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Can Any One Help Me - Romance - Nairaland

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Can Any One Help Me by chistiana(f): 2:07pm On Oct 20, 2006
Please some body help, i knew u guys can help me out .Actually it all happpen this way:

I met this guy on net, he stay's in Nazarawa state, actually it all started on chating room when he ask me if i would like to be one of his friends, and i accepted, cause we both agree on Neutral friends.

One Sunny Day, he gave me a call and told me he will be coming over to lagos, in 3 days time. i never knew he was coming to Lag because of me,. I accepted to pay him a visit when he arrived.
To my greatest surprise when he arrived, he as to lodge in an hotel, i was scared and i told my self i will be very careful with this guy, with all this happening my boy friend doesnt really know what is going on.

I went to see him as usuall, but some thing happen. i fell in Love with the charming guy i saw, but it sad to say this I lost my flower to this guy, and i don't know how to tell my guy this,because i also love my boyfriend, he his so caring, please i need advice he musnt know i have been disflowered by another man.

PLS I NEE
Re: Can Any One Help Me by sbucareer(f): 2:21pm On Oct 20, 2006

hmmm!!! You are the only one that know the answer to this. Why do you allow someone you just meet to "deflower" you whilst you have a boyfriend you love? I cannot understand your logic in this.

If you ask me, you have already made your choice of the person that you want to sleep or not and that was excluding your boyfriend you love. You can NEVER say you love two people. People that say they love two people are confused. When it comes to choice they know who to choose between the two.

I can see you are young and naive and lack experience, don't worry you have not done anything bad yet. All you have to do is come out with the truth to your boyfriend. If you claim you really love him you got to tell him the truth, how you have told us.

Let him make up his mind whether to stay with you and forgive you or move on with his life. When you would be committing crime and evil is when you do not let him know and he goes and marry you after a longtime relationship and finds out that this is what you did to him.

You are still young and be careful baby girl use condoms and make sure you get some education first ok, good luck.

Re: Can Any One Help Me by Hotstepper(f): 2:44pm On Oct 20, 2006
I don't get how people sleep with soneone da 1st time meeting them cuz he is charming, good luck with wuteva ur decision is but just know u will lose ur b/f, dat is the true fact
Re: Can Any One Help Me by olubest: 11:54am On Oct 21, 2006
but you shouldn't have acted that way,you should have let your boyfriend know about the guy.Also what has happened has happened,the only thing you need to do now is to tell him the truth about the status of your viginity because the pride of a lady is her viginity not her beauty.so tell him the situation of things,i know that is hard to do but you have to tell him if you still love him and the earlier the better.i think he should be able to forgive you and forget.and dont ever behave in such manner again
Re: Can Any One Help Me by olubest: 11:57am On Oct 21, 2006
but you shouldn't have acted that way,you should have let your boyfriend know about the guy.Also what has happened has happened,the only thing you need to do now is to tell him the truth about the status of your viginity because the pride of a lady is her viginity not her beauty.so tell him the situation of things,i know that is hard to do but you have to tell him if you still love him and the earlier the better.i think he should be able to forgive you and forget.and dont ever behave in such manner again
Re: Can Any One Help Me by IBIPHIL(m): 1:13pm On Oct 21, 2006
LIFE IS FULL OF MISTAKES, U BETTER PICKUP ALL YOUR BROKEN PIECES AND FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU WANT.IF YOU DONT KNOW ,LIFE IS A SCHOOL,TEACHERS COMES WHEN THE NEEDS ARISES , YOUR IS AT THE HOTEL,
YOU MAY LATER DISCOVER THAT THE GUY YOU ARE DYING FOR MAY NEVER LOVE YOU
TAKE CARE,
Re: Can Any One Help Me by kaaleepa: 5:27pm On Oct 21, 2006
hello how re u doing hope all is fine,i happend to come across ur latter loking 4 some one to help fotunately enough
im in search of sad
some one to
Re: Can Any One Help Me by chistiana(f): 4:49pm On Oct 22, 2006
olubest:

but you shouldn't have acted that way,you should have let your boyfriend know about the guy.Also what has happened has happened,the only thing you need to do now is to tell him the truth about the status of your viginity because the pride of a lady is her viginity not her beauty.so tell him the situation of things,i know that is hard to do but you have to tell him if you still love him and the earlier the better.i think he should be able to forgive you and forget.and don't ever behave in such manner again

well thanks for ur advice any way, but my prb is that i still dont know how to confront him with such thin. its hard and am scared
Re: Can Any One Help Me by chistiana(f): 4:54pm On Oct 22, 2006
kaaleepa:

hello how re u doing hope all is fine,i happend to come across your latter loking 4 some one to help fotunately enough
im in search of sad
some one to

