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Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me - Family (6) - Nairaland

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My Wife Wants To Buy The Following For The Baby / My Wife Is Threatening To Leave If I Can't Find Job / My True-Love Is Planning To Leave Me: Please Advise (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 12:45am On Sep 27, 2006
Uche, we need to draw the line for some people you know.
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Uche2nna(m): 1:13am On Sep 27, 2006
Yeah but coolu temper,sha! grin grin grin grin
How u dey sef,lest I 4get
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by izoneb(f): 2:08am On Sep 27, 2006
Radiant is right.Maybe mad genius is the woman leaving her husband.I suspect strongly.
Frankly there will be lots of men waiting to devour her but they will sure go for single girls when they are ready to marry.
Just 5% may be willing to and that percentage may still be wanting her financial support.
Please be calm for the love of that baby involved.
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by windywendy(f): 4:33am On Sep 27, 2006
izoneb:

Radiant is right.Maybe mad genius is the woman leaving her husband.I suspect strongly.
Frankly there will be lots of men waiting to devour her but they will sure go for single girls when they are ready to marry.
Just 5% may be willing to and that percentage may still be wanting her financial support.
Please be calm for the love of that baby involved.


alright, I see why you suspect mad genius as being the woman leaving her husband. First of all, this woman is smart - a genius - (according to Bolarge55) and then she's obviously mad at him  grin grin Funny. Seriously though, I find your comment about "lots of men waiting to devour her" very curious. Don't you think she'll be smart enough to figure out the real deal?  undecided undecided And I'm also wondering where you got your 5% figure from and how come you can tell their intentions undecided undecided undecided Could it be that you're just generalizing
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 12:43pm On Sep 27, 2006
Uch i'm aight. Just doing ma thing u know  smiley Hope u good too?

windywendy:

alright, I see why you suspect mad genius as being the woman leaving her husband. First of all, this woman is smart - a genius - (according to Bolarge55) and then she's obviously mad at him  grin grin Funny. Seriously though, I find your comment about "lots of men waiting to devour her" very curious. Don't you think she'll be smart enough to figure out the real deal?  undecided undecided And I'm also wondering where you got your 5% figure from and how come you can tell their intentions undecided undecided undecided Could it be that you're just generalizing
Ummm, may I say that being smart don't mean you can handle every shit that comes your way. We can't always be smart you know, and you cannot always figure out the real and fake deals  undecided Izoneb ain't generalizing, she's just giving a rough estimate which might probably be correct and about the intentions, Windy, do u live in a world of your own?  shocked
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by windywendy(f): 1:25pm On Sep 27, 2006
Actually Radiant, I don't live in a world of my own at all. And yes, I do believe that being smart can help you avoid many a troubled relationships. No one becomes the way they are overnight. If someone is basically a dishonest and deceitful person for instance, it would show up in many other ways which anyone can pick up if they're looking well. Most people allow other considerations (especially fear) to crowd their judgement and then act surprised when they see the real colors of their partners after marriage.

Unto Izoneb's comments about intentions, you would have to be able to read everyone's mind to make a statement like that. People just simply live in fear of the unknown and make up stories (or theorize about things) to justify their fear. That's the reason you see a woman (or man) stay in an abusive relationship, because she's telling herself that "the devil I know is better than the ones I don't" or that "many people out there have bad intentions". But then could it just be the other way around? Could it just be there there are people out there with good intentions, and that not most people have bad intentions? Or then again maybe one's view of the world depends on the crowd one hangs out with. I still maintain that there are many good people with genuine intentions out there - I've met many, many a time. If this means living in a world of my own, then so be it -- that's the kind of world I sure love to live in cheesy cheesy
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 1:50pm On Sep 27, 2006
Like I said, we can't always be smart! I know a lady who was dating a man for 9 yrs and when she got pregnant in the tenth yr, the guy dumped her. Are you telling me she wasn't smart all along Being intelligent, don't mean you are all smart.
I don't have to read everyone's mind to know their intentions. I don't know the kinda people you've met and dealt with but we can have a rough idea of peoples intentions most times.
I agree that there are still good people out there (no one said there aren't neway) but the fact remains that only very very few men would marry the lady in question after a divorce. Would you like your brother to marry a divorcee with a kid undecided I'm not saying it's not possible, but how many people would do it out of love for the woman?
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by windywendy(f): 2:09pm On Sep 27, 2006
All she needs is ONE man. So the fact that few men will marry a woman like that is really not a problem. Unto the question about whether I would like my brother to marry a divorced woman with a kid, YES. If they truly love each other and find happiness in each other, why not  shocked. It's their decision, and they're both adults. I do have 4 brothers and they're really smart guys. I respect their decisions alot and trust them to choose right. I've watched the way they relate with women -- they're straightforward, honest and respectful guys, and that's one of the reasons that I challenge people who come out saying that men have bad intentions when it comes to dealings with women. I know many men who have good, honest intentions -- infact, I think I know more honest men than dishonest men.

