cococandy:

Pls can you give me the link to this blog?

I hope it doesn't make me angry though.

sugabellyrocks.com/2015/11/surviving-mustapha-audu-and-his-rape-brigade.html

Mindfulness:


And who told you that?

Noone.

Direct experience.

I'm a guardian and rent homes to them so we talk a lot. They need their parent around, phone convo is not enough period.

Just so we are clear, are we referring to a 17 year old Nigerian girl?
The same group of girls that call their male age mates kids?

Lol... lemme just keep my opinion to myself before una call me wicked

EfemenaXY:
Pls, you lot are scaring me.

Where was her mother when all of this was happening?

Abeg o! Still reading through this thread - but if there's one thing I'm quickly learning, we as parents - mothers especially - can't take our eyes off our girl child. Not even for half a second!

Her parents gave her the money to pay for the lesson and left. Would you think Ikoyi club was a dangerous place? Would you think a swimming lesson in the afternoon was a dangerous place? The whole thing happened in the pool, who could see what her abuser was doing? Plus add to the fact that Nigerian society usually shames a woman (do you know one guy even asked her why she was taking swimming lessons, that "is it godly, what benefit was swimming lessons to her, she was not doing the right thing at the right time, all these ajebutter kids" blah blah), she was scared.

We cannot say "where was the mother?" Haven't you heard of pastors raping teenagers during prayer meeting, would you think a church was an unsafe place? Didn't someone here say a 3 year old got molested at creche, would a creche be somewhere you would panic about leaving your kid?

We cannot keep policing our children, how many eyes do you have? Won't you blink? If you're at work, if you're in the kitchen no? We must change society's perception of abuse and rape, so that if it happens, a couple of moronic university boys would not. laugh about it when they hear later on. They will be furious.

We have to change our mindset. Churches, creche and pools exist everywhere, it's the people inside that make it dangerous.

EfemenaXY:


One word for parents, mothers: awareness.

To read about the level of depravity in Naija where séxuàl abuse of minors seems to be the norm is extremely disturbing. I have a happy-go-lucky three year old daughter. Very self assured, confident little madam. I would be watching over her even more closely than before. Victorian style. I am very old-school anyway though.

Awareness, sensitivity to your child's moods and trust between parents and kids is the key. I remember my parents telling me that I should never follow any strangers, that nobody is allowed to touch me or kiss me, that I should be careful in such and such situation and it went a long way. I am happy to say that nothing has ever happened to me because my parents prepared me very well.

Do you know, I find it extremely distasteful when mothers bring their inquisitive 3-6 year old sons into female only changing rooms at out local swimming / sports leisure centre? There are male only, female only, and general changing rooms. Why bring boys in female rooms where the women of all ages strip nàkéd??

What do you want a mother of a 3-year-old boy to do? Like you said, there are male only and female only changing rooms.

I have a different attitude when it comes to nudity. Children are very innocent in this respect. We adults have dirty minds surrounding this topic.

Took my daughter for her swim class yesterday and after that, to the female shower rooms. I always subconsciously go for the cubicle at the extreme left, furtherst away from the entrance corridor. Anyway, while shampooing my daughter, this little South American (Cuban?) tout arrives with his mother to use the next cubicle. No wahala. But after showering, was trying to come over for a little peep? One look at my fierce expression plus me pointing him back to his mother quickly wiped the smile off his face as he made a quick U-turn. Nearly kicked his little behind too. What nonsense.
Anyway, even though it's a female only changing room, I NEVER change her in the open. T'is always in the little private cubicles.

The behavior is not unusual but I would have taught him a lesson too.

Call me old fashioned. My mantra? Prevention is always better than cure. Thank goodness her dad is just as old fashioned ad I am, if not more sef...

I agree but I don't want my kids to grow up in fear. I want them to be careful and I want to be careful too but I don't want to panic.

njokusboy:
Just so we are clear, are we referring to a 17 year old Nigerian girl?
The same group of girls that call their male age mates kids?

