cococandy:
yea. He said they adviced him to leave the child and the child will come find him when he's grown.

Not good of them but his hands are tied in that aspect. So going with elders is kind of out of the question since no one will go with him.

Ewo chai
How sad

babyosisi:


How nice
Does he look like you?
Show the pics to your mom,I bet you her heart will melt and she will devise means to make the baby a part if the family

He does look like me ooo... Looking like an unripe plantain, afro full on his hair, looking lost in thought with big eyes like his daddy.

She has seen the picture lol. However she is hardcore. Her advice remains the same.

And sometimes we really don't know what our parents are seeing when they remain so insistent like this so sometimes it's just better to listen to the voice of your elders.

anonimi:


I am not disputing your own experience and what you have seen about others close to you.

I have only stated a fact about an exceptional person, who has risen to be the POTUS despite the disadvantages of his childhood- notably his father abandoning him & his mother at 2. When he visited them again at age 12 the son did not really accept/understand his presence.

It is however important to note:

This was just before he started his law degree studies at Harvard.
His book- Dreams from my Father- was published in 1995 i.e. four years after he signed with a publisher to write the book in 1991. He ran for and won a seat as Illinois state senator in 1996 i.e. five years after he signed the deal to write his autobiography.

I hope you will agree that most of these details have been scrutinised by those who will magnify any discrepancy unlike in our Nigerian society where many aspects of a public person's life are shrouded in secrecy and our own time span into the past or future is highly limited.

BTW, do you think children (when they grow up) go in search of their mothers who abandoned them as kids

Do you realise you just parroted something his PR team carefully wrote somewhere? Immediately after I said anyone in his shoes will package such a story so that people fall for it? The only thing you should believe about that story was that he travelled to Kenya to meet his dad. All those kids do, why didn't he file for his father and relocate them to the US nah and insist the man attend his wedding and why don't Malia and Sasha upload holiday pics in Kenya

I love how people believe what you tell them to believe. You can reinvent yourself anyway you want and tell a story according to suit your needs. You can make facts out of anything, as long as you control the narrative.

steeze:


He does look like me ooo... Looking like an unripe plantain, afro full on his hair, looking lost in thought with big eyes like his daddy.

She has seen the picture lol. However she is hardcore. Her advice remains the same.

And sometimes we really don't know what our parents are seeing when they remain so insistent like this so sometimes it's just better to listen to the voice of your elders.

Chai
I am already loving the cutie
I am just here smiling from ear to ear
Baby with Afro and big bold eyes
Awwwwwww!!!!!
I imagine chubby cheeks and hands and those legs like drumsticks kicking in the air when they lay down
You need to find a way to form a relationship o,you can't miss out in this
Wait till he starts blowing bubbles
They look so adorable when they blow bubbles right after drinking milk and it comes down the corners of their cute lips

Below is a random baby
Isn't he cute

moca:
He didn't know this.
What happened would have been evaded had he gone with his people. Abi he no get family? It has passed the stage of him,his gal and her mum.

I've already explained this situation.

babyosisi:


Chai
I am already loving the cutie
I am just here smiling from ear to ear
Baby with Afro and big bold eyes
Awwwwwww!!!!!
I imagine chubby cheeks and hands and those legs like drumsticks kicking in the air when they lay down
You need to find a way to form a relationship o,you can't miss out in this
Wait till he starts blowing bubbles
They look so adorable when they blow bubbles

Lol you've got me smiling too...

@Op you can entertain others with more explanation but your stance and decision is perfectly okay fornow. I love the fact that you are focusing on your career and moving on which is the best thing to do. You have come your own 50% but she failed to meet you halfway and please never go against your family's wish in all these. Take my word for it, your son will come looking for you..wait did I say looking? I meant running to you. Your heart and intention was pure in all these and none of their evil plans will reach you.
Notice that it is only women that are asking you to go back and suffer torture under the heavy yoke of your baby mamas mothers influence. I couldn't believe you were humble enough to suffer atrociously in her company for 25k monthly. My dear the slave trade is over move on with your life.

@steeze, I didn't ask you to take your mum there to get the girl back, I asked you to take your mum there so that everyone will behave themselves and let you have access to your child. Period. Your relationship with will be worked on but first things first you need to build a bridge to have access to your child.

