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My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me - Family - Nairaland

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My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Hi55: 10:26pm On Oct 18, 2015
Hello nairalanders, I just wish I'll get a shoulder or two to cry on tonight. Things are becoming unbearable for me and I don't know how far I can walk on these shoes. Here's my story...


I am 28 and married to a 35yr old youngman whom I love so dearly. We are blessed with 2 kids and most material things one can pray for. My marriage is 5yrs with just minor issues that do come up once in a VERY LONG while.

The problem is that my hubby does not show me affection and hardly approaches me for sex. I am a very neat, beautiful, Godfearing, educated and classy lady. Most times I am the one who initiates intimacy in our marriage. My heart breaks each time I read or hear of women who deny their husbands sex because its an opposite in my case. For more than two months now we've not been intimate. To make matters worse, he prefers to sleep in the sitting room or children's room than in our matrimonial room.

He always pretends to be tired but not too tired to be chatting on whatsapp with friends. I have his password, that is not an issue. I am not suspecting anything even though I'm not totally ruling out the possibility of adultery. He comes back very late in the night unlike before. Infact even when he comes early these days, he will rather stay with friends within the street or house than come inside. Believe me nairalanders, we don't have issues. Infact he keeps saying that God blessed him with a wonderful woman. It's not like I make the house uncomfortable for him. The only communication we have these days is greetings, asking how the day went or few general topics.

I am not a woman who can't do without sex but I just need to be shown affection even if sex is not there. Committing adultery on my own part is IMPOSSIBLE, i will rather opt for divorce. I am so confused, lonely and heartbroken. I love my husband beyond the word LOVE. I just wish he can see the tears in my eyes as I lay lonely on our bed each night. I am very fragile by nature and gets hurt easily. Believe me...this is killing me.

Please, people drop a word or two for a hurting soul.

129 Likes 13 Shares

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by kinibigdeal(m): 10:32pm On Oct 18, 2015
Go to God not Nairaland

348 Likes 19 Shares

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by francoray(m): 10:35pm On Oct 18, 2015
Try and discuss it with him, and let him know. How you feel. May God saves your marriage

62 Likes 6 Shares

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by thorpido(m): 10:37pm On Oct 18, 2015
Have you really tried to sit him down to discuss this and let him know how you feel?
If a man stays away from sex for two months,he either has a medical issue that has made his libido drop or he is getting it elsewhere.
Some men get bored with sex with their wives especially if she makes it routine(missionary style alone e.t.c).It's no excuse to begin to stay away but the woman should get the initiative and a matured man should communicate it.

By the way,why is he coming back late of recent?Is he busier at work or just hanging out?
You guys need intimate talk.

105 Likes 3 Shares

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by pyyxxaro: 10:37pm On Oct 18, 2015
Let me as IFA

Or

Send you TB Joshua's number cry

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Nobody: 10:41pm On Oct 18, 2015
You have my shoulder...Oya start crying . grin





So why don't you talk to him about it.

12 Likes 4 Shares

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by blueandbirds(m): 10:42pm On Oct 18, 2015
Madam my advice to you is to pray to God first, den speak to your husband about it tell him how you feel, hopefully he will make it up to you, all the best tho* stay safe..

18 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by ojun50(m): 10:50pm On Oct 18, 2015
Wake ur man up around 1am nd discuss the issue with him after discussion leave the room then wait for another one hour u will see him coming to beg.

Op make yr discussion emotional

54 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Nobody: 10:59pm On Oct 18, 2015
He might be the type that likes punishing people emotionally. You have to tell him how you feel

29 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Ab025(m): 11:05pm On Oct 18, 2015
@poster...

I feel ur pain. Atimes, we men take away our mind from sex, especially if we have something else that is deeply troubling us. But in this case, u say he doesn't even show u attention nd care anymore, well. I think something is wrong somewhere

Either there is something troubling his mind or you dnt look sexy to him nowadays or there is another woman in the picture...

I just pray it's not the last option sha!

#And hope u are not a nagging wife or didn't insult him with unforgettable words...... Cos u ladies can be funny atimes, we just heard ur version of events now but you didn't tell us what u did to make him start treating u like this all of a sudden??

193 Likes 12 Shares

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by KanwuliaJara: 11:10pm On Oct 18, 2015
Hmmmmm

Onoda wan don come o! grin
All these women wey dey look for love and affection from Naija men na waya o!

Una nefa learn to marry to get MARRIAGE SAFITIKATE and BORN ONLY? undecided

Una mamas nor teasssssh una to loff una sefs? undecided

You are "blessed" with 2 kids and you are on NL to cry for blokos? undecided

Liar!!!!!
Ask any woman TRULY BLESSED WITH JUST ONE KID! Her attention done SHIFT tey tey to her darling pikin! E come be TWO KIDS? shocked
Where da PHOCK do YOU find the time? cheesy
SHAMELESS, JOBLESS WOMAN!


Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!


Song of the day! cool



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0te6iD1jCjM

27 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Artistree(f): 11:28pm On Oct 18, 2015
This story is a replica of a couple I know...Well, their marriage is 4 years old, she is 28 and the guy is 36, they have two kids and are materially ok too. She is neat, independent, pretty, educated and all, but the husband wouldn't touch her for any reason.
I wonder if it's the same couple but the guy I know in real life doesn't have friends on his street that he hangs out with and yes, he never touches his wife until he wants them to have a baby. He says he tries to love his wife but simply can't, even though she is the best thing to have happened to him. They don't quarrel and she is very obedient but they live as siblings and the wife tells him dat quite often.
At some point I was thinking it's because she made the move on him and all that, but seriously the lady doesn't deserve the kind of treatment her husband gives her.
I know both of them personally before they got married but the guy is more of my friend than the lady...wat a coincidence of story!

58 Likes 12 Shares

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by sexymoma(f): 11:32pm On Oct 18, 2015
Tell your hubby the way you wrote this... Your feelings.

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by KanwuliaJara: 11:35pm On Oct 18, 2015
Artistree:
This story is a replica of a couple I know...Well, their marriage is 4 years old, she is 28 and the guy is 36, they have two kids and are materially ok too. She is neat, independent, pretty, educated and all, but the husband wouldn't touch her for any reason.
I wonder if it's the same couple but the guy I know in real life doesn't have friends on his street that he hangs out with and yes, he never touches his wife until he wants them to have a baby. He says he tries to love his wife but simply can't, even though she is the best thing to have happened to him. They don't quarrel and she is very obedient but they live as siblings and the wife tells him dat quite often.
At some point I was thinking it's because she made the move on him and all that, but seriously the lady doesn't deserve the kind of treatment her husband gives her.
I know both of them personally before they got married but the guy is more of my friend than the lady...wat a coincidence of story!


I dun understand why people get married to PEOPLE incapable of LOVING demselves, not to mention others? undecided
To AFRICANS especially? undecided

cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin

What a relief! Back to work tomorrow.

11 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by cold(m): 11:48pm On Oct 18, 2015
kinibigdeal:
Go to God not Nairaland
What good would that do? Would god start making him more hoŕny or what? Una do dey tire for this pray..pray thing. @op,you haven't too many options open to you. You can either take matters into your hands if you know what i mean,talk to him earnestly. Not like this would change much knowing how these things work. Try out new sexy and seductive lingerie. Don't be too churchy please with all the 'it's either missionary or nothing' thingy. Be ready to explore and try new things, in the bedroom of course. Well goodluck in your conjugal pursuit.

30 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by kinibigdeal(m): 11:53pm On Oct 18, 2015
cold:

What good would that do? Would god start making him more hoŕny or what? Una do dey tire for this pray..pray thing. @op,you haven't too many options open to you. You can either take matters into your hands if you know what i mean,talk to him earnestly. Not like this would change much knowing how these things work. Try out new sexy and seductive lingerie. Don't be too churchy please with all the 'it's either missionary or nothing' thingy. Be ready to explore and try new things, in the bedroom of course. Well goodluck in your conjugal pursuit.

Its will go a long way....God reveals the secret in d open

15 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Nobody: 12:21am On Oct 19, 2015
shocked

1 Like

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by oieda: 12:50am On Oct 19, 2015
You see all these things you wrote baa??

Type it again, exactly, print it and then give you husband in an envelope addressed to him from you!!!

59 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by tosyne2much(m): 1:16am On Oct 19, 2015
Wey some wives dey deprive their husbands of kitty-cat, this one dey deny his wife of joystick


*irony of life*

5 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by SAMBARRY: 7:42am On Oct 19, 2015
Kanwuliajara o grin grin grin

you are right though grin grin

10 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by aaronson(m): 7:53am On Oct 19, 2015
A whole lot of primitive minded people would tell you, talk to god but, was god asleep when your husband is on his worst behaviour?

Like you already said, you well educated and I tell you what, No amount of education can be enough to make somebody well because education is lifelong process and its applicable to this your marital issue, what you passing through would be solved by yourself and for yourself.

First, Dialogue, get your hubby to listen to your heart felt pain and if he insist, get on plan B using the education tool of psychology and reverse psychology, Study to use psychology & Reverse psychology on him and watch him treat you like he just met you.

