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7 Weird Things We Do In Church - Religion - Nairaland

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7 Weird Things We Do In Church by timawoku(m): 7:39am On Jul 26, 2015
These are my 7 weirdest things that we exhibit in churches...

1) The act of 'sleeping without closing your eyes' ; I learnt this act many years ago, especially in churches where the ushers are very stubborn and keep tapping you every time you shut your eyes. This act can only be done by Pros. It requires you making your eyes being wide open, but your body in deep sleep. The only problem here is that pray you don't get called upon by the pastor to answer a question, a friend of mine whose name is emmanuel was practicing the act one vigil night when our pastor (who was about starting another round of prayer) shouted 'God of Emmanuel!', my friend Jolted back to reality on hearing 'emmanuel', stood up and said (in a very loud tone) 'sir, I am listening'. I couldn't help the laughter that day and the look on his face was worse than Mr Ibu's.

2) The Church 'Madmathecian'; if you get extremely bored in church, you tend to; firstly, look around you to check if any familiar face is around you, then, ultimately, you turn into a 'madmathecian' by counting things in the church nobody asked you to count. You start counting the number of fans, how many chairs are in church, the number of choir members, etc. When it gets extremely worse is when you start calculating how much the church receive in terms of Member's tithe. Or how much different members might drop as tithe. By this time, you are no longer in the church, neither would you ever understand what the pastor is saying even if he keeps repeating himself. Smh for you.

3) The 'Lookozade'; this act is the most common by church goers, it requires you to look as if you are paying apt attention to what the preacher is saying, while your mind can wander of... Very often than not, your mind can wander of to something quite sinful (sex, alcohol, etc) only for you to remind yourself of being in the house of God, trying to be attentive to what the preacher is saying once again, and go back to the beginning by 'lookozading' some more! You for no kuku come church sef.

4[b]) African time;[/b] this occurs when a church extends it closing time in a service, I like to call it 'overtime'. For instance, a church is billed to close by 1 pm, just some few minutes after the 'supposedly' closing time you hear announcement of something like 'we will now go into our thanksgiving sunday program', some people fit faint sef. It happened once to a friend of mine whom I dragged to church and assured him we would close by 12, after 12 like this he was staring at me with a killer's eyes, by 1 the pastor announced that the kids were to present something to the church (as per children's day), this my guy eyes done red finish, he was headed outside when I rushed to him to plead he stayed for the grace. The worse part was immediately after service, na beer parlor my guy rush go straight. Smh for some people.

5) 'deceitful humming'; this is done during praise worship. Every body else seems to know the song very well except you!, you no fit carry last na! Hum away my friend,just pray they change the song to the ones you know soonest!

6) Being 'alone' in the church; this happened to me once, when we were told to stand up and pray, me I dey hammer the prayer sotay, I did not hear when the pastor told everyone to sit down, after a while, as I no hear pastor again, I just open one eye discover say the whole world done siddon and na only me dey pray! This salary matter sha! You might end up being alone in the church if you don't open your eyes and look around you. Professional church goers always shine their eyes even when you are told not to

[b]7)Lusting after a beautiful member; [/b]if there is a beautiful church member that is your taste right beside you, then satan done catch you for that day! You end up being self conscious all through, your thoughts leave the church and goes into your bedroom with the girl/guy, you first start to steal glances, from there your mind advances to strike a conversation or meeting, somehow for you as satan dey dance shoki for your life.


If you do any of this then Somehow for you!

Please add yours, I done try na!

86 Likes 8 Shares

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Emmatdayo(m): 7:39am On Jul 26, 2015
K
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by walearoy(m): 7:39am On Jul 26, 2015
Ok
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Mancity26(m): 7:40am On Jul 26, 2015
Op are u learning how to count 1 to 3? You said 7 tinx and leta say 10 and finally u put diwn 4.... Na sapele weed u dey take? #funnyNation

13 Likes

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by menesheh(m): 7:41am On Jul 26, 2015
Church : a place of divine holy scammer/s den, ready to extort your money and save your soul from hellfire and yet go to hell. A place where people fake miracles, enhances false hope and gullibility, suspend their thinking faculty for some hours and contribute their hard earned money for one individual's wellfare.

Thank yourself for being part of such racket.

15 Likes 2 Shares

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by saxwizard(m): 7:41am On Jul 26, 2015
na lie
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Nobody: 7:41am On Jul 26, 2015
undecided undecided undecided undecided undecided
undecided
undecided
undecided
undecided undecided undecided undecided undecided
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Nobody: 7:41am On Jul 26, 2015
eyeing one of the female ushers
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by ikon123(m): 7:42am On Jul 26, 2015
Ok,guys una too fast oo na 4G una dey use ni?

1 Like

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by libertyfather(m): 7:43am On Jul 26, 2015
Brother op, pls change your church...I can't imagine someone going through all this in the church where the pastor happens to be a good preacher

2 Likes

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Nobody: 7:45am On Jul 26, 2015
"Speak things that edifies the church" Tell me how on earth do this edifies?

