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Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? - Family - Nairaland

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Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Bekwarra(m): 7:50pm On Nov 22, 2015
I am sad and in a serious dilemma. When I think of what is happening in my home now and the trauma my only daughter is putting me through, it makes me feel like a failure. But sincerely, deep within me, I did the best I could and made myself available to my children as much as I could. Although, one cannot be 100 per cent perfect, but I can say with all conviction, that I don’t deserve this. To make it worse, my husband believes that all that has happened is as a result of my carelessness. I have always been the parent at home while my husband’s job as a sales representative takes him out of town and even out of the country a lot of times. Despite the fact that my husband travels most of the time, he makes it a point of duty to provide for our needs. Also because of the nature of his job, he advised that I shouldn’t take a paid job, I opened a supermarket in the shop improvised at home, so my children; two of them meet me at home whenever they return from school. Even if I needed to go out, it is either I go with them, or the house help will be with them at home. I have two children, a boy and a girl, the girl is the eldest and because she is a girl, I make sure I give her extra attention and I can also say she is her father’s favourite. I am not trying to talk too much, but to let you know that I have really tried my best. Two years ago, my husband was away to the United States of America for three weeks. My cousin came to see me for the weekend and she was the one who called my attention to my 14-year-old daughter who was then in Junior Secondary Three. I took a good look at her too and suspected she was pregnant. I called and asked her questions, her answers eventually confirmed my suspicion. I was so distraught and sad. I confided in my cousin who called my attention to her condition we put heads together and decided to get her to abort the pregnancy which was about four months old. It was a big trauma for me. I almost went berserk when she was in the theatre. I couldn’t take her to our family doctor, because of the fear that he might eventually tell my husband, we had to go to my cousin’s family doctor. When the whole exercise was over, my cousin and her family doctor advised that we give her a family planning device, without her knowledge, but I was against this because I didn’t feel comfortable about it. More so, I trusted her when she said she was raped by her cousin when she went to stay the night at her uncle’s. I didn’t want to cause a family feud, I decided to keep quiet about it, but made up my mind that my children will no longer sleep over at their uncle’s place, no matter what may happen. My daughter also pleaded with me to keep this incident away from her father. I promised that it would be between us, if she also promised it won’t happen again. This incident made us very close and I appreciated the type of bond which was between us. Several times, I was tempted to tell my husband, but because I had given my daughter my word, I didn’t wasn’t to renege on my words, so I kept it close to my chest and kept praying for her. I however, received the shock of my life when my husband who has been home on leave for a while asked me to take a good look at my daughter. I was so scared that I almost passed out. Even before looking at her, I remembered the antecedent, and hope it wasn’t happening again, but low and behold, it has repeated itself. After thorough investigation and probing, I discovered that my daughter is six weeks pregnant again!. I was devastated; this is a girl I keep under my watch at all times. The only times she goes out without her brother and I is when she is going to church. Unfortunately, this happened, right in my house under my nose. She told her father and I that her home lesson teacher impregnated her. He has been dating my daughter and sleeping with her right inside our house without anybody’s knowledge. I am still in shock. The worst thing is that my husband won’t stop blaming me and accusing me of been careless. I would have been able to raise my head, but the fact that I kept the first incident from him is killing me. Would confiding in him now not destroy the trust he has in me.? My pains is doubled, please, what should I do?. I still can’t even ask what we would do with the pregnancy. The home lesson teacher is already in police custody, but of course this is not sorting out the issue on ground. Please, help me how do I pacify my husband? I also feel I have failed him.

tribuneonlineng.com/where-did-i-go-wrong-with-my-daughter

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Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by alterswerve(m): 7:55pm On Nov 22, 2015
Bekwarra, are you a Cross riverian?

1 Like

Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Jackeeh(m): 7:58pm On Nov 22, 2015
Where did you go wrong? Hmmmmm let's see.......
1. You should have told your hubby about the first pregnancy. As a parent,its ok to be the bad cop once in a while. Yes your daughter would have loathed you for that but the fear of what daddy will do to her should she repeat same,would have at least helped. Its called tough love.
2. You should have said yes to the family planning issue.
3. Knowing how "loose"(no vex) and very fertile your daughter is,you should have gotten her a female home tutor. Not a male.

By the way,tell that husband of yours to quit heaping all the blame on you. He should take some on himself too.

11 Likes

Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Bekwarra(m): 8:02pm On Nov 22, 2015
alterswerve:
Bekwarra, are you a Cross riverian?
No.
I'm full-blooded Yoruba. I only served in Cross River, Bekwarra LG.

