Sex is NOT important in ANY of my relationships o!
All I see is DOLLAR SIGNS!!!!
If ANY man or woman can give me what I cannot give myself at this stage of my SWEEEEEETEST LIFE, then his DAMN BLOKOS may count for something!

Shioooooooooor!!!!!

shaybebaby:
The general myth is that men are usually predatory when it comes to sex and simply cannot get enough whilst it's the women who have reduced libido.
However speaking to a few friends in relationships/ marriages has revealed that this not necessarily the case. It appears that there are many instances where women are unhappy because their men aren't just giving it up often enough and in some cases not at all.
Before anyone cites infidelity on the part of the male, this is not the reason as in those relationships, their men do not philander, always home, make time for their women etc ... Do everything a man is supposed to do apart from wanting intimacy. The usual reasons, they are tired, stressed, not in the mood and the list goes on. Obviously it is not as simplistic in all cases as some men have erectile dysfunction, retarded ejaculation and other medical issues. The bottom line is they are not meeting the sexual needs of their partners and are reluctant to discuss this.
So ladies, in an ideal relationship where all is well, how important is sex or the lack of to you? Is it a deal breaker?

yes I'd consider that a deal breaker. Maybe not to the point of divorce, but we would SURELY need to do something about it.
I can't imagine having to 'endure' for the rest of my life.
Maybe if I was 50 or close to that age and such problem sets in, then of course I may consider enduring it given that at the age I probably won't even have as much drive as I do now.
But speaking from a young person's POV, enduring it from now until forever seems like torture. So yes it would be a deal breaker.

#I know I'm not a virtuous woman

cococandy:
yes I'd consider that a deal breaker. Maybe not to the point of divorce, but we would SURELY need to do something about it.
I can't imagine having to 'endure' for the rest of my life.
Maybe if I was 50 or close to that age and such problem sets in, then of course I may consider enduring it given that at the age I probably won't even have as much drive as I do now.
But speaking from a young person's POV, enduring it from now until forever seems like torture. So yes it would be a deal breaker.

#I know I'm not a virtuous woman

Love the honesty in your response and how realistic you are.

shaybebaby:
The general myth is that men are usually predatory when it comes to sex and simply cannot get enough whilst it's the women who have reduced libido.
However speaking to a few friends in relationships/ marriages has revealed that this not necessarily the case. It appears that there are many instances where women are unhappy because their men aren't just giving it up often enough and in some cases not at all.
Before anyone cites infidelity on the part of the male, this is not the reason as in those relationships, their men do not philander, always home, make time for their women etc ... Do everything a man is supposed to do apart from wanting intimacy. The usual reasons, they are tired, stressed, not in the mood and the list goes on. Obviously it is not as simplistic in all cases as some men have erectile dysfunction, retarded ejaculation and other medical issues. The bottom line is they are not meeting the sexual needs of their partners and are reluctant to discuss this.
So ladies, in an ideal relationship where all is well, how important is sex or the lack of to you? Is it a deal breaker?

shaybebaby:

What I don't understand is that it's something that is hardly spoken of. Outward appearances are very deceiving but I know of a lot of women who are in this situation and very unhappy yet feel like they cannot complain whilst the men go on acting like it is normal which they obviously know it's not otherwise they'd share with their mates.
I rarely hear of men saying openly that they do not like sex because it is something they are ashamed to open up about. Yet, if only men can be more open, it would save a lot of women the heartache of being with someone who they believe just does not desire them and believing the fault is theirs when in reality it has nothing to do with their desirability.
I also blame men for fostering this idea that they have high libidos when in reality they don't and shift the blame on to women.

As usual, women like you miss some points in your haste to claim being "victims".

He might not be having sex with her because of the following possibilities as well:

- He is no longer attracted to her. This might be because she is no longer in shape or she does not maintain any sexiness after getting the man.

- He is bored of having sex with her. This might be because of familiarity, lack of variety (from them or based on what he needs) or the same she does not maintain any sexiness after getting the man.

He might want to have sex, but just not with her.

What is he suppose to do?

Tell her?

shaybebaby:
The general myth is that men are usually predatory. . . .
So ladies, in an ideal relationship where all is well, how important is sex or the lack of to you? Is it a deal breaker?

What is SEX without LOVE?
Nothing!

Only BLACKS have sex like ANIMALS!

Sex is to GET MONEY FROM MEN OR TO BORN!
Finito!

Sagamite:




As usual, women like you miss some points in your haste to claim being "victims".

He might not be having sex with her because of the following possibilities as well:

- He is no longer attracted to her. This might be because she is no longer in shape or she does not maintain any sexiness after getting the man.

