What do I do?

Separated from my husband. He is insisting I pay for the children's upkeep or I cannot see them in his house.
He has insisted on collecting part of their school fees from me. Despite that, he wants me to pay for their upkeep in his house or I cant see the kids

Is this normal?

Does anyone know a lawyer that can help?

emeify:
What do I do?

Separated from my husband. He is insisting I pay for the children's upkeep or I cannot see them in his house.
He has insisted on collecting part of their school fees from me. Despite that, he wants me to pay for their upkeep in his house or I cant see the kids

Is this normal?

Does anyone know a lawyer that can help?

No it's not. Infact, it should be the other way round. Which of the states are u in?

#Godhatedivorce
Please seek for solution to the problem that caused the separation instead of creating more problem(s).
My quarter

How did you get to this stage in the first place

This is what most women with custody do to their ex husbands and now you know how it feels

emeify:
What do I do?

Separated from my husband. He is insisting I pay for the children's upkeep or I cannot see them in his house.
He has insisted on collecting part of their school fees from me. Despite that, he wants me to pay for their upkeep in his house or I cant see the kids

Is this normal?
Does anyone know a lawyer that can help?

if you had won the custody of the kids, you would do exactly the same thing your hubby is doing. pay up & stop complaining.

If there's no restraining order against you, he has no right to do that.
It is not even up to him to tell you what to pay. All that should be settled in court. Do your research and hire a competent lawyer(I don't know if you will find one on nairaland)

Don't you have a legal visitation agreement?

Ofcourse you should have access to your kids, exept you aren't available during your "pick up days" which can be rescheduled mutually as well.

Otherwise, Drag his ass back to court, not NL.

Oh, and yes you get to pay child support since they aren't living with you.

*my friend paid her lazy ass ex for 11 freaking years.. Phew!*

While he's being an ass, I wonder why you have yet to pay a dime for the upkeep of your children, surely, you aren't one of nairaland's hypocrite feminists, are you?! Get yourself a lawyer and get him invited to the Welfare Department, and take it from there. *smh

@emify, well there will be nothing wrong with paying child support if there need be because at the end of the day, its for their benefit.

But before the separation who was the primary caregiver? Is it just your husband who denied you access to the children or it was the court?
What was the cause of the separation and how did it affect the children?

Why is he holding you to ransom though?

How did you guys get to this stage?

Don't you have family that can intervene?

Ewuro4:

*my friend paid her lazy ass ex for 11 freaking years.. Phew!*

wow, that's a good news. Lmfao.

I thought men are the only ones that pays for child support? Good to know that tables can be turned.

emeify:
What do I do?

Separated from my husband. He is insisting I pay for the children's upkeep or I cannot see them in his house.
He has insisted on collecting part of their school fees from me. Despite that, he wants me to pay for their upkeep in his house or I cant see the kids

Is this normal?

Does anyone know a lawyer that can help?

is this the reason why you seperated from him?

emeify:
I have been married for a while but I seem to have lost interest in sex. I used to enjoy it before but for some reason, it no longer interest as me. Hubby is impatient as he does not understand and I am at a loss. Does anybody know what could be wrong with me?

https://www.nairaland.com/1434785/no-longer-interested-sex-hubby

Well someone has to pay towards your children's education and upkeep so why not you? You would put the same demands on him wouldn't you? Pay for your children and be grateful that they have their father raising them instead of the state.

Hmmm

The info provided is incomplete. So many loose ends. Madam OP, what led to the children being with the man in the 1st place?

Before I go any further, are you in Nigeria?

Regardless of the circumstances surrounding the divorce, I don't think it's a bad idea to contribute to the welfare of your OWN kids.
If I find myself in your shoes, as far as I can, I would willingly contribute.

As per visitation, calmly work out something with your ex-hubby. When my kids are involved, I would play a fool, no ego.

Good luck.

Take him to family court. Let the courts rule on visitation, upkeep, etc.

I think they also have family arbitration in social services. Yes, Lagos has social services, you just have to look for them.

(Talking about Lagos state. I don't know if other states have.)

Opiosko:
No it's not. Infact, it should be the other way round. Which of the states are u in?

Am in Lagos. The kids are with him

Moana:
@emify, well there will be nothing wrong with paying child support if there need be because at the end of the day, its for their benefit.

But before the separation who was the primary caregiver? Is it just your husband who denied you access to the children or it was the court?
What was the cause of the separation and how did it affect the children?

No court involved yet. The cause of the separation is not important. We used to jointly pay their upkeep.

