precious001:
Your man will only use you as a foot mat if you allow yourself to be used as a foot mat.
Now the OP only gave you a piece of advice....he didn't ask you to lacklustre madam!

I thought real women were all married that's why men become gay. But with your comment, I am happy we still have 3000 yards wife material out there. Beautiful pics btw.

EVILFOREST:
OP, May GOD BLESS U and ORDER your steps... eeessseee

Amen bro

But this your monicker ehn!!!

CHM11:


Give credit to? Did you compose the write up? U copied and posted just like I did. Its just to pass a message along. Why are u fighting for right over something this trivial?

I don't usually advise people who are not willing to listen but this time, I am willing to offer one or two. That post was to refer you to the original source were you copied this write-up. Somehow, you failed to see were it was referenced. In case you are not aware, copy right infringement is criminal. You may get away with it here because this is akin to blogging. Generally advancing issues that are important to the society. Agreed, people on social media do it under the guise of fair-use or freedom of expression. But don't stretch your luck too far, in real world it could be detrimental. Since many materials you find online are protected by copyright, my suggestions would be as follows;

Typical when you come across something of interest, one or two lines in quote would be ok.

You may not use another person's work to draw attention to your thread (work). This is not fair.

Lastly, depending on the length of the original work, use discretion when quoting.

Think of it, if someone is making a living from writing brochures (manuals), and you copied and pasted it on your thread, don't you think that you have rendered his business useless and damaged his source of income? This single act would cause him some pain and suffering.

Finally, for those who maybe following this thread, as long as you are expressing your own opinion, and advancing discussion in true faith, you have nothing to worry about.

sonnie10:


I don't usually advise people who are not willing to listen but this time, I am willing to offer one or two. That post was to refer you to the original source were you copied this write-up. Somehow, you failed to see were it was referenced. In case you are not aware, copy right infringement is criminal. You may get away with it here because this is akin to blogging. Generally advancing issues that are important to the society. Agreed, people on social media do it under the guise of fair-use or freedom of expression. But don't stretch your luck too far, in real world it could be detrimental. Since many materials you find online are protected by copyright, my suggestions would be as follows;

Typical when you come across something of interest, one or two lines in quote would be ok.

You may not use another person's work to draw attention to your thread (work). This is not fair.

Lastly, depending on the length of the original work, use discretion when quoting.

Think of it, if someone is making a living from writing brochures (manuals), and you copied and pasted it on your thread, don't you think that you have rendered his business useless and damaged his source of income? This single act would cause him some pain and suffering.

Finally, for those who maybe following this thread, as long as you are expressing your own opinion, and advancing discussion in true faith, you have nothing to worry about.

Abeg shuut up!!!...person send me BC for whatsapp, I shared on nairaland...you come here dey talk rubbish like you are the one who composed the message. Speaking unnecessary English over a simple post that nobody gives u a dime for....come!!! Take your time oh!!!...what nonsense!!!

histemple:


You raised very salient points here but in very harsh and insulting way. However, let me respond to your points and not your person. As a woman, I understand perfectly what your frustrations are and genuinely so. Majority of your disappointment has to do with the quality of governance and that is a digression from the discuss here. But even in governance, we have women in good numbers that are part of all the arms of government. What are they doing to help? The only point you raised that is related to this topic is the fact that the west don't care about Africa and I think you may be partially right. But why should we care about the west to the point of emulating everything they do? I am vastly travelled and I can confidently tell you that it is better to build my country than being a slave to immoral cultures. I am even shocked to hear you say children born out of wedlock are not bastards. So what then is your definition of a bastard or the word doesn't exist? That is part of the damage the western culture has done to some of us. Obviously, if you delete that word from the dictionary, then the whole essence of marriage is gone as prevalent in the west and the same mentality is fast destroying our once enviable marriage institution. Hitherto we listened to their music but we have decided to build our music industry and Nigerians are listening more to naija music and enjoying it than their crap. Who said Tiwa savage, yemi Alade, Sheyi Shey, are not better than Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez etc? We should understand that no culture is superior to the other. It is heartbreaking that we are trying so hard to destroy our values through westernization of our beautiful continent. Why are we not selling our valuable culture to the west instead of emulating their immoral lifestyles such as gay practices. Why can't they learn how to build a happy home from us instead of us learning how to break up and file for divorce from them? Our ladies move unclad because they watched some devilish musicians with the outfit. Even our men now move about advertising their buttocks for potential gay practitioners in the disgusting style called "Sagging". Other vices such as rape, male chauvinism, domestic violence etc are not peculiar to Africa or Nigeria. Do your research. Just my candid opinion, no offence intended.