1 Like

Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Nobody: 8:03pm On Nov 22, 2015
Lord have mercy!
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Eketem: 8:03pm On Nov 22, 2015
Did you teach her about Se-x and birth control or did you let her discover se-x on her own?

After the first one I expected that you will tell her about STDs teach her birth control but like most parents you assumed she would stay celibate.
I agree with your husband you are careless, everyone else gets to see your daughter is pregnant before you

4 Likes

Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by bigtt76(f): 8:04pm On Nov 22, 2015
Sad o! Looks like after eating the forbidden apple she so loved it undecided no shame in your daughter being a mother or you and your husband being grandparents smiley

Let her go through the experience trust me if she enjoys it then let her be else she will change.

BTW.... less school fees and mouth to feed. She will have to work and train her baby with her lesson teacher/baby daddy.

You seem to have no clue on pregnancy or how come third parties always draw ur attention to your daughter each time? Your daughter at that age should be your closest pal You need to re-examine yourself.

Invite us for baby showers dear smiley

4 Likes

Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Bekwarra(m): 8:04pm On Nov 22, 2015
Lalasticlala abeg come drive this motor go park for front page.

2 Likes

Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by PresVA: 8:10pm On Nov 22, 2015
Sounds made up undecided

Anyway, I think the woman is careless. . The fact your daughter has been pregnant twice and it was until diff people told you that you noticed shows to a great extent you ain't so attentive. . The first one was even more than 3months and you never noticed? undecided

Then, your daughter's tutor sleeps with her inside YOUR own house and you never noticed? Not even like you're working..

This story is unbelievable though. ..

9 Likes

Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Young03(m): 8:11pm On Nov 22, 2015
madam I will blame u....dats not how to raise a child...holding unto her it bad


u didn't teach her sex education, u never gave her freedom...the slightess opportunity she got.she made use of it

u aborted the first baby wchich was a bad idea, now she z pregnant for her lesson teacher, plz release the young man cus he is not d first to give a gurl belle

keeping him in police custody will solve no problem. allow her to carry ds pregnancy,by the tyme she has delivered, she will cool down

don't forget dat ur advise and prayer z all she need to succeed


take it as it is now



....Youngxt
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by bigtt76(f): 8:13pm On Nov 22, 2015
She's begging for her shame to go on front page.... Imagine grin

Bekwarra:
Lalasticlala abeg come drive this motor go park for front page.



PresVA:
Sounds made up undecided

Anyway, I think the woman is careless. . The fact your daughter has been pregnant twice and it was until diff people told you that you noticed shows to a great extent you ain't so attentive. . The first one was even more than 3months and you never noticed? undecided

Then, your daughter's tutor sleeps with her inside YOUR own house and you never noticed? Not even like you're working..

This story is unbelievable though. ..
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by alterswerve(m): 8:17pm On Nov 22, 2015
Bekwarra:
No. I'm full-blooded Yoruba. I only served in Cross River, Bekwarra LG.
Aiidy
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Solidkay(m): 8:18pm On Nov 22, 2015
So sad,frankly speaking u shouldnt av hidden d first incidence frm ur hubby cos u both r reaponsible for their upbringing,sadly d ugly incidence has repeated itself once again and d bottom line is u r gonna live wit dat guilt for a very long time if nt till eternity.
My humble advice to u is both u n ur hubby should take her to a councilor n as for d pregnancy #Terminate it ASAP.
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by bolseas(f): 8:22pm On Nov 22, 2015
bigtt76:
She's begging for her shame to go on front page.... Imagine grin






I don't think it happened to OP

1 Like

Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Slimzjoe(m): 8:22pm On Nov 22, 2015
You did nothing wrong. You simply gave birth to an Unrepentant Dumb LovePeddler undecided undecided
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Bekwarra(m): 8:26pm On Nov 22, 2015
alterswerve:

Aiidy
Are you a Cross Riverian? If yes from which part?
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by alterswerve(m): 8:28pm On Nov 22, 2015
Bekwarra:
Are you a Cross Riverian? If yes from which part?
Aww.. Sorry.


I can't post such info online


Pretty paranoid
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Bekwarra(m): 8:30pm On Nov 22, 2015
bigtt76:
She's begging for her shame to go on front page.... Imagine grin





Me she? Abegi o don't kobalize me. The story doesn't belong to me and besides I'm not a woman. I'm not even married yet. God forbid but if to say na me, the headline go be "Man hacks home lesson teacher to death for..........."

