wisdomiskey:


nd d mistakes
men make iz 2
spend our hard earned
moni on yuh ungrateful
women.. onli
4 yuh to selfishly
guard urz wen d man
is in financial crisis

selfish tin lyk yuh

soon yuh will
hear these women chant
"your money is OUR money, my money is MY money"
greeedi wincheez

Nobody forced you to get married. There's a reason God made you the head of the family...
I hope you understand

OCHOdee:


Nobody forced you to get married. There's a reason God made you the head of the family...
I hope you understand

wetin diz 1 dey tlk
abeg yarn better yarn jor

if yuh cant, den do a reverse park

ceeethru:
I feel you... I feel you...

badt guy

bennyrazz:
@op, keep on being the good wife that you are. Lay less emphasis on money. You are looking at the future which is highly commendable while your husband is looking at today. You are very ambitious and you are a type of woman most men out there would like to have has a wife. Why? you have conscience, you don't want to hurt your hubby, you are submissive, financially strict etc Don't keep secrets from him. But you should make him understand that rain does not fall everyday so you need to save water in your tanks for the sunny day. You and only you can do it..Sorry to say this, you are the man mentally while your husband is the woman mentally

You think a full grown ass man doesn't know this? Do you want him to feel like she's dictating to him as a man and her husband because of money? How quickly you forget men have ego.

DukeNija:
Nice post bennyrazz
I think you shouldn't damage your marriage by going the hard way. Make sure you save enough for your masters before any form of negotiation.
Your husband seems reckless to me, it's his nature and not his fault. Many men are the opposite of him.
Anyway, the most important thing is for you to save enough money, whenever you have a project you need to finance. I know a woman who takes her husbands financial responsibility because she earns more. She handles major financial projects with joy and even humility. She takes charge and you won't know if you are not told. Family is a bigger achievement than master degree.
You are not the first and won't be the last so don't listen to those women up there telling you to do what's not in your nature.

'Family is a bigger achievement' than master's degree that will guarantee better future and income for the family? Guy to whom brain is given, sense is expected.

FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.

My advice to you is that you take the money and convert it to foreign currency either pounds, euros or dollars and save in a domiciliary account.

You don't even need to hide it from him, but it would clear to him that this money is not available and it is clearly marked for a different purpose.

Good luck

wisdomiskey:



dont tlk 2 me
wit dat same
moufff yuh
used 2 svck
multiple slioooooongs
silli hag

Ouchhhh

My advice to you is that you take the money and convert it to foreign currency either pounds, euros or dollars and save in a domiciliary account.

You don't even need to hide it from him, but it would clear to him that this money is not available and it is clearly marked for a different purpose.

Good luck

ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

So are women worth it?

kilode100:


Nna, forget the poster and her wahala jare..

You do know you look very good and ever since I click on your profile, my life has not been the same. What I'm trying to say in case you're a novice is that I dig you

Just say hi and put this Lover girl out of her misery.

Hi lover girl

OCHOdee:


Nobody forced you to get married. There's a reason God made you the head of the family...
I hope you understand

Okay, only on matters like this one you remember God made man head of the family.

FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.

I will advice your family to have 3 accounts.

1. Joint account, where you and your husband will fund. This will be used to run the home and finance family investments/projects.
2. Your personal account, which you will use for your own personal investment, savings or project.
3. Your husband's personal account, which he can spend or invest as he wishes.

You are right to have barred him from dipping his hands into your account. Your spouse is too proud with your money. Try to have a secret account before he ends up killing your dreams. Wish you well.

ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

U won put asunder abi? Baddest adviser. All the same na wetin she won hear u kuku tell her.

My dear there's nothing wrong with u been so open to ur hubby n there's nothing wrong with u telling him the truth about d financial issue also, sorry to say this but ur hubby doesn't seem to b interested or in support of that masters thing that's y he does all he can to spend up all the money so u won't have any savings to pay up n by that forfeit the program that action is typical of man who thinks this way..when I saw capital intensive projects my thots were yall were building ur house or setting up a business n shockingly it was a holiday to d village or a party, sorry that currently is of no financial benefit or value to u now..I advise u take ur stand n push through cz in d end it's still beneficial to d family.