Lol... lemme just keep my opinion to myself before una call me wicked

Not that. Just condemning the horrid act.

Have you read the blog?

Ewuro4:


Noone.

Direct experience.

I'm a guardian and rent homes to them so we talk a lot. They need their parent around, phone convo is not enough period.

Exchange secondary school students are minors who are not allowed to live alone. They live in host families. These host families have children of the same age too and their kids visit the family of their host child a year later.

These programs are extremely expensive and not everyone can afford it.

Mindfulness:


Exchange secondary school students are minors who are not allowed to live alone. They live in host families. These host families have children of the same age too and their kids visit the family of their host child a year later.

These programs are extremely expensive and not everyone can afford it.

High school students abroad alone ??

Are these Nigerians if I may ask?

Ewuro4:


High school students abroad alone ??

Are these Nigerians if I may ask?

Of course not.

Onegai:

We cannot keep policing our children, how many eyes do you have? Won't you blink? If you're at work, if you're in the kitchen no? We must change society's perception of abuse and rape, so that if it happens, a couple of moronic university boys would not. laugh about it when they hear later on. They will be furious.

This is my problem.

Ewuro4:


Not that. Just condemning the horrid act.

Have you read the blog?

Nope...
From wat I see though, the accused is guilty of many sins, I am sceptical as to whether rape should make the list..

Mindfulness:


Of course not.

You ehn

my heart just skipped X20.

Ewuro4:


You ehn

my heart just skipped X20.

njokusboy:


Nope...
From wat I see though, the accused is guilty of many sins, I am sceptical as to whether rape should make the list..

You should read before any fast conclusion.

Ewuro4:


You should read before any fast conclusion.

Owk

AtheistD:


sugabellyrocks.com/2015/11/surviving-mustapha-audu-and-his-rape-brigade.html

There's no way I can finish that.

It's not her stories that I can't stomach.

The comments people make about stuff like this is sickening. There's always the need to defend the indefensible


and you're right even if she was 40yrs old, what happened to her was rape.
Except he wants to say she made it all up.

Mindfulness:

Most Nigerian kids are goats (you talk till you're blue on the face)

Entrust a goat alone with strangers and you're on your own.

Na real gobe oh.

Onegai:

Her parents gave her the money to pay for the lesson and left. Would you think Ikoyi club was a dangerous place? Would you think a swimming lesson in the afternoon was a dangerous place? The whole thing happened in the pool, who could see what her abuser was doing? Plus add to the fact that Nigerian society usually shames a woman (do you know one guy even asked her why she was taking swimming lessons, that "is it godly, what benefit was swimming lessons to her, she was not doing the right thing at the right time, all these ajebutter kids" blah blah), she was scared.
We cannot say "where was the mother?" Haven't you heard of pastors raping teenagers during prayer meeting, would you think a church was an unsafe place? Didn't someone here say a 3 year old got molested at creche, would a creche be somewhere you would panic about leaving your kid?
We cannot keep policing our children, how many eyes do you have? Won't you blink? If you're at work, if you're in the kitchen no? We must change society's perception of abuse and rape, so that if it happens, a couple of moronic university boys would not. laugh about it when they hear later on. They will be furious.
We have to change our mindset. Churches, creche and pools exist everywhere, it's the people inside that make it dangerous.

@Onegai : I've taken all of my kids for swimming lessons every term for the past seventeen years and not once have I seen a swimming instructor have the brazeness to gröpe and fínger a child the way you described, in BROAD DAYLIGHT in full view of EVERYONE in a very, very, public swimming pool.

Yes, I get your point of rapé happening in the most unexpected places as you described, but until people are fully aware, what do you do in the meantime? Continue placing a kid at risk (I.e. lone "prayer" sessions between your teenage daughter and dubious "pastors" )? Don't even get me started on the pastor ish.

