell her (your mum) to always ask you what she want instead from your wife and thereafter take your wife to go beg her with all sincerity from her.

My personal opinion, please.

Thanks for the advice.

SmartChoices:
Hmmm hmmm perfectionist... Since you're perfect I believe you can make Smartchoices...

Not perfect. Just trying to be perfect. Which is impossible. But as they say, there's no harm in trying.

perfectionist:


Thanks, Cococandy. Your advice is always appreciated on this forum.
As to the reasons behind their animosity I cannot say but I do suspect my wife believes my mother is against her and may want to harm her.
The other women present tried to separate the fight to no avail. Even neighbours assisted but they just won't let go until I came.
I've always advised my wife to avoid any situation that would lead to a quarrel or fight with my mother. I guess she chose not to listen.

Why would she think such of your mom?
Does she have specific reasons or just hunches.

Haba even if she fears such (which BTW is kind of insulting to you if she has no reason to suspect your mom) she can always pray about her fears and not let them govern her.

Your wife needs to understand that fighting a senior citizen is not just disrespectful but very risky. They have brittle bones. What if mama fell and broke her hip (very common) or worse cracked her skull?
Wifey so would have had to live with that in her conscience for a long time.

I know I'm the one holding the phone, not getting slapped so it is easy for me to say but momentary gratification of hitting back can't compensate for the consequences that may follow.

Not worth it.

Cpumping:


u shd go dere alone first. try to calm ur brother.

ok

An advice to perfectionist would show if you can make smart choices

SmartChoices:
Hmmm hmmm perfectionist... Since you're perfect I believe you can make Smartchoices...

cococandy:


That's true.

And so was your mother's behavior too.
You will eventually have to let her know that when peace has returned.
For now, focus on peace and achieve it and look for the good time to bring it up and tell her that her own part in the fracas wasn't good too.

Each party had to understand their shortcomings to ensure that there's no repeat of such.
If one doesn't understand what they did wrong, they can always repeat it because to them it is not wrong.

I wish you goodluck.

Don't worry you guys will be fine
Mama will calm down sometime. She can't be angry forever:

consoling words.
nice one cococandy

Your mum might be reaping the reward of what she did to her own Mother-in-law. Your wife will definitely reap hers too for laying hands on your mum. Give the matter sometime so that both parties would have calm down. Appeal to both women and have them forgive each other. It's well with you.

cococandy:

Why would she think such of your mom?
Does she have specific reasons or just hunches.

Haba even if she fears such (which BTW is kind of insulting to you if she has no reason to suspect your mom) she can always pray about her fears and not let them govern her.

Your wife needs to understand that fighting a senior citizen is not just disrespectful but very risky. They have brittle bones. What if mama fell and broke her hip (very common) or worse cracked her skull?
Wifey so would have had to live with that in her conscience for a long time.

I know I'm the one holding the phone, not getting slapped so it is easy for me to say but momentary gratification of hitting back can't compensate for the consequences that may follow.

Not worth it.

Really not worth it. Well said. Wish she could listen.

nerodenero:
Your mum might be reaping the reward of what she did to her own Mother-in-law. Your wife will definitely reap hers too for laying hands on your mum. Give the matter sometime so that both parties would have calm down. Appeal to both women and have them forgive each other. It's well with you.

Thanks

why are some of y'all blaming the wife ?

OP , ur mother wanted to take the photos, but u didn't mention her wanting to print them and bring back the original. 1) ur wife had every right to prevent her from taking the photos ( they are her photos after all ), especially if there was no mention of printing. they r child dedication photos dat mean a lot to ur wife , of course she won't let anyone take them just like that . 2) ur mother had no right to slap ur wife just 'cus ur wife said she couldn't take the pictures. why hit her? she isn't ur child neither is she a little kid to be slapped anyhow. u don't put ur hands on anyone. let's be fair here : your mother initiated this fight. ur mother had her sister n friend there so of course they will take her side, ur wife is the lone ranger dat they ganged up on , but if u ask me she is the victim . they were probably looking for a fight from the start

