Hello all, permit me to share this..
I ve been married for less than a year nd expecting my first baby, but my hubby's attitude of recent is putting my life at risk, if this continues this way, I ll damn the consequences and walk out of this marriage.

He has been spending late nights on weekends, with the excuse that he wants to see his friends, I have talked to him bout this nd it almost ended in a fight, since I dnt want a repeat of that , I'm keeping my peace,but everyone has a limit,mine is about to be exhausted. The few weekends we should spend together ,or go out as a young couple.he's always visiting his friends, I'm not asking for much, but I guess I ve been too good a wife and av been taken for granted.

I'm walking away soon, nd will probably leave the country for him so dat he and his friends can continue to fool around. Freedom is not the right to act the way one likes, but the right to act responsibly,

Birth your child first.

Keep your home. If your man isnt cheating on you, breakup isn't an option.
He feels more at home with his friends, discover why and spice up your home to make him look forward to bn home more.
Every couple goes through their share of challenges, manage yours.
All the best.

I can always do that when I leave, besides my child is not even getting the attention of a selfisj father, whose friends are more important to him than his family

This is part of challenges people face(especially young couples) in the marriage. Since you have talk to him and he did not change, i will advise you to just focus on something that usually make you happy. It is a matter of time, he will get tired and change.

Besides, you must have seen this trait before you married him but you ignored for a reason best know to you. Now this is a consequence!

Muchechechechecheche
Woman, you are pregnant and please don't stress yourself
Yes his attitude bothers you but please be fine for your baby
You must be used to the lavish lives you lived before marriage
You have every right to walk away if he's not living to expectations but do you know marriage is different from relationship and its not bed of roses?

Two things are involved in today's marriage
Adapt or walk away
Either of the two, choose which makes you happy


Baby dust on everyone looking unto God

strenghtofawoman:
Hello all, permit me to share this..
I ve been married for less than a year nd expecting my first baby, but my hubby's attitude of recent is putting my life at risk, if this continues this way, I ll damn the consequences and walk out of this marriage.

He has been spending late nights on weekends, with the excuse that he wants to see his friends, I have talked to him bout this nd it almost ended in a fight, since I dnt want a repeat of that , I'm keeping my peace,but everyone has a limit,mine is about to be exhausted. The few weekends we should spend together ,or go out as a young couple.he's always visiting his friends, I'm not asking for much, but I guess I ve been too good a wife and av been taken for granted.

I'm walking away soon, nd will probably leave the country for him so dat he and his friends can continue to fool around. Freedom is not the right to act the way one likes, but the right to act responsibly,

Put to bed first.

That should be your primary concern since there is no abuse/iinfidelity.

He spends weekends (I want to assume Fridays) with his friends. That's one day in a week.

It is possible your hormones are making you over imaginative and exaggerate the whole situation.

Put to bed first.

On behalf of your hubby...
. *clears throat* .
Bye bye... good fucking riddance... just after one year...

Infact divorce now

your hormones are not doing any good to you.

Firstly examine what makes your husband prefer spending time with friends than his wife. You may be a problem because of pregnancy. Some woman become bullies when they are pregnant, others cry babies, others lazy, some short tempered etc. Therefore some man don't know how to deal with the change of hormones and prefer to seek other things to take them off what is undesirable.

You maybe doing things that your hubby doesn't enjoy right now as you are pregnant.
He may not even be cheating

Calm down. Since you have spoken to him, see if there will be changes while examining yourself.
But if I were you when he goes out, I would ask him to drop me off where I will also enjoy ( e.g. movie, friends place, visit family etc.) and pick me up when he is done.

With time he may be interested in finding out what really keeps you, and what you do in his absence and join you.

But divorcing while you are pregnant is a bad idea which you will later regret.

Just to tease you: I feel for your husband, you sound like a pregnant bully and cry baby at the same time.

Next time when he wants to go out. . Dress and follow him joor.. pregnant woman dey flex na.

I understand how you feel, weekdays you're both busy and weekends you ought to spend together, he spends it with his friends. . Your action is born out of love....
Can't both of you visit his friends together?
What does he do when he goes out with friends? Watch football? play PS? You can start doing those stuffs with him at home...

Or you can always be the person to talk to him about going to somewhere. . You can tell him let's see a movie this weekend, let's go see this and that friend, et al.. introduce those stuffs....

Then your marriage is still very young, I believe with time he'll adjust.. he's still enjoying stuffs associated with being single. . Maybe, when your baby comes it'll dawn fully on him that he's now a married man and has some obligations at home... His friends probably are still single, you can encourage him to mingle more with responsible married men...

All d best.....

MarvellousGod:
Next time when he wants to go out. . Dress and follow him joor.. pregnant woman dey flex na.

