fexyrich:
Op you are a very wicked and evil genius to ever think of calling off a marriage with a girl that has wasted her time,energy and even made sacrifices for you..Don't you have a conscience??why didn't you think like this at the onset..Why now that she has gone this far with you.. If she is your sister and someone does that to her how would u feel..Do you know how many men she might have turned down just to be with you..If you dare try and brake that girls heart any curse she lays upon you will surely follow u.What exactly do u want in a woman..Is it these daughters or jezebel that we see every were today that you think are better?? I know a man and several men who are living under serious curses from ladies they wasted time with and later dumped..I know of a lady who cursed her man of many years who dumped her for another girl after he made money. saying that he would never live to marry another woman..MY dear that guy died in an accident while taking his new iyawo to d east to see his parents,The lady survived but d guy died with his sister..Don't ever joke with the fury of a scorned woman..After u don chop all d nutrients from her come waste all her years with you,you now want to dump her at this stage. For a flimsy excuse such as looks instead of even her character.Some men are really heartless!!Go and marry your wife,And love her as God has commanded you..Even the most beautiful girl u know today might become far less attractive after givin birth to kids..Love is what matters.Evryoda thing is superficial.

U r right!! But I thought we marry because of character nt looks because looks can fade away? Its nt as if d woman is a cheat, a bad cook or a gossip!! His friends hav advise him wrongly to abandon her just for looks!! If dat guy b my bro I go giv am rat poison shop make him waka in peace because if d babe curse am him fit survive but de alive de find who him won rub him shit wit make him com de suffer wit am de waka from one prayer house 2anoda.
D guy no get sense @all

Zambux:




Everyfing must nt be fucking fucking fucking... If u cant pass a reasonable advice without spilling d word fucking go to bed










Ure d big fool instead

SHUT THE FVCK UP!!! The guy is being honest and blunt and dats the bitter truth dat this shitty Poster needs right now.
So just shut the hell up!

madcow let me know ur final thoughts on my last post. does not the Bible recommend that u rejoice in the wife of your youth? in Proverbs. anyway each to his own.

donsteady:

Yah bro, what is your take on how I relate with them?

Well, I don't believe you. So I real cannot have a take off of my disbelief, sorry.

Don't give such wicked advice..So youare now talking about pity after the girl has wasted years with him turning down other men just to be with him,and making huge sacrifices for him?? Do you have a conscience?? As far as am concerned they have both come a long way and he can't break out now..If they have been together all d while it shows they would also see it true in marriage..Don't give such advices to people who you know nothin about their relationships..Sometimes we men can be very selfish.Considering only our own comfort forgetting you are about to hurt someone else..He shld go and marry his wife..They have come a long way for him to back out now.

Etizz:


Trust me, when a guy truly loves a woman, he has zero doubt in mind, he thinks nothing but how to make her a wife no matter any circumstances, there's is no normal cold feets feeling before marriage, instead there is happiness and joy dat u are getting married, and if u don't have d happiness and joy dat u are getting married to her, then u will not get the happiness and joy after the marriage,

Why the introduction in the first place? Pls don't marry a woman out of pity, u may pity yourself at the end of everything........... Am a guy like u n I know what am saying..

I wish the poor lady is you sister then you will know the implications of the harsh decision you want to make. You don't know she looks older for years of her perseverance with you. To the extent of changing her religion to save the relationship. Now you want to dump her for another lady using makeup on her face to decieve you. Better take care of your wife and bring out the beauty in her and be contented

AVRecruit:

u have spoken well sir. she will not be throwing herself at the mercies of men. No man/ woman can get a good husband or wife save by the power of God.

Girls in their early 20s get a lot of attention from guys but blown them off. they should at that stage be entertaining some of that interest.

success of women and being in a relationship are not mutually exclusive.

again be reminded that marriage is the prerogative of men. all im saying is that the candidate pool will be smaller for a woman if she does not make up her mind early. and there's nothing wrong with aspiring to be Linda Ikeji and just be single.

each to their own.

Your Last sentence = GOLD!

And yes the Pool of men may be much higher in her youth, but if she isn't mentally mature enough, she may end up in a lot of trouble like many girls have.

I think we place too much pressure on girls with regards to marriage and its unfair.

