Am a well dedicated nairalander but I created this new account for this issue. I have been married for 4 years now with 3 children and since the 2nd year of our marriage my husband has been constantly cheating on me.

The way he goes about it is even heartbreaking, he does it like his into a love relationship with them and not just for fun.

There is this particular girl that he calls like 3 times everyday because I check his call log and saw they keep in touch more than twice everyday. I stupidly called the girl and warned her to stay clear off my man and she confessed he didn't tell her he was married, I confronted my hubby and he was forming defensive and was telling me dat am accusing him wrongly and he will soon start cheating. I called the girl back in the evening and she told me that even as am calling that his call is entering her phone, that he called earlier to beg her to give him chance to explain..The next day I left with my children to a far away state and he pleaded that he will change and all that. The issue is that he continued with this shameless behaviour, our live-in nanny later confessed to my cousin last month that he approached her and I was so devastated. He knelt down and begged and I easily forgave him..

Forgive me for my long episode but I really need your help on how to punish him cos I went to his call log yesterday and saw the same girl that made me take the risk to leave with my children to another state calling him again and he is reciprocating the calls..his a very jealous person, he goes crazy when a male friend calls me..I want to make him pass through all the pains I have endured all these years.. What do I do pls?

Before you come here... go to the pastor/imam, in-laws and relations and his friends and seek advice from them.

Sorry op... better lock up before he gives you HIV
Someone I know was in the same
predicament and hoped things would get
better. She only found out she was HIV
positive when she got pregnant. Turned out
hubby had been on ARTV for over one year.
The saddest part is that even the
secretary to her hubby also tested positive
to HIV. No need asking who the culprit was.
Be careful OP, if you're not financially
dependent on him then reject everything
from him but don't relent in your duties
except for the lock up, let him know the
reason. Tell him you're scared, you can't
have rest of mind because you don't know
the s*xual history of his other s*xual
partners so you might as well protect
yourself..... Copied from AdaNri1
MISSNORA

Call him and warn him for the last time while warning, tell him you will divorce him and leave the kids. If his reaction in sobber watch him for a while and see if he change or not.

If after this, he refuses to change. Pls leave him or you will die of the same problem.

He does that because he already know how you will react to it.

INTROVERT:
Before you come here... go to the pastor/imam, in-laws and relations and his friends and seek advice from them.

Good, but not always good to involve 3rd party in a relationship or marriage. No matter the problem, the 2 people involved should be able to solve their personal problem. 3rd party will only add more to it. My thought thou.

I believe he does dat becos he knws I forgive him easily, dats why I wanna punish him

MosakuAW:

Call him and warn him for the last time while warning, tell him you will divorce him and leave the kids. If his reaction in sobber watch him for a while and see if he change or not.

If after this, he refuses to change. Pls leave him or you will die of the same problem.

I would hv left him a long time ago but I jst think twice cos of two reasons
1) Cos of my children, hw I will take them along wit me
2)Cos am not working yet, I can't provide 4 myself n my children

MosakuAW:

Call him and warn him for the last time while warning, tell him you will divorce him and leave the kids. If his reaction in sobber watch him for a while and see if he change or not.

If after this, he refuses to change. Pls leave him or you will die of the same problem.

Hv already done dat during d issue of our nanny. I told him dat I won't be able to forgive him if he cheats again. I hv not even confronted him on dis arisin issue yet, I jst don't want to be at d receiving end anymore

angelchinny:
I would hv left him a long time ago but I jst think twice cos of two reasons 1) Cos of my children, hw I will take them along wit me 2)Cos am not working yet, I can't provide 4 myself n my children

Am speechless! Just pray and keep praying.

OP i will advice you inform your parents and inlaws to come and talk sense into him. Forgiving him is not an issue but will he stop messing around?
For now ensure you insist on condom before love making as to protect yourself from any STI. Its well, the Lord will resolve it, Amen. Pls be wise.
All the best.

Mrs0J:
OP i will advice you inform your parents and inlaws to come and talk sense into him. Forgiving him is not an issue but will he stop messing around?
For now ensure you insist on condom before love making as to protect yourself from any STI. Its well, the Lord will resolve it, Amen. Pls be wise.
All the best.

Thankz 4 ur advice, his parents and mine are aware of d suituation, even I traveled to anoda state my dad didn't even talk sence in2 him. My parents where jst advicin me not to leave my matrimonal home 4 any reason, infact I jst don't undastand them..My husband has a group of useless friends dat doesn't hv value or respect for there wives

angelchinny:
I believe he does dat becos he knws I forgive him easily, dats why I wanna punish him

go see his family and tell them abt his behaviour.


