Hiya, I'm new to this site, And I'm British / American.

I wanted to ask you all what would you do?

I'm married to a Nigerian man (Whom I love so Much).
We married in Nigeria about 4yrs ago.

In late December he told me he wanted to leave me, as he had cheated on me & Didn't deserve me.
I know he loves me, as he's constantly saying things about me / to me.
I love him too, But I feel hurt.

He say's with another woman when he was drunk.
And We've had tests and both been treated for Clamydia.

I now get worried when he goes out, that he might get too drunk again.
I don't want to stop him from going out though.
It's not like he's constantly cheated on me, or loves the other woman.

Everyone deserves a second chance,  Right ?

Yeah, everyone deserves a second chance

yes give him a second chance. But remember you have to be vigilant. If he goes out to nite clubs and places like that without you - I don't think thats right and that would definetely tempt him (like all humans). Also, it could give rise to it happening again. Its all about opportuinity and circumstance, if you give someone the chance to do something in which they cannot control they may do just that. Be wise. He can go to a respectable gathering or a pub which is normal, but for any married man its not a good idea to be in nightclubs. Its funny how he is being so honest! are you sure he is not looking for a 'gateway'??

Also, I wonder was that other woman from the same country as him?

yes please give him a chance and also pray for him equally.because men their are polygamous in nature.but mind what he is doing even u cant cope quit becos HIV is really.but pray seriously for him to repent.

Dont give him another chance,lnfact never marry a nigerian.

How can she give him a second chance when he was the one that cheated and yet he's the one that wants to leave? Which kain thing?

Leilah:


Also, I wonder was that other woman from the same country as him?

Apparently she was white too.
But I didn't ask too much - As Honestly I didn't want to know.

Leilah:

If he goes out to nite clubs and places like that without you - I don't think thats right and that would definetely tempt him (like all humans).but for any married man its not a good idea to be in nightclubs.

He's Always gone clubbing on his own.
He's 36, I'm 28. It's never really been my thing.

@OP
be ready to give chances all the time cux he wont stop cheating on you.
You have already been treated with Clamydia, are u waitin for HIV??
I know it cant be easy for you but u need to get a backbone

I always thought I'd leave a man who ever cheated on me, or hurt me etc,
But When it comes down to it, I love him so much, I'm not sure if I can leave him.
What if it was a mistake

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me

For better For Worse - Right

hurtin:



For better For Worse - Right

not always true,even d same bible is against adultery and supports divorce when one partner is unfaithful


for better for worst until he gives u HIV

so if he is someone dat beats u up mercilessly,u will still be asking us "for better fo worse right" ? then im sure u will be asking us d qstion from ur grave

nigeria again. pls giv him a second chance coz he is ur husband not ur boyfriend. they say b4 u can change others change urself. for 4years now u ought to know his likes and dislikes. try to find out what makes him do that. change ur xter to suite his and show him more luv. i think what is urs is urs 4ever. gudluck.

Dont give him another chance,lnfact never marry a nigerian.

i dont blame u

Well as man if that happened to me i would not give you a second chance and for that matter you brought home an STD.
That being said i wouldn't give him a second chance because why would you want to continue a relationship that makes you wonder and worry every time your spouse goes out. You would end up fighting every time there is a time lapse in a planned situation and you will never be settled. Ultimately it's your decision and you already know why you will do but i wont accept it.

arramyjay:

Dont give him another chance,lnfact never marry a nigerian.

no!

Its surprising that your husband, the cheat, wants to leave you for another woman and you're still here preaching your "For better or Worse" sermon.

sorry for your pain

spikedcylinder:

Its surprising that your husband, the cheat, wants to leave you for another woman and you're still here preaching your "For better or Worse" sermon.

it's consoling

I need to know (preferably from a man) if you think he's likely to do it again.
He says he loves me and it was an accident. And That he'll never get that drunk again.
I need an unbiased view.
My heart says stay with him, But My head is confused.

hurtin:

I need to know (preferably from a man) if you think he's likely to do it again.
He says he loves me and it was an accident. And That he'll never get that drunk again.
I need an unbiased view.
My heart says stay with him, But My head is confused.

When your sex is not identified

dani1luv:

When your sex is not identified

Sorry I'm new.
I joined today.
I'm a female - I've fixed my profile now

right?

Would get back to you lerra

ummm because you said you loved him, let me go easy.

was the cheating the first and only?
the std the once and only?
do you have kid/kids together?
does he take real good care of you, make sure bills are paid?
is he always broke or you both live a better life?

now if all of the above are yes, give him a second chance   now be strict! you both go out together or he goes no where. mean it!! if you don't know how to club, learn. go with him from now on!

watch him, next time make sure you dump his sorry azz and also make sure you collect child support and alimony with the home and everything.

@ Poster

Has he done this kind of thing before?
If h hasn't and you feel like he deserves a second chance then give him one, its only you that can make tat final decision, so be wise,  

My dear, from what you have said,  your husband  feels doesn't deserve you because he fears that you might notbe able to cope with his habit, meaning; this guy will cheat again and again, can you live with it  

*Hauwa*:

ummm because you said you loved him, let me go easy.

was the cheating the first and only?
the std the once and only?
do you have kid/kids together?
does he take real good care of you, make sure bills are paid?
is he always broke or you both live a better life?

now if all of the above are yes, give him a second chance   now be strict! you both go out together or he goes no where. mean it!! if you don't know how to club, learn. go with him from now on!

watch him, next time make sure you dump his sorry azz and also make sure you collect child support and alimony with the home and everything.

It's his First & Only - One Night Stand
We Don't Have Kids Yet.
We Share the Bills & Live Together
He takes good care of me

hurtin:

I need to know (preferably from a man) if you think he's likely to do it again.
He says he loves me and it was an accident. And That he'll never get that drunk again.
I need an unbiased view.
My heart says stay with him, But My head is confused.

So he's remorseful? I thought you said he wanted to leave you?

Why would he want to leave you after HE cheated? Doesn't add up.

DaPhoenix:

Why would he want to leave you after HE cheated? Doesn't add up.

Hence my original question on this thread but she doesn't seem to want to address that. . . .

spikedcylinder:

So he's remorseful? I thought you said he wanted to leave you?

Yes, He's Remorseful.
He Broke into tears when He told me he didn't deserve me (and thought he should leave me) because he'd been unfaithful.
He's told me it will never happen again. And That he won't ever get that drunk again unless I'm with him.

if you love him like you said, then give him a second chance.

yeah maybe there are many cheatings before that she didn't know abt.

this is tough since you said you really love him  .

set a rule! now henceforth we both go to club and come home together.

give him the chance, he might be chronic cheater. so give him that second chance and if he is, it won't be long for the next one.

spikedcylinder:

Hence my original question on this thread but she doesn't seem to want to address that. . . .

I'm trying to address that.
He wanted to leave me because  he thinks / thought he doesn't deserve me, because he broke one of our  marriage vows.
Not because he doesn't love me.