- He is bored of having sex with her. This might be because of familiarity, lack of variety (from them or based on what he needs) or the same she does not maintain any sexiness after getting the man.

He might want to have sex, but just not with her.

What is he suppose to do?

Tell her?

yeah. Better both parties know where they stand. With communucation however uncomfortable, there is clarity and hopefully resolution.
There are usually a myriad of reasons why this could be but without talking about it, how is the other party supposed to understand the reason for the sexlessness in the relationship?
It is rumoured that Will and Jada smith have an open marriage, I do not endorse this but their marriage has been going strong. I can only imagine that if the rumour is true, they had an open discussion about the issue for their marriage to work.
I guess I am saying that there is no right or wrong reason hence the man should speak up regardless even if it is because he no longer finds her attractive. She might hate him in the short term but in the long term respect his honesty.

shaybebaby:

yeah. Better both parties know where they stand. With communucation however uncomfortable, there is clarity and hopefully resolution.
There are usually a myriad of reasons why this could be but without talking about it, how is the other party supposed to understand the reason for the sexlessness in the relationship?
It is rumoured that Will and Jada smith have an open marriage, I do not endorse this but their marriage has been going strong. I can only imagine that if the rumour is true, they had an open discussion about the issue for their marriage to work.
I guess I am saying that there is no right or wrong reason hence the man should speak up regardless even if it is because he no longer finds her attractive. She might hate him in the short term but in the long term respect his honesty.

I am sorry, I don't buy this.

This is nirvanistic.

Till this day, I am yet to meet a woman who would address uncomfortable issues with frank adult communications when that approach is not to her best interest. They will always look for the easy way out and even create a scenario to castigate the guy.

For example, how many women do you know that end a relationship by sitting a man down and say "I don't fancy you any more and want to break up because I want to explore my options". Which is frequently the case.

https://www.nairaland.com/962850/ladies-which-these-dating-evils

They would rather come up with some accusation of "he is not doing this or that" or create arguments all the time and then say "it is not working, we are always fighting". It is much easier and they don't have to face any emotional repercussions for those.

So why should a man take an approach that is more stressful when it is not in his best interest?

How many women would respond well to her man saying he does not fancy her anymore? Something most women are convinced is their birthright based on her gender and "he approached her"?

Women don't elect uncomfortable communications, I find it strange men are expected to.

^^^^
@Sagamite post=36093831]

I am a woman but I totally agree with your post. It has given me a lot of food for thought. It is so easy to talk about communication but are we really willing to hear and accept the truth especially something as painful as our partners not fancying us anymore. Nowadays we hear women saying things like "he doesn't fill my loveboat anymore", it would be nice if someone explained what the hell that means. Thank you for this great post.

Aude:


I am a woman but I totally agree with your post. It has given me a lot of food for thought. It is so easy to talk about communication but are we really willing to hear and accept the truth especially something as painful as our partners not fancying us anymore. Nowadays we hear women saying things like "he doesn't fill my loveboat anymore", it would be nice if someone explained what the hell that means. Thank you for this great post.

Thanks, girl.

To be frank, I struggle to even be tolerant with many females who think "me, me, me".

I can't imagine me being, and it is not morally possible for me to be, nice and fair to someone that is not nice and fair.

I like to treat people the way they deserve to be treated.

Good people will be treated good by me. Any female coming around me that wants me to look out for her interests has to be lookig out for my interests. To me it is not a birthright by virtue of her gender as many will say a "real man" should see it.

I guess you missed my point. There are general myths surrounding the male prowess which you guys do nothing to dissuage but encourage which is not necessarily the case.
Either ways, it is not about the reason for the lack of intimacy as much as the desire to acknowledge that there is a problem by both parties and attempt to resolve it together if the ultimate aim is to remain together.
However a cloak of silence and avoidance of the issue cannot bode well for the relationship. Wouldn't it be better to call time on such that drag out the scenario for years.
I would speak for myself that I would rather hear I just don't fancy you anymore, you know why?
It might hurt like a bitch to hear it but on the other hand, it would leave me free to find someone who does fancy me. And there lies the kindness in such communication.

Sagamite:


Thanks, girl.

To be frank, I struggle to even be tolerant with many females who think "me, me, me".

I can't imagine me being, and it is not morally possible for me to be, nice and fair to someone that is not nice and fair.

I like to treat people the way they deserve to be treated.