I understand how you feel, weekdays you're both busy and[b] weekends you ought to spend together, he spends it with his friends. . Your action is born out of love....
Can't both of you visit his friends together?
What does he do when he goes out with friends? Watch football? play PS? You can start doing those stuffs with him at home...[/b]

Or you can always be the person to talk to him about going to somewhere. . You can tell him let's see a movie this weekend, let's go see this and that friend, et al.. introduce those stuffs....

Then your marriage is still very young, I believe with time he'll adjust.. he's still enjoying stuffs associated with being single. . Maybe, when your baby comes it'll dawn fully on him that he's now a married man and has some obligations at home... His friends probably are still single, you can encourage him to mingle more with responsible married men...

All d best.....

This sounds like she will be forcing herself into him. The wife is hormonally and emotionally fragile and you cant force things.

Remember even with no pregnancy, you are still different individuals. You should both be allowed to be individuals while adjusting to marriage.

Men sometimes need time alone with his friends and women as well. That is not a bad thing. Sometimes when you go to where men are, you find that they are talking about nonsense and some which doesn't make sense. Allow a man to spend his time talking about nonsense. Some just having some few beers together etc. Give each other space and a breather to miss each other. If you are always on his face and forcing him to spend time with you, it will not work at all. Forcing to spend time together just because you have a ring, does not sound like the best way to resolve this. Instead it will repel him and push them further apart.

He must do things out of love not obligation.

The way the word divorce is being used these days is scary.....

chineloSA:


This sounds like she will be forcing herself into him. The wife is hormonally and emotionally fragile and you cant force things.

Remember even with no pregnancy, you are still different individuals. You should both be allowed to be individuals while adjusting to marriage.

Men sometimes need time alone with his friends and women as well. That is not a bad thing. Sometimes when you go to where men are, you find that they are talking about nonsense and some which doesn't make sense. Allow a man to spend his time talking about nonsense. Some just having some few beers together etc. Give each other space and a breather to miss each other. If you are always on his face and forcing him to spend time with you, it will not work at all. Forcing to spend time together just because you have a ring, does not sound like the best way to resolve this. Instead it will repel him and push them further apart.

He must do things out of love not obligation.

I don't know if the OP's complaint is as a result of pregnancy hormones or not.. I'm just talking ideally. .

His wife isn't happy with his attitude, he should adjust that's all....In marriage, both of them are one... He should listen to his wife's complaints and vice versa. .. Imagine if the OP is a stay at home mum, she stays through workdays alone looking forward to a wonderful weekend with his husband, which he ignores and goes to spend with his friends.. The Op probably feels so lonely coupled with her pregnancy too....

Your wife should be your first priority in marriage.. His wife seeks his companionship, he should give it to her cos that's what he signed up for. He should have stayed single if he wasn't ready... Also, what the woman asks for isn't too much.. it's even something lovely, spending time together. .. It's only a woman that loves her husband that'll desire such. .. Their marriage is too young to suffer this....... Op feels it much cos she doesn't have much distractions at home, when kids come she may not complain like this as she'll be busy.

The Op sounds like it's an every weekend thing that's why I talk like this... if he doesn't do it often then I see no reason why she should be complaining because everyone should spend time with friends once in a while...

As I said before, I think she should introduce some stuffs to spice things up.. I don't understand what you mean by forcing herself on her own husband?

I see op's husband as someone who still lives like a bachelor forgetting he's signed up for something. ..

edwife:
The way the word divorce is being used these days is scary.....

I didn't even pay attention to that cos she's probably joking

This is what happens when men refuse to grow up! At the marriage stage, you ought to be more responsible and stop jumping from one bear parlor to another so you should get more serious. I wouldn't have minded if it was hustle that keeps him away from home but meeting up with friends regularly and late night?

You women also need to be more careful when choosing your life partner. You don't marry a man because you love him alone, you marry because you see a future and father in the man you wanna settle with. Don't be blinded by love and say you want to settle with a 30 years old man who still sags and bounces like a 17 years old.

Think before you settle. Men are many but true husband materials are scarce. Be wise ladies.

francizy:
This is what happens when men refuse to grow up! At the marriage stage, you ought to be more responsible and stop jumping from one bear parlor to another and get more serious. I wouldn't have minded if it was hustle that keeps him away from home but meeting up with friends?

You women also need to be more careful when choosing your life partner. You don't marry a man because you love him alone, you marry because you see a future and father in the man you wanna settle with. Don't be blinded by love and say you want to settle with a 30 years old man who still sags and bounces like a 17 years old.

Think before you settle. Men are many but true husband materials are scarce. Be wise ladies.

Words of Wisdom.

chineloSA:


This sounds like she will be forcing herself into him. The wife is hormonally and emotionally fragile and you cant force things.