perfectionist:
Nairalanders, I'm in a quagmire! About one week ago, my mother came to visit my family with her sister and a friend. After the preliminary greetings and felicitations, I proceeded to take leave of my guests in order to go and service my car, leaving them in the hands of my wife after having provided some refreshments for them.
Now, my wife and mother have no love lost between them and barely get along but the joviality they displayed together in my presence combined with the fact that my mother's sister and friend were also around made me to believe all will be well and nothing will go wrong.
No sooner had I left home than I received a frantic call from my wife to return quickly that all hell had broken loose.
Upon getting home, I found my mother and my wife on the 3-seater going at each other with both wailing. I managed to separate them and proceeded to find the cause of the fight. I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album. This incensed my mother and led to my wife being slapped following which all hell was broken loose. My mother even sustained a deep scratch on her face.
Now, my family members have insisted that my wife must leave the house for committing this abomination (their words, not mine). Indeed, my mother has told me in no uncertain terms that mother and son relationship has ended as long as my wife continues to remain in the house.
I love my wife and has two young children with her but this whole issue has complicated things.
What should I do? Your candid advice and suggestions will be appreciated.

Bro, so sorry abt ur predicament!

But then, this animosity was allowed to fester and thrive by no other but U!!

If ur wife can engage in a duel wt ur mom, one don't need to imagine what she will do wt outsiders!

Also, that ur mom had the audacity to fight ur wife in her matrimonial home shows she is yet to come to terms wt the fact that U are now a man!

Ur wife is U n U ar ur wife! separation is not an option here so take d advice of cococandy and d likes and run wt it thereafter put ur foot down and draw the lines and possibly help them see themselves as mother and daughter.

wishing U the best.

Mr perfectionist, u r a man.
Sentiments aside, u wouldn't and shouldn't have left them cos u know they r volcanoes waiting to explode.

Sentiments aside too, ur mother didntt act her age. She is supposed to let that act glide and approach u for a picture when she sees u.
So because ur wife refused to give her a picture,that gives her the right to slap her?
Does she slap u carelessly anytime u or uur siblings go against her wish or is it just because she is the wife,an outsider and a slave according to some culture(yep I know our culture and history very well)
And she didn't respect u nor those that came with her.
As for me, she is grounded.

Now coming to ur wife.
She doesn't have decorum. Behaves like agbero. Disrespected her house, husband,her guests and family.
U don't nib that childish act,she will take it as a clue to explode.
Yep, she has whatever grudge against ur mother. Fine but she would hv respected u and if she can't bear to sit and wait for u,she should have gone out to breathe fresh her.
That might cool her down.
It's not all times we r confronted that we show we are strong and have no fear.
Wisdom is profitable to all iff applied well.

She don't wanna give ur mum picture and I don't ever blame her cos she has her reasons and the baby is hers. She should hv told mama that u will bring it to her. Find one useless but smart excuse and give her.

Assuming it's me,as soon as mama slaped me,i will carry my baby and leave the house untill u come back buut she has lost my respect forever.

So as a man, don't do blame game. The two are at fault. Be stern and tell ur mum she crossed the boundary.
It's bc of our useless tradition else she and ur wife are supposed to apologize to each other,
But the culture I know, wifey must kneel down and buy some stuffs for appeasement while mama will go free.
So guy, go and put ur house in order b4 it burns everybody down.

lecturerdabo:
Bro, so sorry abt ur predicament!

But then, this animosity was allowed to fester and thrive by no other but U!!

If ur wife can engage in a duel wt ur mom, one don't need to imagine what she will do wt outsiders!

Also, that ur mom had the audacity to fight ur wife in her matrimonial home shows she is yet to come to terms wt the fact that U are now a man!

Ur wife is U n U ar ur wife! separation is not an option here so take d advice of cococandy and d likes and run wt it thereafter put ur foot down and draw the lines and possibly help them see themselves as mother and daughter.

wishing U the best.

This coming from a man in this forum
Thank u bros. All hope is not yet lost.

My man it's SIMPLE, your WIFE went too far..
Sorry to say, I THINK she CONSUMES too much of NOLLYWOOD MOVIES...and this probably led to this

HOW COULD she have allowed her HOME to have detoriated to this level..?

IF YOU love her, then U have to take a DECISIVE STEP against her insubordination.