Dear people of Nairaland,
It is good to be on this forum. I need your candid opinions/advice on a very personal issue. A while ago I stumbled upon a proof that one of my wife's cousins (married) based abroad is obsessed about sleeping with her! Unbelieveable?
How did I find out? One day I wanted to use our computer at home and I mistakenly (believe me) typed my wife's email address and behold she had configured the Internet Explorer to remember her password. Curiously, "I went in" and behold there was an email from a well known cousin telling her how he's going to miss her and all sorts of shit. He professed deep love and that he would continue to do what he did till he dies, don't know what.
In one of his paragraphs, he wrote:, "I really would love to continue writing here but I can't stand being here alone in the computer room and you alone in the bedroom. So I'm signing off here so I can go join you."

Unfortunately for me, I told her to go and represent our us at a wedding ceremony in the States because I couldn't get permission to travel from my place of work.
I realised that they both spent some days together in the same room at a family member's house in the States. She's back home now but has not mentioned any word about what happened.
While she was there, each time I called the house of the family member, I was told that she and her cousin had gone out. I have not been myself since I found this out and the same cousin is planning to visit us in Nigeria early next year. My people, how am I supposed to relate with him when he visits knowing fully well that he wants (or has had, ?) a piece of my wife. Imagine me being at work, the kids at school and the two of them home alone!
P L E A S E advise me!

Wonders shall never cease, my brother, u better print that email and keep as proof or else no one will believe u. It might still be hard to prove what u found even with that email.

That is life! Your case is just one in several others going on. Brothers f**king sisters, fathers doing daughters, cousins doing cousins. It a sinful world. On the last day, less than 5% will go to heaven. The rest will be with me . We sure going to have a ball together. Whether you confront them or not, the truth remains that they have been f**king. When he comes visiting, he is most certainly going to f**k your wife again. If you confront them, they are only to adopt more secretive ways of doing it. So just leave them alone. You know them better now. There is nothing you can do about. Yoruba people say that 'ONCE DE BE IS FOREVER DE BE' (once 2 people have f**ked before, they will always do it again). Sorry o! Don't let it bother at all if not you go just die for nothing. The guy might even visit your grave, and continue to eat the rotten apple. Women are dangerous, because of their secretive nature, many things dey happen.

You reap the labour of having to spy your wife's email, that revelation will continue to haunt you till eternity. That is women for you, neither men nor women are to be trusted in any affairs. The moment you let your hope that your spouse will not cheat on you cover you completely, the moment you know there is cheating, you have so many things to lose. Sorry about that is all i can say, but like someone said, if you want to prosecute the matter, print the email fast, wait for the cousin to visit nigeria, have them watch and catch them red handed. If you do this, you further hurt yourself again. The decisions is yours my man.

Hmmm, this is a tough one <sub>*sighs* 

**thinking, and might reply later**</sub>

cousins sleeping together, men, datz disgusting

man, i am really sorry u found it out like that.
if i where u i would really start to sharpen my cutlass or however u write it,
and keep patiently waiting till early next year,

OK StingRay, first off, I would say DO NOT LET THE COUSIN INTO YOUR HOUSE! It's your responsibility to protect your family so don't let anyone come in and crash things down for you.

Secondly, you should discuss the issue with your wife. I think this is the tricky part because she might think you've been spying on her. So you should use a lot of wisdom in bringing up the issue. Perhaps you can take her out and just get talking about stuff that interests her. Then you can tell her that you've been thinking about ways to improve on your relationship and that you take your responsibility to protect her very seriously, etc etc you know, something really romantic. Then you can nicely bring up the subject and let her know that you were not snooping   Whatever she says, please don't loose your temper. Tell her calmly how you really feel about the whole thing and that you would like her to stay away from the so-called cousin until you're able to deal with the issues.

After you've discussed with your wife it's time to take on that lousy cousin. Are there any very well respected persons in your wife's extended family that you can show the email and express your concerns to? If yes, I'll advise you take that route. Let these respected persons know what has been happening and perhaps they can talk to your wife's cousin. Then talk to the cousin -- I mean, back him up against the wall and warn the hell out of him. If he ever as much as contact your wife again, he's a goner!!   OK that was rough, but desperate times call for desperate measures my brother.

With all that has happened, I'll dare say it's time for complete openness between you and your wife. You both need to have full access to each other's emails and all that. She needs to rebuild the trust between the two of you and perhaps you can help her in this regard.

