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How To Raise Up That Kid Without Beating, Flogging, Yelling, Wailing Et Al - Culture - Nairaland

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How To Raise Up That Kid Without Beating, Flogging, Yelling, Wailing Et Al by MegMich(m): 7:31pm On Nov 04, 2015
This is in response to the ingrained and hovering tension amongst Nigerian parents(Damilola Attoh, a prototype), guardians, teachers and wards on who should or shouldn't mettle out punishment even to an apparently erring child.


The ancient axiomatic believe(@least in Africa) is that the 'child' belongs to the entire community and punishing a child invariably and likewise.

Below are tips for parents, teachers, guardians and siblings to help avoid the temptation of beating that 'annoying' child silly.


1. Cultivate self-care rituals and treat yourself with kindness.

The more we take care of ourselves, the more worthy we feel of having our needs met and our boundaries respected. When we feel tired and have no energy, it is much harder to deal with our children outbursts. Plus: the better we feel about ourselves, the less we feel guilty about making "mistakes" or "not doing things right."


2. Honor your own boundaries.

If children cross our boundaries too far, or too frequently, it's often because we let them. But we will eventually lose our patience, so remember that. However, as guadians or whatever we represent, affirming healthy boundaries is our job. Loving children doesn't mean that we have to give them what they want all the time. And sticking to your guns will ultimately prevent tantrums in the future.


3. Have age-appropriate expectations.

When we take children to public places, we simply cannot expect them to behave like adults. A young child won't sit still for an hour in a restaurant, a church or wherever like a grown adult.
While it's great to want to go out with children, we must also remember that they are allowed to have their own experience. So we must commit to trying our best not to feel embarrassed, offended or guilty about their reactions. When we let go of these unrealistic expectations, we give ourselves freedom to have a much more enjoyable experience ourselves.


4. Don't project your fears.

When we worry about children's misbehavior and fear that they might be aggressive in a given context, children will pick up on this energy, and will likely stick those labels on themselves. If a child starts to think that he/she is "bad," that often leads to more misbehavior.


5. Heal your own inner child.

Children can trigger unresolved emotions in us, causing us to feel hurt and frustrated, perhaps about our own childhood experiences or current difficulties elsewhere in our lives.
Children can also reflect those unresolved feelings when they pick up on them. So embrace the parts of you that are still hurting. Acknowledge and accept your own feelings from or about your past without judgment and give that child in you all the love and validation it never got, or that it currently needs.


6. Manage your anger

During a moment in which you feel calm and balanced, choose a physical stimulus like pressing your thumb and middle finger together or any other stimulus that works for you. This effectively helps you control your anger as you repeat it during your trying moments or when that child is on your last nerve seemingly asking for a beating.


7. Release guilt.

Guilt and shame are the lowest vibrational emotions a human can experience. Guilt not only keeps us from feeling self-compassion, but often leads to crossing boundaries to "make up" for whatever we think we did wrong. Remember that parenting is a process. At every moment, you're doing the best you can and are always learning and improving.


8. Make sure to spend quality time together.

Attention is a basic need for children to survive. When children have emotional outbursts, it's often a sign of their desire to show us they are trying to define themselves, develop their individuality — and get attention.
Many times an emotional outburst is actually a reflection of a child experiencing more freedom than he/she can handle. They want to feel safe by our loving guidance in the form of healthy boundaries.
The most beautiful way to give this to our children is in special, quality moments when we are not distracted and 100% present. Children don't need us to be physically present all the time. But quality time is invaluable for our children.
# Feeling consistently loved and cared for will diminish their need to act out.


9. Allow time for free and uninterrupted exploration.

When children's needs for safety and attention are met, they will also undoubtedly express a desire to get out and explore the world. Exploration helps them observe new things in their surroundings, get to know their bodies and stay connected to their innate curiosity. Self-guided exploration will improve their attention span and let them express creativity and joy.


10. Make your child feel understood.

No matter how "childish" a child's desire or emotion might seem to us in a given moment, it's perfectly valid for him or her to feel this way, no matter what it is, really. We don't have to comply with their "demands," but we can still acknowledge what they're feeling:


11. Allow time to adjust to a change in activity.

Sudden changes can trigger children into resistance. Especially with sensitive children, it works really well if we give them time to adjust to a coming change. Take bed time, for example: give your child a few "heads up" notices that bed time is nearing. "You can play for another 10 minutes, and then we're going to bed," Repeat that when there's five minutes and one minute left.
Really Absolutely!


12. Respect your child as a whole person.

Children might live in tiny bodies, just learning how to deal with everything that makes us human while still needing us for their basic survival. But they are also whole persons with very capable and knowing souls that have multiple levels of understanding. So talk respectfully to your child as if you would to an adult: use your normal voice and refer to yourself as "I" instead of "mommy, teacher, daddy etc"


13.Honor the integrity of your child's body.

Always tell your child when you're going to pick him/her up or touch him/her. You can start doing this even when they are babies: "I am going to pick you up now. One, two, three, there you go." Children will be less startled if they know what's coming.
When playing with children, honor their "no," if they want to stop.
Boundaries are important for children, too. This won't guarantee that every person will listen but children with this healthy mindset about their body are much less prone to become a victim of abuse or other inappropriate dynamics.


14. Ask for help.

Don't be ashamed if you feel things are getting too much for you. Ask for help. Tell your partner when you're having a hard time, find a babysitter or parenting counselor, seek support from other parents, learn new ways of parenting that will make it more easy and enjoyable for you. You are never alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness: it is a brave thing to do.




Cc: lalasticlala, ishilove and Obinoscopy
Re: How To Raise Up That Kid Without Beating, Flogging, Yelling, Wailing Et Al by rawpadgin(m): 7:36pm On Nov 04, 2015
embarassed
whats all this for christ sake

my groundfather was canned, it made him a well bahaved man

my father was canned, it made him a level headed man

myself & all my siblings were canned, it taught us to never insult an elder

yet u said i shouldn't flog my child
wen the good book clearly says "FOOLISHNESS IS BOUND IN THE HEART OF CHILD BUT THE ROD(KOBOKO) OF CORRECTION SHALL DRIVE IT FAR FROM HIM"


ogbeni, no provoke me make i no vex flog u oo embarassed
Re: How To Raise Up That Kid Without Beating, Flogging, Yelling, Wailing Et Al by Nobody: 7:38pm On Nov 04, 2015
What a perfect and nice fantasy.



How ever, that's what it is; A fantasy. No one, not one person has infinite patience; Not even Job! Sometimes, you need to spank a child........ And believe me; when he grows up; he'll thank you for it
Re: How To Raise Up That Kid Without Beating, Flogging, Yelling, Wailing Et Al by yomi007k(m): 7:38pm On Nov 04, 2015
15. Keep a vintage "koboko" nearby incase all d above fails. grin
Re: How To Raise Up That Kid Without Beating, Flogging, Yelling, Wailing Et Al by jamex93(m): 7:50pm On Nov 04, 2015
too long

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