2. Put it into prayer!!!


3... Go see a man of GOD.

Men are polygamous in nature.

Talk to him again. Ask hw will he feel if he was in ur shoe?

If he doesn't change just let him be. Stop going through his phone so u won't die of hypertension. I don't like going through a guy's phone bt if i eventually do so and saw what annoys me i just pretend like i didn't see anything. I hate talking 2 them abt cheating on their partner cos 78% of our men cheat.
Just be careful. When he asks u of sex tell him 2 use condom and i think he will feel bad about it

angelchinny:

Thankz 4 ur advice, his parents and mine are aware of d suituation, even I traveled to anoda state my dad didn't even talk sence in2 him. My parents where jst advicin me not to leave my matrimonal home 4 any reason, infact I jst don't undastand them..My husband has a group of useless friends dat doesn't hv value or respect for there wives

Pls still report to both parents, let them come into the matter, am not the type that do pastors so won't advice you to report to your pastor. Commit everything to God, live your life peacefully without stressing yourself about your hubby. Focus on your kids and thank God for everyday. Pls don't drain yourself emotionally so u don't invite HBP. Will put you in prayers.

angelchinny:

I would hv left him a long time ago but I jst think twice cos of two reasons
1) Cos of my children, hw I will take them along wit me
2)Cos am not working yet, I can't provide 4 myself n my children

Herein lies your big challenge Sister. In a space of 4 years into marriage, you already have 3 children. You should have insisted on family planning and proper spacing of your children because my dear, some men are very unpredictable.

You are vulnerable at this stage because like you rightly pointed out, leaving him now is not possible because of the children.

You may consider telling his family (parents) about his infidelity and how its affecting you.

I wish you and the kids well...

He's a philanderer.
Whether u leave or stay won't change his philandering ways.
He'll stop when he's tired.










Pls don't leave him.
Do the condom thing. Refuse to have sex with him unless he puts on a condom. If he asks why tell him to his face that you don't trust him and you don't want any diseases.

That will hurt.

5minsmadness:
He's a philanderer.
Whether u leave or stay won't change his philandering ways.
He'll stop when he's tired.










Pls don't leave him.
Do the condom thing. Refuse to have sex with him unless he puts on a condom. If he asks why tell him to his face that you don't trust him and you don't want any diseases.

That will hurt.

Okay will do jst dat. What if I fake calls and make him jealous as well cos I told him recently dat my 1st love re-sufaced n he is realy hrtbroken dat am already married cos he came bk 4 us to rekindle our love. He got realy mad n couldn't sleep dat night

uboma:



Herein lies your big challenge Sister. In a space of 4 years into marriage, you already have 3 children. You should have insisted on family planning and proper spacing of your children because my dear, some men are very unpredictable.

You are vulnerable at this stage because like you rightly pointed out, leaving him now is not possible because of the children.

You may consider telling his family (parents) about his infidelity and how its affecting you.

I wish you and the kids well...

I undastand ur point, but my second pregnancy produced twins. Dats why I hav 3 children with 4 yrs

What am I going to do to save him from his friends..His following there foot steps, they r too wayward 4 my liking

angelchinny:
What am I going to do to save him from his friends..His following there foot steps, they r too wayward 4 my liking

You can't change him, but you can pray for him to change. Hope you insist on using condoms tho, you need to protect yourself. A bit curious didn't you notice his waywardness before you married him? His ways are set already, it will take God's grace to change him

angelchinny:

Okay will do jst dat. What if I fake calls and make him jealous as well cos I told him recently dat my 1st love re-sufaced n he is realy hrtbroken dat am already married cos he came bk 4 us to rekindle our love. He got realy mad n couldn't sleep dat night

Next time don't tell him. Simply start looking good and enjoy a flirtation with your male friend (I said flirtation o, for now). Don't tell him who's calling and password your phone. Get a life away from him. Start saving up spare change from what he gives you and insist on using a condom. You need to build your confidence and self-esteem back. Your husband and every man out there know that no-one will advise you to leave him so his apologies are just stories to absolve himself of guilt. What will terrify him is the thought of losing you to another man. His ego will be dented. You don't need to tell him you're enjoying gist with an ex, just simply do it and watch him have sleepless nights wondering whether you go waka. A cheat is always scared that someone will do it back to them.

