Whether you've got two friends or 20, you
probably care about nurturing your
friendships . After all, friends bring more
laughter and joy to our lives and provide
emotional support during tough times.
But sometimes other stuff gets in the way. We
have crazy deadlines at work. If we have
partners or kids, they might demand most of
our free time. And occasionally, we might
forget a birthday or realize it's been months
since our last catch-up.
You're not a bad friend, but perhaps you want
to be an even better friend . And for good
reason: Scientists have found that what
separates the happiest 10% of the population
from everyone else is the strength of their social
bonds. Harvard psychologist George Vaillant
once said that if you can think of someone you
would feel comfortable calling at 4 a.m. to
talk about your troubles, you have a good
chance of living longer than someone who's
unable to do so. It's true: People with strong
social support are happier, live longer, and
even catch fewer colds.
So, what can you do to strengthen your
friendships?
1. WALK IN THEIR SHOES
It's easy to get impatient with Judy, who's
always running "just 10 minutes late" or
Brian, the college buddy who always seems
like he's trying to upstage you. But here's where
empathy comes in: Take a few minutes to
consider what it's really like to be your friend.
What unique challenges might they face?
Research shows that practicing perspective-
taking builds empathy, which can improve our
relationships and make us more compassionate
and understanding—a quality every good
friend should have.
2. SAVOR GOOD MEMORIES
Even if you haven't seen a particular pal in
awhile, sometimes all it takes to strengthen the
bond is a reminder of past good times. Go
through photos from a memorable event or
vacation you enjoyed together—savor the
details and point out memorable moments
and funny details from the occasion. Scientists
say that this type of shared savoring, called
"capitalization," improves our well-being, and
helps foster positive social interactions by
bringing us closer. Even if you can't see your
friend in person, you can still send them a
"Remember when?" link to your photos from the
event, pointing out the best moments from the
day.
3. CELEBRATE THEIR GOOD NEWS
Did Frank get a new job last month? Did
Michelle have a new baby three months ago
whom you still haven't seen in person? Sure,
you sent a card or email to congratulate them,
but you can do even more! Meet up with a
friend who recently had good news that you
haven't celebrated properly. When you see
them, practice what scientists call "active
constructive feedback" - show enthusiasm, ask
them about all the little details, and get them
to relive the moment with you. Research by
Shelly Gable shows that when we respond to
other people's good news positively, they feel
more understood, validated and cared for,
which enhances the quality of your
relationship and makes you - both of you -
happier.




http://www.goodnet.org/articles/3-simple-ways-to-strengthen-your-friendships-happify