So because I can't watch her 24 /7 means I'll put her in a compromising situation? I don't think so. Yes, I can't be there every day/ hour / second, but I can very well cut down on the possibility of such despicable acts occurring in the first place, and will therefore stick to the mantra that prevention indeed better than cure.

Ewuro4:


Most Nigerian kids are goats (you talk till you're blue on the face)

Entrust a goat alone with strangers and you're on your own.

Na real gobe oh.

I don't know about most kids but some are.

What do you expect of kids who were raised like goats?

Like Onegai rightly said, just how much can we watch our kids? At 17, most of us were already in University. How is the mum going to watch a girl at university. At what age are we going to stop watching them? Even the mum mum watching someone might not be safe. Who will watch that old lady that was raped?

We need teach society to see rape for what it is. We need to not only create awareness, but purnish severely those who perpetuate this crimes. We need to shame this perpetuators and make them lose their jobs, position and freedom. Only a few example is enough to reduce this menace.

EfemenaXY:



@Onegai : I've taken all of my kids for swimming lessons every term for the past seventeen years and not once have I seen a swimming instructor have the brazeness to gröpe and fínger a child the way you described, in BROAD DAYLIGHT in full view of EVERYONE in a very, very, public swimming pool.

Yes, I get your point of rapé happening in the most unexpected places as you described, but until people are fully aware, what do you do in the meantime? Continue placing a kid at risk (I.e. lone "prayer" sessions between your teenage daughter and dubious "pastors" )? Don't even get me started on the pastor ish.

So because I can't watch her 24 /7 means I'll put her in a compromising situation? I don't think so. Yes, I can't be there every day/ hour / second, but I can very well cut down on the possibility of such despicable acts occurring in the first place, and will therefore stick to the mantra that prevention indeed better than cure.

Off course we as parents will do all we can to protect our kids. You are right we can't put them in compromising position because we can't always watch them. In addition to doing our best for them, we also have to try and change the way society views rape.

EfemenaXY:



@Onegai : I've taken all of my kids for swimming lessons every term for the past seventeen years and not once have I seen a swimming instructor have the brazeness to gröpe and fínger a child the way you described, in BROAD DAYLIGHT in full view of EVERYONE in a very, very, public swimming pool.

Yes, I get your point of rapé happening in the most unexpected places as you described, but until people are fully aware, what do you do in the meantime? Continue placing a kid at risk (I.e. lone "prayer" sessions between your teenage daughter and dubious "pastors" )? Don't even get me started on the pastor ish.

So because I can't watch her 24 /7 means I'll put her in a compromising situation? I don't think so. Yes, I can't be there every day/ hour / second, but I can very well cut down on the possibility of such despicable acts occurring in the first place, and will therefore stick to the mantra that prevention indeed better than cure.

It is important that we empower our children to take care of themselves when we are not around since we can't be around all the time.

I remember staying with my mother's aunt, her daughter and her son for one day. When my aunt and her daughter left to do some shopping, my mother's cousin told me to take down my trousers or else he will switch of the light. I told him that my daddy will beat him up because I am going to tell him all about it. I was six. I will never forget this day. Guess what, he left me alone. I wasn't lucky. I was prepared.

One day my mum sent me to get some bread. There was this little shop in the same street back in the day. A man was standing in front of the shop. When I was entering he put his hand on my head and said something like 'Come with me, I will give you sweet things to eat'. I remember how my legs were shaking and then I ran into the shop and told the shop assistant about it. I knew I had to talk to a female. The woman asked me where I lived. I told her. She told me to go home and that she will be looking after me from the entrance of the shop until I enter our house. Nothing happened. I wasn't lucky. I was prepared.

Mindfulness:


I don't know about most kids but some are.

What do you expect of kids who were raised like goats?

I call kids that don't listen goats so that term was just for laughs and not to be taken seriously.

Every right thinking parents' goal is to raise complete and balanced child to be proud of.

Ewuro4:



I call kids that don't listen goats so that term was just for laughs and not to be taken seriously.

Every right thinking parents' goal is to raise complete and balanced child to be proud of.

