freecocoa:
I have said it yesterday that, if you can't see your MIL as your mum, then I totally have no business discussing this with you.

I don't even have to see or literally take elderly people as my parents to know I'm not supposed to get physical with them.

I will see my MIL as my mother if she behaves like one, but if she behaves like MIL from hell then I got no problem showing her the exit door.

justwise:


I will see my MIL as my mother if she behaves like one, but if she behaves like MIL from hell then I got no problem showing her the exit door.

Will you hit your mum back if she hits you? It's a yes or no answer.

iiichidodo:
^^^ Might as well add "even though your mother turned out to be one from hell,yes or no"...

I didn't even think of that.

Justwise

freecocoa:



Cc: Pickabeau1 and Crackhaus

Just as I suspected

The product of the witch is an angel..

freecocoa:
Will you hit your mum back if she hits you? It's a yes or no answer.

You asked me the same question yesterday and i answered you, stop comparing MIL to biological mother, the relationship is uniquely different, my love and respect for my mother is something i was born with, its natural, with MIL you try to endure, tolerate, accommodate especially with meddling MIL, but to a point you crack when she is becoming over bearing.

I will never hit my mother back, will i hit back to an annoying, abusive MIL who hits me? Why not.

justwise:


You asked me the same question yesterday and i answered you, stop comparing MIL to biological mother, the relationship is uniquely different, my love and respect for my mother is something i was born with, its natural, with MIL you try to endure, tolerate, accommodate especially with meddling MIL, but to a point you crack when she is becoming over bearing.

I will never hit my mother back, will i hit back to an annoying, abusive MIL who hits me? Why not.

You can't say you will take your MIL as your mum and then turn around to say she's not your mum and that love for your mum is natural,

I don't believe automatically having a MiL means tolerating and enduring , I didn't read where the story said she is abusive, OP said he doesn't know what their beef is all about but that he suspects his wife believes his mum is against her and may harm her.

If you can't take a slap from a MIL but will take one from your mum regardless of how your mum is, then you most likely will not be a fair person.

edwife:


you are as crazy as she...
So you prefer older women to all these sweet 16 you have around here?and what do you bring to the table in this relationship?

And you have to know that my commission is top the notch,so you need to be ready because MILF ladies are not that affordable.Its takes more to keep them in shape and sexy..

Don't mind crackhaus. Na so e dey take start oh. Very soon coogar go say him see me for manchester .

Toothless MILF with fat belly. And i thought I have read worst.

where is the OP. Have you chased out your wife yet? As advised by some folks

edwife:


you are as crazy as she...
So you prefer older women to all these sweet 16 you have around here? and what do you bring to the table in this relationship?

And you have to know that my commission is top the notch,so you need to be ready because MILF ladies are not that affordable.Its takes more to keep them in shape and sexy..

80Ib scrotum

Oops. ! Just returned from church

Chillis:


Don't mind crackhaus. Na so e dey take start oh. Very soon coogar go say him see me for manchester .

Toothless MILF with fat belly. And i thought I have read worst.

where is the OP. Have you chased out your wife yet? As advised by some folks

LMAO this time will be in Stamford Bridge,it's crackhaus next step....

justwise:


The wife is ready to apologise but the gangster MIL is not having it...she wants a replacement, a doormat to walk all over

I would like to know the reaction of the married men if their MIL or FIL slaps them.

edwife:


LMAO this time will be in Stamford Bridge,it's crackhaus next step....

No be small Stamford Bridge. Abeg where that one dey.
Akwa ibom state ?

Chillis:


80Ib scrotum

Oops. ! Just returned from church

Crackhaus come and defend yourself,so you have a 80Ib

bukatyne:

I would like to know the reaction of the married men if their MIL or FIL slaps them.

You dey write textbook. Wetin you want use their reaction do? Thesis?

people are different so it's their reaction.

edwife:



Crackhaus come and defend yourself,so you have a 80Ib

Sorry, I was meant to write 85Ib .

Chillis:


No be small Stamford Bridge. Abeg where that one dey.
Akwa ibom state ?

Chei chill,you see why i must invite you to soccer?

Chillis:


You dey write textbook. Wetin you want use their reaction do? Thesis?

people are different so it's their reaction.

Yes o, thesis

Writing a book on in-law relationship. Only people like Okija will like it

perfectionist:


Thanks, Cococandy. Your advice is always appreciated on this forum.
As to the reasons behind their animosity I cannot say but I do suspect my wife believes my mother is against her and may want to harm her.
The other women present tried to separate the fight to no avail. Even neighbours assisted but they just won't let go until I came.
I've always advised my wife to avoid any situation that would lead to a quarrel or fight with my mother. I guess she chose not to listen.

