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An After-one Girl - Family - Nairaland

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An After-one Girl by Nobody: 6:26pm On Sep 30, 2015
An open letter to the girl in her teens by Femi Owolabi
Hello dear,
I know you would have read or heard something like this, since you assumed this phase of your life. If you will oblige me, however, I wanna share with you, the story of Bisola, my friend who should be twenty this November.
Bisola and I met early this year in my neighborhood. You see, that evening, I was sitting, with a few friends, in front of my house when Bisola walked past. Her beauty is mesmeric that our eyes followed her till she walked off the street. Days later, Bisola and I already got talking. Mind me not, I am skilled in making new friends that quick. Especially when the girl is beautiful, just like you, you know?
Bisola is the second of the three children of her parents. Of course, she wouldn’t agree to my friendship proposal on time, and when we eventually got talking, she told me of how she despises the guys in the neighborhood; those guys who just wanna woo every girl they see walk past. “I will not allow any guy destroy my future o,” Bisola told me. Let me confess, at this initial stage of our friendship, my affection was driven by pure lust. Forgive me, men could just be like that, sometimes. Bisola was careful. She slapped off my hand when it rested too much on her shoulder, that evening I walked her down the street. She repelled every flirtatious gaze I cast at her.
She came looking for me one day, sometime around mid-August, and was told I was inside my room. My door was pointed, and she came knocking. I asked her to come in, but she was skeptical and asked I come out instead. When I opened the door and she peeped into my room, she saw my shelf and marveled. She was attracted by the books, obviously, and willingly, she stepped into the room. “Are you the only one reading all these plenty books?” she asked me, as she knelt by the shelf looking through the titles.
Bisola sat for JAMB this year but she scored low and didn’t meet the cut-off for a university admission. She was preparing to re-sit for the examination. I helped her search through the shelf for an old Economics textbook because Eco, as she fondly called it, was her preferred course of study. The gift of that book really meant a lot to her, and she hugged me, for the first time. That moment when our hearts got enclosed in a hug, I could feel she’s troubled.
“I have not seen my period,” she let out a sigh, looking into my eyes. At first, I didn’t know what to say. “You had an unprotected sex with your boyfriend?” I laced this question with smiles, hoping she would take it as some witty asides. “How could you relate such to me?” she was furious, and she left. And for days, she didn’t answer my calls. I got angry with myself, you know. I called a friend who is a doctor, asking her what could be the reason why a month would go and a girl won’t have her period. I told my friend to eschew any pregnancy thoughts, because the girl in question never indulged in sex. My friend used some medical jargon and then suggested some medicines. The next time I saw Bisola in the neighborhood, I ran after her, to show her the names of the medicines that the doctor has recommended. I wrote the medicines’ names on a sheet of paper I got from my chest-pocket, and I took her palm and put the paper in it. She was reluctant in receiving it.
“Femi, can I trust you with something?” she asked, in a whispering tone. I told her to go ahead. “I had a D & C abortion in June,” she said. Looking askance at her, I didn’t know what to respond. “We had sex, my then boyfriend and I. I discovered the pregnancy in June and I had to quickly get rid of it,” she continued. Bisola is this smart girl, but I began to see her naivety, especially when she started telling me about the boyfriend whom she now hated. It was an irony; her naivety juxtaposed her seeming smartness.
“You will be fine,” I calmed her, and I furthered with my enquiries. I was then told that in the cases of some D & C abortions, it may take about three months before the patient gets her period. I called Bisola and I told her to worry not, for her period will come at the expiration of three months that she had the abortion. We both started counting down to September 4th when the three months would elapse.
I was out of town when Bisola called me, that it was the tenth day of September and no traces of her period. I, too, got overwhelmed with worries. “Let me go back to where I had the D & C in June and asked why this,” she suggested, and I agreed with her. She left her Lagos home for somewhere in Ibadan, without telling anyone what she was up to, except me. She consistently begged me not to reveal this to anyone, even when the worries seemed bigger than what we two can handle.
The next day, she called me. “I have just been told that the D & C I had in June only took one baby of the two that was inside of me, and this one might have been growing” she said. I was shocked! I didn’t know how possible this could have been. “So, what do we do now?” I asked her. I could feel my voice shivering, because of how my heart palpitated. “Get rid of it!” she screamed. This time, it wouldn’t be through a D & C as she has been assured. She asked if I could raise her some money because she has been billed another N15, 000. A second abortion in a short interval-- of months? I couldn’t just take this. “Let’s leave this baby, my darling,” I begged. She was quick to anger you know. “Just say you can’t give me money. I should leave the baby? You, can you marry an after-one?” she said and she terminated the call. I tried to reach her again, and she wouldn’t pick my calls.
Later in the week, she called me. It was not good news. The one of the twin babies has been confirmed lifeless. There was no other option than to bring out the lifeless thing from her womb.
Few days after the operation, I spoke with her over the phone and I could barely hear her. “I have been bleeding profusely,” she said in a faint voice. “Femi, I feel so weak. Pads can’t even hold this blood. I’ve been using towels,” she added. I was already in tears, you know.
I shared a bit of this on Facebook and many friends suggested I ensure her parents know about this. I had to open it up to one of her uncles in the neighborhood whom I always argue politics with. He brought in the parents and they set in immediately.
Last Thursday when I called her line, her dad picked. “She is sleeping,” he told me. He thanked me for always checking on her. “When she’s up, I will ask that she returns your call,” he said.
On Monday night, 28th of September, 2015, my phone rang as I stepped into my room. “Bisola is dead,” the caller said. “She died this morning at the University College Hospital in Ibadan,” he added.
Oh yes, I laughed. That would mark the beginning of the mental illness that held me for hours. I became sicker. I became weaker. A part of me died with Bisola. The memories of that young girl who knelt by my shelf-- asking for an Economics textbook-- haunt me.
Why am I writing to you? You see my dear, I discovered that Bisola feared being stigmatized as an after-one. Just like you, she wanna go to the university, graduate and marry her lover. But things went wrong, and she wanted to return to her normal self. I know you have a boyfriend. I had a girlfriend, too, when I was eighteen, and oh, we did crazy stuffs. I know you guys really wanna be all over each other and have sex. I write to beg that you be careful, okay? I know your approach to life could be refreshingly naïve. See, many boys would wanna play on this. You have to be smarter, okay? I wish I could explain better. And in the case you eventually get pregnant, sweetheart, don’t rush to abort it, please. Call your mum and dad, and tell them. Don’t go through a D & C alone. My parents, conservative Christians, won’t approve of abortion. I want to believe yours, too, won’t. It is your life that matters and not what people would call you; after-one or whatever. You will be amazed at how people will stand strong for you, the after-one girl.
Please, take these things seriously and stay alive to enjoy that future!
I care about you, always.
Femi Owolabi,
1:15AM 30/09/2015. Onipanu, Lagos, Nigeria
PS: You can re-share and re-blog this, and get it to the girls who would need it.