Thank You!!

histemple:



I must confess that you were more objective and concise this time and your issue-based focus is highly appreciated. Let me quickly correct your oversight when you quoted me to have meant that vices such as rape, male chauvinism, domestic violence etc doesn't happen in Africa and Nigeria. The phrase "not peculiar " means that it isn't a problem that happens only in Africa or Nigeria alone. I must admit that it happens here just like any other continent. You also mentioned that Americans won't emulate our culture because they don't find it worthy and rightly so but my question is why should we emulate theirs? What is good about their culture? A land where a child can arrest his father for correcting him? Majority of our immoral and negative behaviours were their import ranging from pornography, homosexuality, indecent dressing etc. I feel sorry whenever I see a Nigerian trying in futility to bite their tongue while trying to speak in some foreign accent even to a fellow Nigerian. That is part of the madness and that is the inferiority complex. Everyone's culture is superior to any other in their assessment and remains so for as long as you are willing to protect it. Secondly, my definition of bastards as children born out of wedlock was drawn from the Oxford dictionary that was published in the USA. I will be extremely grateful if you can teach me the latest meaning of the word bastard since my definition is archaic as you said. You were spot on when you said Americans never compelled us to adopt there lifestyles but must we continue to disregard our rich heritage just to join the immoral bandwagon? The only area we need to fix and urgently too is the quality of governance but America shouldn't interfere especially uninvited. Lest I forget, America likes to foist their ideas into others through a cult - like initiation either directly or indirect. Why will their president be inviting our president? What is he going to tell him and who sought his opinion? Why can't Obama come to meet with Buhari in Nigeria? I heard America pledged support to help us fight Boko Haram and I ask why now? Did they not refuse to sell weapons to us at a time the insurgency could have been easily flushed out? Is it not the same America that ran away from ground zero in Afghanistan? There isn't a single policy that shows they are genuinely interested in the development of Africa.
My honest submission is that we should fix our continent and protect our culture.

First, I know that rape and etc. happens in other countries. It happens everywhere, except that it's less reported in Nigeria and some Nigerians still have the audacity to boast about having better morals than others when these things are happening here.

As for the word bastard, I know it's in the dictionary. So is the n-word. The n-word is there, it has a definition, it is a "valid" word as some other poster put it. But is it used? No. Should it be used? No. Why? Because it is an offensive and unnecessary means of describing black people. Just because something is in the dictionary, do you need to use it? Better yet, is it a word that you would use in front of the child born out of wedlock? Or it is a word that you would use only behind a child's back because you implicitly know that child would not like being called that behind their back? Children are children, as far as I'm concerned.

As for the America, Obama, and Buhari thing, I can't get into all of that or I'll be here all day. But I will say that Obama stated that he will not come to Nigeria until there is steady electricity for all Nigerians. That still hasn't happened. Obama invited Buhari to the U.S., that's true but did Buhari have to accept the invite? Nope. But he did anyway. Generally, America did not give the weapons to Nigeria because the government was concerned those weapons would be stolen and sold on the black market. Same thing with the money that not only America but other countries donate to Nigeria and Africa. The theft in Nigeria is just too much that many countries are wary of giving money to us.

gensteejay:

Your arguments are pointless and you are derailing the thread. Check the meaning of the word 'bastard' again in a standard dictionary and don't let your emotions becloud your sense of reasoning.

I know what's in the dictionary. I know what bastard means. The reason I said anything in the first place was because the poster I was responding to wanted to uplift Nigerian values by putting down another country's values. But out of everything I said, this is what you want to point out? The use of the word bastard? That wasn't even the main point of what I said.