I was gonna say ''hollup nigga hollup hollup''. But this is serious so I'll give you my own opinion. Once that day draws near, that feeling that you'll have to commit to one person, for eternity, your past life will flash through your eyes right up to that point and you'll feel like bachelorhood should never end; hence the cold feet. If you really love, you wouldn't be bothered about her looks. If that's what is holding you back, you should not be a superficial person when it comes to matters of the heart.

Now to the crux of this your dilemma. Nigga, my dad tells me and stills rings it in my ear from time to time; ''NEVER DATE OR GET MARRIED TO A WOMAN OUT OF PITY''. The moment you feel pity or the fact that you do not want to hurt someone and you get married and end up both miserable, you'll look back at this point and wonder ''What If''. You are not doing her a favor, its for better for worse. If you cant picture better, there's no way you can handle worse when it comes.

Check yourself man. A lot of emotions will course through you. Do not let it confuse you that's all.

Jollyjoy:
wonders!!

You are advising her to marry out of pity to the poor woman uuuh


Listen,no matter how painful letting her go will be it still far better than making her miserable for the life of her....

he is not asking him to marry her out of pity but the issue is that its already late for him to step back,he has already done the introduction and gone through the phases of marriage right,the babe in question out of love for the guy had to change her religion,my advice to the op is that he should go and marry his wife.
if you are looking for a perfect woman,sorry,they don't exist.

AVRecruit:


we are doing women a favor by marrying.

the net benefits of marriage these days are slim at best compared to the headaches.

Hahahha! My brother, thats not what it suppose to be.

Filashade:


Please tell him for me oooo.

Some men are just so evil ehhhn. Look at a good woman right in front of him and because she looks older he now wants fresh meat.

She sacrificed almost everything for him and u now want to call it quits. Y did u waste her time for in the first place ehhhhhn tell me y??

If u turn ur back on her something bad will happen to u because God does not sleep. The person u go to now will waste ur time ehhhhhn. The person will make u look so old. U will sweat and sweat and she will just leave u. Chai. This guy dnt know the thing weh him dey do. God is watching u oooo!!

U men can never be satisfied.

Chai!!!

Olorun mi ooo.

See this life..

No problem.

Please just leave the lady alone and let her find a true man biko!!

I change my mind. U dnt deserve such woman at all!!

i feel you sista!
that guy is a complete moronn.
she deserves better yea.

And im sure d op is not even as handsome and successful as pierce brosnan or hugh jackman, who are fit and rich wt fat wives. Oga beauty is fleeting. Hold on to reality.

Im sure ur thoughts are already reflecting in u guys interactions. Ur also making her feel depressed. My mum & dad are perfect examples. They went thru a rough patch in their 30's when my dad had affairs wt useless young girls. Even lookin at those pictures, my mum looked so depressed and unkempt. U cld see d sadness & unsexinessness around her. aAfter my dad came to his senses and changed, d pictures started changing. D smile came back, her soul lit up again. When ur around them, my mum just radiates wt joy and beauty because my dad complements her too much sef. Na love in tokyo everyday. 'My wife my wife' is his daily song. Even till now my mum always takes d time to work out, take care of her hair and makeup because of this. Your thoughts and actions towards ur fiancee will also bring d same changes.

Advise to women. This is why i remained a virgin till i got married. Some women dont have sense. So u give ur all to someone like this and they end up looking at u like a pig not worthy of marriage. SMH.

eroticboy:
My friend a lot of men have found themselves in the situation you are in......

some have gone ahead adapted and tried to find joy in their marriages......
some are seeing hell in their marriages....
some have gone ahead and divorced......
some have had and are running numerous affairs etc......

the first thing in any relationship ,contract , business or whatever it is that binds two or more human beings together is the consummation of self interest.....

any relationship that does not serve your interest IS NOT i repeat IS NOT IN YOUR BEST INTEREST

before a man or woman gets married, their decisions and whatever they do will should be them. you will always have alternative options and can always backtrack on a decision relatively easily.
at that point you have a choice on what you want, how you want it and when you want it.
when you get married to someone you lose that freedom of choice and cannot pivot on your choices so easily.

Once a marriage contract is signed, you at that point have signed away your freedom and power. you have lost automatically your ability to make decisions which are based strictly on the premise of your own personal self interest.

Marrying a woman means you have decided to take personal responsibility for her, it means you have signed away your rights to make decisions based on your self interest. it means you accepted her with her faults and good points.

