Mistake #1: Not Getting Out Of The
House (Or Apt.)
Approach women now! Women aren't
going to come to you. The absolute best
way to start learning how to gain
confidence women is by simply putting
yourself out in public and working on your
social skills. Talk to everyone, not just
girls, and just be a social guy. The more
you do this, the easier it will become over
time. Before you know it, you'll start
finding yourself in the type of situations
you now feel you're lacking. Being out
multiple times per week also just simply
increases your chances of good things
happening for you. There are too many
guys out there (and I used to be one of
them, for a long time), that would gain
confidence with women faster if they just
simply went out more. I know this sounds
like common sense, but trust me,
everything changed for me the day I
realized I didn't need to read or study one
more book, or listen to or watch one more
seminar.
Don't be the guy that has to know
everything on how to meet beautiful
women before he does anything. You're
never going to know everything before you
even start. Practicing what you're
learning by going out and applying it at
the same time, supplements what you
learn and helps you understand it all
better.
Mistake #2: Worrying Too Much About
What A Woman Is Thinking Of Them
Guys it's such an enormous mistake to
fall into the trap of getting caught up in
your own head. This will circumvent your
success in so many ways. Here's a very
ironic discovery that I made a couple
years ago: I get more bad reactions from
women when, in my head, I'm thinking
too long about what I should say before I
say it. This is very important so I want
you to maul this over for a minute. When
I go through the quick process (2-3
seconds) of going into my head and
thinking about ''just the right thing to
say'', it usually gets a bad response, from
women and men actually. Why is this? Its
because they can sense that you are
coming from a place of neediness, i.e. it
was important that what you said be
positively accepted. What's ironic of
course is that ''needing something to
work out'' usually drives it away from
you.
In a social environment, no one, ever
wants to feel awkward or be in the
presence of someone who is coming from
a place of neediness (as subtle as it may
be it may be in this example). It makes
people uncomfortable. On the other hand,
this is a much better place to come from:
"I trust that most of the time, I have
great things to say, so I'll just respond,
naturally and without overthinking, and if
what I say isn't received well, then oh
well, because I know most of the time it
is."
This frame subconsciously makes
everyone feel more relaxed around you.
You aren't ''needing'' anything, no matter
what it is. Think about it, when you're out
to dinner with someone, and their food is
taking too long, you start to feel more
uncomfortable the more needy they get
about their order. Its no different when a
woman is talking to man that ''needs''
whatever he says to be funny, its just on
a smaller more unconscious scale. Don't
worry about what she thinks! If you're a
great guy, chances are very high (if she's
a great girl), she'll recognize that.
Mistake #3: Making Rejection Real
Let me give you a secret I learned about
how to gain confidence with women:
Rejection is only a concept that you made
up in your head. A belief is a thought that
you make real. As you've grown up,
society has presented you with this
thought that its possible to get rejected,
one way or another. You took this
thought and made it real by turning it
into a BELIEF. You started to believe, at
an early age, without questioning it, that
yes I can get rejected and yes I need to
avoid rejection at all costs. This same
process happened when you formed the
thought that you have ''no confidence
with women''. You made this real as well
by turning the thought into a belief.
Rejection is not real because if you think
about it, what have you lost? You didn't
have her interest before you approached,
and you don't have it now. You didn't
lose anything! ''But Ash, its not about
protecting what I already have its about
getting something I don't have yet.'' And
my answer to that would be: There's that
neediness again, why, why, why do you
need her approval? Why can't you just be
social and put yourself out there and if
she's receptive, then great, wonderful.
When you come from a place of non-
neediness, it's impossible to get rejected.
Let me say that again:
When you come from a place of non-
neediness, it's not possible to get
rejected!
Mistake #4: Believing That Confidence Is
Something All Guys Who Are Successful
With Women Were Just Born With
While it is true that everyone has different
personalities and some guys were just
lucky enough to be born into natural self
confidence with women, that certainly
doesn't mean you can develop these
traits within yourself. Gaining confidence
with women, is a skill that you can learn,
and then become. Take being good at
playing a musical instrument for example,