1 Like

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Nobody: 7:47am On Jul 26, 2015
libertyfather:
Brother op, pls change your church...I can't imagine someone going through all this in the church where the pastor happens to be a good preacher
What's your idea of good preacher?

2 Likes

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Princecalm(m): 7:48am On Jul 26, 2015
when a pastor never received the calling, such things are bound to happen in his church.

2 Likes

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by libertyfather(m): 7:52am On Jul 26, 2015
starlingslimnet:
What's your idea of good preacher?

Never going be a dull moment, you got a straight concentration with the preacher and not all weird diversion listed above, truely brother op is right. I'm just saying
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by XavierBlue(m): 7:57am On Jul 26, 2015
admiring your pastors wife ass undecided am damn guilty of thischeesy


XavierBlue

3 Likes

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Nobody: 7:59am On Jul 26, 2015
libertyfather:


Never going be a dull moment, you got a straight concentration with the preacher and not all weird diversion listed above, truely brother op is right. I'm just saying
Oo I see you meant Entertainers right

1 Like

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Nobody: 7:59am On Jul 26, 2015
Princecalm:
when a pastor never received the calling, such things are bound to happen in his church.
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Nobody: 8:00am On Jul 26, 2015
Princecalm:
when a pastor never received the calling, such things are bound to happen in his church.
Guy there is nothing like calling in the covenant of Christ.... Every Christain are called.

3 Likes

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Princecalm(m): 8:03am On Jul 26, 2015
starlingslimnet:
Guy there is nothing like calling in the covenant of Christ.... Every Christain are called.
so why not establish your own church.
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by libertyfather(m): 8:03am On Jul 26, 2015
starlingslimnet:
Oo I see you meant Entertainers right

Kind of
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Nobody: 8:08am On Jul 26, 2015
Princecalm:
so why not establish your own church.
Because the church has been established already by Christ and all I have to do is contribute to the growth of the church . Between what is your idea of a pastor?

4 Likes

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Nobody: 8:09am On Jul 26, 2015
libertyfather:

Kind of
Why not visit AY show to be entertained.

1 Like

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by timawoku(m): 8:11am On Jul 26, 2015
Mancity26:
Op are u learning how to count 1 to 3? You said 7 tinx and leta say 10 and finally u put diwn 4.... Na sapele weed u dey take? #funnyNation
bros I beg no ves for me!


I jus chop! grin
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by timawoku(m): 8:13am On Jul 26, 2015
starlingslimnet:
"Speak things that edifies the church" Tell me how on earth do this edifies?
it can make people realize some things and make necessary correction, or should we all just pretend it does not happen?
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Princecalm(m): 8:15am On Jul 26, 2015
starlingslimnet:
Because the church has been established already by Christ and all I have to do is contribute to the growth of the church . Between what is your idea of a pastor?
do the so called pastors now opening churches everywhere doesn't know that other churches existed and so need to contribute to the growth of the church before opening theirs?
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by timawoku(m): 8:23am On Jul 26, 2015
XavierBlue:
admiring your pastors wife ass undecided
am damn guilty of thischeesy



XavierBlue

bros you na professor for here o!
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by XavierBlue(m): 8:28am On Jul 26, 2015
timawoku:
bros you na professor for here o!
cheesycheesy



XavierBlue
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Nobody: 9:25am On Jul 26, 2015
Princecalm:
do the so called pastors now opening churches everywhere doesn't know that other churches existed and so need to contribute to the growth of the church before opening theirs?
First thing first, they are not to open church for if anyone can open church Apostle Paul would have done that instead of joining the Apostles. As for those leaving there fellowship saying God has called them to open another fellowship they are thieves and their God is their belly.

3 Likes

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Princecalm(m): 9:49am On Jul 26, 2015
starlingslimnet:
First thing first, they are not to open church for if anyone can open church Apostle Paul would have done that instead of joining the Apostles. As for those leaving there fellowship saying God has called them to open another fellowship they are thieves and their God is their belly.
and that is why I said some were not called by God, something one must understand about the true worship of God is that there must be like minds in the place of worship else the worship is just useless.
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Nobody: 9:59am On Jul 26, 2015
Princecalm:
and that is why I said some were not called by God, something one must understand about the true worship of God is that there must be like minds in the place of worship else the worship is just useless.
None is called in the first place but all are chosen to serve God.All Christains are pastors only some find pride in carrying the title here and there and think Pastor is some kind of special calling.

1 Like

Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by Princecalm(m): 10:05am On Jul 26, 2015
starlingslimnet:
None is called in the first place but all are chosen to serve God.All Christains are pastors only some find pride in carrying the title here and there and think Pastor is some kind of special calling.
well I don't know how you understand the word christain because it seems you carry the word as a title.
Re: 7 Weird Things We Do In Church by eyenibibio(m): 10:36am On Jul 26, 2015
Using church wifi

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