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Re: An After-one Girl by chocolateme(f): 6:27pm On Sep 30, 2015
Good write up

1 Like

Re: An After-one Girl by Cutehector(m): 6:34pm On Sep 30, 2015
Wow nice one, I believ the teenagers should read this wondeful piece

1 Like

Re: An After-one Girl by hidee20(m): 6:39pm On Sep 30, 2015
This is what Emir sanusi want to avoid cry
Re: An After-one Girl by solodox(m): 6:54pm On Sep 30, 2015
Wow! that sobered me up fast! Girls be warned!

1 Like

Re: An After-one Girl by Nobody: 9:27pm On Sep 30, 2015
hidee20:
This is what Emir sanusi want to avoid cry
Can you explain, yourself.
Re: An After-one Girl by hidee20(m): 9:48pm On Sep 30, 2015
Alero3Arubi:

Can you explain, yourself.

But it is glaring now bia?. Late marriage=premarital s*x,abortion,after-one/two/three.... etc cry.The solution you ask?,the Emir answered "EARLY MARRIAGE and allow her pursue her career path".

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Re: An After-one Girl by Haywhymido(m): 10:29pm On Sep 30, 2015
hidee20:


But it is glaring now bia?. Late marriage=premarital s*x,abortion,after-one/two/three.... etc cry.The solution you ask?,the Emir answered "EARLY MARRIAGE and allow her pursue her career path".

they want to eat their cake n av it.

1 Like

Re: An After-one Girl by DollyParton1(f): 11:03am On Oct 02, 2015
Reason why UK have free abortion clinics.
If only the abortion was done properly.

Its high time the society stopped stigmatising single and never married ladies with kid(s). It takes two people to make babies.

I think parents should subtly give their children hints on their perspectives on teenage pregnancies. Most kids won't go ahead to abort if they knew their parents would support them regardless.

3 Likes

Re: An After-one Girl by DollyParton1(f): 11:07am On Oct 02, 2015
hidee20:


But it is glaring now bia?. Late marriage=premarital s*x,abortion,after-one/two/three.... etc cry.The solution you ask?,the Emir answered "EARLY MARRIAGE and allow her pursue her career path".

How many ladies who married early were able to pursue their career paths.

Plus who are those sleeping with those ladies. I am sure its the male folks that are impregnating them.

Sound upbringing of both male and female folks is the solution.

So if they had pre marital sex and got pregnant? You all talk like marriage is the greatest achievement in life.

1 Like

Re: An After-one Girl by hidee20(m): 12:50pm On Oct 02, 2015
DollyParton1:

How many ladies who married early were able to pursue their career paths.

That I can't categorically tell you but can give an example,my roommate here(Nysc) got married to his wife when she was processing her admission.Today,with a son she is in 300level in a federal university with a good grade.<


Plus who are those sleeping with those ladies. I am sure its the male folks that are impregnating them.

Sound upbringing of both male and female folks is the solution.