The problem is that many parents don't know how to do it. All they know is how to beat up a child. I am derailing.

Ewuro4:


Most Nigerian kids are goats (you talk till you're blue on the face)

Entrust a goat alone with strangers and you're on your own.

Na real gobe oh.

I think most Nogerian kids behave like goat because that is how they were brought up.
A Nigerian child and an English child refuse to great their parents for example, Nigerian mum gives the child a mad beating while the English woman sends him to a naughty corner. The Nigerian child grows up and gets so used to the beating it does not scare him anymore while the English child is still scared of other type of purnishment he could get. The Nigerian mum tries to beat the child again one day and realises that the beating does not hurt him as much. You hear her say something like 'That pikin na goat. All the flog no dey dwam anything again'.

Ewuro4:



I call kids that don't listen goats so that term was just for laughs and not to be taken seriously.

Every right thinking parents' goal is to raise complete and balanced child to be proud of.

Seen after typing my epistle.

Mindfulness:


Awareness, sensitivity to your child's moods and trust between parents and kids is the key. I remember my parents telling me that I should never follow any strangers, that nobody is allowed to touch me or kiss me, that I should be careful in such and such situation and it went a long way. I am happy to say that nothing has ever happened to me because my parents prepared me very well.

But of course. I believe I touched on the awareness bit. You're simply buttressing my point.

What do you want a mother of a 3-year-old boy to do? Like you said, there are male only and female only changing rooms.

I said there are male only, female only, and general (i.e. unisex / group) changing rooms. There are also a lot private cubicles in the general section also. Nothing stopped her from using any of those. I don't have issues with under 3's but I do have issues with over 3 year old boys in women's only rooms.

Would you in the same vein advocate that a dad bring his 3-6 year old daughter to the men's only changing room? Where she can see the full nudïty of a fully grown man?

Really, Mindfulness??

I have a different attitude when it comes to nudity. Children are very innocent in this respect. We adults have dirty minds surrounding this topic.

Sorry, I disagree with you on this.

I have witnessed instances where a mother asked another if she could change her 3 year old son in the same cubicle as her daughter (same age).

The girl's mother regretted it almost as soon as she'd agreed. Why? Because according to her, this 3 year old boy ogléd at the náked girl so much, even his mother was embarrassed and had to scold him for it. And yes, they're both Nigerians.

The behavior is not unusual but I would have taught him a lesson too.

Oh? Why would you?

I agree but I don't want my kids to grow up in fear. I want them to be careful and I want to be careful too but I don't want to panic.

What do you mean by "fear". I don't think I ever alluded anywhere in my post to my daughter being afraid. If anything, she is the opposite of what you've described.

babygirlfl:


I think most Nogerian kids behave like goat because that is how they were brought up.
A Nigerian child and an English child refuse to great their parents for example, Nigerian mum gives the child a mad beating while the English woman sends him to a naughty corner. The Nigerian child grows up and gets so used to the beating it does not scare him anymore while the English child is still scared of other type of purnishment he could get. The Nigerian mum tries to beat the child again one day and realises that the beating does not hurt him as much. You hear her say something like 'That pikin na goat. All the flog no dey dwam anything again'.

That pickin Na goat oh

babygirlfl:

Seen after typing my epistle.

Lol.

babygirlfl:
Like Onegai rightly said, just how much can we watch our kids? At 17, most of us were already in University. How is the mum going to watch a girl at university. At what age are we going to stop watching them? Even the mum mum watching someone might not be safe. Who will watch that old lady that was raped?

We need teach society to see rape for what it is. We need to not only create awareness, but purnish severely those who perpetuate this crimes. We need to shame this perpetuators and make them lose their jobs, position and freedom. Only a few example is enough to reduce this menace.

No one is disputing that awareness should take front seat, or that perpetuators of rape shouldn't face the law and be punished. That goes without saying.

