April 20, 2009
The Area Manager,
NEPA,
Lagos


Dear Sir,
[center]COMPLAINT ABOUT YOUR SERVICES[/center]
I am writing to you with a deep sense of humility and gentleness. I consider this a great opportunity to communicate with an entity as awe-inspiring as yourself. Firstly, I bring greetings to you from residents of my area in Lagos.

As a dutiful citizen, I consider this letter as part of my civic responsibilities. Great countries comprise of citizens who are alive to their responsibilities. As a famous musician once said, "Ask not what your country can eat from you but what you can eat from your country."

I have benefited immensely from this country; therefore I have decided to give back.

I want to bring to your notice some strange occurrences which have been happening in my area. I want to sadly inform you that in the last 2 weeks, electricity has been stable. In other words, we sleep and wake up with electricity, we go to work and come back and electricity is still running. This is a terribly new and I must add DANGEROUS development in the lives of residents of my area. This is something we are not used to. This is too much electricity for us to handle. In the first week of constant electricity, I started acting strangely. I ironed all my clothes because I didn't know when "light" will be impounded on your orders. After 2 days, the "light" was still there. Therefore, I proceeded to re-iron the ironed clothes. My fridge which had not seen "4 hours" of constant light for months suddenly started freezing. In order to enjoy the maximum effects of refrigeration, I have decided to be drinking 20 cups of cold water before I go to sleep. Once I finish a cup, I put the bottle back into the fridge. After 10 minutes, the water cools and I drink. I just don't know what to do. All the Ceiling fans in my house have been switched on alongside my AC. My deck is playing at a high level. My life is now in state of chaos because of constant "light". My TV and VCD player are complaining of high blood pressure, as they have been terribly overworked in the last few weeks. Half of my light bulbs have gone on strike to protest their resurrection from blissful death.

All the customers in the beer parlour beside my house are complaining that the beer is too cold and wants to destroy their teeth. Even the rats and cockroaches are complaining that human assailants find it easier to track and exterminate them under electric light than under candlelight.

All the witches and wizards that regularly visited me in my sleep have suddenly taken flight in the presence of "light". Now I have to review my membership of MFM (Mountain of Fire and Miracles) since their work has been done. Can you imagine what will happen to the membership of churches if constant 'light' persists? No more demons meaning No more offerings.

With the above situation not abating, I decided to seek the reason behind this strange situation. This task was made easy for me when I realised that it was the work of saboteurs. Sabotage is the main reason for anything going wrong / right in our country. Our elections were sabotaged, our president's health is being sabotaged. Therefore this constant "light" is the handiwork of saboteurs within your work system. These disgruntled individuals are enemies of progress who want you miss your set targets. These enemies want you to score very low on your KPI assessment. I realised this fact when I stumbled on a document showing your Key Performance Indicators for every month. These are:

1. Explosive growth in the amount of Candle-lit dinners and balcony-bedrooms

2. Massive boom in the sales of Candles, torchlight, generators, inverters and lanterns

3. Increased work place productivity due to Employees spending at least 16 hours at work because there is no light at home

4. Massive growth of Rock music fan clubs being aided by the endless sound of generators that are switched on overnight.

5. Volume of human blood being sucked by mosquitoes unchallenged by ceiling/standing fans

6. Incidence of heat rashes

7. Large Increase in Naming ceremonies: When people have no light at home, what else do they do with their time other than *******?


Sir, I strongly feel that the above achievements will not be possible if we keep on having "light". The saboteurs in your workplace will make you look stupid and incapable in front of your bosses. The repercussions of this charade would be unbearable. This is why I am writing to you now. As a responsible citizen, if I do not volunteer this information, I know that I will be the one to suffer. The day you realise that I have been enjoying endless light for 2 weeks, you will pay me back with 2 black months. The end will be worse than the beginning, thereof. I am at a crossroad. This is a major dilemma. Should I keep quiet? No I won't. This is because Evil triumphs when Good Men keep silent. Your incompetent staffs have left the light switch on and gone to sleep. I know you will take back all that we have stolen from you but Please remember my house in the day of recompense.

Your humble servant

Myself

fuel scarce

too much mony

Sure boy, if u see the katakata and lauf scatter chair wey u cause me and my boys for my office, u go wonder, tanks for the joke ane God bless.

go and open d gate 4 my clients jare

Well, What do you expect me to do?
I have a customized generator that has been rendered redundant by this grave mistake of uninterrupted power supply So, I am reporting to NEPA now so they can return everything to it's status quo.

leke u can lie o
was it not the power source u tapped from the 3rd street that knocked d engine of ur gen?

u too dey sabi evry

romade:

leke u can lie o
was it not the power source u tapped from the 3rd street that knocked d engine of ur gen?

Romade am suspecting you!!!
How did you know I tapped power from the 3rd street
Oh! I get it!
Rolake!!!
But I begged you not to tell anybody now!!! why are you now telling everybody on Nairaland?

watch ur back . . , . . . .efcc don catch u

See My Life Outside!!!
Lola, I didnt know you were working for efcc now,I would have been greeting you on the street and maybe allow you tap light for free from me.
Romade, see what you caused now?after I bribed with The Agege bread I was supposed to eat with akara iya mulika that night. . .
Lola please investigate her for bribery and corruption!

romade:

thunder fire ur flat, krokro infested, wowo yansh
na me u wan implicate bah
God pass u

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
Nah me you abuse reach dat level? After you chop my bread and akara and blew whistle to lola to investigate me?
Well, I no Blame you, Nah NEPA cause am. . .lol

You mean snr mgt staff in the ladder carrying dept?
Yes I haven't paid but what about your place?
Remember you people don't even have meter oo

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

fighters at war

i am really enjoying this

keep it up

You know I like you?
I like you because you wonderfully combined your work as an experienced part time ladder carrier for phcn with ticketing personnel at our local cybercafe for street.
In Short, You Sabi Huzzle

for your dreams shey?

Inside air con.? You mean the hot air blowing out of the pentium 2 system they gave you to use for ticket printing?
And you talk about padded chair? don't make me laugh oo
you call that Bug Infected cushion stool you sit on a padded chair?
Dare To Dream. . .

Dhiz iz some funny shHyYtT!!

I dey kam make I finish readin' da letta

IFELEKE:

Inside air con.? You mean the hot air blowing out of the pentium 2 system they gave you to use for ticket printing?
And you talk about padded chair? don't make me laugh oo
you call that Bug Infected cushion stool you sit on a padded chair?
Dare To Dream. . .

lol

IFELEKE:

Inside air con.? You mean the hot air blowing out of the pentium 2 system they gave you to use for ticket printing?
And you talk about padded chair? don't make me laugh oo
you call that Bug Infected cushion stool you sit on a padded chair?
Dare To Dream. . .

chei only me

Thank gawd it was only a dream