Hmmm "sound upbringing"?,a nairalander once comment that he was raised in what he termed as "the most religious environment" but when he wanted to have s*x he forget all that in that moment.can you relate to that?,how many of us had indulge in it despite the teaching(even the so called children of pastor and imams)?. I think it was Paul who advice Christians then that celibate is the best but if a person can't resist the temptation then he/she should have a/one partner to avoid fornication.


So if they had pre marital sex and got pregnant? You all talk like marriage is the greatest achievement in life.
I can't change the world if they all believe been a single parent is OK,then all I can say is good luck but I believe there is a role for both the man and woman in a child upbringing.

1 Like

Re: An After-one Girl by Rukkydelta(f): 1:54pm On Oct 02, 2015
hidee20:
This is what Emir sanusi want to avoid cry

what will i even say to this one ?

1 Like

Re: An After-one Girl by Nobody: 8:00pm On Oct 02, 2015
Nice one. Parents have to let their children know that they can come to them with whatever no matter how scared they are.
Re: An After-one Girl by DollyParton1(f): 8:23pm On Oct 02, 2015
hidee20:

That I can't categorically tell you but can give an example,my roommate here(Nysc) got married to his wife when she was processing her admission.Today,with a son she is in 300level in a federal university with a good grade.<

Why did your roommate get married to her early? Because he doesn't want her to end up a single parent? Or he fell in love and felt like "this is the one and I better marry her now". I can categorically tell you that most of those girls that got married off at an early age ended up not pursuing their education.



Hmmm "sound upbringing"?,a nairalander once comment that he was raised in what he termed as "the most religious environment" but when he wanted to have s*x he forget all that in that moment.can you relate to that?,how many of us had indulge in it despite the teaching(even the so called children of pastor and imams)?. I think it was Paul who advice Christians then that celibate is the best but if a person can't resist the temptation then he/she should have a/one partner to avoid fornication.
Well, sound upbringing and constant advice is the best a parent can give a child on issues like this. Marrying the female off early while leaving the male to keep sleeping around is nothing but gender discrimination. If you wanna find a solution to this moral problem, then marry both gender off at early ages. Most of these young and pregnant girls were impregnated by boys of their age group.

Partner according to Paul is one's wife or husband. Nothing short of that.


I can't change the world if they all believe been a single parent is OK,then all I can say is good luck but I believe there is a role for both the man and woman in a child upbringing
Being a single parent is not the best. But then you dont go around castigating female single parents as if they got themselves pregnant.
The role for man and woman in child upbringing you say? What do you say about a married woman whose husband died before she gave birth to her child, the inlaws were blaming her for the death of her husband, so they have refused to help out with her kids. So you wanna say that's dysfunctional too? Since she a single parent by all standard.

For the record, most people are against Sanusi's action because of the age gap. Let young girls get married to boys of their age group, and not their grandpa.

1 Like

Re: An After-one Girl by Nobody: 8:31pm On Oct 02, 2015
When we told them to say, 'NOOOOOOO TO PRE-MARITAL SEX, they called us all sorts of derogatory names. They even called us 'Old School' which I am proudly a part of. Now the die is cast.


Leave sex alone for the legally married!!!!
Re: An After-one Girl by Swissheart(f): 10:03pm On Oct 02, 2015
Hmmn... After-One gal....reminds me of an incident that happened some 5years ago.....was in my finals then in college.....wat will friends say?shame....disappointment nd d gossip....Miss ESA don get belle.....blah blah.....close friends would hear nothing other than abortion......So we proposed to get it terminated ....being Dad's gal.....had to tell gim....surprisingly he agreed on the condition that d termination was going to be done at home.got home from school...after serious tongue lashing...he broke d news.'baby gal u r having d baby'.....That foetus is a grown cute young darling today....RIP Bisola(Baby Gal you should have endured) cry cry cry

2 Likes

Re: An After-one Girl by Hannysmilez(f): 10:26pm On Oct 02, 2015
Touching piece. There are a lot of lessons to be learnt. I can only pray that our children and teenagers learn. Life is too short to have all the experiences yourself. Learn from the Experience of others.
Re: An After-one Girl by DollyParton1(f): 11:13pm On Oct 02, 2015
Swissheart:
Hmmn... After-One gal....reminds me of an incident that happened some 5years ago.....was in my finals then in college.....wat will friends say?shame....disappointment nd d gossip....Miss ESA don get belle.....blah blah.....close friends would hear nothing other than abortion......So we proposed to get it terminated ....being Dad's gal.....had to tell gim....surprisingly he agreed on the condition that d termination was going to be done at home.got home from school...after serious tongue lashing...he broke d news.'baby gal u r having d baby'.....That foetus is a grown cute young darling today....RIP Bisola(Baby Gal you should have endured) cry cry cry

This is it..... God bless your dad.
Parents should make themselves available always for their kids.
They should know that their parents got their back no matter what.
Re: An After-one Girl by Swissheart(f): 9:41pm On Oct 03, 2015
DollyParton1:


This is it..... God bless your dad.
Parents should make themselves available always for their kids.
They should know that their parents got their back no matter what.

..Amen.....thanks.

1 Like

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