like guitar. Everyone who is excellent at
guitar had to learn how to become good.
Building confidence within yourself is a
skillset you can learn and hone over time.
My best advice is to get out there and
start talking with people as often as
possible. The quicker you learn how to be
social with people, the faster you'll
become confident in how you relate to
other people. This is especially true with
women. Other things you can do to gain
confidence with women include: Getting
into great physical shape, reciting daily
affirmations out loud to yourself, and
using visual exercises through NLP
(Neuro Linguistic Programming).
Mistake #5: Not Taking Advantage Of
The Power Of Body Language and Non-
Verbal Communication
Its often the simplest things that make
the biggest differences. Studies have
shown that 80-90% of what we
communicate to other people is
unspoken. In other words, non-verbal
communication. It would benefit you to
such a large degree if you would take the
time to study body language. You can
sub-communicate so many things at once
through body language and that's why
it's so powerful. Do you agree that you
can tell a lot about a person from the way
they dress? Of course what you gather is
not set in stone, but most of the time its
usually pretty accurate. Body Language is
the same way. The best body language
tips I can give you include:
-Making and holding eye contact
-Making slower movements
-Being less reactive to other people than
they are to you
-Standing and walking straight with
shoulders held slightly back
-Smiling
-Not leaning in while talking to her
-Voice tonality, and pace (not speaking
too quickly, adding pauses), nothing to do
with verbal content or what's being said
Mistake #6: Getting Her Phone Number
With No Specific Intent
There was time when I thought (as I'm
sure many inexperienced guys do) that
once I got her number, that was it, I had
her. This couldn't be further from the
truth. A phone number is useless unless
you had specific reason for getting it. A
sub-mistake related to this that I see
guys do is they'll ask for the number
prematurely as well. In fact, she's so
used to guys doing this that she's
probably desensitized to it and by the
time you talk to her, has been socially
programmed to just give the number out,
like she did to the 10 guys before you. To
be frank, you'd really have to be bad to
not be able to get her number after 5
minutes of talking to her, in most cases
anyway. Single, attractive women give
their numbers out all the time, the
difference lies in how you ask for it.
Think of it from the frame of: ''I'm gonna
give this girl a chance to get to know me,
if I decide she'd be cool to spend time
with, I'll set up a meet up with her, and
get her number while I'm coordinating
that with her''. Unless pressed for time,
I'd really advise talking to her anywhere
between 7-12 minutes, at least, and
getting to know her a little, before setting
up a meet up/getting her number. Think
of it like, she passed your ''cool/not cool
test'', and her prize is that you're going
to ask for her number (while making
plans). Coming from this frame will also
help you in building confidence with
women in general, with time and practice.
Mistake #7: Not Approaching Or Opening
When The Opportunity Arises
Once you've gotten yourself out of the
house, great, but you need to know how
to meet beautiful women when you're
out. Going out and just standing around
with a beer held to your chest is not
going to get you anywhere. Women are
not going to approach you. If you're a
good looking guy and you're dressed well,
this will happen sometimes, but its
ultimately your job as the man to take the
initiative and talk to them. You've got to
stop constantly worrying about what
could go wrong by going over and
opening her. Realize and accept the fact
that its very possible you will catch her in
a bad mood or at a bad time, and that's
OK.
More often than not, if you approach with
a smile, good body language, and strong
voice tonality, she'll more than happy to
talk to you. Women go out expecting to
get approached, especially attractive
women, they're used to having men
looking to meet them, its no big deal. In
other words its not like you're doing
anything out there or unorthodox by
approaching her. Try to calibrate yourself
to the situation of course, and
approaching her from behind is not a
good idea, but what's important is that
you have the mentality: Approach Women
Now.
Mistake #8: Not using Humor Enough (Or
Any), While Interacting With Her
I cannot stress enough the importance of
using humor when learning to gain
confidence with women. Don't take this to
mean you should go into your head
(always a huge mistake) and start rapidly
thinking of jokes or one liners to say.
What I mean here is just going out with a
natural, easygoing vibe and grabbing
opportunities to be witty as they present
themselves. A girl will usually give you
many opportunities to bust her balls and
tease her during an interaction. Once you
do this a few times, you'll naturally start