Your wife does not respect you. She knows your affection for her will always affect your sense of good judgement in being firm with decision.

If your MIL has not been abusive to her in the past, I see no reason why this simple issue should cause a world war. It only means your wife lacks respect for an elder. Even if your mum slap her without offending her, it is left for your wife to wait for you and not engage in physical combat with an old woman. What if something bad happened to any of them in the process?

You need to get to the root of the animosity between your mum and wife.

Above all, your wife acted like an untrained woman. Apologies to use the word.

perfectionist:


Thanks, Cococandy. Your advice is always appreciated on this forum.
As to the reasons behind their animosity I cannot say but I do suspect my wife believes my mother is against her and may want to harm her.
The other women present tried to separate the fight to no avail. Even neighbours assisted but they just won't let go until I came.
I've always advised my wife to avoid any situation that would lead to a quarrel or fight with my mother. I guess she chose not to listen.

i will analise it this way:
if there's no love lost btw them why did your mother insist on taking the pix? i want to bliv your mother have shown your wife from the very start that she doesnt like her and the lady understands that. or what else could warrant your wife denying your mother those pix? the truth is this, when someone shows you she doesnt like you, especially some1 like a MIL, you shouldnt expect your wife to trust her withganything. please we are all humans n we have blood running in our veins. if your mother has shown her that she doesnt like her, do u expect your wife to trust her with those pix? i wouldnt trust such a MIL too. your mom is supposed to accept n love her after u married n she(wife) is supposed to love her in return for your sake. i'm married too and if i have to count my blessings, my MIL will be one because she had always shown me that she loved me. she actually lives in the same town with us but we have never had issues. infact she pampers me; imagine someone who cooks and sends to me ...like very often. infact if she needs any pix i could send 10 copies to her because i know if she ever picks it and mutters any thing it will be prayers for us. i could go on and on and on. infact she is more than a mother n i keep praying for her. if she slaps me today i will kneel down quickly n apologise cos i know i must have done somthing really wrong (though she will never). do u think your wife wouldnt have loved to have such a mil? the only problem i have with your wife is that she fought with ur mum which u need to scold her for. infact dont talk with her for 2 days to send home your annoyance. but i'm sure u know its not her fault because u know ur wife n ur mum very well. u should know who the troublesome person is.

u said your wife called to inform u to return home quickly. isnt it obvious she had no plans for the issue to deteriorate? dont u think if she had plans to fix your mother that day she wouldnt have called u to return? infact u would have only been aware when u got home in the night, dont u think so? i am sure she had to call when the insult from your mum was getting unbearable. And your mum still went ahead to slap her? well i suspect ur mum saw it as an opportunity to deal with your wife considering he fact that she was with her sister n friend and your wife foolishly fell for it.

if these have happened why will ur mum insist that she leaves u? could it be that its because she never loved your wife? i bliv your wife is very very wrong for fighting your mum but why did your mum push her to that extent? there is a saying in my place that if the younger person doesnt know the right thing to do then it is imperative that the older knows. your mum shouldnt insist that she leaves because she can never take the place of a wife in your life the same way your wife can never replace your mum. ur wife is your wife n ur mother is your mother. u shouldnt take sides with any of them. try to settle it amicably amongst them and let both of them know u are really angry with them. Dnt hide ur feelings at all. your wife shld go and apologise on both knees crying and apologising. she shld go with gifts for her too. then it is important that your mum accepts the apologies. if your wife refuses to do that then she is the problem. on the other hand if your mum refuses to accept apologies then she is the problem. anyone of them who wouldnt atleast for your sakes accept these terms is the major problem u have. what has happened has happened.

only boys who are mummys handbag would send their wife away just because mummy said so. REMEMBER WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER LET NO MAN/WOMAN PUT ASSUNDER.

bellong:


Your wife does not respect you. She knows your affection for her will always affect your sense of good judgement in being firm with decision.

If your MIL has not been abusive to her in the past, I see no reason why this simple issue should cause a world war. It only means your wife lacks respect for an elder. Even if your mum slap her without offending her, it is left for your wife to wait for you and not engage in physical combat with an old woman. What if something bad happened to any of them in the process?

You need to get to the root of the animosity between your mum and wife.

Above all, your wife acted like an untrained woman. Apologies to use the word.

Happy Sunday Bellong, hope all's well.

Actually I mostly disagree with your position - even if the wife if somewhat uncouth.

When a man marries a woman he is meant to cover and protect her. The first person he has to protect her from is herself, the second is himself and the third is everyone else. Her supposed uncouthness is his to deal with as part of his service to her.

A wife must never feel that she is anything but 1st in her husbands life, and if she does, her husband should ensure he finds out why and remedies that as required or reassures as necessary.