@ OP
From your posts, it's easy to deduce you're a virtuous woman and dutiful wife, pls disregard the extreme "advice" of most female posters here who under normal circumstances are not fit to give you any kind of reasonable advice as they appear to be lower than you in possession of the qualities that makes a woman virtuous. So NEVER keep secrets from your husband.However do have a heart to heart with him about the need to put some money away for more important projects, encourage him to prioritise, whenever he wants to embark on unproductive expenditure, tell him that two of you should make an all-inclusive to do list of your personal needs and the family's needs, then prioritise jointly.Marriage is for life and usually requires a lot of patience, understanding, compromise etc from the husband and wife (by that I mean the man and woman as I don't subscribe to the perversion of homosexuality).Remember that whatever advice you decide to take from nairaland, no nlander will follow you home to enjoy the benefits or face the backlash/repercussions as the case may be, so be wise my virtuous sister. God bless you

ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

Solid comment!

DukeNija:
Nice post bennyrazz
I think you shouldn't damage your marriage by going the hard way. Make sure you save enough for your masters before any form of negotiation.
Your husband seems reckless to me, it's his nature and not his fault. Many men are the opposite of him. what's not in your nature.

Best advice so far,woman listen I will advice you to take it easy and make sure u guys talk about this,man generally are reckless when it comes to spending,talk to him calmly and make sure you don't bruise his Ego,we knows women are better managing the homes and finances,men are better in decisions making when its comes to the kids,is a small issues don't make it big

jaybee3:


That much pride in your own marriage, who are you competing with?

So you will deliberately stop growing as a family so you can always be the MAN or how else would you navigate an income/expenditure mismatch

Apparently you are getting it so twisted.A guy can suddenly ind himself broke and might just be fortunate to have a rich lady as a partner or spouse who may decide to help him bounce back.

This is a different ball game from the guy depending on the lady for 10k,20k,5k and any responsible man will find this annoying.

A lady can loan a guy huge sum for him to use purposefully and many guys have really become millionaires by the help of their wife for instance MKO Abiola and many more.

Its one thing for a man to be aided by a financially buoyant spouse and another different ball game for the man to be a consistent demanding partner.

As for me, its a NO NO to share my responsibilities with my wife,or depend on her finance for this and that,honestly its annoying demeaning and foolish.

we men do enjoy bail out, but i dislike men who can not control their spending, if i am married and i have a wife like you, i rather guide you to using your money well, he's the head of the home and that doesn't mean he have free access to your money spending it lavishly.

i do give my girl friend money, and sometimes if she notice am broke, she will just say, take this amount, i am borrowing you but sometimes i pay back and sometimes i don't pay back, but whenever i get big money, i do give her a reasonable amount to make up for the unpaid ones, i never tell her am paying her unpaid debt, i do not support you two living without saving, it is a very bad habit, your husband will react if he no longer have access to your money, the same reason he has not look for another source of income,

if you have a GTB account, it is easy to operate current and saving along side, and have just one of the account linked to your ATM,

that way, you can keep your saving in one and pocket money in the other account,
that has given me rest of mind, even the bank can not tell me there is any atm fraud in my saving account and when ever i need money, i just transfer the amount i need into my saving account which is accessible by ATM, this has really helped me in saving because their is no excitement will make me spend more than i intend to,

if i realise 570,000 for instance

the 520,000 will go into my saving account ( no ATM access)

and 50,000 will go into my current account ( with ATM Access)

so, even if i hand my ATM card to anyone , he can not spend more than 50,000

and whenever i need money, i will go to the bank and tell them i want to transfer 20,000 from my saving to my current account which will only take a minute

i can now have access to this 20,000 with my ATM card

also i do not have online access to my saving account, no ATM, no Tech, so my bank can not tell me that someone stole my money with ATM card. it has really worked for me,

you can use this method to limit the amount of your money your husband can access, am not saying you shouldnt support him! Thanks

ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

The fact that u choose to fall in love with wrong men,who has battered,manhandled,deter ur hearth does not mean there is no good men outside,advice when next you fall in love choose to well

o.p, what happened to for better for worst?

FavorofGod:
Thanks for all ur contributions. I think I'd just open a savings account without his knowledge and do a monthly standing order. But he knows my monthly pay and would know if I started saving, so I intend to wait till I get promoted later this year and then save part of the differential in salary. But as for this month and next month salary, my stand remains the same, until I pay my school fees.