Did i told u am lookin for some one, shocked

i dont just know what ur prb is , am tellin u thins that are hurting me, am not in search of husband Mr Kaalepee
Re: Can Any One Help Me by Busta(f): 5:00pm On Oct 22, 2006
sbucareer:


hmmm!!! You are the only one that know the answer to this. Why do you allow someone you just meet to "deflower" you whilst you have a boyfriend you love? I cannot understand your logic in this.

If you ask me, you have already made your choice of the person that you want to sleep or not and that was excluding your boyfriend you love. You can NEVER say you love two people. People that say they love two people are confused. When it comes to choice they know who to choose between the two.


Well said.

U gotta tell your guy the truth first and both of u need to decide. He has to decide if he still wants to stay with u and u gotta decide if u want to stay with the guy u just met.

STUPID THING TO DO, BUT TOUGH LUCK!!!
Re: Can Any One Help Me by Dvampire(m): 7:18pm On Oct 23, 2006
see? this is what i always talk about. girls like to be adventrous to the extent that they will not mind whos ox is gored in the process. i can omagine if the guy had done this, the lady will bring down the high heavens with her screams of unfaithfulness.
well, like our people say: a man is a man when he throws a piece of rock into the air and puts his head in the way to receive the knock of the falling rock. just tell your guy and hope for the best of his reactions. (hisses)
Re: Can Any One Help Me by ell77(f): 7:42pm On Oct 23, 2006
You need to tell ur boyfriend, if u really loved him do u think u would cheat on him or do u think there is scope to love him and cheat on him? It is not a rhetorical question it is something only u know the answer to. But I think to me it is like u did not love him, as he has been ur man all this time and all his charm could not deflower u and one night is all it took for a total stranger who was just an ONLINRE FRIEND b4. I think ur boyfriend is a nice, good man, that is why u say u 'love him' he probably treats u well and has told you he loves u, abi? That is why u are afraid to lose him, except u think this fear of losing him/being without him is the same as loving him:

i don't know how to tell my guy this,because i also love my boyfriend, he his so caring, please i need advice he musnt know i have been disflowered by another man.


well thanks for your advice any way, but my prb is that i still don't know how to confront him with such thin. its hard and am scared

Your focus seems to be more on him finding out u have betrayed him, and perhaps him leaving u, which is natural even when u love some1. But u have not mentioned how much u think it will hurt him, if u think he will feel disgraced, if it will crush him, if he will enter depression. I know I may sound harsh and judgemental (SORRY I KNOW IT IS NOT RIGHT BY AM NOT HERE TO OFFER U ABSOLUTION, HERE TO BE DIRECT), but this is just me being not discriminatory, like Dvamp suggested if it were a man, i.e. he did it 2 u there would be an outcry! Also I hope contraception was used (and if so na u bring am). Plus why did u not meet in the hotel restaraunt or any restaraunt, even if u were not attracted to him and voluntarily had sex with him. It was a very dangerous thing to do, he could have raped u, and since u did not tell ur man (i am assuming u did not tell any1 else either) he could hav killed u too!

