...friend reunion sha,but just curious what is really happening to Bella

Don't want to say what's on my mind

Nice story you've got, but I think you can do better. Firstly, always have it in mind that you are writing for people to read, stop the abbreviation, write in full. Secondly, work on your punctuation. Finally, you haven't described any of your characters, we only know belle to be beautiful, op you haven't told us what she looks like, E.g belle's eyes are like that of kiss Daniels', her stomach is like that of Santa Claus, she has a red, perfect b**bs and nick minag's kinda as$. I guess this is your first write-up, i know you'll improve. I admire your courage, keep it up

Rukkydelta:
Don't want to say what's on my mind

what's on your mind

Sageez:
Nice story you've got, but I think you can do better. Firstly, always have it in mind that you are writing for people to read, stop the abbreviation, write in full. Secondly, work on your punctuation. Finally, you haven't described any of your characters, we only know belle to be beautiful, op you haven't told us what she looks like, E.g belle's eyes are like that of kiss Daniels', her stomach is like that of Santa Claus, she has a red, perfect b**bs and nick minag's kinda as$. I guess this is your first write-up, i know you'll improve. I admire your courage, keep it up

thanks bro

like sageez said
Bella got has an average body, an ad cups b**bs and an average ass.
kwame got the shape of Bryan okwara and has the sawgs of davido like sageez said
Bella got has an average body, an ad cups b**bs and an average ass.
kwame got the shape of Bryan okwara and has the sawgs of davido
while yvvone looks cute at 15 got the perfect stature of mochedah...

kwame got to the sitting room and saw the father's laughing about old times and he decided to call Bella to come over,hello Bella can you come over at my place it's kinda boring here, okay dear will join you soon, 30mins later he heard the gateman talking to someone and he peeped and saw it was Bella he ran out like someone who just won nairabet, wow am so happy to see you, but you just left my house about 3hrs ago , it doesn't mean dear 3hrs looks like 3years to me, she laughed and he held her by the shoulder and walked her inside, she entered the parlour and greeted Mr Johnson and Mr adebayo, how are you Bella Mr Johnson said, fine sir and how was work, glory be to God Mr Johnson replied..
Bella walked to the kitchen and saw yvvone with Dave, immediately yvvone ran up to her and hugged her, was wondering when we will see again yvvone said, don't worry we will get to be seeing everyday.
Dave walked upto her and stretched his hands, am Dave, am Bella receiving his shake, let me join you in the cooking Bella said, after the cooking they all set out at the dinning table ready to eat, yvvone and Bella served the house, and Mr adebayo asked who she was, she is kwame girlfriend mr Johnson replied, she looks beautiful and has a good behavior replied Mr adebayo.. kwame took his food and went to his room with Bella, after eating, kwame sat her down and said Bella I have a few questions, why don't u always talk to people in school everybody in the class finds you annoying, she held his hands and said kwame Its not my fault I can't just have friends except you and your family, okay he replied and Bella locked his lips in his mouth and kwame got down to her b**bs caressing them he moved his hands to her jeans and started removing it, but Bella removed his hands and said we still young for this dear, he smiled and said you are right dear I was thinking too forward, he began kissing and smooching her then wrapped his hands round her and cuddled her, until yvvone bursted in screaming..

Hmmmm nice one

..will try to make the update longer now

yvvone ran in screaming loud and said it's it's David he just collapsed, what!!! kwame screamed and he held Bella and they ran downstairs Mr Johnson pushing David chest but no response, then Mr adebayo said that's how it happens he has serious chest pain, we have taken him to the best doctors in Nigeria and abroad but it still happens, Mr adebayo looking tensed, in a twinkle of an eye he began crying, David please don't go he said please don't go.

Bella looked confused and she knew she had the power to wake him up but it is against the rules that her mother gave her no human must find out about her power, but staring at Dave she had no choice and she spoke please what am about to say please I want everyone to keep it a secret, everyone looked surprised and asked her what it is to keep a secret..

she looked at the lifeless David and felt pity, i know i cant do this but i feel pity for david i cant let him go she spoke, mr adebayo and the Johnson's looked confused and asked her once again what it is.

if i am to do this you guys wont feel the same way for me she cried, you will all take me for a bad person, she said still sobbing, mrs johnson went to her and told her no matter what you become and who you are you will still be our bella, you sure mrs johnson, yes bella i promise you,mr adebayo went to her and asked her what this is all about do u have a plan to save david i will do anything, he said...
Bella held him and said no sir he is not going to die she walked up to where the lifeless David was and put her hand on his chest, for two minutes her hand still on his chest, she began sweating, everybody looked surprised especially kwame while yvvone was still sobbing, 5minutes her hand still on his chest David began coughing and woke back up,.immediately he woke up Bella fainted and the whole family ran up to her.. Bella Bella kwame screamed, she woked up and Mr adebayo gave her a hug including everyone, then David asked what happened, DON'T tell me I was dead and woke up back he said, yes that's what happened and thank your Savior Bella,thank you Bella how can I ever repay you, David said..