Remember even with no pregnancy, you are still different individuals. You should both be allowed to be individuals while adjusting to marriage.

Men sometimes need time alone with his friends and women as well. That is not a bad thing. Sometimes when you go to where men are, you find that they are talking about nonsense and some which doesn't make sense. Allow a man to spend his time talking about nonsense. Some just having some few beers together etc. Give each other space and a breather to miss each other. If you are always on his face and forcing him to spend time with you, it will not work at all. Forcing to spend time together just because you have a ring, does not sound like the best way to resolve this. Instead it will repel him and push them further apart.

He must do things out of love not obligation.

It's good to spend time with friends but not all the time.. Make it a once in a week thing and not everyday. Who spends time with your wife or who will your spend time with? When she delivers, who will spend time with the kids or who will the kids spend time with? The mother alone? Not cool..

A man has to recognize that he's married and drop some kind of lifestyle he's been living since he was a teenager. On a different case, what if the woman was always meeting up with friends, jumping from one beauty salon to another, just to make over and not concerned about her career or family even as a married woman, shey the man will like it like that bah?

francizy:
This is what happens when men refuse to grow up! At the marriage stage, you ought to be more responsible and stop jumping from one bear parlor to another so you should get more serious. I wouldn't have minded if it was hustle that keeps him away from home but meeting up with friends regularly and late night?

You women also need to be more careful when choosing your life partner. You don't marry a man because you love him alone, you marry because you see a future and father in the man you wanna settle with. Don't be blinded by love and say you want to settle with a 30 years old man who still sags and bounces like a 17 years old.

Think before you settle. Men are many but true husband materials are scarce. Be wise ladies.

What if she is also contributing/or in some way, responsible, due to some attitude of hers to his late nights and absence at home?

kaboninc:


What if she is also contributing/or in some way, responsible, due to some attitude of hers to his late nights and absence at home?

True tho. Some women are nags but on a second thought, some men are irresponsible when it comes to marriage. If the woman in question is a nag, then I won't blame the husband but if she's not, then he has no right to treat her that way..

The post from top to bottom is one of the reasons nigerian marriages are crumbling like a pack of cards.


It's always the woman's fault

if a man isn't a stay at home husband its her hormones
if she's cheating on her it's because he didn't make the home homely
if he prefers the company of the boys its because she's no longer sexy


no wonder the men are just stepping on you anyhow and insulting your sensibilities


anyway after he comes bay from the meeting with the boys serve him his dinner like a clueless bimbo and go and sulk and cry yourself to sleep in your bedroom shogbo.


How old are you that you want to be living in pain in your own house. The Lord is your strength and husband of the husband less or perhaps certificate husband or public husband


maybe when you start looking older than his mother your brain will start functioning


KanwuliaJara over to you









after he comes

francizy:


True tho. Some women are nags but on a second thought, some men are irresponsible when it comes to marriage. If the woman in question is a nag, then I won't blame the husband but if she's not, then he has no right to treat her that way..

Yeah, some men can be irresponsible. But not in every situation. And some women can be very difficult and not understanding in some situations too.

But the lady who brought this up can also be responsible. That is my observation.

Ha!

You want to walk out because he spends time with his friends? Babe calm down o. Should he stop having friends because he's now married? Just talk to him calmly about it, this shouldn't even lead to a fight.

He can cut back on the time he spends with them.

I'm assuming your husband is yet to get used to the idea of being a married man who's responsibility of first to his wife and kids.
You said you're married just under a year. He's still learning in my opinion.
Some people are overwhelmed by responsibility. Maybe he's like that and feels like running away to spend his free time with his friends ensures him that his still free and not caged.

Good decision no to fight with him over the issue again. You never know if he may come home after a few drink one day and the fight will turn to something else. Your wellbeing is paramount at this stage.

If he won't listen to you, I suggest third party interference. Report him to his parents or anyone he respects let them talk some sense into him.

Hopefully when you put to bed, he will come around.

francizy:


It's good to spend time with friends but not all the time.. Make it a once in a week thing and not everyday. Who spends time with your wife or who will your spend time with? When she delivers, who will spend time with the kids or who will the kids spend time with? The mother alone? Not cool..

A man has to recognize that he's married and drop some kind of lifestyle he's been living since he was a teenager. On a different case, what if the woman was always meeting up with friends, jumping from one beauty salon to another, just to make over and not concerned about her career or family even as a married woman, shey the man will like it like that bah?

Yes you are correct a man should not make it his daily bread to spend time with friends.

But if you read my earlier post I think you will understand where I am coming from. This phase is probably temporary and not permanent.