Tell your mum, "this is your first grandchild". Nothing will ever replace that. Assure her that right now, you just want to be a father for your child and NOT CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP, no matter how difficult it will be and you need her love and support to get there. Let her contact either the girl or her mum and arrange a visit. Maybe that's why your mum is adamant, she's worried you may resume a relationship again with the girl. Besides, knowing Naija Mothers_(tm) she probably thought from the get-go "this girl from a broken home and I'm sure her mother is an ashawo, she's always dating other men, why can't she leave my son alone" and is willing to sacrifice a grandchild just to get rid of an unwanted girl.

I'm telling you what I know was said about someone who dated a relative of mine, also from a single home. Your mum probably can't see past the mother to an innocent child.

Again, you have no concern with whoever man is in that compound. Not your business what is going on in her pants (though is that baby is about 1 month pregnant I'm surprised your girl is in bed with any guy, because medically they tell you to take time to heal after birth.) So that man may just be doing aproko and trying to enter her in the future by siding with her and making you look small, the silly girl is in a situation over her head and when that neighbour asked her about the man, said stupid things. Like an immature person who is under a lot of emotional stress and is sad and confused.

So, here's what to do! Take a short break away from them, DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO BE IN THIS CHILD'S LIFE FROM NOW ON. Beacause once you start, there is no going back. Speak firmly to your mum (you need some self-assurance so you sound utterly convinced you want this boy), tell her "I want my child, not its mother and you can decide if you want to be part of this or not, because I am going ahead". If she eventually capitulates, let her be the mediator and start arranging visits. Be polite and firm to the girl, speak to her the same way you would speak to a random work colleague (no drama, no texts, no turenche just updates on your son). Start an account for him, pay money into it rather than give her the money, but let her know of the account details, put in a regular sum (if it is N5,000 monthly, put it in and no more, no less). Always be pleasant when you go there to visit your boy, if anyone starts saying nonsense to you, politely say "please I am here to visit my child who is innocent in all of this".

Why exactly does the Op need his family to go with him since he is not sure of marrying the girl? My dear please don't let them abuse your family by taking them there.

Onegai:


Do you realise you just parroted something his PR team carefully wrote somewhere? Immediately after I said anyone in his shoes will package such a story so that people fall for it? The only thing you should believe about that story was that he travelled to Kenya to meet his dad. All those kids do, why didn't he file for his father and relocate them to the US nah and insist the man attend his wedding and why don't Malia and Sasha upload holiday pics in Kenya

I love how people believe what you tell them to believe. You can reinvent yourself anyway you want and tell a story according to suit your needs. You can make facts out of anything, as long as you control the narrative.

Why would he need to file for a dead man

Can a wise man insist that the ghost of his father attend his wedding?

BTW, he never travelled to Kenya to meet his dad, who died in 1982 while the son was still trying to identify who he, the son, really is within different aspects of his society.

cococandy:
his family don't support. What is he going to do?

He can't force them to like the girl and the child.

That's too bad.
No wonder he went alone.

@steeve,all is not yet lost.
Do u go to church or mosque?
Talk to the pastor or iman let him accompany u with a closse elderly friend.
What that gal and the mum wanted to see is how u will be brought low before them.
It's expected that the pastor/elder will rebuke u very well before them.

If they play their role well, stay back and watch as ur gal will go psycho on her mum. It's not ur fight.
Then start advancing small small.
Believe u me,in three months,there will be improvement.
Eg, u can send text one early morning around 4.30 asking her how she and baby r.
That u couldn't sleep thinking about them.
That they r always in ur heart. Leave it there.
U r fighting war of emotions.
U turn on the right ignition,u r good to go.

And I can tell u still love that gal.

If u see a good baby thing, send her message that u saw so so and so and want to buy for baby,hope she wouldn't mind. U can pick that and one other thing for her. It will take time but u will get her and ur baby back.

Be a complete Mann and go for what u want before jealousy will eat u up.

As for ur people,school them properly why u need those two. They r integral part of u.

I want it to end well for all of u.
Who knows, u and the gal's mumm may turn out to be the best buddies.

Edwife, how na
Thanks for checking on me o
Nwayoo bu ije.

anonimi:



Why would he need to file for a dead man

Can a wise man insist that the ghost of his father attend his wedding?

