I have been dating this girl for a year and 5 months and i love her so dearly that it will lead to marriage in the next six to seven months time, but her parents is not helping matters by assisting in her education, they just beleive she is married becuase I allowed her to visit me when ever she comes from school, though i have been assisting her all these time but now i am not finding it so funny on my own side. It look, I should quit the relationship but i love her. I am a middle class earner in NIgeria with a lot of younger ones that need my assistance now that i am not yet married, pls i need ur candid advice on what i should do, becuase I am totally confuse.

Hello my good good people of nairalander pls i need ur opinion on wat to do , if i should quite the relationship or i should let the it stay?

what, her parents are not paying her school fees ?


As a middle class earner, Nigeria is hard if its only one person is making the money. Delay marriage, make certain that she finishes school. Money doesn't grow on trees.

@poster,
one question for you, where her parents paying the fees before you took over?

Is she living with you?

Are you sexing her?

Have you done the introduction and proposed marriage?

Does the family know of your 6-7 month time frame?

She did her prelim last year but i strongly belive that they did not give her money for school fees from all indication becuse she always ask me to send her money or crdit her account, untill lately when i discover that her parents is not helping her at all. she can't even tell her parents she is going back to school, she prefer telling me that teling her parents that is why the issue is bothering me too much .

she is not leaving with me but when ever she is from school she prefer staying with me but i have been complaining against such attitude that she should be staying with her parents.

Yes parents are fully awere of our relationship but to talk of sex definitely it is yes.Introduction as u said i have not done it because of the way her parents is doing because if i go ahead and do that when she is yr 1 that is all her expenses will be for me alone which i don't want to involve myself too much.

@Poster,
From all Indications,The Responsibility has been passed to you.
It's now left to you, Can you Cope?
If you can then go ahead but if you can't, I suggest you let her know.

Ifeleke is a love doctor. You think soo maturely,

@ Poster

I feel you!   I dont know what to say cos this responsibility no be small thing! you felt you are not responsible for her education because the responsibility belongs to her parent.

If you folks didn't come across each other, she will leave her Life. .

Thou her parent would love to take responsibility of their daughter but maybe financial problems. You too got siblings to take care of. Many Loads for head, God will put you through! 

CHUKWUKAHE:

she is not leaving with me but when ever she is from school she prefer staying with me but i have been complaining against such attitude that she should be staying with her parents.

Yes parents are fully awere of our relationship but to talk of sex definitely it is yes.Introduction as u said i have not done it because of the way her parents is doing because if i go ahead and do that when she is yr 1 that is all her expenses will be for me alone which i don't want to involve myself too much.

Maybe she was planning on getting herself a job before you intervene in her plans by advicing her to go to school. If you can cope i will advice you to finish what you have started, make sure you marry her before she finish school ohhhh before someone else will harvest what you have sow.

itsa difficult situation, but one thing i think u shud know is that,

at some point in your life, you would take responsibility for someone else.

if you love her soo much like you said, and will eventually marry her, then i think its time you two start planning a future together.

if this means you sending her to school, thn so be it.

i think you should postpone marriage for a while until u settle better financially.

afterall in the next 6-7 months like u said, she will still be in school and once you marry her its still your responsibility.

From all Indications,The Responsibility has been passed to you.
It's now left to you, Can you Cope?
If you can then go ahead but if you can't, I suggest you let her know


I thank you all for your immense contribution for what I am facing most expecially IFELEKE, you have said it all i cann't cope becuase i don't want to carry the responsibility of another person (education presicely) but other things that concerns me as a guy to her i will carry those responsibily such as what me and you know more abt to assist your babe financially,
just as what "izeek" said i know a time will come i will take all her responsibilty but let me wait till that time i am not afraid of that because that makes me a man to her.

hehe
If its straining your pockets just STOP it NOW or be prepared to carry all her family burdens for the rest of your life.
If you really love her,help her get a part-time work or vacation job.She can also be a petty biz-lady.she can sell stuffs like clothes,shoes and bags.All you need do is give her some capital to start with and let her manage it alongside with her academics.
BTW,you have not married her Yet,she can leave you at any damn time with no refunds whatsoever.lol
its all up to you.

"Ifyaways" I really appreciate ur advice it really match to what i was thinking i will end up to because she has ask me to give money so that she will start business but i am afriad becuase i am not yet married to her, may be that is what her mother told her to tell me.