What I'm really confused about is how you can gauge my emotional reaction through an internet post.

buygala:
Word of advice from a Father to his son about marriage


Never beat your wife.... If you feel aggressive, go register at the nearest boxing institute
.... A man's muscle should be employed in providing for his family, not assaulting it

Draw a limit to in-law burdens..... Don't take on a burden that isn't originally yours... When your father-in-law has grown up sons, why should you be the one to shoulder his burial expenses?
.... Be a good in-law and help out where it is ABSOLUTELY CONVENIENT for you... You haven't committed a crime by marrying their daughter

Do a DNA on all the kids she bears for you even before you take the step of naming them..... She could have 'accidentally' gotten pregnant for someone else.....There isn't a life more wasted than one spent unknowingly raising someone else's kids.... and no, this doesn't mean you dont trust her.... it's just that you don't like paying in money into the wrong bank account

Help out in domestic chores.... She is your wife, not your maid or slave.... Your peniss won't become smaller if you do the dishes or prepare Junior for school...After all, the home and kids belong to both of you, not only her


NEVER operate a joint account or buy landed property jointly with your wife..... The shy, sweet harmless cutie you married may in future turn out to be a ruthless scheming gold-digger who may even take steps to bankrupt you or appropriate your property to herself. ... Fall in love all you want, but don't give her the rope with which she can hang you



Written by buygala

this is too good to be a comment, it should be a counter thread

abbey621:


There are lots of things wrong with your response but I'll only tackle a few. Firstly, you are forgetting Nigeria was colonized by the English, most of our societal values, we tend to have more in common with the English than the radical American culture. There are lots of terms in the English language that are negative but we still use them till date and nothing is going to change that. Bastard is a term used for a child brought into the world when the parents are not married, it has a negative undertone but so does pauper, wretched, orphan, cheap and some other English words. Next, I maintain my stance that marriage is no longer valued in the U.S because the women have lost their values. The laws and other factors highly favors the females over male in America and most of these women have become leaders instead of the men. They control everything, are highly opinionated and still wonder why men feel insecure around them It's not misogynistic, just facts! Lastly, America is such a wonderful place, so many opportunities, so much intelligence but I would never forsake my heritage or culture. As a society our culture remains the single most important factor safeguarding our morality. The moment we lose it is when we start seeing homosexuality, outright disrespect of elders and parents, a lost society that keeps getting worse with each passing day. What we are dealing with in Nigeria right now is nothing compared to the nightmare brewing in America. Our problem in Nigeria is mainly cosmetic in nature. A simple & disciplined government will fix most of our problems but in America the worst is yet to come both economically and morally. So don't work yourself up, everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. Words like bastards and orphan are just descriptors, negative as they may be, they remain grammatically correct!

Nigeria's problems are cosmetic? Seriously?

You can maintain your stance on women. But to conclude that marriage is no longer valued because women do not have value or don't value it? Why is the emphasis put on the women? So all American men still value marriage? Why can't the responsibility be shared by both men and women if marriage has failed so miserably in America?

"The laws and other factors highly favors the females over male in America and most of these women have become leaders instead of the men. They control everything, are highly opinionated and still wonder why men feel insecure around them."

What laws?

Second, there are so many employment contradictions between men and women: the median compensation of female CEOs in North American firms is 85% that of males, and in the largest firms it is 61%.* For each dollar earned by male managers, the female managers earn 79 cents.* Generally, speaking women do not earn as much men and do not hold positions of leadership in the same numbers as men do.* So I'm not sure where you're getting your information about women dominating everything. And if a man is intimidated and insecure when he witnesses a woman in a leadership position, I think that's the type of man that should be avoided at all costs.

*Schermerhorn Jr., John, Management, pg. 10 (2014).

iRepNaija1:


First, I know that rape and etc. happens in other countries. It happens everywhere, except that it's less reported in Nigeria and some Nigerians still have the audacity to boast about having better morals than others when these things are happening here.

As for the word bastard, I know it's in the dictionary. So is the n-word. The n-word is there, it has a definition, it is a "valid" word as some other poster put it. But is it used? No. Should it be used? No. Why? Because it is an offensive and unnecessary means of describing black people. Just because something is in the dictionary, do you need to use it? Better yet, is it a word that you would use in front of the child born out of wedlock? Or it is a word that you would use only behind a child's back because you implicitly know that child would not like being called that behind their back? Children are children, as far as I'm concerned.