Listen, I'm not going to judge your friend. But there is NO way that anyone can be dating a man (or woman) for 9years and tell me that they didn't see any signs of instability, if those signs suddenly show up in the 10th year. They were there all along and the other person simply chose to ignore them for whatever reason. If a man feels no qualms about dumping his fiancee and his unborn child, he didn't become that way overnight. He's been that way all along, and your friend simply chose to ignore all those subtle signals. For a lot of women, it's basically fear of the unknown -- "will I meet someone else who will want to marry me?", "what if there are worse people out there?" etc etc. All i'm saying is that such fear is unfounded and keeps people in unnecessary bondage.

I've seen many cases of divorced people who went on to have very fulfilling and lasting marriage relationships with other people. I'm not in any way advocating divorce, but my dear, marriage is a two-way street, and like any relationship, there are certain things that will break it down. Like I said in one of my earlier posts, "if you don't want the roof over your house to come crashing down, then don't mess with the foundation" it's that simple  cheesy cheesy
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 2:31pm On Sep 27, 2006
You are one of the fortunate girls I'll say. Everyone can claim their own brothers are honest, God fearing, humble, generous and all that 'ish because you can't wash your dirty linen outside. undecided You never know what your brothers do with girls behind you neway.
I need guys to reply to this thread pls.
I always say, we all have every right to voice our opinions. I respect the fact that you mentioned you respect your brothers decisions and will like if they marry a divorcee if it's so their choice. Well, how many men can do that

All I can say to you is, don't expect the same attitude like your brothers from other guys. You trying to sound all positive and optimistic about life, it's a good thing but I must say, this life is very cruel and unfair. Shit happens everyday!!!
You never know how dumb you are until you meet the wrong person thinking he was the Angel sent to you. Sometimes a blessing turns out to be a curse in disguise. We never plan or expect disappointments but that doesn't mean they won't come.

Hope you marry the right person to solidify your arguement. smiley
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by windywendy(f): 2:51pm On Sep 27, 2006
I'm not just claiming that my brothers are honest, I know they are. I spend time with them and their wives, I visit, we talk, we hang out a lot! I grew up with these guys for crying out loud, It's real. You can't let your life's experiences color what you see. The fact that one meets one or two or even many bad people doesn't mean everyone's bad. There are men who know what they want in a partner, and once they see that, the fact that she's divorced and has a kid fades into the background and becomes totally irrelevant cool

Contrary to what you said, I don't TRY to sound positive and optimistic about life. I AM positive and optimistic about life. Life is GREAT, it's full of opportunities, energy and lots of exciting things to conquer  cheesy cheesy. It's full of wonderful things you can do to be a blessing to people and change lives, and wonderful opportunities to grow and become whatever it is God has created you to become. Yes, shit happens, but then people move on and become stronger and greater. Life is really what you can make of it  grin

About marrying the right person, YES I Am MARRIED. Building a good relationship takes work and I do work at it everyday, and so does he. The foundation was laid while we were dating. Does that mean there won't be problems? NO. There will be problems but we will work through them. There have been problems, and we have worked through them. I can make many many mistakes, but the one thing I can never be stupid enough to do is to go messing with the foundation of my marriage (which I believe is trust), especially when it has to do with dealing with the opposite sex. That thing breaks down trust very fast and can ruin a marriage like nothing else can.

Can anyone truly find fulfilment in a marriage where trust has been completely broken down? I think not  cheesy cheesy cheesy

1 Like

Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 2:55pm On Sep 27, 2006
Ok then. Best wishes though won't judge the world by your own testimony. God Please bless your marriage indeed to avoid having another victim on Nairaland. God bless smiley
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by windywendy(f): 2:59pm On Sep 27, 2006
Yeah thanks grin.
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 3:01pm On Sep 27, 2006
cool wink
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by izoneb(f): 8:11pm On Sep 27, 2006
windywendy!!!!!!!!There you go!You have worked problems out with your spouse.Isn't that exactly what we are asking the guy's wife for instead of jetting out with an innocent baby?This guy wasn't sleeping with the other woman please.
Even if he did they could also have worked it out.Common!
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by madgenius1: 8:33pm On Sep 27, 2006
Radiant,

You are completely pointless. Being weak or not, don't matter

your opinion and possibly valid!!!