And of course no one is claiming that a girl child be policed for the rest of her life either. The point I'm making, hard as it may be to accept is that this girl sugarbelly or whatever obviously lacked that parental guidance during her formative years. Seventeen obviously wasn't the first time she'd had sex was it? But let's keep that aside for a moment.

Those sexual acts she described in such detail in his car - does that sound normal to you? I still remember how I was at seventeen and I certainly hadn't tasted that minefield / partaken in the very adult game called sex.

Bottomline here is this: if she had been closely monitored by her parents from childhood, she wouldn't have had that emotional void which she wrongly assumed could be filled by a man.

She had both daddy & mummy issues.

EfemenaXY:


But of course. I believe I touched on the awareness bit. You're simply buttressing my point.

I have just added to it since this thread is a nice opportunity to find ways to protect our children.

I said there are male only, female only, and general (i.e. unisex / group) changing rooms. There are also a lot private cubicles in the general section also. Nothing stopped her from using any of those. I don't have issues with under 3's but I do have issues with over 3 year old boys in women's only rooms.

Ok, I didn't read carefully enough. I agree then.

Would you in the same vein advocate that a dad bring his 3-6 year old daughter to the men's only changing room? Where she can see the full nudïty of a fully grown man?

Really, Mindfulness??

Have you ever heard of naturist beaches where people, entire families, swim and sunbath naked? I am sure you have. It is natural for these people to grow up seeing all sorts of na.ked bodies. I didn't grow up like this so it is strange for me but I can see many advantages in practicing this lifestyle such as seeing nudity as something natural and not offending or dirty.

Sorry, I disagree with you on this.

I have witnessed instances where a mother asked another if she could change her 3 year old son in the same cubicle as her daughter (same age).

The girl's mother regretted it almost as soon as she'd agreed. Why? Because according to her, this 3 year old boy ogléd at the náked girl so much, even his mother was embarrassed and had to scold him for it. And yes, they're both Nigerians.

The boy ogled because he is not used to seeing a na.ked girl. It is a sensation since it is new and since he is used to people covering their bodies in shame.

Oh? Why would you?

Didn't you say he peed there?

What do you mean by "fear". I don't think I ever alluded anywhere in my post to my daughter being afraid. If anything, she is the opposite of what you've described.

It is not about your daughter. It is more about the thin line between being careful and panicking. I don't want my life to be guided by fear but I see the necessity of being careful.

EfemenaXY:


No one is disputing that awareness should take front seat, or that perpetuators of rape shouldn't face the law and be punished. That goes without saying.

And of course no one is claiming that a girl child be policed for the rest of her life either. The point I'm making, hard as it may be to accept is that this girl sugarbelly or whatever obviously lacked that parental guidance during her formative years. Seventeen obviously wasn't the first time she'd had sex was it? But let's keep that aside for a moment.

Those sexual acts she described in such detail in his car - does that sound normal to you? I still remember how I was at seventeen and I certainly hadn't tasted that minefield / partaken in the very adult game called sex.

Bottomline here is this: if she had been closely monitored by her parents from childhood, she wouldn't have had that emotional void which she wrongly assumed could be filled by a man.

She had both daddy & mummy issues.

I agree

EfemenaXY:


No one is disputing that awareness should take front seat, or that perpetuators of rape shouldn't face the law and be punished. That goes without saying.

And of course no one is claiming that a girl child be policed for the rest of her life either. The point I'm making, hard as it may be to accept is that this girl sugarbelly or whatever obviously lacked that parental guidance during her formative years. Seventeen obviously wasn't the first time she'd had sex was it? But let's keep that aside for a moment.

Those sexual acts she described in such detail in his car - does that sound normal to you? I still remember how I was at seventeen and I certainly hadn't tasted that minefield / partaken in the very adult game called sex.

Bottomline here is this: if she had been closely monitored by her parents from childhood, she wouldn't have had that emotional void which she wrongly assumed could be filled by a man.

She had both daddy & mummy issues.

Very true and unfortunately someone took advantage of it.