As for the America, Obama, and Buhari thing, I can't get into all of that or I'll be here all day. But I will say that Obama stated that he will not come to Nigeria until there is steady electricity for all Nigerians. That still hasn't happened. Obama invited Buhari to the U.S., that's true but did Buhari have to accept the invite? Nope. But he did anyway. Generally, America did not give the weapons to Nigeria because the government was concerned those weapons would be stolen and sold on the black market. Same thing with the money that not only America but other countries donate to Nigeria and Africa. The theft in Nigeria is just too much that many countries are wary of giving money to us.

Thanks for your response. I will encourage you to help in this struggle to reorientate our people who have gone astray in emulating the immoral western culture because we have a better one only if we can work on tightening the few loopholes we have. For you to join this vanguard, you need to have a paradigm shift.
It is still suspiciously shocking that you are looking for justification to convince us that a bastard is not a bastard. Suspicion because you present yourself as someone who has a compelling need to protect a bastard or bastards hence your quest to redefine the word or stop it's usage. Please be reminded that the word bastard was not used to describe "only blacks". The known word used by those fools to derogate blacks was Negro or Nigga. I agree with you that it is disapproving to use it in the presence of the bastard because our society abhors them but so is other words like prostitute, thief, etc and it doesn't change their meaning neither does it redefine them.
All those are the immoral foreign cultures destroying our rich heritage. In the US that you seem to be protecting, a lady can get pregnant for her boyfriend and raise kids for him but in Africa, such children are bastards until at least a bride price is paid. In fact, any African lady who gets pregnant before marriage is seen as a disgrace to her family and were usually hidden from the public domain. In some cases, they hurriedly arrange for an impromptu wedding to legalize it and avert the shame. That is why we still insist that to legitimately have such children, the man must marry their mother even in death. That is Africa and it helps to preserve the marriage institution as sacred.
You tried unsuccessfully to justify your US for refusing to either assist or sell weapon to us on corruption and I find that particularly ridiculousl and infantile. Where in the world is corrupt-free? Check the history of fraud in the US and you will be shocked. Presently the world is watching in awe as the corruption rocking FIFA unfolds. Is that Nigeria or is a Nigerian part of the scandal? You said the other reason was to prevent weapons from getting to unauthorized persons and I ask, how then have they helped or there is other way to help. Come to think of it, is it not the same America that teenagers are shooting at the slightest or no provocation? How have they controlled their weaponry?
I am still asking you to see reasons why we should protect our values and culture because I see that you are equally intelligent.

iRepNaija1:


Nigeria's problems are cosmetic? Seriously?

You can maintain your stance on women. But to conclude that marriage is no longer valued because women do not have value or don't value it? Why is the emphasis put on the women? So all American men still value marriage? Why can't the responsibility be shared by both men and women if marriage has failed so miserably in America?

"The laws and other factors highly favors the females over male in America and most of these women have become leaders instead of the men. They control everything, are highly opinionated and still wonder why men feel insecure around them."

What laws?

Second, there are so many employment contradictions between men and women: the median compensation of female CEOs in North American firms is 85% that of males, and in the largest firms it is 61%.* For each dollar earned by male managers, the female managers earn 79 cents.* Generally, speaking women do not earn as much men and do not hold positions of leadership in the same numbers as men do.* So I'm not sure where you're getting your information about women dominating everything. And if a man is intimidated and insecure when he witnesses a woman in a leadership position, I think that's the type of man that should be avoided at all costs.

*Schermerhorn Jr., John, Management, pg. 10 (2014).

You're still not getting it so I'll break it down for you. Point number 1: Women and man are not equals, they were never created as equals and will never be equals. A man's place is a position of leadership either inherently or superficially, when this position is taken away the man no longer functions at his best. The number one complaint from females in the USA is that men are not mature, they are not responsible, they are not eager to settle down but how can they when most American women are considered the head of the household. How can they when in any domestic dispute either verbally or physically the man is removed from the house and a blemish put on his record. How can they when divorce laws are so skewed in favor of the female that a man would rather result to violence than to get a divorce. I work with several women and they make great leaders but often we confuse our professional role with our personal role in life.