The whole point here is that what the man has done doesn't warrant a divorce in return
The incident of the phone calls perhaps doesn't, but there are extenuating circumstances around this;

She doesn’t believe anything I’ve told her so far because I’ve lied to her several times in the past (usually about things that I consider minor), and then there was the porn she saw me looking at sometime ago, and me making phone calls to female friends and then deleting the call log so that she wouldn’t find out

We quarreled back and forth for weeks and I kept insisting that there was nothing wrong with what I was doing. She kept saying that if there was nothing wrong why was I doing all that behind her back? She asked me if I would be ok if she did the same thing and I told her NO
Now I don't know about you, but if there is no trust, there can't be any mariage.


If it was your sister, would you advice her to divorce her husband for doing such acts? You'll definitely do anything possible to secure her marriage instead of allow her wander the streets with a 'bastard' baby.!"

Am afraid you are wrong here on many counts:
1. If it was my sister, I would butt out and let her make her own decision, and be supportive either way, unless of course it got on my nerves, then I would make myself scarce.

2. This woman will not wander the streets, from the looks of things, she "keeps" her husband, so I think you will find that her husband is the one that will wander the streets.

3. 'bastard baby' I mean really, what century do you live in. Just so you know Leonardo Da Vinci, one of the greatest minds of our times was a so called bastard, so what is you point?

Now take that and smoke it!!!!!!! cool grin grin
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by windywendy(f): 9:05pm On Sep 27, 2006
Ehhhh, this topic is getting more interesting by the minute.

@mad_genius: Abeg no vex for Radiant, she has every right to express her opinion. You be genius na, so you should understand that.

@izoneb:

I hear you my girl. Really, I wish and pray that this Bolarge guy works out his relationship problems. If I were the wifey, I'm not really sure what my knee jerk reaction would be and I actually might just consider leaving the guy -- 5 years of lying, deception and the like can really get a relationship to breaking point, esp. if one party has had to continually bear all of that. I personally think it's especially bad if the offender is the guy, because he's supposed to be the leader and live by example. Add to all that the fact that she's even taking care of his responsibilities, meeeennnn, that can break down even the strongest of us women. Having said that though, if I see that the guy is really truly really really repentant, then I might consider going on. But how does one begin to rebuild trust that has been completely broken down?? It's tough, and that's Bolarge's biggest challenge (I think undecided) -- he's going to have to demonstrate to his wife that he's a man of integrity. How does he begin to do that If you ask me, that's much tougher than getting her back. Either way sha, he sure has a lot of work to do. Somehow I'm quite sure things will work out because it seems like he's on the right path viz-a-viz marriage counselling, reading books on marriage, etc. Perhaps he needed this type of experience to jerk him to reality cheesy cheesy
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 9:08pm On Sep 27, 2006
mad_genius:

Radiant,
Now I don't know about you, but if there is no trust, there can't be any mariage.

Am afraid you are wrong here on many counts:
1. If it was my sister, I would butt out and let her make her own decision, and be supportive either way, unless of course it got on my nerves, then I would make myself scarce.

2. This woman will not wander the streets, from the looks of things, she "keeps" her husband, so I think you will find that her husband is the one that will wander the streets.

3. 'bastard baby' I mean really, what century do you live in. Just so you know Leonardo Da Vinci, one of the greatest minds of our times was a so called bastard, so what is you point?

So basically you're saying that every marriage where there is distrust should pack up? shocked

Secondly,why would you make yourself scarce? I wonder if you actually have any sister to think that way.

Thirdly, I don't mean wander in the sense that she'll be homeless and stranded. I mean she'll be left alone to cope with issues of life with her baby.When she needs a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on from a guy, she'll have to talk to some other guy not her husband. (How many future men can she trust neway)

Lastly, adapting the nonchalant mentality of this mordern world that a woman can have 3 or 4 kids from different men and not live with any at the end of the day is a whole mess up. As far as I'm concerned, the baby will be a bastard and that is the simple fact either in these times or in the 50's.
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by windywendy(f): 9:12pm On Sep 27, 2006
But Radiant, can you please explain to me how a marriage where there is distrust can work and be fulfilling?? I'm finding this a really hard concept to grasp. How can you cry on the shoulders of, and place your innermost confidences in, someone who you don't trust
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by madgenius1: 9:21pm On Sep 27, 2006
windywendy, I see we are on the same page.

radiant, my question, to be clear is this, what is wrong with being a "bastard"?