No one - and I mean no one, mother, father, egbon, cousin, godfather, patron, guardian angel, gym-buddy, etc. - can come into my house and fight my wife, no matter what she has done & even if she is 100% in the wrong.

OP - I've come to this thread late and couldn't read all 25 odd pages. MadCow was the first comprehensive and insightful post I read. Please take heed.

Now to you;

1. It should always be clear to all and sundry that you command your homestead. Do not let anyone be in doubt about that - feel free to drive that point home harshly if required. Command your household. Stop dithering and pandering to other peoples feelings - especially the women who are proximate in your life as that is where most of the unnecessary drama will emanate from.

In this case you had multiple breaches; first you left them alone without the implicit understanding that peace must reign - or certainty that it would. Then when your wife called you did not do enough to diffuse the situation. And now you have not acted swiftly to resolve the issue. You have also take your mothers demands on board instead of rejecting them out of hand and laying down the law.

2. Your wife could have responded differently. perhaps the underlying animosity and anxiety got the better of her. Tell her her behaviour was not acceptable and should not be repeated. Explain that she will apologise to your mum to draw a line under this issue - let her know she comes first and if there are any other odd behaviours she is exhibiting that must also cease. Understand the cause of the animosity and deal with it at some point. If your wife is secure in her position, that may well do the trick

3. Tell your mother you love her dearly, but your wife comes first and she should never forget that. If she refuses to make peace, excommunicate her until she repents - likewise for any family,friends or NL's that take your mothers side .

4. Grab those two loose hanging protuberances between your legs and squeeze them hard - yes, you da man !


TV<sup>MIC


cc Perfectionist</sup>

TV01:


Happy Sunday Bellong, hope all's well.

Actually I mostly disagree with your position - even if the wife if somewhat uncouth.

When a man marries a woman he is meant to cover and protect her. The first person he has to protect her from is herself, the second is himself and the third is everyone else. Her supposed uncouthness is his to deal with as part of his service to her.

A wife must never feel that she is anything but 1st in her husbands life, and if she does, her husband should ensure he finds out why and remedies that as required or reassures as necessary.

No one - and I mean no one, mother, father, egbon, cousin, godfather, patron, guardian angel, gym-buddy, etc. - can come into my house and fight my wife, no matter what she has done & even if she is 100% in the wrong.

OP - I've come to this thread late and couldn't read all 25 odd pages. MadCow was the first comprehensive and insightful post I read. Please take heed.

Now to you;

1. It should always be clear to all and sundry that you command your homestead. Do not let anyone be in doubt about that - feel free to drive that point home harshly if required. Command your household. Stop dithering and pandering to other peoples feelings - especially the women who are proximate in your life as that is where most of the unnecessary drama will emanate from.

In this case you had multiple breaches; first you left them alone without the implicit understanding that peace must reign - or certainty that it would. Then when your wife called you did not do enough to diffuse the situation. And now you have not acted swiftly to resolve the issue. You have also take your mothers demands on board instead of rejecting them out of hand and laying down the law.

2. Your wife could have responded differently. perhaps the underlying animosity and anxiety got the better of her. Tell her her behaviour was not acceptable and should not be repeated. Explain that she will apologise to your mum to draw a line under this issue - let her know she comes first and if there are any other odd behaviours she is exhibiting that must also cease. Understand the cause of the animosity and deal with it at some point. If your wife is secure in her position, that may well do the trick

3. Tell your mother you love her dearly, but your wife comes first and she should never forget that. If she refuses to make peace, excommunicate her until she repents - likewise for any family,friends or NL's that take your mothers side .

4. Grab those two loose hanging protuberances between your legs and squeeze them hard - yes, you da man !


TV<sup>MIC


cc Perfectionist</sup>

Hmm,you couldn't have said it better.This thread has come to a conclusion.

@ perfectionist,this is your marriage at stake

Forget every other crap written here including all of mine, read just 3 men on this thread for sound manly counsel
I believe all three are married men ,listen to them..You don't go to an artisan or someone who just saw a picture of the digestive system to take out your appendix,you go to a trained surgeon.

Read

The above
Madcow1
Justwise

Therein lies the summary of what you ought to do and the conclusion of the matter

Everything else after that ,throw in the garbage if you wish

freecocoa:
I am definitely not a push over and can never be one, but I was raised well, I get what I want by how I act, you should command respect.

If my MIL for any reason slaps me, I will not hit her back but she will never try it again.

If you know better than someone, you don't act like them.


There can be exceptions, where it's necessary to hit back, this is too petty.

God bless you!

@TV01,

I think the retaliation by the wife was unnecessary, there was no need for a shouting match or a physical fight - wifey got slapped, wifey doused the tension by not retaliating... this is the safest more easily salvageable action.