It gets a hundred times harder to backtrack on a bad decision at that point.

it means when you have decided to base all your future decisions not on your self interest but in the interest of your family.
Any and every decision you will take after marriage will have serious and long term consequences on your family, her family and your future generations.

if at this point of reading this, you are becoming alarmed at what you are reading, then you should really reconsider the decision whether to go ahead or not.

the decision to marry anyone MUST and I repeat it very boldly MUST BE BASED ON YOUR OWN SELFISH CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT INTEREST. Please note the word CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT . you need to know what you want in a woman and be sure its the best thing for you.

You don't need to serve any other person's interest and this is inclusive of any woman you want to marry, your father your mother or anyother person's needs. Trust me any and every woman who wants to marry or get married is doing so on the basis of self interest. You dont owe nobody a thing.
You came into this world alone and by God you are goin out the same way......

Forget all these pity party and what anyone tells you.
Forget the "you used her and want to discard her" bullshit accusations anyone wants to pin on you
Forget the "She has done a lot for me so i owe her" bullshit emotional blackmail
Forget it all
IT BELONGS TO THE DOMAIN OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATORS AND WEAK PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO OFFER YOU
You don't owe anybody Jack Shiiiiit but yourself.

If what you have is not meeting your standards{whether it be fickle things like beauty or money}, then it is important for you to decide to do the right thing based on your OWN SELFISH INTEREST


Please spend some time alone away from everyone and clearly define what you want for yourself.
If you are a religious, you should spend time with your God seeking for guidance but you do need to do the above alone.

When you are clear on what you want out of life. Go after it, if what you have isn't what you want cut it out of your life immediately.
if what you have is what you want thenby all means do go after it.

PLEASE NEVER COMPROMISE ON THE STANDARDS WHICH YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO SET AND MAKE A REALITY FOR YOURSELF
you have only only one life. you owe your future the best possible decision you can make for it to come true....
cheers

This is brutal, wicked, but it's the truth.
OP, forget emotional blackmail, follow your own damn heart cos it's your own life.

Pray to God for direction.Al d best bro.....

According to an elderly's adage " Don't smell a food you will not eat" Let me ask you brother, don't you see her before asking her out, don't you notice her before going for the introduction, will you swallow such bitter pill if given to you. How sure are you that you will get a better lady to marry if you finally dump her. I understand that marriage is a life time union, but it starts from courtship and metamorphosed into a family. Be ready to dance to the consequences of your action when they start beating the drum for you. Remember NEMESIS BE WISE.

hnnn

dont go in until u r really prepared....






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Marriage requires two things to work out;

1.Physical&spiritual discipline..
2.Maturity of the mind

from what i can deduce from your post,i dont think you are ready esp on no.1.why did i say so?
Marriage is all about two faces of a coin.The good side that requires the good life,frivolous lifestyle,Fancy clothes,Big Mansions.etc and bad side that involves the Hard life,temptations&trials,Difficulty in Child bearing,
etc.if you possess the two aforementioned,you would understand that her beauty or banging body or her sexyness is just an added plus.

You have to ask yourself,If this lady am going to marry have difficulties in child bearing,or she has accident that requires you sleeping in the hospital,causing you sleepless nights,feeling her pains or your meal and that big business contract,sacrificing your meal just to see her eat&vice versa.Is she ready to go to bed hungry just to see her kids eat,is she ready to sacrifice that multi million naira job just for you to be happy,Is she ready to give her all,is she reay to put and the kids first in whatever she does?

Let me give you an example;My parents dont have the best of marriages but my Mom sacrificed her going abroad to work and earn millions cos of her marriage and her kids.She has her own house but my Dads name is no1 on th land papers among other things.Ask yourself,is the lady ready to do all this things for me?if she changed her religion which is one of the most important things we Africans value an went against all odds,then she can do much more for you.
If the lady you are to marry is ready to go thru the good and bad times with you,then you are good to go but remember to pray to God.God to marriage seminars.it very important.

Remember,above all things,Your Happiness is no.1 not anybodies.Good luck.

Classicman47:


SHUT THE FVCK UP!!! The guy is being honest and blunt and dats the bitter truth dat this shitty Poster needs right now.
So just shut the hell up!

Ah swear your monicker says contrary of u.

Sweetlemon:


This is brutal, wicked, but it's the truth.
OP, forget emotional blackmail, follow your own damn heart cos it's your own life.

his heart better be leading him towards marriage with the girl.

Zambux:




Ah swear your monicker says contrary of u.

Forget it. U annoyed me.

Op, am sorry for you.