Secondly,why would you make yourself scarce?
I don't want to butt in. If it starts to bug me, I will say exactly what I think, which does not always go down well.


I wonder if you actually have any sister to think that way.
Yes, 5, and they all know not to get me involved in their domestics, cos I will tell them exactly what's on my mind, and a lot of times, the truth is hard to swallow.

Lastly, adapting the nonchalant mentality of this mordern world that a woman can have 3 or 4 kids from different men and not live with any at the end of the day is a whole mess up
Why?
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 9:22pm On Sep 27, 2006
ermm wendy, I asked a question, I didn't make a conclusion yet. Where's our faith? Can't prayers solve problems again?
I believe there's always a way out if you genuinely wish to continue with the marriage.
Wendy you're married right? Would you file for a divorce if you were in this kind of situation?
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 9:26pm On Sep 27, 2006
Mad, I'm not condemning bastards coz it's not their fault to end up with such name. If we can avoid people calling our kids "bastard" why don't we do our best to save a good name?
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by windywendy(f): 9:31pm On Sep 27, 2006
Well I do believe prayers can solve problems, seriously.

Now unto your question about what I would do if this happened to me, hmmmm, it's a tough one really. Like I said earlier, 5years of taking lies and deceit and all that what not can be really damning. My knee jerk reaction would be to leave the guy, esp. if he shows no signs of repentance -- like arguing that he doesn't see anything wrong with his actions and all that. This might be especially so if I've forgiven him again and again over the years and he just keeps taking my forgiveness for granted. I will really feel like he's treating me like a fool and taking advantage of the fact that I'm faithful to him. But on second thoughts, I might NOT divorce him if he truly repents and I see him take visible and reasonable steps to change. If he decides to continue in his deceitful ways, then hmmmmm, I really don't know  lipsrsealed Divorce might just loom in my mind  sad sad. It's really a sad state of affairs
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 9:36pm On Sep 27, 2006
Wendy, thanks for your honest reply. If I was the one, as long as there's no physical abuse, I'll stay with himand find a way to deal with the rest of the issue. smiley
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by windywendy(f): 9:39pm On Sep 27, 2006
That's good to hear. Are you married? if so, your husband better count himself lucky to have a woman determined to stay with him no matter what grin . If not, then may I say you'll sure make a good wife someday  cheesy cheesy
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by layifioren(m): 9:40pm On Sep 27, 2006
@mad genius
are you married? do you have kids?
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by madgenius1: 9:44pm On Sep 27, 2006
And my conclusion, to each his own,
At the end of the day, I believe we follow our hearts. If push came to shove, we have no idea what we would do.
I have experienced this kind of episode in my life, and I did not stay, because it did not feel right anymore. Our time together was simply up.
My current spouse is naughty sometimes (no sleeping around mind, just mild flirting), but our love is strong, and there is complete trust.

We must always strive for the best. the biggest sin is living a mediocre life, borne of irrational fear. (my opinion, of course I may be wrong)
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 9:54pm On Sep 27, 2006
Wendy, I'm not married yet smiley Thanks Sis kiss

Mad, don't you think mild flirting could turn to something else tomorrow despite the trust today?(Just asking pls wink )
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by windywendy(f): 9:56pm On Sep 27, 2006
mad_genius:

We must always strive for the best. the biggest sin is living a mediocre life, borne of irrational fear. (my opinion, of course I may be wrong)

I'm totally with you on that one!! cheesy cheesy cheesy
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by madgenius1: 10:03pm On Sep 27, 2006
Mad, don't you think mild flirting could turn to something else tomorrow despite the trust today?
Yes, that is very possible. But until such a time, I don't lose any sleep over it. If anything gives me cause for concern, its his nightmare as much as it is mine.

Do you get my drift,
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 10:11pm On Sep 27, 2006
Mad I feel you. wink

I've really enjoyed this thread. Different opinions and very interesting ones. Nice one y'all. cheesy cheesy cheesy
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Pain(m): 8:23am On Oct 02, 2006
Ive found the perfect solution to your problem.

Let her go.
Remember the TD Jakes Sermon? Let it Go!! lipsrsealed
Re: Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me by Radiant(f): 12:09pm On Oct 02, 2006
pain, why don't u go sort out ur distressed n painful life?

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