Lastly, if I were in your shoes I'll be asking myself right now what would drive my wife to get emotional with her cousin. Is there a void that you're not filling, thereby leaving her vulnerable? My suggestion: commit to working on your relationship with her and seriously improving communication. At least once a week, turn off the TV, the computer and get the kids out of the way. Then you both look each other dead in the eye and talk. Ask her what you can do to make her the happiest wife on earth   . Encourage her to talk about what's going on on the inside of her mind -- her dreams, fears, likes, dislikes, etc. And when she tells you what she thinks is lacking in your relationship, commit yourself to make improvements and periodically ask her how you guys are doing. She too should be ready to do whatever it takes to make you the happiest husband on earth   .

Bottomline: be patient with her. She might be consumed with guilt and shame initially but please don't make her feel rejected, as this will only push her further away. Are you a christian? Then pray, pray, pray. Only God can successfully protect your family from all the evil forces that break families apart.

Best of luck man, and pls let us know if any of our advice does anything positive for you.

well said, this is for every1 to learn, i have learnt, have u?

@Windywendy
Tanx a million for spending some of your precious time in proffering this solution. It is well appreciated. Things are cool between the us right now because I am acting like I didn't see the email but I am hurting inside. Yes, there are respected people in my wife's extended family that I can talk to, but MEN it sure going to cause a lot of problems for him and my wife too. You see, they grew up together (living in the same house for years). I think that he capitalised on that when she was much younger. I am going to pray that God gives me the wisdom to manage the issue with my wife and any other consequence.

StingRay, I'm glad you appreciate the advice, and I'm even happier that you've decided to pray about it. I'll pray with you too. I can imagine how you're hurting and I suspect too that your wife must have picked up on the fact that something isn't right -- women are very perceptive you know. 

Anyway, in dealing with the issue, please try as much as possible to protect your family from any unpleasant consequencies. Remember that your wife is also the mother of your kids and the last thing you want is for whatever consequencies that might fall out of this to get to your kids and cause them to begin to see their mom as anything less than dignified -- it'll scar them for a really long time. So please stand by her and help her through this time of trial and keep  your kids out of the know as much as possible. I pray you guys come out of it stronger and more committed to each other.

I'm very much interested in this topic, so please update us as things improve.

God bless!

na wa ohh

If he slept with your wife there is no excuse for her no him even thoiugh you were not satisfying her.

Bros, find a good film that reveal the act of the two cousins in your family, sit down together with your wife and watch the film, appoint her as judge, listen to her castigating the offenders.

Or find a good mood to tell a similar story, relate it to a friend and ask her to teach you on how to advice your friend.

Encourage her to sincerly pray along with you to cast out the demonic spirit operating in your (Friend's wife and her cousins) the two offenders life, before seven days she will confess her sins to you, please be ready to welcome her to split out every word.

I am not in surport of the idea of discussing it with any family memeber, That type of news spread faster, pls take charge from home.

It sounds like your paranoia has reached magnanimous proportions.  Instead of sitting one place and "stewing" over the matter, why don't you be a man and discuss things with your wife.  The woman ultimately has the final say on what to do with her body.  Also, have you considered the possibility that your wife might "jisoro" the cousin of hers as she "told" you?   My dear, at this point you can only watch and see what is going on.  You read her email   WOW!!!!  Na wah for you oh!!!  Now the dude is coming to visit you guys? Wonderful! Please let us know how it all played out. This situation is "pregnant" with a whole load of possiblities! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!

You have two options.

1.   Pretend that you do not know what is going on---wise option---if you value your union!     

      Some things are better left unsaid-------especially if you have kids!!!

2.   Talk it over with the "missus" and be prepared to handle whatever comes out of it!

Goodluck!!!!!

This is just too crazy for me to comment, i will have to go and think, eat and drink and i will be back, infact, i might have to consult the elders in my village, cos this one get as he be.
My guy, I amtruely sorry that this is happening to you, it is sad but seems like marriage is no more a sacred institution that it used to be, no more love from the husband to the wife and no more loyalty from the wife to the husband, anyhow, that is the talk for another day.
If i were in your shoe, I will sat the woman ( wife) down, and kinda probe her first, Pretend like i am not aware of what has happened.
1. I will ask her if there is anything i am doing as the husband, as a friend and as the man of the house that i could do better?
2. I will ask her if she is happy
If the answer to the questions are Yes, i will "pretend' stil like nothing is wrong, and walk away.
Come back and show her the printed copy of the mail, however, it takes a God's intervention to be calm, cos you will need it, at least,i am sure i will need it, cos smoke will be coming off my nose.
make sure you have another copy of the mail though, i will go like this:

" Honey, pls, dont see this as me snooping on you, remember you have have ur passwrd saved on the machine, so while i was trying to go on the net and get some stuff done, i found myself here and being human, i found myself looking at this mail, and it saddens my heart, that a woman that i love so much could get herself involved in such, now could you explain this, pls dont lie to me, i beg you, it is hurtful to find this out, but will be more hurtful to know that it wanna be covered up with a lie, with every lie, yuo need another 20 lies to cover it up"

Once the woman is done, if she tells me the truth, I will take few clothings and leave the house for as long as i think i need, cos such woman cant be trusted at all, if she can be screwing her cousin,, aint safe at all.
If she lied about it, I will pick the fone call the cousin and have her talk to the cousin while i am there, and from the vibe i get from the convo, i will know If she is telling me the truth, or i am just hearing some voices in my head or i am just beeing paranoid.

