i just started writing a book.check it out here:

http://selfxpress./2009/06/11/my-book/


more chapters will be posted as soon as possible there.Your commendations, views and constructive criticisms are well expected and appreciated .

checked it out,
   story was good but the structures where off, there was no suspense except for a few flimsy very short ones, i read a lot of books and give reviews to whoever asks, so this is my honest review of the chapter.
   you should read through the chapter and correct the little mistakes, also try and limit the amount of information you make known to the reader at the beginning of the chapter, Good luck with you book.

Uh, I think there's enough suspense in the author's work; as a matter of fact the suspense is perhaps the one true acheivement of the chapter.

I also think the information given out in the first chapter is not enough for proper visualizations of characters and settings. The author should be more descriptive.

@Bobi Joe. I left a comment there for you. Hopefully, that should be helpful.

Cheers!

It was ok, but there are some things you need to fix:

1.) Your tenses. You're mixing present and past tense in an awkward way. Most writers use some form of past tense but you can use present tense if you like but you have to decide one way or the other because the mix of present and past you're doing is a little off and it's distracting.

2.) You have typos  and grammatical errors like "am" instead of "I'm" and also things like "Where is mum and dad?" so you'll definitely need to read over and correct that.

3.) See if you can improve your word/phrase choices a little like instead of "she ran down the street with all her strength," describe what running with all her strength might be like: e.g. "she ran down the street, her shoes/ bare feet/ whatever slapping/slamming against the pavement" or "she raced down the steer" or something. I don't know. Just think of being a little more descriptive or using more standard phrases like "she screamed at the top of her lungs" is more standard than "at the top of her voice."

4.) This seemed more like a prologue than a 1st chapter but it wasn't bad. Just needs to be edited. And maybe it will be good to sit down and decide what you want your prologue/1st chapter to tell us. Like think about what you want the reader to know about the main character/victim/whoever by the end of the chapter.

@ Chidor6

Thanx for your review.

@ SeyQua

Thanks to you too for your advice, i'll improve on my description.

@ Tatase
I'll follow through with your advice,i appreciate