Point number 2: Which is the weaker sex? Male or Female? Contrary to popular beliefs that females are weaker, recent events suggests that the male sex is the weaker one. In a society like America, men are shying away from women due to the high rate of divorce in the country, most of these resulted from women abusing the power given to them by the law and men ultimately frustrated to the point that they become nothing but a shadow of themselves. In an attempt to create value by engaging in female empowerment and other feminist crap agenda most American women have created problems for themselves in terms of raising a happy family, juggling a full time job and keeping their spouse happy. The career minded ones have no control over their children and the full time housewives claim to be unfulfilled. men are starting to see that most of these females want to be their own boss and this directly conflicts with the submissive role women are meant to play in marriages. Now now when I say submissive I'm not talking about being a dunce and always yielding to the husband, no no no! I'm talking about allowing the man to lead, being courteous and supportive instead of dictating everything in the relationship and expecting the man to keep you happy at all times while neglecting his own happiness. Most Nigerian women are valued because they allow the natural flow of the marriage to exist. Most Nigerian marriages are guided by family and societal support, when one person is going wayward, it can be corrected most times by family intervention. In America however, most females successfully cut off not only the husband's family but their own, whenever issues arise most fail to work it out and before you know it they are in court seeking a divorce. American men have one of the lowest self esteem in the world while the females have one of the highest, it is no coincidence why the country has one of the highest rate of divorce in the world. Men are increasingly becoming feminine while females are subconsciously becoming more dominant and masculine. The way women were meant to be valued is no longer possible and most people no longer see the advantages of being married!

iRepNaija1:


I know what's in the dictionary. I know what bastard means. The reason I said anything in the first place was because the poster I was responding to wanted to uplift Nigerian values by putting down another country's values. But out of everything I said, this is what you want to point out? The use of the word bastard? That wasn't even the main point of what I said.

What I'm really confused about is how you can gauge my emotional reaction through an internet post.

I could do that easily, I only had to observe your diction, which I did after going through all your posts on this topic. And it's not right to condemn another culture in an attempt to uplift one's culture; however I support the opinions of one of the commenters you quoted earlier.

histemple:
https://www.nairaland.com/2018864/wife-awarded-n93bn-record-divorce

quote author=neocortex post=35693615]

I ain't a female and I never posted anything about divorce.

I am just a concerned person who feel that women dignity should
be protected and they should be accorded the right to live a
a happy and fulfilled life not in a pretentious utopia of "if only am a man".

Besides, people always respond to messages that contain truth regardless
of whether they like the message or not.

HMMMMMMMM I AM SHAKING FOR neocortex.

I am shocked to my bone marrow that you are denying ever posting any article on divorce. Based on this mendacity, it is now difficult to rate your integrity on the high until you go through the link above and convince us that you were truthful in your denial.

I wonder why some women find joy in unrequited servitude
and are always quick to castigate anyone who have a contrary opinion.

Neocortex is just trying to free your mind and you shouldn't have taken it personal.

buygala:
Word of advice from a Father to his son about marriage


Never beat your wife.... If you feel aggressive, go register at the nearest boxing institute
.... A man's muscle should be employed in providing for his family, not assaulting it

Draw a limit to in-law burdens..... Don't take on a burden that isn't originally yours... When your father-in-law has grown up sons, why should you be the one to shoulder his burial expenses?
.... Be a good in-law and help out where it is ABSOLUTELY CONVENIENT for you... You haven't committed a crime by marrying their daughter

Do a DNA on all the kids she bears for you even before you take the step of naming them..... She could have 'accidentally' gotten pregnant for someone else.....There isn't a life more wasted than one spent unknowingly raising someone else's kids.... and no, this doesn't mean you dont trust her.... it's just that you don't like paying in money into the wrong bank account

Help out in domestic chores.... She is your wife, not your maid or slave.... Your peniss won't become smaller if you do the dishes or prepare Junior for school...After all, the home and kids belong to both of you, not only her


NEVER operate a joint account or buy landed property jointly with your wife..... The shy, sweet harmless cutie you married may in future turn out to be a ruthless scheming gold-digger who may even take steps to bankrupt you or appropriate your property to herself. ... Fall in love all you want, but don't give her the rope with which she can hang you



Written by buygala

Loving the part of your post that encourages men to do chores too. Most Nigerian men will never assist with chores, even when they get hone earlier than their working wives; but have no issues demanding monetary contributions from their wives to run the home.