It wont be easy, and healing such marriage wont be fun, but you have to be careful with your decision.
If yuo have kids together, pls consider them in any decision, yu will be making.
Good luck

$$Rhino:

This is just too crazy for me to comment, i will have to go and think, eat and drink and i will be back, infact, i might have to consult the elders in my village, because this one get as he be.

My guy, I am truely sorry that this is happening to you, it is sad but seems like marriage is no more a sacred institution that it used to be, no more love from the husband to the wife and no more loyalty from the wife to the husband, anyhow, that is the talk for another day.
If i were in your shoe, I will sat the woman ( wife) down, and kind of probe her first, Pretend like i am not aware of what has happened.
1. I will ask her if there is anything i am doing as the husband, as a friend and as the man of the house that i could do better?
2. I will ask her if she is happy
If the answer to the questions are Yes, i will "pretend' stil like nothing is wrong, and walk away.
Come back and show her the printed copy of the mail, however, it takes a God's intervention to be calm, because you will need it, at least,i am sure i will need it, because smoke will be coming off my nose.
make sure you have another copy of the mail though, i will go like this:

" Honey, please, don't see this as me snooping on you, remember you have have your passwrd saved on the machine,

so while i was trying to go on the net and get some stuff done, i found myself here and being human, i found myself looking at this mail, and it saddens my heart, that a woman that i love so much could get herself involved in such, now could you explain this, please don't lie to me, i beg you, it is hurtful to find this out, but will be more hurtful to know that it want to be covered up with a lie, with every lie, yuo need another 20 lies to cover it up"

Once the woman is done, if she tells me the truth, I will take few clothings and leave the house for as long as i think i need, because such woman can't be trusted at all, if she can be screwing her cousin,, aint safe at all.

If she lied about it, I will pick the phone call the cousin and have her talk to the cousin while i am there, and from the vibe i get from the convo, i will know If she is telling me the truth, or i am just hearing some voices in my head or i am just beeing paranoid.

It wont be easy, and healing such marriage wont be fun, but you have to be careful with your decision.
If you have kids together, please consider them in any decision, yu will be making.[/b]Good luck

He he he he he he he he he he!!!!!  Serious "long tin"!!!!

$$Rhino--------------Na wah for you oh!  All this energy for what you feel might be obvious? You are very kind in your thoughts.  If na me I know wetin I go do this babe--im go hear whiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnn!!!!   She go know say khaki no be leather!!!! To satisfy all conscience, I have to investigate further.  This is not a [b]hearsay matter at all----If I am that suspicious, then I have to investigate to clear all doubts. I no get wahala with the cousin oh!   Infact, I go let the bobo visit--come set them up wellu wellu for my personal entertainment--with lots of video coverage and telephone wire taps!  he he he he he he he!!!  See drama oh!!!

Babeelove, i feel u, that is a great idea too, infact, i like ur idea, make dem come and entertain me, but human body no go fit hold am oh, watching my wife riding another man, and doing yeah baby, however, as soon as they are done, i will give the cousin an hand shake, and become the pastor for the ceremony, hold dem hands and say, " with the power given to me from your family, i hereby pronouce you, husband and wife, you may kiss the bride"

I wwould have put the video in da VCR and as soon as i am done with the ceremony, i will press play, and walk out.

in this modern age you still ask for answers when they are at your finger tips. please my brother!!! place CCTV camera in the house before he comes even to your bedroom, toilet and kitchen. when he comes and the act committed. just play the damn thing alone and if truly they are sleeping together and they did even in your own matrimonial house and bed. call your wife that you bought a new film and you would love her to watch it with you, make her to be relax. then start the film.

you can send a copy after watching it alone to her people before letting her watch it with you.

Best of luck.

$$Rhino:

Babeelove, i feel u, that is a great idea too, infact, i like your idea, make them come and entertain me, but human body no go fit hold am oh, watching my wife riding another man, and doing yeah baby, however, as soon as they are done, i will give the cousin an hand shake, and become the pastor for the ceremony, hold them hands and say, " with the power given to me from your family, i hereby pronouce you, husband and wife, you may kiss the bride"

I wwould have put the video in da VCR and as soon as i am done with the ceremony, i will press play, and walk out.