bellovers more grease to your elbow

Rukkydelta:
bellovers more grease to your elbow

thanks dear hope you had a fantastic weekend

Everyone was cranking jokes and Mr adebayo took Bella aside, Bella am so grateful for what you did, but am kinda confused is the sickness gone forever,Bella smiled and told him it's gone forever sir, Mr adebayo was about going down on his knee to thank Bela but she held him back, no sir you don't have to do that...
Bella got back to the parlour and Mr Johnson sat her down She became everyones favorite between 2hour,okay Bella we are so grateful for what you did, but would you like to share your story with us, Mr Johnson said, everyone also begged her to talk..
she coughed out and began, I don't really have a story but all I can say is that I was given birth too like these with powers, which my parents does not have, my mum only see's vision of what is about happening.
wow everyone clapped we are so happy to have you Bella, Mr adebayo turned to kwame, if you dare break her heart I swear down I don't mind putting you in jail, everyone laughed, please everyone I hope my secret is safe with you, you can count on us Bella, who would dare say anything outside, yvvone went to her and gave her a hug, welcome to the family Bella..
kwame coughed out loud, hello everyone are u through with your compliments, can I take my wife with me now,everyone burst into laughter, why not Mr Johnson said, no not yet David said, hello everyone can I have your attention, he walked upto yvvone and brought out a gold necklace will you be my girlfriend, Mrs Johnson looked up to her husband and said these is the best proposal have seen your's was not even up to these, everyone bursted into laughter, yes I will yvvone spoke, Mr adebayo clapped and stared at the teenage lovers, kwame took Bella to the swing outside and layed down on the Grass.....
Bella am so happy to be with you,I knew before coming to nigeria am going to see the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, are you sure, Bella said, of course dear, she placed her heads in his arms and pecked him on the lips, love you too my husband...

Nice one

bellovers:
thanks dear hope you had a fantastic weekend

yeah i do

bellovers:
thanks dear hope you had a fantastic weekend

yeah i do

Hey bellovers..I have actually been following ur story e even b4 u mentioned me. it kind of intrigued me when I saw it was abt a non human. Keep it up bro.

[quote author=Mattkent post=40330813]Hey bellovers..I have actually been following ur story e even b4 u mentioned me. it kind of intrigued me when I saw it was abt a non human. Keep it up bro.[/quote
boss na your story I look upto o na u give me inspiration to write ooi

Monday morning, kwame woke up to hear his phone ringing, oh God who can this be by the middle of the night, bella's name appeared in the screen,quickly he picked it, hey dear why you calling in the middle of the night,hope no problem, cowhead it's after 7 Bella said, oh God not again Bella will meet you in your house in 30minutes, he quickly ran to take his bath..

He got to Bella's house and knocked , come in the gateman replied, he sat on one of the bench outside and called Bella, kwame:hey dear am in your compound, Bella:I know come inside and let's eat..
kwame got inside and greeted Bella's mom, hey love hope you are good, yes ma am fine kwame replied...
on their way to school, kwame: I even forgot to tell you I need your English note I didn't do my assignment, Bella: am not giving it to you, you better let me teach you or you get penelised in school...

They entered the class and as usual all eyes on them, shola walked to kwame sit, shola:hey bro wats up won't you introduce your girlfriend to me, kwame: why not after class bro, got a lot to do now...

During lunch break Bella walked up to kwame sit, Bella: husband what should I get for you, kwame: any snacks wifey, she was about leaving and kwame called her back, kwame: hey Bella, he walked to meet her and said slowly into her ear, we are going together not letting you disappear again, Bella: you are not serious and gave him a playful slap on his cheek.

They got to the cafeteria and ordered for donought and ice cream, where too now Bella asked, let's go to the football field kwame replied. They got to the football field watched some people training, kwame sighted shola and waved at him, Bella: why did you do that you know I don't talk to anybody, kwame: he is just my friend, he wanted to say hi to you...

shola walked upto them, shola: hi Bella, Bella: am fine, shola:hope you taking care of my friend, Bella: can't you see his face it looks like my handiwork, she said and they all laughed, kwame:shola howfa na are we seeing today after school, shola: I don't know bro but will call you to let you know, he said and left them.
closing time, they left school together, on the road, kwame: hey Bella look at me I can kneel on the road and tell you I Iove you, Bella: I know so don't do it, before Bella could look back kwame got on the road and knelt down I love you Bella, kwame stand up I know, it's too risky, before Bella could complete her words a car was coming with high speed, kwame, noooooooooo Bella shouted....