Like I mentioned before, both mother and wife are perfect for and deserve each other... they both knew they never got along but acted cosy when the husband was present only to bare fangs once he left.
Also, we don't know exactly what words were exchanged before the MIL chose to apply 'reset'.

They both saw the opportunity to let out all previously suppressed animosity, but this could all have been avoided if one person acted more sensibly - which would have been the wife in this case.

MIL wanted some photos, DIL doesn't want her to have it - unless y'all are saying there was no other possible way this situation would have played out without a slap being given, words being exchanged, or a fight ensuing... then I guess wifey deserves an Oscar for her sterling performance.


It now falls to the man to resolve this matter amicably without partiality, which coincidentally is the exact same thing he would have done had wifey not retaliated.
As a matter of fact, I'm almost certain he won't be this confused and will definitely be on the side of his wife had she not retaliated - the mother would have been the one doing the apologizing in this case (this is assuming the wife didn't say something really stvpid that warranted a slap in the first place)…

BABE3:


plus then again, how is it possible to land slap on someone's face because they refused to give you a photo?

I'm 100% sure there was an intense verbal exchange before the slap landed.

Now, the moment the wife retaliated, was the moment she because an aggressor; an equal aggressor. So aggressive she left bruises on the mother's face.


Don't mind all these theory husbands on NL. Who would see their ma' with bruises on her face and still be forming "me and my wife"??

I'll so spaz out at that sight if I were OP. As in, I'll lose it!

It's a different case if it's wife vs SIL? But your ma'? That's tew much.

I liked your comment.

edwife:



Crackhaus come and defend yourself,so you have a 80Ib

She's confusing the size and weight of the anchor with that of the real equipment.
If there is indeed an 80lb weight down there, it's definitely not the scrotum..

edwife:




You are such a naughty man,getting chill alone is like mission impossible but adding me to the equation?

You know i am blue right?an helicopter tour in stamford bridge plus meeting my fav player hmmm i can think about it

Well what can I say...
I have big ambitions and shoot for the stars.

Who's your fav player on the blue bridge?

freecocoa:



Cc: Pickabeau1 and Crackhaus

Thanks.

crackhaus:

Well what can I say...
I have big ambitions and shoot for the stars.

Who's your fav player on the blue bridge?

Check my Dp for a clue....

edwife:

Check my Dp for a clue....

Wow!
Lol. . .that's really cool, I like your Jersey.

I can almost picture what your face looks like already

crackhaus:

Wow!
Lol. . .that's really cool, I like your Jersey.

I can almost picture what your face looks like already

Lol thanks.
Now you know who my fav is,so get working

crackhaus:
@TV01,

Holá bro', 'sup? Hope all's well.

crackhaus:
I think the retaliation by the wife was unnecessary, there was no need for a shouting match or a physical fight - wifey got slapped, wifey doused the tension by not retaliating... this is the safest more easily salvageable action.

You are right - I don't think I suggested anywhere that the wifeys response was right or good. And I asked him to have a word about her wayward ways and ask his wife to apologise - mainly because she disgraced him! My main thrust is the right hierarchy and tone being set - for everyone

crackhaus:
Like I mentioned before, both mother and wife are perfect for and deserve each other... they both knew they never got along but acted cosy when the husband was present only to bare fangs once he left.
Also, we don't know exactly what words were exchanged before the MIL chose to apply 'reset'.
They both saw the opportunity to let out all previously suppressed animosity, but this could all have been avoided if one person acted more sensibly - which would have been the wife in this case.

True - but again, I'm not particularly concerned about his wife or mothers propensity for drama - it's his ability to eliminate or manage it, and appropriately deal with any outbreaks.

crackhaus:
MIL wanted some photos, DIL doesn't want her to have it - unless y'all are saying there was no other possible way this situation would have played out without a slap being given, words being exchanged, or a fight ensuing... then I guess wifey deserves an Oscar for her sterling performance.

You'll notice I didn't address what supposedly sparked the exchange. It's not really important.

crackhaus:
It now falls to the man to resolve this matter amicably without partiality, which coincidentally is the exact same thing he would have done had wifey not retaliated.
As a matter of fact, I'm almost certain he won't be this confused and will definitely be on the side of his wife had she not retaliated - the mother would have been the one doing the apologizing in this case (this is assuming the wife didn't say something really stvpid that warranted a slap in the first place)…

My whole thrust was his acting, authorititvely, proactively and decisively - whatever the situation.
I don't think MIL has the right to slap her DIL and would be best advised not to even if DIL "deserved" it. There is no saying that OP would have responded correctly - he is in thrall to his mum, which is bad whatever happens.


TV

edwife:


Chei chill,you see why i must invite you to soccer?

Soccer? Thank you very much.
Not so keen about it. At least for now.