JUST COME CLEAN TO UR MAN - AND EXPECT TO LOSE HIM, U WILL FIND SOME1 ONE DAY WHO U COULD NOT DREAM OF CHEATING ON AND THAT IS THE GUY U MUST TRULY LOVE!
Re: Can Any One Help Me by jojoe2000(m): 9:43pm On Oct 23, 2006
embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry o-girl u shit 4 church o.am sorry to say this but u have lost your boy friend.my advice is for u to tell him.if u guys av bin dating 4 a long time he will find it hard to 4give u and if it hasnt bin long he will b mad at u.if u don't tell him he wil find out trust me.so if u truely truely love him and u don't want to loose him u have to lie to him that u were raped n live wit the guilt 4eva.afterall he would av cheated on u before.don't mind me am just tryin to console u. your in a big mess.i hope the new guy likes u because i bliv u will  soon b single soon.
Re: Can Any One Help Me by baby4u2(f): 10:11pm On Oct 23, 2006
u know this world is a small one. dont u think ur bf, people that know u or him can see ur picture here? why did u use ur picture as ur logo or is it footnote or whatever? how stupid can u get sweety?
Re: Can Any One Help Me by paulplay2(m): 1:07am On Oct 24, 2006
cry  I cry for u girl, but what a stupid mistake u made 2 have gone 2 meet the guy all alone.
Any way about meeting your guy hhm! u have 2 tell yourself d truth, u were only attracted to the new guy but i tell u,u are not inlove with him. go back and tell your guy, appologise 2 him, he wont kill you. she u grab. GOODLUCK
[color=#000099][/color]
Re: Can Any One Help Me by kimba(m): 3:38am On Oct 24, 2006
@deflowered girl

You better get that your posing picture off this forum, before someone that knows you does Amebo, and both your boyfriend and yoru gardener guy(who deflowered you) make you like a table-tennis ball.

another thing: i really don't understand how you can "fall in love" with someone you are seeing for the first time, and on a first date and you would agree to sleep with him.

You say "something happened". What were you, what were you doing and thinking when the thing happened.
My sister, things don't just happen o.

------
that your shoe dey serious sha o, (only a compliment)
Re: Can Any One Help Me by Dalby(m): 3:18pm On Oct 24, 2006
My advice is to tell ur boyfriend, but also tell him that u know that this is the end of the relationship, cos it is.
Continue with the new guy. you have made a mistake, u have made a mistake.
I had a friend with an experience like this were the boyfriend agreed to continue, but the relationship was never the same. It got to a point were every one just got tired and drifted apart.
The heart can forgive, but not forget. And being man, remembering might act either consciously or un consciously in revenge.
Re: Can Any One Help Me by ThoniaSlim(f): 3:38pm On Oct 24, 2006
Dis one don pass me ohh shocked shocked lipsrsealed lipsrsealed
Re: Can Any One Help Me by Sista(f): 3:43pm On Oct 24, 2006
@Christiana


Christiana, how old are you sweet heart?

You look young and I am concerned about your rather impulsive behavior. What is going on? Your situation goes deeper than your being deflowered by a man you met for the first time. How old was this man who was able to get a hotel room?


If you are 17 or younger I am very concerened. You are posting a provocative pic showing your back side as you tell people how you met up with a guy you met for the first time to get deflowered. Sweetheart, that is no way for a young and beautiful girl such as your self to behave unless something else is going on.

If you want to talk, please email me.


Proudblacksister@aol.com
Re: Can Any One Help Me by jaycee133(m): 5:56pm On Oct 24, 2006
honey, its obvious u av made ur choice except off course u want to start sleepin around.i just hope u are followin ur heart.u alone kw who u love as far as am concerned u av made ur choice.
Re: Can Any One Help Me by midep: 6:21pm On Oct 24, 2006
am very surprise dat no one has told u the magnificient of the atrocity u commited wen u know u have nothing to do with dis guy why followed him to an hotel wen u know u can hold urself.well sa dis another reason why u women are not to be trusted its better u go 4 d guy dat disvirgin u and 4get about the guy cos u've sold u pride and if u think is going to forgive u on the basis of love qoute me after getting its own share he will forget about but if na me i swea i go break ur head cos i don't really know u ladies problem maybe dat's why am yet to find a love .truth is bitter.
Re: Can Any One Help Me by Sista(f): 8:02pm On Oct 24, 2006
@midep


Why are you saying these un compassionate words to this young girl? Can't you see that maybe what she did was a cry for help? She is in here looking for words of understanding and encouragement. Don't push this girl over the cliff When it is possible that she is standing at the edge.
Re: Can Any One Help Me by Bossman(m): 8:46pm On Oct 24, 2006
All of you that have responded, should click on OP's name and read her other posts (if you have not done so). I think that will help shed some light. She may have done something wrong and needed some advice, but her other posts may give you some idea of how to/you should have responded.
Re: Can Any One Help Me by ell77(f): 8:55pm On Oct 24, 2006
midep:

am very surprise that no one has told u the magnificient of the atrocity u commited when u know u have nothing to do with this guy why followed him to an hotel when u know u can hold yourself.well sa this another reason why u women are not to be trusted its better u go 4 d guy that disvirgin u and forget about the guy because u've sold u pride and if u think is going to forgive u on the basis of love qoute me after getting its own share he will forget about but if na me i swea i go break your head because i don't really know u ladies problem maybe that's why am yet to find a love .truth is bitter.