How long have you been with this girl?

Are you just seeing that she looks older than you? Or what have you been doing since?

Or is it not that you have seen someone else and just need an affirmation to abandon your present relationship so you can quickly run to that other person?

Your case needs serious fasting and vigil.

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

being Age mates is a no-no for me

marrying her out of pity is like signing ur death warrant



bro beware!!!














na u go suffer am oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo

[/b]

kramfonos:

You dated her even when you knew "she looks older".
She's made sacrifices for you and even changing her religion whilst fighting off the rebellious tag by her family.
She, according to you, has been faithful to you.
What else do you need, dude? Yeah, NEED and not WANT.
How sure are you that the other supposed YOUNGER-LOOKING girls aren't being masked by the thick coat of EMULSION PAINT they smear on their faces?

I think your priorities are misplaced.

I support u my guy. And its better u marry a girl dat loves u more than d one u love

CaroLyner:

his heart better be leading him towards marriage with the girl.

Because you're going to be the 3rd party in that marriage ko?
Why are Nigerians like this mbok? Somebody says he's marrying someone out of pity and you still encourage him to go ahead with it because the girl's existence revolves around him??

Geez!

From what I can see OP u are a very superficial person. What attracted u to her in the 1st place that made u ask her out to the point of intro and her changing her religion and all. So it's nw u realise she is aging earlier than u, what if u marry someone who aged less than u and God forbid the person has an accident or dermatological problem that disfigured her, wld u divorce her cos of that?
If u are satisfied with her other qualities, u can always tu-sh her up, if it's the way she dresses that makes her look older, get her clothes u prefer, or if it's that she is getting fatter, u can subtly tell her and work out ways to shed off the excess fat.
If this is the only reason u're having 2nd thoughts, then it's flimsy, when will ageing now set in? Or u'll divorce ur wife once she starts ageing.

kramfonos:

You dated her even when you knew "she looks older".
She's made sacrifices for you and even changing her religion whilst fighting off the rebellious tag by her family.
She, according to you, has been faithful to you.
What else do you need, dude? Yeah, NEED and not WANT.
How sure are you that the other supposed YOUNGER-LOOKING girls aren't being masked by the thick coat of EMULSION PAINT they smear on their faces?

I think your priorities are misplaced.

WORD...
fammo! !! you're only thinking about yourself by that pity word u mentioned. are u bn deceived by some young inexperienced, immatured peperenpe girls outside there? from wat u're wrote u never said she's wayward or not submissive or does not possess good character, you're surely developing a cold feet,, don't be like those who only realise the importance of what they had only after loosing it..

When you got engaged to her, u loved her.
It's just that something is wrong somewhere, you need time to think that she's the right one...Weigh Her good and bad qualities...She made decisions and sacrifices for u..think of that

Sweetlemon:


Because you're going to be the 3rd party in that marriage ko?
Why are Nigerians like this mbok? Somebody says he's marrying someone out of pity and you still encourage him to go ahead with it because the girl's existence revolves around him??

Geez!

put yourself in her position.i bet you wont be thinking that way

JumpingChicken:


After fvcking her in and out, up and down you are begining to look for a stupid excuse abi? I see why its best to treat guys ur type like shit, becos that's the only way you hold your ladies in high regards. Now you will start getting advice here that " you should not marry out of pity" from people who know nothing about ur relationship.




You are a fool.

He is a BIG COMPOUND FOOLSSSSSSSSSS GAN...
Mtcheeeeeeew

CaroLyner:

put yourself in her position.i bet you wont be thinking that way

Sure I have! And ain't no way no nigga's gonna marry me out of pity!
Lord have mercy! What have we done to our self-worths?

How will a lady be changing religion for a man she's not YET married to? Say wetin happen nau? You don't make such "sacrifices" to someone you're not yet married to. We ladies need to learn how to love with dignity. By all means love your boyfriends but don't give him your all until he has paid your bride price in full and you have fixed a date for your court or church wedding.

That grl was desperate to hook the OP. She wasn't making sacrifices or being a good girl. She was desperate. Simple! The OP's fault here is that he shouldn't have kept dragging her along till now. He's always known he's just not that into her but he kept pitying and pitying until he started pitying himself.

For too many stoopid guys on here lately



You'll date someone for years and then consider breaking up woth the person



Ypu want to break up with someone who is a not a
cheat



Someone who has made sacrifices just to be with you



This kind of post make me angry