Nice one madam, but getting promoted later in the year and not telling him may not augur well whatever your intentions are, because he's likely to find out and feel bad, and am not sure you'll be happy if he does same to you.

Still on your present income, have a discussion with him to open children's account for your kids and agree on how much you guys are to be throwing into the accounts monthly. This accounts will serve as your alternate savings account since it doesn't allow ATM or regular withdrawals.
The mandate also should be you two to sign jointly(this will limit withdrawals on impulse).

Do this and see how your savings will soar, even without a single sweat.

Goodlucks*

FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.

Op your a very right but. will advice u open a separate account and save there, so it will not look different to him, some men sha they like awoof....anyways just to. Save him feeling bad

The fact that you are asking the question show thee degree to which you have been manipulated psychologically.This is 2015

bayulll01:


The fact that u choose to fall in love with wrong men,who has battered,manhandled,deter ur hearth does not mean there is no good men outside,advice when next you fall in love choose to fall in love

And what is your definition of good men?

Men who will withdraw indiscriminately from their spouse accounts?
Men who dumbly sit down to freaking share financial responsibilities with their wives?
Men who will be snoozing around their spouse because she makes 1billion naira monthly?

Some things just don't make sense.

A man should be a man and im not writing from wishful thinking but from experience. I practically stayed away from any form of relationship for about 3 years now because i believe i need to bounce back after a terrible down turn in my income about 3 years back and yes i have been meeting ladies who always say it does not matter but then i know it does because i can't imagine myself asking a lady for 5k,10k loan tarr!

And if i must enter into any affair with any lady, she must be a working class NOT BECAUSE I WANT A DIME OF HER MONEY but because she will give me time to build back my finance without bothering me directly or indirectly with her salient financial needs which must comes up.

A man must understand his place and take charge.NO WOMAN MUST BE COMPELLED TO CONTRIBUTE A DIME INTO ANY MARRIAGE,FAMILY UPKEEP IN ANYWAY.It should be left to her discretion and if she is the stingy type,even she will feel bad because she knows that when you really had,you spend judiciously on her and the family.

Laredojohn:

Op your a very right but. will advice u open a separate account and save there, so it will not look different to him, some men sha they like awoof....anyways just to. Save him feeling bad

This advice is offbeat because any attempt by her to save less than what she use to put into that account will jettison the marriage.Trust me on this.

She is in this perpetual financial bondage already and the best she can do is sit her man down to have a real talk like the maximum any of them can withdraw in a month and stufs like that.

Toks2008:


This advice is offbeat because any attempt by her to save less than what she use to put into that account will jettison the marriage.Trust me on this.

She is in this perpetual financial bondage already and the best she can do is sit her man down to have a real talk like the maximum any of them can withdraw in a month and stufs like that.

U feel soo, men hardly agree, it will lead to stuffs like, is it because you have money more than I do bla bla bla...so she has to develop a means of having seperate savings for the later not necessarily now...i do not from time buy d idea of joint acct in any form though.

FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.

Madam u did the right thing....Let no one tell u otherwise

Toks2008:


Apparently you are getting it so twisted.A guy can suddenly ind himself broke and might just be fortunate to have a rich lady as a partner or spouse who may decide to help him bounce back.

This is a different ball game from the guy depending on the lady for 10k,20k,5k and any responsible man will find this annoying.

A lady can loan a guy huge sum for him to use purposefully and many guys have really become millionaires by the help of their wife for instance MKO Abiola and many more.

Its one thing for a man to be aided by a financially buoyant spouse and another different ball game for the man to be a consistent demanding partner.

As for me, its a NO NO to share my responsibilities with my wife,or depend on her finance for this and that,honestly its annoying demeaning and foolish.

You are not making any sense at it's obvious you aren't married.

You need to get yourself outta the mindset of me me me in a marriage. There is no singular in marriage and all income earned should be for the marriage

It's idiotic to be suggesting a man should loan money from the wife then share the proceeds as at when it yields results.

I accept that circumstances are different and all as in you could be the sole earner or whatever but that doesn't mean you should still make yourself the superman without making her responsible for some family expenditures.
What happens if God forbid you lose your source of income and the stupid pride has enabled you cultivate the singular culture in your marriage?

You had better throw your mindset in the bin Unless you are already a wealthy man