BTW, he never travelled to Kenya to meet his dad, who died in 1982 while the son was still trying to identify who he, the son, really is within different aspects of his society.

that's my point, the only person present to tell that story is Obama and he can spin it anyway he wants. His half-brothers are still alive, his daughters can go and visit (and they will, if someone decides there is something to spin something out of it). I can spin any story the way I want, as long as it's just me you're speaking to, and I need to make you believe in me. Remember how the whole of Nigeria bought "I had no shoes"? Some people who knew him knew he was a bad idea but had a great story to sell. Same with the current Messiahs all crying up and down and people are lapping it up and not looking objectively.

I still say this "most of the kids with absentee parents rarely forgive them enough to start building a relationship with them and chasing them later". They hate their dads who leave and intensely hate their mothers who walk away. Because it becomes clear to them that other parents had a choice and their absentee parent chose to leave.

dinachi:
@Op you can entertain others with more explanation but your stance and decision is perfectly okay fornow. I love the fact that you are focusing on your career and moving on which is the best thing to do. You have come your own 50% but she failed to meet you halfway and please never go against your family's wish in all these. Take my word for it, your son will come looking for you..wait did I say looking? I meant running to you. Your heart and intention was pure in all these and none of their evil plans will reach you.
Notice that it is only women that are asking you to go back and suffer torture under the heavy yoke of your baby mamas mothers influence. I couldn't believe you were humble enough to suffer atrociously in her company for 25k monthly. My dear the slave trade is over move on with your life.

I'm so glad you understand me perfectly. I'm just trying to get others to have a clearer picture.

Onegal, I could never place my mom in such a precarious position. Whether it's to continue the relationship or for the sake of the child.

Moca, the man is not my concern. I only made my observations which was corroborated by the female neighbor. I'm not in any way jealous. Believe me if I was jealous I may have physically attacked him and ended up causing more problems. I was just trying to do the right thing within my constraints. About your suggestions, it's a nice idea but it's too cumbersome for me and doesn't really seem like it's worth it. If she had met me halfway then we might have been able to work something out.

Love? I'm not ruled by such to the point where I can't reason properly anymore.

Responsibility, loyalty and a sense of duty is what I felt toward her. And that is enough for me.

Thanks everyone for the input. Your responses have all been very overwhelming and helpful and I really appreciate it. It has also been very therapeutic for me and has helped me look at this from many different perspectives.. I shared more than what I intended to with total strangers and I have no regrets at all. God bless you all.

aww, he must be a cutie pie

have u at least called ur ex's mother back to find out why she called u ? i really do hope u will take ur case to a welfare location in Lagos like someone suggested

steeze:


He does look like me ooo... Looking like an unripe plantain, afro full on his hair, looking lost in thought with big eyes like his daddy.

She has seen the picture lol. However she is hardcore. Her advice remains the same.

And sometimes we really don't know what our parents are seeing when they remain so insistent like this so sometimes it's just better to listen to the voice of your elders.

Lmao at your child will come and look for you. That is what irresponsible fathers say to console themselves, even if the child comes later I can assure you you will never get to have the same bond the child would have built with his mother and possibly step father. A real father is the one who takes care of the child financially and emotionally. No matter what happens between you and his mother, if you abandon you responsibility towards your child you are nothing more than a sperm donor

I still read about the Iroko tv owner who said his father came back looking for him when he was an adult and he wants nothing to do with him. What does a grown man/woman need you for when you failed to show up in the formative years. Won't you even feel useless knowing you never contributed a dime towards raising your child

so what do u want him 2 do again.....until he kills himslef b4 u ppl will no dat he has tried his best. he can still have his own family n move on bikonu..its not a do or die affair n most men will nt bother #fact

Firstly,bro your English is good( you go school) ...secondly,my dad has always warned about having anything to do with a girl from a broken home and that the problem travels down to the children..this just proves it,I would also say that at this point you shouldnt look forward to getting back with her but finding a way to get your child to know you..you didn't mention what your own family is doing to help situation but if they can join hands with you to settle things with her family so y'all be cool with each other and you can be a part of the child's life ..obviously you want to take your responsibility as a father .. Try to get your self a good girl also,you need someone to show you care. This would most likely make you feel less depressed.. I hope my advice make sense sha..its well bruh,this will pass ..and you look back and smile ..believe that

babyosisi:


