believer01:
i am a regular member on nairaland and i create this user to remain anonymous. i need mature guys and ladies to advise me on a way forward.
dont mind my grammar and typographical errors

i have been dating this guy since our 100level days in school, most people fear in school is that school relationships ends at the gate but our did'nt end at the gate. we went for youth service and still continue with our lovelife though the relationship was collapsing during service year but we built it up again and everything was okay after service. i happened to serve in his state and i was retained after service which makes us to start staying in the same town.
In school all our focus was to finish school, serve and get a good job. marriage was not really discussed cos i was thinking it was too early and since we were doing fine for 7years i believe marriage is inevitable (i hope that word is correctly use). there is one thing i discovered after service
1. he is not ready to talk about marriage not because he is tired of me or anything (cos i know i am one of the best things that has happened to him) but cos he believe he must have millions of naira in his account.
2. he believes the tradition of not marrying early in his family could also delay his marriage even though i have met almost all his family members.
3. he brings up quarrel or another issue when i bring up visiting my family even though he has met them twice.


my questions:
1. should i wait till "forever" when he will be ready to discuss/ready for the marriage?
2. i love him but now i have offers from different guys and i know the offers won't last forever(i have turn down 2 already). should i stay and pray he comes to his senses or leave him?
3. we are so closed to each other and understand each other so well that it will be difficult to understand anyone else like that.
4. am not against him having millions of naira but "money is never enough" his friends that are not as okay as himself are getting married already.
5. am not trying to rush him into marriage but how am i to know i won't regret waiting until when he will be ready? what if he leaves me after the long wait?

7years relationship now. plssss no insult we all do crazy things for love but we learn everyday and i believe this forum will give me the candid answer i seek

Eyop:


If i may ask,how old are you?

sunnydayasaba:
I understand that feeling oh...we Nigerians just want it all...Every Nigerian youth or man wants to have it, and waiting for him to be satisfy with what he's got might end up being a long wait. I suggest you discuss with him and after talking with him and getting his final say on d matter, try talking to any close member of his family that u feel comfortable with, after doing all dis and no positive result, then look elsewhere for luv.

You cant force a man to commit to u, but u can only give him d courage to do so. Men are so scared of marriage and d future on like women, so just do what u think u can do to settle his mind for d future.

Cutehector:
If he isn't ready for marriage, he isn't ready! Thr is absolutely nothing u can do abt that. The choice is yours to wait wit him or to walk out. Its as simple as that!

Midehi:

she asked a question on her choice & you are quoting same choice, as a sister,display your advice,..as a guy, explain reasons to her.

believer01:
26yrs

shawnfamous:
Its all ur fault. 1)u urself knw he isnt ready 4 marriage!

2)u re all waiting 4 him 2 ve millions b4 u marry him and u alrdy turned 2 guys off!

3)he made u undrstnd dat his family dnt marry at d right age and u avent realised u re a female

4)he brings up issue wen u want 2 visit ur family!

U beta leave him alone! He dsnt fit 2 b a ready husband! Another smple option! Go with another man wen he as made d millions go bak 2 him

believer01:
26yrs

TheSonOfMark:

26 years old? I think what you should seek from him is a defined relationship. Let him state in clear terms what you both are to each other but don't arm-twist him into admitting it. Let him put things in perspective without you presenting yourself as desperate.

Eyop:


Hmmmm...it's obvious the guy isn't ready for marriage and i wouldn't advise you to continue to wait since you have others that are serious/asking for your hand in marriage. It's not compulsory that you settle down with one you've been involved with for that number of years. Pray over the situation for direction to avoid wasting your time with another woman's husband. Goodluck

believer01:
explain what u mean by defined relationship?

I've modified my earlier post.

believer01:
26yrs

Sexxkillz:
Your relationship isn't static. It's not even dying. . . Your relationship is dead.

That guy has someone else in mind. He wants you to leave at your own volition. It's good you've started using your common sense since God will not send an angel from heaven to talk to you.

How will you tell me that after 7 years of dating and sleeping with someone, after being with him from 100 level thru NYSC, after him meeting your family twice, after the plans you both have made towards marriage and he suddenly develops cold feet and picks a fight anytime you mention marriage, that all is well? What millions is he waiting to make? How much is bride price? What is actually the difference between marrying you as a wife, and all the fvcking and living together you two have been doing for 7 years? Why is he suddenly scared of committing to you in marriage, after committing to you and your punanny for 7 previous years?

I smell rotten catfish. And my nose never fails me.

Listen to me and listen good. A 7 year old child is now in primary 3. Next year, he or she will be in primary 4. Stop waiting for what will never be. Why do you want to wait for someone who isn't ready to discuss his future with you in it? Do you really want a hand writing on your mirror before you activate your number 6?

If you've been getting serious offers from other guys, stop turning them down and start paying them attention. Your happiness here is key. Make yourself happy. Why should your happiness depend on one man who doesn't want to discuss his future with you in it? Why do you want to wait for a selfish man who cares only about his millions? Do you not know that after he makes his millions, he's gonna dump you? Do you not know?

If you wait, you'll regret. He has already left you, but you are yet to get the confirmation, or as we say in banking terms, you never receive the alert. . .

believer01:
thank you but won't people see me as a wicked person if i end 7years relationship without even listening to my reasons

believer01:
i almost cry while reading your comment like u feel and see what i am going through

believer01:
thank you but won't people see me as a wicked person if i end 7years relationship without even listening to my reasons

Sexxkillz:
Do you care about what strangers think about you? Do they feel your pain? Who cares if they call you wicked? Are they in your situation right now?

If this guy leaves you after you waited for him for 14 years, it is this same set of people that you are worried about them calling you wicked for leaving a 7 year relationship, that will still call you a big fool for dating and waiting for a man for 14 years. . .

Your life, your choice, your decision, your happiness.

Sexxkillz:
Do you care about what strangers think about you? Do they feel your pain? Who cares if they call you wicked? Are they in your situation right now?

If this guy leaves you after you waited for him for 14 years, it is this same set of people that you are worried about them calling you wicked for leaving a 7 year relationship, that will still call you a big fool for dating and waiting for a man for 14 years. . .

Your life, your choice, your decision, your happiness.

believer01:
you are so right. i will take the next step thank you

Sexxkillz:
You're welcome. Never ever give any man a monopoly over you. You have a choice to make. You don't have to marry someone because you dated him for 7 years, especially someone who doesn't care.

Make up your mind now, and stick to it.

1. should i wait till "forever" when he will be ready to discuss/ready for the marriage?

2. i love him but now i have offers from different guys and i know the offers won't last forever(i have turn down 2 already). should i stay and pray he comes to his senses or leave him?

3. we are so closed to each other and understand each other so well that it will be difficult to understand anyone else like that.

4. am not against him having millions of naira but "money is never enough" his friends that are not as okay as himself are getting married already.

5. am not trying to rush him into marriage but how am i to know i won't regret waiting until when he will be ready? what if he leaves me after the long wait?

7years relationship now. plssss no insult we all do crazy things for love but we learn everyday and i believe this forum will give me the candid answer i seek