DAMN Midep, no be u she cheat on oh! Abeg, calm down,lol! Also u can't judge a whole species based on a few if that was the case how many men have cheated on their girls and been accepted back with open arms. If u read the posts properly, u will see people have told this girl what she has done was wrong, including myself, I think b4 u I was even amongst the harshest, but people do make mistakes. However, even though I think u did go over the edge, it is worth considering ur behaviour. I mean she said in her post she was afraid of telling him-which I gathered was because she was afraid of LOSING HIM. Just realised some guys like urself get extremely angry. So Christiana when u do tell him (which is a necessity) it may be worth telling him in a place that has people around but still haS SOME ELEMENT OF PRIVACY, SO AS TO RESPECT HIM BUT PROTECT URSELF. Think wot u did was wrong, but no one is without sin and u don't deserve to hav a hand laid on u for such a thing (my own opinion anyway).

Sista:

@Christiana


Christiana, how old are you sweet heart?

You look young and I am concerned about your rather impulsive behavior. What is going on? Your situation goes deeper than your being deflowered by a man you met for the first time. How old was this man who was able to get a hotel room?


If you are 17 or younger I am very concerened. You are posting a provocative pic showing your back side as you tell people how you met up with a guy you met for the first time to get deflowered. Sweetheart, that is no way for a young and beautiful girl such as your self to behave unless something else is going on.

If you want to talk, please email me.


Proudblacksister@aol.com

You may hav a point here Sista.

OH YEAH CHRISTIANE PLS TAKE OFF UR PIC FROM THE NET, at the very least it is an invitation for judgement b4 meeting u!

Sista:

@midep


Why are you saying these un compassionate words to this young girl? Can't you see that maybe what she did was a cry for help? She is in here looking for words of understanding and encouragement. Don't push this girl over the cliff When it is possible that she is standing at the edge.

I don't particularly think it was a cry for help although it is very possible, there is no need for understanding though, you messed up simple. This is part of life and if we shelter her from what are normal reactions (whether excessive or not), when she meets them face to face what will she do, let her be ready and face facts, it is not the end of the world though so my dear don't walk towards that edge!
Re: Can Any One Help Me by ell77(f): 9:04pm On Oct 24, 2006
Bossman:

All of you that have responded, should click on OP's name and read her other posts (if you have not done so). I think that will help shed some light. She may have done something wrong and needed some advice, but her other posts may give you some idea of how to/you should have responded.

IMAGINE! I JUST DID LOOK THRU' PREVIOUS POSTS, SHE SAID SHE HAS SAMPLED ALL TRIBES OF NAIJA AND IS JUST SEARCHIN' FOR ALBINO! So why do people post fake topics on this site?!! tongue embarassed angry sad undecided
Re: Can Any One Help Me by Bossman(m): 9:58pm On Oct 24, 2006
Exactly! So, one has to ask, what is true and what is not?

ell77:

IMAGINE! I JUST DID LOOK THRU' PREVIOUS POSTS, SHE SAID SHE HAS SAMPLED ALL TRIBES OF NAIJA AND IS JUST SEARCHIN' FOR ALBINO! So why do people post fake topics on this site?!! tongue embarassed angry sad undecided
Re: Can Any One Help Me by Sista(f): 7:35am On Oct 25, 2006
@To All

IMAGINE! I JUST DID LOOK THRU' PREVIOUS POSTS, SHE SAID SHE HAS SAMPLED ALL TRIBES OF NAIJA AND IS JUST SEARCHIN' FOR ALBINO! So why do people post fake topics on this site?!!


I would hope that someone is not seeking reveng on this girl, using her pic to pretend like she is them. Pretending like she is the one who say's things like what is being said she said in the above quote and saying what she claims to have recently gone through with this guy.