This guy must b rili crazy

Ride on because we want more

Nice story bruv.. Kip it up... Really following... But this kwame is Foolish ooi... oh! I just Remembered.. He is in Love...

love wanti ti ti.Na wa 4 kwame o.Nice update

hubbulamin:
Nice story bruv.. Kip it up... Really following... But this kwame is Foolish ooi... oh! I just Remembered.. He is in Love...

thanks bro

Ibukunholuwa:
love wanti ti ti.Na wa 4 kwame o.Nice update

thanks bro

Oh no!!! Bella screamed out loud, the driver came down from the car and rushed down to where kwame lying down with blood gushing out from his head, please let's lift him into the car the driver begged, but before he could run down to open the backseat door, Bella had disappeared with kwame, The confused driver stood like a mad man he began checking everywhere for them,he checked under his car sill he didn't see anyone, he walked to his car and drove off..

At the house of the Johnson's David and yvvone got loved up caressing themselves happily, Bella disappeared right in front of them with kwame in her hands, What the Bleep happened yvvone shouted bursting into tears immediately she called and updated their parents between 15minutes they came..

everyone gathered, around kwame body, Bella explained all to them in tears in her eyes, But why didn't you take him to the hospital, Mr Johnson asked, He won't be able to make it in the hospital, My mum saw the vision....

she screamed out loud, will you be able to save him, yvvone asked, my mum told me I can't save the one I love with my vision, But, But what Mr Johnson replied, she said something I didn't hear I have to call her..
Hello mom, she said in tears it has happened, your vision, please come over now am in kwame's house.
she arrived 10minutes later, Bella I warned you about it and I told you the only way you can save him is if you are ready to die, Mom you didn't say all this he can't die like these please help mom Bella said..

I was telling you and you didn't answer me now see what your sturbonness has caused, anyway you can save him without dying Bella mom said, How everyone asked, she bursted into laughter, really wanted to see if you truly love him, now I have Seen that, mom are you joking right now please tell me what I have to do, don't tell me you don't know how to use your powers too heal someone she said smiling, Mr Johnson don't worry he won't die, Bella mom said..

Bella immediately put her hands on kwame chest and started sweating like she did during David's time, everyone began praying, for over 15minutes, all hope was getting to be lost, as Bella got dizzy and began staggering, kwame noo don't do this am here she removed her hand and placed it on his, everyone started crying, because all hope was lost his body was already healed from the injury he sustained from the accident but he didn't wake up, Bella stood up, went outside in an angry mood, no Bella her mom screamed you can't do these to the whole Nigerians.

Just because we lost one lives doesn't mean you take thousands, you know your power you must not get angry or lives will be lost, she pushed her mother aside and was about making for the door when she heard the most important voice in her life....

bellovers:
He got home to meet his junior brother playing ball in the compound so he joined him he got tired went inside had his bath and took his phone to play game cause he had no SIM card to browse life was boring he missed his school in Ghana his friends most especially the love of his life Jennifer which he left behind(throwback)
Back in Ghana he went to Jennifer's house and told her about there relocation to Nigeria Jennifer started crying telling him what will happen to dere relationship he said nothing cause he will always love her"(I hope so) " Jennifer told him that when he gets to Nigeria he will see girls that are more beautiful than her and forgets her.
He told her never and locked his mouth with hers,the kiss lasted for about 2min with tears coming down from both of their eyes they were giving themselves a farewell kiss Kwame promised to call her once he gets a new sim,then they parted,
(Back to the present)

you can't write a story that has no conversations in it. No offense, but this is worse than reading Onitsha literature.


First off, the flashback (not throwback) scene with Jennifer should have been written in italics so people are aware it isn't in the present.


Secondly, you need the quotations ("" to write conversations (don't use quotations with brackets, get rid of the brackets)


Thirdly, writing a novel isn't same as writing a play. With a novel, you'll require much more elaborate descriptions than what you're posting here eg, this scene could have gone:


"Jennifer, I want to tell you something"

She noticed how gloomy his voice sounded, her wars perked up o hear this news, while the erratic beating of her heart told her it probably wouldn't be a pleasant one

I would suggest you paragraph your work, but your phone might be unable to do that.

I'm a big fan of the non-human genre, so hopefully, you can work on the faults here and make this good.

PS: It's 'there' not 'dere'

safarigirl:
you can't write a story tat as no conversations in it. No offense, but this is worse than reading Onitsha literature.


First off, the flashback (not throwback) scene with Jennifer should have been written in italics so people are aware it isn't in the present.


Secondly, you need the quotations ("" to write conversations (don't use quotations with brackets, get rid of the brackets)


Thirdly, writing a novel isn't same as writing a play. With a novel, you'll require much more elaborate descriptions than what you're posting here eg, this scene could have gone:


[I]"Jennifer, I want to tell you something"

She noticed how gloomy his voice sounded, her wars perked up o hear this news, while the erratic beating of her heart told her it probably wouldn't be a pleasant one[/i]

I would suggest you paragraph your work, but your phone might be unable to do that.