to get better at it and be able to spot
these opportunities.
Women LOVE a man that can do this,
they love a man that isn't afraid to tease/
poke fun at her a little and can take it
from her as well. Its shows you are
socially intelligent and that you ''get it''.
It shows you have self confidence with
women. It also makes the interaction fun
and more relaxed. Also remember that
much like conversation, humor is not
linear, meaning if you tease her about
something, you can loop back to it again
at a later point and tease her again about
it. This creates a sense that the both of
you have a connection and understand
each other on a deeper level, which is
huge.
People that don't know each other very
well will likely not connect like this and
communicate on this deeper level. What's
interesting is that even if you've only
known her for 5 minutes, if you can
communicate to her on this level (using
socially intelligent humor, busting her
balls, etc.), she'll feel like she's known
you for much longer.
Mistake #9: Giving Women The Remote
Control To Their Emotions
One characteristic of femininity, when
looking at the female personality is that it
isn't constant, it changes like the weather
does. Women tend to have more varying
mood and emotional waves than men do.
A mistake that I see men make is that
when a woman is a bit challenging or
maybe zings them with particular
comment, the man will allow that to
change their mood or current state. This
is one that personally, took me a while to
understand and get handled.
This is also one of the more advanced
and challenging things you'll learn to
master when gaining confidence with
women. Despite it being a slightly more
advanced skill, it's still extremely
important to understand and get handled
as soon as you can. DO NOT let a
comment, opinion, or little mood swing
that a woman has alter your good state
or mood. A woman needs to know,
especially when considering you as
boyfriend material, that you can handle
her shit when she gets a little testy. Its
your job, as a congruent, masculine man,
to be able to handle these moments
without overreacting or letting it affect
you. If you fly off the handle, or get all up
in arms at these moments, you're
essentially acting like a little BOY.
Remember, when she's acting like a little
girl, YOU need to stay strong and act like
the man, not the little boy. If you do, then
your both in a bad place. A woman needs
a man not a boy, always remember that.
Mistake #10: Seeing and Treating A
Woman Like A Price To Be Won Instead
Of A Person
This is one that is so simple that its easy
to overlook it (or not even recognize it in
the first place). Its important to
constantly, constantly be reminding
yourself, especially in the presence of very
hot women, that they are just normal
people. Under the surface of their beauty,
they are no different than any other
person. They have fears and insecurities,
they get nervous, emotional, and self-
conscious just like we men do sometimes.
Remembering this will take her off the
pedestal you've placed her on in your
head as a result of her looks (like a prize
to be won).
Its very easy to get caught up in an
attractive woman's looks. Women do not
have this same problem with men, at
least not very often. At the end of the
day, all a hot woman really wants of you
is to stop showering her with affection,
praise, and attention and to treat her for
what she is, a human being. She'll be
much more receptive to your affection,
praise and compliments if they come from
a place of honesty (after you've gotten to
know her a little) than she will if you say
it just as fast, and in almost the same
way as the last 10 guys did.

source: www.flirtins..com

Is it only me or does that textbook up there contain more words than a dictionary. ...


Okay Op you tried small, one major mistake guys make is by being shy in approaching a lady.. .

Like the one I met yesterday.. you need to see how beautiful she was , I had always been shy to meet her thinking she was above my level but thank da laawwd for my courage.. .

She was making a phone call when I approached her. I just tapped her on her shoulder and she turned.. She didn't even react to my hand but only looked at me and smiled...

I forgot everything I wanted to say but the only word that came out of my mouth was.. "since you're busy, could you aid me with your phone number and I'll call you later... She smiled and asked me to follow her so we could talk, and now the rest is history...

Badly written/scattered.

I didn't even read it.

Nice article op, though next time do a little more work on making ur write-ups neat n more beautiful. I cud hav read 2ru if ur work was better arranged

Good one Op
Its paramount that guys should be real in all aspect of life.
Pretending to be what you aren`t is an act of self-doubt.
Present urself in the best way you can and nature would decide ur fate or what would become of you.

Bros, your post dey turn my eyes o. Please arrange it into paragraphs and add some spacing at intervals. I really would like to read this.