However, when it comes to young people and issues of self esteem, I don't take any chances.

So, Christiana, I am waiting to hear back from you my young sister.
Re: Can Any One Help Me by lekywhite(m): 2:40pm On Oct 25, 2006
To say the truth, i dont think you love your boyfriend has u confessed, if you do, u shouldnt have gone to the extent of allowing someone else to deflower you, except you didnt tell us that he used jazz on you to have his way.
well my candid opinion is this, confess your shameful act to your boyfriend and forget about him as in break the relationship, because even if he forgives you that stain is there and he might not genuinely forgive you, he will only use the opportunity to eat on you and then finally leave you. so befeore he does such try to opt out and then bear the pain of loosing him forever.
Re: Can Any One Help Me by ell77(f): 7:33pm On Oct 25, 2006
I wonder if she has told him already, since she is taking her time to post again. Well, maybe she is ashamed or something, her email is in her Profile, Sista u can email her there, it may be more successful, since u seem to really care about this girl. She says she is 20, although u are right she looks younger. I commend as there is obviously something wrong with this chick whether these are true stories or not. Me personally I can't be bothered to figure out if some1 managed to seize her logon details and get a posed for picture only to upload on to this site or to figure out why she has done the things she has done, if she asked for help in that domain I would try and answer maybe, help thise who accept help and move on many others are in need of people who care (yes I know this is probably the wrong mentality but u can't help every1, you know?).
Re: Can Any One Help Me by chistiana(f): 11:44am On Nov 03, 2006
Sista:

@To All


I would hope that someone is not seeking reveng on this girl, using her pic to pretend like she is them. Pretending like she is the one who say's things like what is being said she said in the above quote and saying what she claims to have recently gone through with this guy.


However, when it comes to young people and issues of self esteem, I don't take any chances.

So, Christiana, I am waiting to hear back from you my young sister.


Bg Sista thanx for u concern,

I really appreciate that and Happy u care about me. Am really speachless for now cause i can see most of those out there are heartless. But am happy u not one of them.
Re: Can Any One Help Me by chistiana(f): 11:54am On Nov 03, 2006
ell77:

I wonder if she has told him already, since she is taking her time to post again. Well, maybe she is ashamed or something, her email is in her Profile, Sista u can email her there, it may be more successful, since u seem to really care about this girl. She says she is 20, although u are right she looks younger. I commend as there is obviously something wrong with this chick whether these are true stories or not. Me personally I can't be bothered to figure out if someone managed to seize her logon details and get a posed for picture only to upload on to this site or to figure out why she has done the things she has done, if she asked for help in that domain I would try and answer maybe, help thise who accept help and move on many others are in need of people who care (yes I know this is probably the wrong mentality but u can't help everyone, you know?).


Hey whats ur problem i can see u have been mocking me at my back,\

and besides i dont think u care to ask me if i have told him or not, so u mind ur business, i dont need any advice from u, u get that.

ok any how, am sorry i was that rude.
nhhhhhhhhhhh i see, u even mentioned may be i was ashame to reply, bros i wasnt i was just to bussy to settle my dispute with my,
Re: Can Any One Help Me by twinstaiye(m): 12:27pm On Nov 03, 2006
Hi christiana, first, is that your picture above? Better remove it fast. That done, now listen. You are the one creating problem for yourself where there was none. What you are suffering from is a guilty conscience. I dotn blame you anyway, because someone first make love to you for the first time, that is why you felt that way. If it is possible, I will suggest you discontinue this thread, because it has serve the purpose of why you created it, that is, advice from people to let you know whether what you did is good or not. Having said this, I want you to know that every lady has one or two story about how they lost their virginity, some palatable some are not, I guess you fall into the unpalatable ones. Learn to live with it, and move your life forward.
As for your boyfriend, has he ever ask you whether you are a virgin or not? if he has in the past and you confided in him that you are, of recent has he complained to you that you are no more a virgin? The truth is he may never know, he could only know this if he himself has ever disvirgin a girl before, and to me, he is as guilty as you if that be the case. Buzz me up if you need my further candid advice, and next time, problem of this nature are never divulge in the court of public, you wont get candid advice because those who must have done the same thing who suppose to give you candid advice will not do so. Best of luck

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