I am suggesting they stay with me certain times and the upkeep be taken care of jointly at that time as well

Chiam55:
Well someone has to pay towards your children's education and upkeep so why not you? You would put the same demands on him wouldn't you? Pay for your children and be grateful that they have their father raising them instead of the state.

This is Nigeria.

jashar:
Hmmm

The info provided is incomplete. So many loose ends. Madam OP, what led to the children being with the man in the 1st place?

Before I go any further, are you in Nigeria?

Am in Lagos Nigeria.
Man was abusing me in addition to so many issues and threatening me to leave or else....

So I left. I had to stay with a cousin so could not take d kids. He has threatened over his dead body about d kids and well, they can stay with him as long as I can see them too.

emeify:


Am in Lagos Nigeria.
Man was abusing me in addition to so many issues and threatening me to leave or else....

So I left. I had to stay with a cousin so could not take d kids. He has threatened over his dead body about d kids and well, they can stay with him as long as I can see them too.

Hmmmm this is the first time am seeing a lady not really fighting for the custody of her children.
Madam hope you responsible sha

Well, there r a lot of lawyers in lagos especially court houses you will see them hanging around

I suggest you first report the matter at the police station in your husband area but if you are unable to come to an agreement then you can get a lawyer,

emeify:


No court involved yet. The cause of the separation is not important. We used to jointly pay their upkeep.

I am suggesting they stay with me certain times and the upkeep be taken care of jointly at that time as well

okay maybe mentioning the cause of the separation on a public forum may not seem important but remember that if the cause of the separation was in any way related to physical abuse or neglecting the kids it will affect who will have custody over the children.

Since you have not been denied custody by the courts you can have the court order him to refrain from denying you access to your kids.

By primary caregiver im not only talking about financial upkeep, im talking about whoever is involved more in the welfare and development of the children. This can be by doing things like spending time with the children, cooking for them, cleaning after them, helping with school work ( if they are already in school) and putting them to sleep. Who ever had that responsibility usually gets custody of the children.

Like cococandy advised you, have a family advocate appointed to assess you guys to see who should have custody, care and access to the children.

emeify:


Am in Lagos Nigeria.
Man was abusing me in addition to so many issues and threatening me to leave or else....

So I left. I had to stay with a cousin so could not take d kids. He has threatened over his dead body about d kids and well, they can stay with him as long as I can see them too.

Ok. Since you're in Lagos, I know a group that help women. You can try them out.

Project Alert on Violence against Women. 21 Akinsanya street, Ojodu Berger. Lagos. 08180091072.

All the best.

Emaprince:
wow, that's a good news. Lmfao.

I thought men are the only ones that pays for child support? Good to know that tables can be turned.

women have always been responsible for child support too.

emeify:


Am in Lagos Nigeria.
Man was abusing me in addition to so many issues and threatening me to leave or else....

So I left. I had to stay with a cousin so could not take d kids. He has threatened over his dead body about d kids and well, they can stay with him as long as I can see them too.

well if he has been abusive and showed violent behaviour there are chances that the court can favour you in terms of custody, especially where it negatively affected the children.
You will still however have to prove that your cousin's house will be move convinient for the kids to live in as well.

Moana:
well if he has been abusive and showed violent behaviour there are chances that the court can favour you in terms of custody, especially where it negatively affected the children.
You will still however have to prove that your cousin's house will be move convinient for the kids to live in as well.

Thanks. This only happened revently so no court involved yet. Still trying to get a lawyer and planning to rent a place.

emeify:


Thanks. This only happened revently so no court involved yet. Still trying to get a lawyer and planning to rent a place.

i hope it all goes swiftly for you

Emaprince:
wow, that's a good news. Lmfao.

I thought men are the only ones that pays for child support? Good to know that tables can be turned.

It works both way jare, though more prevalent than the other... He didn't work too even when those kids are well off to care for themselves. Gosh is he ever lazy? Well it's over now, no more freeload.

OP, take him to a family court. You have same visitation/custody rights as he does.

Emaprince:
wow, that's a good news. Lmfao.

I thought men are the only ones that pays for child support? Good to know that tables can be turned.

why won't you think like that when your source of information is nairaland alarmist group of misinformers?

My DH's boss is a woman. She pays child support for all her 3kids because they live with her hubby.

Matters of child maintenance are always decided in the best interest of the kids not the yeye gender and feminist bla bla bla some people like to teach you on nairaland.

cococandy:
why won't you think like that when your source of information is nairaland alarmist group of misinformers?

My DH's boss is a woman. She pays child support for all her 3kids because they live with her hubby.

Matters of child maintenance are always decided in the best interest of the kids not the yeye gender and feminist bla bla bla some people like to teach you on nairaland.

Don't mind the bushmeats.