For example, you wrote, he likes to chat on whatsapp neglecting you, Also download whatsapp on your phone and sit across from him when he does and pretend to be chatting away, screaming in amazement and joy, enjoying the chat, that's reverse psychology getting him to be jealous and see him ask relevant questions, when he does, answer him in tears and explain the neglect he's putting you through despite how she's appealing to the outside world, he would have a rethink and same time wouldn't want to loose you, unless ofcourse you not the one he married.

91 Likes 6 Shares

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by KanwuliaJara: 8:12am On Oct 19, 2015
SAMBARRY:
Kanwuliajara o grin grin grin

you are right though grin grin

I swear.
Diarrrrrrrra a lot of "stupidity cream-puffs" I missed growing up. cheesy
Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by PresVA: 11:05am On Oct 19, 2015
Op, once he carries his stuff to go to the sitting room to sleep, carry your own pillow and follow him. Lie beside him... if he gets up, follow him grin undecided

Also try to spice up communication, make the house lively. .
Go out together, see movies together, play games together etc.. you need to rekindle that love/togetherness. ..

Remember Love should be nurtured, else it dies. ..

14 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by babysophie(f): 12:42pm On Oct 19, 2015
Face ur children n work if u v any,dress sexily n smart. If u nid sexual satisfaction den learn hw to masturbate n u will be too tired to fink of a husband hu doesn't v ur tym.

12 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by queenfav(f): 1:44pm On Oct 19, 2015
@op are you a full time housewife?If yes,please get a job or business to keep yourself busy.No one but you,can love you the way you expect to be loved.Keep yourself busy and you won't even have time to brood.

6 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Funnyguy83: 3:36pm On Oct 19, 2015
To me dis story is cooked. Bt wait o ! I taught guys r d only being that thinks about S*X, never knew women does. #PRETENDERS

4 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by tivta(m): 3:47pm On Oct 19, 2015
Funnyguy83:
To me dis story is cooked. Bt wait o ! I taught guys r d only being that thinks about S*X, never knew women does. #PRETENDERS
Most women don't know what they want, thanks to estrogen.

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by An2elect2(f): 4:19pm On Oct 19, 2015
Hian! see gobe o
since you cant speak to him, put it in writing for him...

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by KingEbukasBlog(m): 4:38pm On Oct 19, 2015
Hi55:
Hello nairalanders, I just wish I'll get a shoulder or two to cry on tonight. Things are becoming unbearable for me and I don't know how far I can walk on these shoes. Here's my story...
I am 28 and married to a 35yr old youngman whom I love so dearly. We are blessed with 2kids and most material things one can pray for. My marriage is 5yrs with just minor issues that do come up once in a VERY LONG while. The problem is that my hubby does not show me affection and hardly approaches me for sex. I am a very neat, beautiful, Godfearing, educated and classy lady. Most times I am the one who initiates intimacy in our marriage. My heart breaks each time I read or hear of women who deny their husbands sex because its an opposite in my case. For more than two months now we've not been intimate. To make matters worse, he prefers to sleep in the sitting room or children's room than in our matrimonial room.
He always pretend to be tired but not too tired to be chatting on whatsapp with friends. I have his password, that is not an issue. I am not suspecting anything even though I'm not totally ruling out the possibility of adultery. He comes back very late in the night unlike before. Infact even when he comes early these days, he will rather stay with friends within the street or house than come inside. Believe me nairalanders, we don't have issues. Infact he keeps saying that God blessed him with a wonderful woman. Its not like I make the house uncomfortable for him. The only communication we have these days is greetings, asking how the day went or few general topics. I am not a woman who can't do without sex but I just need to be shown affection even if sex is not there. Committing adultery on my own part is IMPOSSIBLE, i will rather opt for divorce. I am so confused, lonely and heartbroken. I love my husband beyond the word LOVE. I just wish he can see the tears in my eyes as I lay lonely on our bed each night. I am very fragile by nature and gets hurt easily. Believe me...this is killing me.
Please people drop a word or two for a hurting soul.

1. Has this been his attitude since you guys got married ?

2. If not , sit him down and talk to him . Communication is very important in relationships/marriage

3. Spice up your love/sex life cos apparently its boring ( you wouldn't be complaining if it was exciting )

4. Make him spend time with you and your kids . The love both of you have for the kids could rekindle that spark you once had in your marriage

5. Bringing private issues in a public forum could exacerbate the whole thing if he finds out that your description matches the current situation at home . Maybe through his friends he could see this post or whatever

6. Pray to God . If you are a christian pray to your God and tell him your problems . There are millions of testimonies concerning this issue .

7. This could be a test of how virtuous you are as a wife . Would you still able to be faithful to your husband if he continues to be like this ?

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