2 Likes

Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Confessng: 8:31pm On Nov 22, 2015
Let her have the child,when she births the child and has to fend for the child even if you choose to assist she will understand that unprotected sex comes with consequences ,and please put her on a family planning method
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Bekwarra(m): 8:31pm On Nov 22, 2015
alterswerve:

Aww.. Sorry.


I can't post such info online


Pretty paranoid
Bros you dey fear chai!. Funny though in this era of ISIS and Boko Haram.
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Nobody: 8:32pm On Nov 22, 2015
This one pass me o!
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Bekwarra(m): 8:35pm On Nov 22, 2015
PresVA:
Sounds made up undecided

Anyway, I think the woman is careless. . The fact your daughter has been pregnant twice and it was until diff people told you that you noticed shows to a great extent you ain't so attentive. . The first one was even more than 3months and you never noticed? undecided

Then, your daughter's tutor sleeps with her inside YOUR own house and you never noticed? Not even like you're working..

This story is unbelievable though. ..
I pray you tell us how a woman can know if the home tutor is sleeping with her adolescent daughter. I'm not trying to exonerate the woman but it's not as if every parents stays with her child while being tutored.
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Pidggin(f): 8:48pm On Nov 22, 2015
Bloggers keep coming up with fake stories, I don't know what to believe anymore. All this is tpher fault because she approved of the lesson teacher. When it happened the first time, how come she did not make the girl confess and why didn't she tell her husband,
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Nobody: 9:02pm On Nov 22, 2015
You caused it,why would you make her believe that there's a way if she's pregnant again.

Had it been she had the baby,she would have sit up.


She's a loose bitch,best thing,chain her waist with iron,and put alarm to alert of intruders.
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by armyofone(m): 9:33pm On Nov 22, 2015
I think now is the time for you to tell your husband everything about his daughter...shared burden. If she was doing good, your husband would have claimed it.
Raising kids should be shared responsibility.
As for your daughter, let her have the baby and get that tutor family involved. They have to contribute financially.

1 Like

Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by cococandy(f): 11:28pm On Nov 22, 2015
Keeping the first incident from him was wrong.
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Bekwarra(m): 12:26am On Nov 23, 2015
Solidkay:
So sad,frankly speaking u shouldnt av hidden d first incidence frm ur hubby cos u both r reaponsible for their upbringing,sadly d ugly incidence has repeated itself once again and d bottom line is u r gonna live wit dat guilt for a very long time if nt till eternity.
My humble advice to u is both u n ur hubby should take her to a councilor n as for d pregnancy #Terminate it ASAP.
Where is your conscience. Terminate it ASAP. So easy for you to say. So you support abortion.
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Solidkay(m): 12:48am On Nov 23, 2015
Bekwarra:

Where is your conscience. Terminate it ASAP. So easy for you to say. So you support abortion.
Jst ask urself dis simple question,can d little teenager mother a child?
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by Nobody: 6:59am On Nov 23, 2015
I tried to put myself in the shoes of this woman and it scared the dickens out of me. That girl has really brought shame to her family.

Anyways, how on earth did you come up with aborting the pregnancy in a 14 year old. That was terribly wrong. Now, it has happened again. Let her have the baby and things will move on from there.

No doubt, this is a blemish on her life.
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by lilmax(m): 7:29am On Nov 23, 2015
Bekwarra:

He has been dating my
daughter and sleeping with her right inside our
house without anybody’s knowledge
.
I am still in shock. The worst thing is that my
husband won’t stop blaming me and accusing me of
been careless. I would have been able to raise my
head, but the fact that I kept the first incident from
him is killing me.
Would confiding in him now not destroy the trust he
has in me.? My pains is doubled, please, what should
I do?. I still can’t even ask what we would do with the
pregnancy.
The home lesson teacher is already in police custody,
but of course this is not sorting out the issue on
ground. Please, help me how do I pacify my
husband? I also feel I have failed him.


tribuneonlineng.com/where-did-i-go-wrong-with-my-daughter
this, I can see is the problem.you are the type of modern mums that think children should do what they want because of freedom

If your relationship with your daughter was based on trust, then she would have reported the first day her home lesson teacher asked her out
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by harsysky(m): 9:47am On Nov 23, 2015
The very best thing to do is to keep making money and paying the police to still keep that guy in custody forever.
Re: Where Have I Gone Wrong With My Daughter? by kandiikane(m): 12:51pm On Nov 23, 2015
Where was the father!!!! He's there blaming the mother, if you were home, I am sure the teacher won't have had the audacity to look at your daughter funny.

2 Likes

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