Let him continue to listen to people like dinachi that can't hold down a relationship
He will soon advise her to go and beat up the girl plus the baby
There are many children raised by single mothers that turn out fabulous and just want to know their dad out of curiosity and nothing more.
I can't imagine that he couldn't get counsel from his family before embarking on that trip
Maybe they they advised him and had a plan and he decided to do it his way
It's obvious the boy is very stubborn

@babyosisi n moca do u ppl even read at all his parents disapprove! so easy for u ppl to judge tufiakwa......

bamidele029:
Lmao at your child will come and look for you. That is what irresponsible fathers say to console themselves, even if the child comes later I can assure you you will never get to have the same bond the child would have built with his mother and possibly step father. A real father is the one who takes care of the child financially and emotionally. No matter what happens between you and his mother, if you abandon you responsibility towards your child you are nothing more than a sperm donor
I still read about the Iroko tv owner who said his father came back looking for him when he was an adult and he wants nothing to do with him. What does a grown man/woman need you for when you failed to show up in the formative years. Won't you even feel useless knowing you never contributed a dime towards raising your child

Only a fool will go to where he is not wanted. Keeping a mans child away from him is an old emotional trick evil women use to wound men emotionally. Don't fall for it! You have the law and the social welfare, engage them adequately and circumvent those witches. The world is a smarter place now.

Steeze. I just checked ur thread and seeing all this talk talk, e tire me. What is. All dis descriptn of ur baby and all. Wetin remain na make dem ask u to upload his pix. Guy, u know where u erred and u knw what u want. Stop all dis puss.y talk here. Focus on ur job now in order to cather for ur baby thru the right channels.

Be a man, they don't talk or argue much. Women do.

U are young. See ur english... correct!
Enough potentials.... don't let anybody here make u look like a puss.y

Mistakes made... lessons learnt... move on!

kunlesufyan:
Firstly,bro your English is good( you go school) ...secondly,my dad has always warned about having anything to do with a girl from a broken home and that the problem travels down to the children..this just proves it,I would also say that at this point you shouldnt look forward to getting back with her but finding a way to get your child to know you..you didn't mention what your own family is doing to help situation but if they can join hands with you to settle things with her family so y'all be cool with each other and you can be a part of the child's life ..obviously you want to take your responsibility as a father .. Try to get your self a good girl also,you need someone to show you care. This would most likely make you feel less depressed.. I hope my advice make sense sha..its well bruh,this will pass ..and you look back and smile ..believe that

I wanted to say the guy has good diction but didn't want to trivialise the topic...I just wish him God's wisdom to manage this situation!

veave:




Women are soft and hard at the same time. Why did you spoil what you wrote first with the. Next two texts...
No need to swear and start saying you are dead except you really want to die.


Women are very soft. Did you expect a drastic change of mind sharp sharp like that? Today's visit was just a seed sown. By the time you left she had already started thinking. Then you went ahead to spoil everything. Its seems like you are not a patient person oh. Let me give you a secret,it takes the grace of God alone to make a woman stop loving the father of her children. Almost nothing can reduce it talk more of taking it away.



I don't know how to advice you again fa








You said a man like you is living with her and instead of you to ESTABLISH your PRESCENSE you ran away and went to send text messages? He even had the audacity to carry your baby and he didn't let you touch him. You no give am black eye you come here to open thread. I see you are not jealous like your God.

Best comment ever ....Madam well done @op u can pick valuable words here .

@steeze, I feel sorry for what has happened to you, your girl but I feel even sorrier for the baby (having to go through the whole single parent circle again)

Your girl must have been really really hurt by your actions. I'm a bit shocked she moved on rather fast. I didn't expect her to let you in sooooo soon but then again, I would have thought the fact you had a job and were willing to make it work would have calmed her.

At this stage, my advise will be to get on with your life. Its a good thing you apoogised to MIL and your girl. Keep trying to make it work with the girl for baby's sake i.e cordial relationship only not sexual relationship.

Send funds for baby and keep up with the visits for baby's sake. Go with a close friend or family member so you don't fall into sexual temptation with this woman (think tuface)

Hopefully one day she respects you enough to allow you have your son for weekends, holidays, birthdays and all that. May God's grace continue to rest on you all (baby mama and son included) unfortunately this is the price you will pay - bringing up your kid like that. Remember to protect yourself with future women. Good luck

How far our baby op? You don get am back?