People will come and say "don't listen this will break your marriage", please is your marriage not already broken? he's not just cheating, he's pretending to be single. My dear, if I give you the gist of other women who were in your situation (husbands whose cheating became emotional and they were pretending to be single), you will run away in fear for your life. Those that ended up with HIV, those that almost got arrested by the family of the single girls being deceived, those that ended using their salary to pay off pregnant girls and girls who demanded the money for travel that the husbands promised them when he was pretending to be single (blackmailing the wife so she will chase the man away), those that were subjected to social media taunts when they confronted the babe privately...

angelchinny:

I would hv left him a long time ago but I jst think twice cos of two reasons
1) Cos of my children, hw I will take them along wit me
2)Cos am not working yet, I can't provide 4 myself n my children

Your priority now should be how to resolve problem no 2 because you cannot change a serial cheater. It has to come from within him.

Get something doing and start earning your own income. While that may still not change him, it will boost your self -esteem and leave you with several options to choose from. Right now, you are totally at his mercy, so you urgently need to emancipate yourself. All the best!

angelchinny:

Okay will do jst dat. What if I fake calls and make him jealous as well cos I told him recently dat my 1st love re-sufaced n he is realy hrtbroken dat am already married cos he came bk 4 us to rekindle our love. He got realy mad n couldn't sleep dat night

Pls pls don't toll that lane, Men easily tag women prostitutes. U will just use your hand and turn the tables on your head. His cheating won't be the issue again but yours. Have u seen the way a man reacts physically about alleged cheating of his wife? If not, pls don't try to experience it. Our African men thinks that a man cheats is not a yardstick for his wife to cheat. Pls try to see if u can help your hubby to stop his cheating ways by involving ur both parents and applying tough Love.

When a man cheats, it could be for a variety of reasons
1) the Friends he keeps
2) the woman may be pushing him out without knowing.
3)it could be that the sex isn't as excitn like it used to me
4) your dress sense might have changed etc.
Every man and woman had a sort of preferences of what or how they want their significant other to look like. And if they end up with someone who dosent fall into that category they will definitely cheat.
Did you see traces that he was a cheat before you said Yes but choose to to overlook because you thought he would change over time?
Make him see what he's missing by cheatn on you.
Pray for him always. Because there is NOTHING impossible for God to do.

Please instead of thinking how to punish him you should be thinking on how to save youself from this agony.
You need to focus all your energy on getting out of his mess.
It`s either he changes for the good and you have the heart to forgive him or he doesn`t.
With kid` you can`t jut get up and leave without planning it. The plans you need to make will at the same time aim you more respect and maybe even save your marriage.
So start trying to make some money of your own. Try to earn some money no matter how small. IT will give you some level of independence and be vey focused on saving. Insist now on getting into a job or biz. Get your family and his to support you. That they will probably do. Please get active. IT is very good for one to identify with something, church or an organization.
As long as you are not sure of his sexual habits abstain or insist he uses a condom.
Focus your energy on building yourself that is the best way to punish him. Punish him with success.
Sorry but that man is mean and heartless. May God touch his heart. He doen`t deserve a wife.

angelchinny:

Okay will do jst dat. What if I fake calls and make him jealous as well cos I told him recently dat my 1st love re-sufaced n he is realy hrtbroken dat am already married cos he came bk 4 us to rekindle our love. He got realy mad n couldn't sleep dat night

Hehehehehe
Good one!

It seems his friends are also a major issue. Can't u find a way to keep him away from them? Don't do it directly cos it will have a negative result, rather insist on him being home early and raise hell if he isn't. OR Call him at odd hours when he's outside and send him message e.g "pls dear buy banana and groundnut for me on your way back. ". Tomorrow it could be 'since u r outside could u buy bread and garri on your way back, also add bathing soap cos the kids have not had thier bath... Etc"

Men HATE being sent messages like these but have no concrete reasons to refuse them. Soon he would prefer being at home early instead of letting u spoil his fun outside.

Na secret I don blow for u oh!

the signs were there before marriage , its for beta for worse isn't it. dis is a lesson for babes who rush into marriage witout a job or business. only u can decide wats best for u o. men can be heartless too chai

nnamdibig:
He does that because he already know how you will react to it.

No, he does it because he is a philanderer. He has a problem and nobody can help him but himself.
It is perfectly ok to react when someone hurts you and breaks your trust.

4yrs and 3 kids?
You try oh
Ok that aside,what drastic measures have you taken to get a job.its very important oh

kill him

...Sorry, seduce him by any means besides diabolical powers