It seems i will quite the relation before she eat deep into my savings because Iam really tired to the extent that i cannot face it anymore.

how old is ur girlfriend?

she is 25yrs 100 level in one of the collages of education. and the problems is that I can't wait for her to finish before i get married and another problem is about her parents is not helping matters at all.

have u tried refusing to give her money, when she asks

how did u know her parents dont pay for her education?is it what she told you,or what her parents told you

this girl in question might not even be inlove wit you,and might just be there for the little money u give to her

I have try refuse giving her money but if i get to office i will still consider crediting her account most expecially when she tell me that she has no money again to feed at school and again she told me that her parents are just managing that they did not evne give her school fess not to talk of accommodation that is why I am tired of the relationship but I LOVE HER.

your girl might be lying, come are u sure u r a nigeria at all?cos the nigerian men i know,will confirm whatever teir girlfriends tell them,wtout her knowing

i insist dat u find out if they give her money or not


that a girl asks her lover for money all d time does not mean her parents dont give her money\


stop being used and be a man for once.stop giving her money


how did she get into school first if her parents dont give her money?

i wont be surprised if shes using you and lying to you,keep believing her

CHUKWUKAHE:

I have try refuse giving her money but if i get to office i will still consider crediting her account most expecially when she tell me that she has no money again to feed at school and again she told me that her parents are just managing that they did not evne give her school fess not to talk of accommodation that is why I am tired of the relationship but I LOVE HER.

thank you !
you love her ? . . . help her to help herself.she cant be depending on you forever.Let her get part-time job or something.Some ppl saw themselves through school so why cant she   with this kind hand,don't be suprised that even when shes tru school and working,she go still dey wait for u for feeding money and recharge card.lol
shes 25   abeg,this issue shldn't arise at all jare.Most peeps started fending for themselves at 20 .

ify as far as i am concerned d girl i believe is just using him

she told him her parents dont give her a dime, how are we so sure

how did she get into school in d first place,if her parents dont give her money then she has lovers dat take care of her


@poster

her siblings,do they go to school?

lol@ amebo,just for the benefit of doubt.
Still her siblings might be schooling and the parents taking responsibility.The girl might tell the parents that shes gotten a guy that is willing to see her through school,so the parents wud concentrate on the younger siblings
what am bothered abt is the fact that they are not legally married now.so everything hes doing might be just "washing hands to crack kernels for the chicken"
OP,goodluck sha.

if her siblings go to school,then i think her parents are taking care of her,i dont think shes told them to hands off her,dats why i want the poster to find out for himself if they r takin g care off her or not,or if shes told them to leave everything for him

like i mean, i think she does not love him at all

I am  Nigeria in Delta state I know her parents very well, where they are staying is not far from where I am staying anyway they are not well to do sha but as an average Nigeria they should be able to eat and pay for her duagther school fees, like wat shetold me that her uncle give money for her school fees. Though her siblings are helping themselves to school through part time.

@poster
u said u wil b married 2her anytime soon?
wen dat time comes,u wil even spend more money

so y dont u quit tinking about marriage 4now and concentrate on boosting ur self financially so that u can fully take care of her.since u said u truely love her! . . . . . . . .

and why doesnt she want to help herself

i think u have spoilt her enough



bia nwokemu, jiri ire gi guo eze gi

amebo no1.:

and [b]why doesnt she want to help herself[/b]i think u have spoilt her enough



bia nwokemu, jiri ire gi guo eze gi

isnt it obvious?
she has gotten for herself,a big fat paying mugu  rofl
Op,encourage her to get a job or just do something to help herself.let her know she has to take charge of her life and be responsible for her upkeep(atleast to an extent).shes 25, for crying out loud !

ifyalways:

isnt it obvious?
she has gotten for herself,a big fat paying mugu rofl

hahahah mugu no be small,if na me sef,i swear i for drain d guy pass wetin the girl drain am

Any I appreciate what you all have said so far, I am thinking of quiting the relationship because the girl has eating deep into my savings and why i said i will like marry soon is that age is not on my side so wat i will do i have to go for some that have finish school or at the peak of her graduation in either collage of education or polytechinic, I will be 30 this year on 13th june.

awww 30 so young,i like it when like you start thinking about settling down

u can always get a girl who is in school,her parents might not be so rich but as long as they can take care of their daughter all good and well


are u d first son?i know u have to marry,but if u marry never forget ur siblings and love ur wife also

I cannot forget my siblings though two of them are under my care because they are my roots that will hold the tree to stand firm when ever the family need help and also I am the first son as you asked, definitly i will love my wife as the way i love my family.