Ya body go hold am well well! Just spoke some "shit" or drink some ogogoro to the level of not being impaired mentally--so you can co-ordinate the activities! By this time the woman is no longer your wife. So get small liver!!!!

amaikama:

in this modern age you still ask for answers when they are at your finger tips. please my brother!!! place CCTV camera in the house before he comes even to your bedroom, toilet and kitchen. when he comes and the act committed. just play the damn thing alone and if truly they are sleeping together and they did even in your own matrimonial house and bed. call your wife that you bought a new film and you would love her to watch it with you, make her to be relax. then start the film.

you can send a copy after watching it alone to her people before letting her watch it with you.

Best of luck.

Very good idea!!!!

And please, do not forget to send unedited copies to all the village elders on both sides of the family----------that na auto-divorce ke!!!! he he he he he he he!!! I will still keep my copy for "Hot" times sake!!!!

Well my dear friend it is really unfortunate that you have found out what will eventually cause your death. When it will happen depends so much on how you handle the situation. But I can assure you that 90% of married women/men are suspects in this case . It is absolutely not new if not cousin it could be some man or woman out there. as per my advice to you if; ofcourse you cannot tell me that you still love your wife after all these betrayal but may beyou are still ready to continue with her in this marriage then you have to tell her cousin that you know what he has done by inviting him out to a lonely place and really scare him with the truth. but first forward that mail to your own mail box such that even if they are denying the link will implicate them.
Then tell your wife your findings and really frighten her to a point that she will confess and promise never in her life time will such a thing happen again. But I must warn that you must be calculative and brave to survive this otherwise it is RIP for you ooo

Well my dear friend it is really unfortunate that you have found out what will eventually cause your death. When it will happen depends so much on how you handle the situation. But I can assure you that 90% of married women/men are suspects in this case . It is absolutely not new if not cousin it could be some man or woman out there. as per my advice to you if; ofcourse you cannot tell me that you still love your wife after all these betrayal but may beyou are still ready to continue with her in this marriage then you have to tell her cousin that you know what he has done by inviting him out to a lonely place and really scare him with the truth. but first forward that mail to your own mail box such that even if they are denying the link will implicate them.
  Then tell your wife your findings and really frighten her to a point that she will confess and promise never in her life time will such a thing happen again. But I must warn that you must be calculative and brave to survive this otherwise it is RIP for you ooo

@poster,

Do not allow that fucking cousin into your house. Or else, he will shag your wife in your house and in your bedroom before you will arrive. It will be a case of "Chop and Clean mouth" as you may miss the opportunity of catching them.

Print the email and show your wife. See her parents and tell them about it. Shege. Incest unlimited. How are you even sure the kids are yours self. Maybe they are half-caste - Half you, Half cousin.

Tell your wife you will killl the guy when he comes into the country. All hell must be let loose on that shagging cousin of hers.

Just mount some video recording camera in the secret places in your house. You could make money from this, sell the film to porn film company and pretend all is well.

Let their friends be the one to call and tell them about their 'new movie'

@ poster

There is no where he was explicit about his intentions. They may be like brother and sister. Don't brothers and sisters sleep together?

STRANGE!!!

This is a thread of October 2006. You people went to the archives and dug it up and talking as if it is a fresh one. What you can ask the poster is how far did it go.

Poster, did your wife's cousin visit from USA and how did you handle the whole issue. We are eager to hear please.

Men this is disgusting, I will be tempted to do something silly if i find myself in your shoes. At the same time itz her cousin that is doing this to your family. Well if he can do that to me i can dish him anything within my reach. Set a trap and catch them on Close Circuit, I will take him away from this earth and i won't regret it.

See how the issue of trust is shattered.

I can't believe people are telling you to print the email as evidence and/or discuss with her.

Evidence to prove to who? The most important person to convince that something shady is going on is the one that has seen it all. What else is their to discuss? She is digging it and intends to also dig it under your roof.

Personally, I will not be hanging around or continuing as no matter the discussion, the trust is broken disgustingly. I won't even be able to see myself poking her anymore.

With the amount of ele omoges in Nigeria why wouldn't I change the product to a better and newer version.

There is nothing to discuss with her or any family as far as I am concerned, you will just be dragging yourself on the floor.

Sagamite:

I can't believe people are telling you to print the email as evidence and/or discuss with her.

Evidence to prove to who? The most important person to convince that something shady is going on is the one that has seen it all. What else is their to discuss? She is digging it and intends to also dig it under your roof.

Personally, I will not be hanging around or continuing as no matter the discussion, the trust is broken disgustingly. I won't even be able to see myself poking her anymore.

With the amount of ele omoges in Nigeria why wouldn't I change the product to a better and newer version.

There is nothing to discuss with her or any family as far as I am concerned, you will just be dragging yourself on the floor.

To prove to family members in case naysayers or the woman dispute his reasonings.