I'm a big fan of the non-human genre, so hopefully, you can wok on the faults here and make this good.

PS: It's 'there' not 'dere'

thanks dear, it's the phone am using to update, will work on the errors thank u

1. Stop using abbreviations or whatever, stop with the 'dere', the 'myt' and whatever, it discourages readers, I just kept scrolling, hoping I would get to the point where it turns into a novel, it didn't.

2. Use quotations to indicate conversationslilike "how are you" . Stop packing different conversations from different individuals together like where are you going I don't know. Separate them, indicate who said what


3. You cannot tell me Bella looks like mocheddah or whatever, what if I do not know mocheddah, give a decriptive analysis of what we are to expect of the character and its not just all about the ass or boobs, this is not sexuality section

4. Stop narrating every action of the characters, what on earth is, he woke up and brushed his teeth and had his bath then went to the kitchen to greet his mother then...(this is nt what is in it but I cannot remember what exactly you used but this should work as an example).

5. Add emotions to your writeup. With the way you are writing, I cannot feel what the character is feeling, I cannot understand what the character is trying to portray. As a writer you are supposed to connect with your characters, when writing, try to write as if you are Bella, kwame and the rest. Let us feel the emotions.

6. If you do not understand my fifth point, read books, novels from renowned authors like J.D. Robb or from writers in nairaland like Repogirl, Safarigirl and Larrysun.

7. Try to write out what you want to post first down in a book, read through it to correct any errors before typing.

Thank you for reading my little advice

Jiteshell:
1. Stop using abbreviations or whatever, stop with the 'dere', the 'myt' and whatever, it discourages readers, I just kept scrolling, hoping I would get to the point where it turns into a novel, it didn't.

2. Use quotations to indicate conversationslilike "how are you" . Stop packing different conversations from different individuals together like where are you going I don't know. Separate them, indicate who said what


3. You cannot tell me Bella looks like mocheddah or whatever, what if I do not know mocheddah, give a decriptive analysis of what we are to expect of the character and its not just all about the ass or boobs, this is not sexuality section

4. Stop narrating every action of the characters, what on earth is, he woke up and brushed his teeth and had his bath then went to the kitchen to greet his mother then...(this is nt what is in it but I cannot remember what exactly you used but this should work as an example).

5. Add emotions to your writeup. With the way you are writing, I cannot feel what the character is feeling, I cannot understand what the character is trying to portray. As a writer you are supposed to connect with your characters, when writing, try to write as if you are Bella, kwame and the rest. Let us feel the emotions.

6. If you do not understand my fifth point, read books, novels from renowned authors like J.D. Robb or from writers in nairaland like Repogirl, Safarigirl and Larrysun.

7. Try to write out what you want to post first down in a book, read through it to correct any errors before typing.

Thank you for reading my little advice

thank you

bellovers:

thank you

Uwc dear

Bella got happy when she heard the voice of Kwame, Kwame: Bella am sorry I got you afraid, I won’t leave you, ‘you know I promised you that’’, Everyone tears became tears of joy as Kwame stood up, they all feared he is no more just some minutes ago. Kwame: how long have I been unconscious, Bella: close to 6 hours, Kwame: wow I can’t believe that, mum, dad I hope I did not get you guy’s worried so much, Yvvone: yes you did big brother, but we thank God for bringing you back.
Kwame left the parlour with Bella to his room, Kwame: how come you didn’t take me to the hospital, and how did I even get home, Bella: I brought you back home, Kwame: how did you, hope it’s not what am thinking, Bella:yes it is what you are thinking…
Come here you, Kwame said dragging her into his arms, am very hungry, Kwame said, okay let me get you something to eat from the kitchen, thank you dear Kwame said, he was about standing up to follow her into the kitchen, ‘’No dear’’ Bella said pushing him back to the bed you have to rest and allow the wife do the cooking, moreover your dad is calling you downstairs..
He got to the parlour to see the angry face of his father, Now will you tell me how you got involved in an accident, His Dad said angrily while his mom stood beside him trying to calm him down, leave me alone woman, mr Johnson said, Let me handle this with him, so tell me how you got involved in an accident, because for all I know there is no way a vehicle can knock you down along the route to your school only if you go on the road preparing to kill yourself.
Dad have forgotten I can’t remember Kwame said, will you shut up loverboy bella told me everything mr Johnson said smiling, come here son, ‘’I know you are in love with her but not to the extent of killing yourself’’ am sorry dad I won’t try such again Kwame said, okay son now go and eat, your wife and yvvone prepared dinner for everyone, let’s see if your wife is really a good cook, mr Johnson said smiling…