I earlier said that a pregnant woman is different, some are needy, some have tempers, some bullies etc. Some man do not have an idea on how to deal with such situations. I don't care if that man is Dr Phil, men find it hard to understand woman and 10X harder to understand a pregnant one. Lets say a woman is bully and nagging because of hormones, the only way for some man is to go cool off just to shift focus from a pregnant wife.

I never said that I condone man who stay out with friends everyday.
This is a phase and it will pass. For now they need to steer their boat with caution. The woman is pregnant and the man is the first time expectant father who has no idea of how to deal with the situation.

I further said that OP should examine what she may be doing or even ask the husband for feedack. She may be nagging, temperament etc

Are you married? Have you stayed with a pregnant woman? The way you responded I doubt you are married or have ever dealt with a pregnant woman. Maybe you will not even be able to tolerate half of what her husband tolerates if you can be with some pregnant woman. Some women behave like pregnancy is a disability. Some are so bully and provoking. I am not saying OP is like that. She knows best.

YES PREGNANCY IS A BEAUTIFUL THING, IT MAY BRING SOME COUPLES TOGETHER AND SOMETIMES IT MAY TEAR THEM APART TEMPORARILY.

BTW @OP how many times in a week does he spend with his friends?
Your definition of too much may not be the same with his.

Regardless, I don't think any married man should be staying out late at night. He can absolutely spend time with his friends without keeping late nights. So if you can tell him you don't have problems with him having his boys-night-outs but he should draw the line at coming home late, you guys might reach a compromise there.

I think deep down you are worried that the late night with the friends is an excuse for him to cavort with other women while you are home battling with the pregnancy.

From your post it seems the visit with friends started after you got pregnant which points to the fact that the problem is most likely with you. Since you wrote that the attitude is "of recent", the questions you should ask yourself is; why was he staying at home with you before?

It is strange for a man to suddenly start looking for every opportunity to leave his matrimonial home. Think about some of the things you used to do before that you are no longer doing. Do a thorough self reflection and see whether you are chasing him by your own attitude. If you r sure the problem is with him, then try and talk to some people you know he respects and see whether they can make him see reasons.

And if all that doesn't work, then wait until ur baby is born and see if he would change. Some men dont just like being around pregnant women and that might be the reason. If he still continues after you have given birth, then go to the mountain and pray. His case is spiritual

Molebs:
Keep your home. If your man isnt cheating on you, breakup isn't an option.
He feels more at home with his friends, discover why and spice up your home to make him look forward to bn home more.
Every couple goes through their share of challenges, manage yours.
All the best.

when he should be the one growing the hell up and being more supportive of the pregnant wife, she is the one meant to keep pushing everything despite the pressure of first preganancy and crazy hormones she already has to deal with? Why do some men get married when they are not ready for the commitment?

adeaks:
I think deep down you are worried that the late night with the friends is an excuse for him to cavort with other women while you are home battling with the pregnancy.

If he still continues after you have given birth, then go to the mountain and pray. His case is spiritual

..

MarvellousGod:
Next time when he wants to go out. . Dress and follow him joor.. pregnant woman dey flex na.

I understand how you feel, weekdays you're both busy and weekends you ought to spend together, he spends it with his friends. . Your action is born out of love....
Can't both of you visit his friends together?
What does he do when he goes out with friends? Watch football? play PS? You can start doing those stuffs with him at home...

Or you can always be the person to talk to him about going to somewhere. . You can tell him let's see a movie this weekend, let's go see this and that friend, et al.. introduce those stuffs....

Then your marriage is still very young, I believe with time he'll adjust.. he's still enjoying stuffs associated with being single. . Maybe, when your baby comes it'll dawn fully on him that he's now a married man and has some obligations at home... His friends probably are still single, you can encourage him to mingle more with responsible married men...

All d best.....

Evuls...@bolded
This post sounded very clingy to me.

Come, marvellous, i dont think you have been pregnant before or been around pregnant women. We love em but lord forgive me, they can be a downright pain in the a$$.

chineloSA:


This sounds like she will be forcing herself into him. The wife is hormonally and emotionally fragile and you cant force things.

Remember even with no pregnancy, you are still different individuals. You should both be allowed to be individuals while adjusting to marriage.

Men sometimes need time alone with his friends and women as well. That is not a bad thing. Sometimes when you go to where men are, you find that they are talking about nonsense and some which doesn't make sense. Allow a man to spend his time talking about nonsense. Some just having some few beers together etc. Give each other space and a breather to miss each other. If you are always on his face and forcing him to spend time with you, it will not work at all. Forcing to spend time together just because you have a ring, does not sound like the best way to resolve this. Instead it will repel him and push them further apart.

He must do things out of love not obligation.

I LOVE YOU
Pls will u marry me?

See as all of una dey waste una time dey advice man! Walk in walk out? Ya life! Abeg NEXT!!!!