Good people will be treated good by me. Any female coming around me that wants me to look out for her interests has to be lookig out for my interests. To me it is not a birthright by virtue of her gender as many will say a "real man" should see it.

very correct way to reason
thumbs up

i think the reason why men make so much emphasis and pay fortunes for sex is because it is not readilly available.they find its surfeit in marriage with a woman always willing so it gets tiring.yes the lipido is high always but its just five to 10 minutes of thrusting with expulsion consuming some good energy needing hours even days to recover.a woman can lay there for hours giving nothing but taking everything.our male sexual prowess is exagerated am afraid to say.it becomes even more frightening when the woman begins to demand it often and complain of unsatisfaction.thrusting,sperm expulsion and pressure to prove your manhood is a big job needing its own monthly paycheck.yeah...i think this is what its feels when it gets to this level.

It is not everytime persin go wan have sex with the same woman.

troy20:
i think the reason why men make so much emphasis and pay fortunes for sex is because it is not readilly available.they find its surfeit in marriage with a woman always willing so it gets tiring.yes the lipido is high always but its just five to 10 minutes of thrusting with expulsion consuming some good energy needing hours even days to recover.a woman can lay there for hours giving nothing but taking everything.our male sexual prowess is exagerated am afraid to say.it becomes even more frightening when the woman begins to demand it often and complain of unsatisfaction.thrusting,sperm expulsion and pressure to prove your manhood is a big job needing its own monthly paycheck.yeah...i think this is what its feels when it gets to this level.

Trust me, in marriage, not many women would be demanding it often.

Just like men, most of them too would after a while find it boring to be doing it with the same person over and over again and expected to have it with only that person till they die.

The same person that they see every day and don see finish?

You will soon know women have too much "headaches", hence can't give action.

What women just tend to do differently from men is that they are more likely to ignore their desire for a different sexual partner and focus their energy on raising the kids.

This is not because they are more principled, selfless or have higher morals than men. It is because of a mixture of things like the consequence when caught is more severe, what they want from relationship with men is more than sex (they often can't detach emotions from it after a while), they are evolutionarily built to be able to control their urges more etc.

Note: I said "tend" and "more likely". Don't make the mistake of thinking married women don't cheat.

The point is that, many long-term marriages are sexless (at least between the 2 parties in it).

Sagamite:


Trust me, in marriage, not many women would be demanding it often.

Just like men, most of them too would after a while find it boring to be doing it with the same person over and over again and expected to have it with only that person till they die.

The same person that they see every day and don see finish?

You will soon know women have too much "headaches", hence can't give action.

What women just tend to do differently from men is that they are more likely to ignore their desire for a different sexual partner and focus their energy on raising the kids.

This is not because they are more principled, selfless or have higher morals than men. It is because of a mixture of things like the consequence when caught is more severe, what they want from relationship with men is more than sex (they often can't detach emotions from it after a while), they are evolutionarily built to be able to control their urges more etc.

Note: I said "tend" and "more likely". Don't make the mistake of thinking married women don't cheat.

The point is that, many long-term marriages are sexless (at least between the 2 parties in it).

.......otherwise known as the coolidge effect.
after a while, seeing the same woman in the nudė on a daily basis would no longer have the same effect it used to have. by that time, one's wife would not be any different from one's sister. it's almost laughable to think a man would continue to have the same intensity of desire for the same woman.

Sagamite:




As usual, women like you miss some points in your haste to claim being "victims".

He might not be having sex with her because of the following possibilities as well:

- He is no longer attracted to her. This might be because she is no longer in shape or she does not maintain any sexiness after getting the man.

- He is bored of having sex with her. This might be because of familiarity, lack of variety (from them or based on what he needs) or the same she does not maintain any sexiness after getting the man.

He might want to have sex, but just not with her.

What is he suppose to do?

Tell her?

If a woman refuses to have sex with her husband due to those reasons you will be the first to crucify her and you'll encourage the man to go outside . Hypocrisy

adebisicutie:


If a woman refuses to have sex with her husband due to those reasons you will be the first to crucify her and you'll encourage the man to go outside . Hypocrisy

Crucify her?

And so?

She is too reetarded to dismiss another human beings criticism?

Stop whining and blaming others for your decisions. You are an adult.

coogar:


.......otherwise known as the coolidge effect.
after a while, seeing the same woman in the nudė on a daily basis would no longer have the same effect it used to have. by that time, one's wife would not be any different from one's sister. it's almost laughable to think a man would continue to have the same intensity of desire for the same woman.

Some real men would come here and say that is a lie.

That they have never been more attracted to her sexually. That she is the only woman in the world they are sexually attracted to.

And these women love being lied to like that.

Marriage is frequently the institution of lies glued together with monumental lies.

Sagamite:


Some real men would come here and say that is a lie.

That they have never been more attracted to her sexually. That she is the only woman in the world they are sexually attracted to.

And these women love being lied to like that.

Marriage is frequently the institution of lies glued together with monumental lies.

real men in the 21st century = mumu men!

coogar:

real men in the 21st century = mumu men!

100% correct