[color=#006600][/color]
And I'll get to write a travelogue.
But until then, enjoy this piece on some
interesting people I see (meet) whenever
I travel by Danfo [those yellow buses],
around Lagos:
1. The co-driver: In a Danfo bus, you'll
normally find a driver, bus conductor
and other passengers. Among these
other passengers is a co-driver i.e. a self
acclaimed one.
You'll often hear him from the back
seats giving orders to the driver on
where to follow, how to step on the
brake, how to swerve onto a new lane
etc. And the driver most often respond:
"Na you dey drive?" Or "You wan collect
steering for my hand?"
2. Red Alert: Imagine yourself inside a
danfo bus and the driver is running on
what seems like a top speed.
Then all of a sudden you hear a voice
break into your chain of thoughts. More
like a scream: "Ahn ahn, driver you wan
kill us?" Or "Driver please take it easy o.
I never marry." Sometimes the co-driver
doubles as a "red alert". Other times
another passenger plays that role. The
main goal is to caution the driver so
that we can all arrive safely.
3. Preacher man: Repent for the Kingdom
of God is at hand. With the preacherman
in your bus, you can barely hear yourself
think. Forget about receiving calls in
that bus.
If you do, you will hear the person on
the other line asking, "are you in
church?".
The good thing about a preacherman in
your danfo bus is that you get reminded
that heaven and **** is real. "If we all ***
now, where will you go? Heaven or ****?"
Some passengers stare at him in anger.
Why should you say if we all *** now?
Yes, of course we want to make Heaven.
No we won't *** in this danfo bus.
4. The pervert: One day I was in a danfo
bus and I heard a woman say in a loud
voice "if you try that again I will slap
you." She was referring to the young
man sitting beside her.
The story was that the man was rubbing
his elbow against her bosom.
You can't really tell who is rubbing what
because some of these buses are usually
so jam-packed. The best thing is to
position yourself well.
But if you are unlucky you might fall
victim of false accusation, this time a
reversed psychology- one day, an older
man pissed at the way a woman was
protecting her frontage bluntly asked,
"who wan touch your bosom?" According
to him, he has more than that at home.
Silence.
5. "Do you know who I am": This man or
woman tells us in a danfo bus that he or
she is a very important person so the
bus conductor must not argue with him/
her over N10 change. Enough said.
6. Political analyst: If you missed the
news last night, and you have a political
analyst riding the same danfo bus with
you, may God bless your day.
All is cool until he gets another
politically conscious passenger to
engage in the discourse. Sometimes
their analysis is a comic relief. Other
times depressing.
Depending on the topic in focus. An
elderly analyst tells the younger folks in
the bus about the good old days. And
the danger of having a "young"
inexperienced president rule Nigeria.
7. GSM users: Sometimes, you enter a
bus and everyone, well almost everyone,
is on their mobile phone making calls.
The one screaming at the top of his
voice...
8. Sleep-attack: How do people sleep
through the journey? In the danfo bus?
On the bumpy Lagos road? Forget it.
You don't know what their story is
about. Body no be wood o.
9. Networker: The guy tells you that you
have beautiful brown eyes and soberly
shares his story. What is yours? Blank
stare.
10. Tribalism: If war breaks out in
Lagos, it might start from a danfo bus.
One minute you enter a danfo bus and
you see us all sandwiched in the air-
tight yellow buses and you sigh in relief.
The next, you hear an argument from the
back row and the next thing, someone is
yelling, throwing verbal punches at a
particular tribe. End of story.
These are my first ten. There are more
categories to meet.
It is no longer news that I love public
transport.
If you want to really see Lagos, ride the
danfo but bring your change.

Lol

I hate those no 3 guys

all these fat women